Sept 19, 2021 - The Call of Husbands (2)
Notes
Transcript
We come today to our 3rd week looking at the marriage relationship...
And our 2nd week of looking at Husbands and their call...
Last week we saw that the call of Husbands entails - Sacrificial Love
And that as Husbands - we are to mimic God’s pattern for mankind in the very beginning.
In creation itself - we saw how the earth started out - WITHOUT form…and VOID...
It was without STRUCTURE…and without LIFE...
And so the first 3 days of creation...
God creates the STRUCTURE needed for LIFE to flourish!
He created LIGHT, AIR, LAND, and SEA...
AND then - the last 3 days - He fills that STRUCTURE with - LIFE
We - as Husbands are CALLED to mimic that pattern...
We’re called to create and protect structures in life that will allow our wives to - FLOURISH!
Today - Paul’s going to give us an analogy - to help us understand how we can live out this call...
…and then we’ll - Go back to the GARDEN again - to see how the fall impacted MEN...
Causing this call of ours to be so difficult...
Let’s get to our text...
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
A theme that is constant throughout this passage on Husbands and Wives is - the connection between...
The Marriage relationship
The relationship between Christ and the church
The same is true today - in our text
DO THIS - Paul says..
JUST LIKE Christ did with the church
LIVE like THIS...
JUST LIKE Christ did with the church...
And we see it right away in our passage...
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
Paul makes a profound statement here in v28....
Husbands should love their wives as their own bodies…He who loves his wife loves himself!
Now - we all know the saying - HAPPY WIFE - HAPPY…LIFE
The world says that because the world is only considering the PHYSICAL WORLD...
Paul’s CALL here has - a Spiritual nature to it...
He who Loves his wife - loves himself!
And then Paul explains why...
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
SLIDE: Husbands, Love Your Wives: As Your Own Flesh
Husbands, Love Your Wives
Husbands, Love Your Wives
NOW...
Back to our verse...
29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,
30 because we are members of his body.
*As I sat and thought thru this this week, I tried to actually PROVE that this was NOT TRUE...
Not verse 30 - but v29....the first part of it.
I tried to think of instances where i DIDN’T nourish and cherish my own flesh...
AND ALL i could think of - was FLASH in the PAN moments...
Maybe I was mad at myself - for doing something stupid...
And BECAUSE of that - maybe I don’t eat dinner
But then i thought - BUT WHAT ENDS UP ALWAYS HAPPENING?
I ALWAYS come back around - and I - eat.
WHY?
Because I’m REALLY hungry now - and so I - NOURISH my body!
All in all - men take care of their flesh...
We SATISFY - the desires of our flesh...
If I’m hungry....guess what I do - I make myself some food - OR - I choose to eat what Rachel makes
If I’m thirsty - guess what I do - I pour myself a DRINK...
I LOOK AFTER my body...
Not AS MUCH as I USED to - but only because I have other PRIORITIES now - BUT i STILL LOOK AFTER my body.
I cherish my body!
Now THINK of THAT relationship - man and his body....and now apply it to Christ and the church.
Did Christ nourish and cherish the church?
THINK of ALL the desires of MAN that Christ SATISFIES - IN HIMSELF!!
Did Jesus satisfy the church’s HUNGER?
“Whoever comes to me shall NEVER - hunger!” - - Satisfied!
Did Jesus satisfy the church’s THIRST?
“Whoever believes in Me shall NEVER - thirst!” - - Satisfied!
NOW - you might be thinking - WAIT a second -
There are times when I “NOURISH” my body with a DONUT!
That’s not necessarily a GOOD thing!!!
Yes - sometimes we try to NOURISH our bodies with that which will DESTROY US...
and we’ll even PRAY that God will CAUSE - that bag of CHEETOS to somehow NOURISH our bodies!!
And so YES - we’ll go off the rails at times...
At times we’ll LOOK to sin as being MORE PLEASURABLE in the moment...
My point is - Does Jesus SATISFY/QUENCH ALL THOSE BAD DESIRES of the church? IN Himself?
Does Jesus satisfy the church’s WORRY and ANXIETY?
6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Satisfied!
Does Jesus satisfy the church’s LUST/Gossip/Slander?
16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
17 For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.
Jesus satisfies the church’s LUST/Gossip/Slander!
Satisfied - IN Him!
Does Jesus satisfy/QUENCH the church’s ANGER?
1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
Jesus satisfies/Quenches the church’s anger!
Does Jesus satisfy the church’s APATHY?
13 Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
14 Let all that you do be done in love.
This here is our Men’s Group Bible Verse… thanks Jon Kirlough!
LOVE this text!!
Jesus QUENCHES/Satisfies the church’s APATHY!!
Just like when we get THIRSTY - we WANT a drink and a DRINK takes AWAY that desire...
SO Jesus - when we fully TRUST HIM - He can satisfy us - He can TAKE away that desire of ours to BE apathetic!
Does Jesus Satisfy the church’s PRIDE?
14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Jesus - QUENCHES/Satisfies the church’s PRIDE!!
ALL of these things:
Worry
Anxiety
Lust/Gossip/Slander
Anger
Apathy
Pride
All of these things - Spiritual DONUTS...
Our flesh will CRAVE these things...
And YET - Jesus QUENCHES those desires - IN HIMSELF!!
AND SO - Our call - HUSBANDS - Love your wife AS your own body!
Just like Jesus nourished and cherished the church!
Do you SEE HOW the WAY that Jesus NOURISHED the church - leads to the sanctification of the church?!!
As the church - we CRAVE the Spiritual donuts of life - but Jesus says - NO - I can QUENCH those desires so they GO AWAY…Come to Me!!
The Bible says - HUSBANDS - You do the same…with your wife!
HUSBANDS - can we BE INTENTIONAL…about LOVING our wives in this way?
LISTEN - It’s NOT HARD to LOVE our wives when LIFE is going well…and things are running smoothly....
And your kids are model citizens...
And your kids treat each other with respect...
And they pick up after themselves...
And they make their own meals...
and they wipe their own butts...
and they put themselves to bed...
and they drive themselves to gymnastics...
and they wake up in the morning with a smile - and SKIP down for breakfast - which they make themselves...
MAN - when ALL OF THAT is happening in OUR lives - Rachel and I - we’re GOLDEN!!
In THOSE times - we’re good...
BUT - when all of those things aren’t happening - and life is - HARD...
CAN I love my wife this way?
When my wife REACHES for the spiritual donuts…WHICH SHE WILL DO...
Worry
Anxiety
Lust/Gossip/Slander
Anger
Apathy
Pride
She will - LIKE ALL OF US - DESIRE these things!
Can I - QUENCH those desires - in order that she - BE SANCTIFIED!
In order that she GROW in Holiness?
When she reaches for WORRY...
Can I respond to HER like Jesus does the church…?
6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
SO husbands - THINK about what we’ve ALREADY talked about...
Can I - create a structure where SHE and I can regularly PRAY about these things? (late Tuesday - stop and go ask Rachel)
Now - CAN I GUARD that structure...
The point is - Can I as a HUSBAND - BE Christ to my wife, as i IMITATE Him!
I’m called to NOURISH and Cherish my wife…and one of the arguments for doing so - is that My wife and I are ONE FLESH!
When I LEAD my wife in this way - and LOVE her this way - I’m loving MYSELF...
Because we are ONE FLESH...
When Rachel and I stood in our family room late Tuesday night - and prayed about handing GOD my wife’s worries...
Guess what happened?
As I prayed about laying down her worries at the cross...
I laid down my own… I was REMINDED in the moment to lay down MY worries...
As I loved my wife in this way - I LOVED myself.
And so THIS is our call…to Love our Wives As Our Own Bodies
There’s WISDOM in this...
AND YET - is it easy?
2 weeks ago - we looked at the call of the wife…to Submit to Her Husband, as to the Lord...
And we saw WHY that’s so difficult - in a FALLEN WORLD...
And to see that - we went back to - THE FALL itself…back to the creation story - to see the judgment of God - Upon Women
And so TODAY - now - I want to do the same - yet look at what God’s judgment did to MEN...
And from there, look at some practical things we can do to help with this...
If you don’t know the story - God commands Adam not to eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil...
EVE - after having been told by Adam to not eat of that tree...
Decides she was going to rebel and eat of it anyway...
Adam then also partakes…and sin enters humanity...
God then comes and renders judgment...
First His judgment against EVE - woman
And then - Adam -man
Let’s look revisit EVE’s judgment first...
Do you remember Eve’s judgment - the judgment of God on Eve?
16 To the woman He said, “I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.”
If you remember this verse from a couple weeks ago - we saw how this phrase “yet your desire will be for your husband” ...
ACTUALLY - can be translated as -
“You will desire to control your husband, and he will rule over you”
And so we saw that a DISTORTED desire that came to women IN THE FALL - was the desire to CONTROL the husband...
To RULE with authority...
And we SAW that play out in the garden - did we not?
Eve’s sin entailed her - IGNORING the authority of Adam
God had told Adam to not eat of the tree...
And so Adam would have told Eve...
She IGNORED him...
And in TAKING the LEAD - she sinned!
She REBELLED against the authority… AND SO THINK thru HOW God’s judgment - fit the sin
God’s DESIGN for her was as - HELPER...
SHE sought AUTHORITY - Her DESIRE was to LEAD...
And so - God said - OK - you wanna DESIRE to LEAD…??
Your HUSBAND will RULE OVER YOU!
Do you see how the SIN - related to the JUDGMENT?
God’s DESIGN hasn’t changed...
In God’s judgment - He says - you will DESIRE to REBEL and take authority...
BUT - your husband will lead over you...
NOW - the Husband! What about God’s judgment on Adam??
Eve wasn’t the only one who sinned in the garden!
Adam did as well....but what was his sin??
Remember - God had given him AUTHORITY OVER Eve!
We see his sin, in God’s judgment on him...
17 And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life;
What does God say here?
I want us to focus in on the BASIS for God’s judgment - not on the result of God’s judgment.
THE RESULT of God’s judgment is what - the cursed ground...
But WHY did God curse the ground?
“Because you have - LISTENED to the voice of - - YOUR WIFE - - (read it) - - and NOT MY VOICE....here’s your judgment.
Do you see what played out here?
God told ADAM!
GOD put Adam in CHARGE of Eve...
God COMMANDED Adam...
BUT - who did ADAM ultimately LISTEN to in the end?
God says = BECAUSE you LISTENED to your WIFE instead of Me....!!!
BECAUSE you CHOSE to NEGLECT the LEADERSHIP role I had GIVEN you...
BECAUSE you CHOSE APATHY in leadership....
Because you WOULD RATHER your WIFE LEAD you than ME...
Because you’d rather your WIFE lead you INSTEAD of YOU LEADING HER...
I render judgment!
Do you see the DISTORTED desire here in this verse?
Adam CHOSE APATHY OVER Leadership!!
And BECAUSE you CHOSE APATHY over leadership - your household just collapsed in on itself!
Your household just TRAMPLED God’s design for marriage!
And so - Husbands - your DESIRE in marriage WILL NOT be to LEAD your wife spiritually...
Your desire will be to LET HER LEAD spiritually!
And WHERE you LET THAT HAPPEN - you fail your wife…you trample God’s design....and you put your family on a path of destruction.
[THAT] is what’s at stake here husbands - SOON to be husbands!
The REASON that marriage can be SO difficult is because:
While the wife’s desire is to lead - She will only flourish as HELPER
AND
While the husband’s desire is to be APATHETIC in spiritual leadership, HE will only honor God AS the spiritual leader!
And so you have 2 PEOPLE - TRYING to please God as they WAR against His CALL in their lives!
Practical Helps:
And so as we close today - what can we do - as Husbands and Wives to help us maneuver our way through life?
With all the things we’ve already talked about still in play...
Wives - Submit to your husbands, AS to the Lord
Husbands - Love your wives as Christ loved the church
with Sacrificial love
Lay yourselves down - die to self
create and protect structures that will help your wives FLOURISH under God...
With ALL those things still in play -
With those things as the BASIS / the foundation… Here are some ways to LIVE those things out in life:
SLIDE:
As Husbands and Wives: Understand Each Others Needs
As Husbands and Wives
As Husbands and Wives
Some of the best practical advice I ever got ABOUT MARRIAGE - before I got married…was this
And it was a great reminder to me that THIS - takes effort
It takes FINDING OUT - what those needs are
Because here’s the thing: Like I said last week -
Men will OFTEN get out in front of things without really finding out the details!
Men - You may have heard last week that you’re supposed to create structures to help your wife flourish...
And you may have gotten right to work!
That’s DANGEROUS! :)
One of the biggest issues in failed marriages (practically speaking) is this: unfulfilled needs
It can be VERY easy for us to ASSUME what the needs of our Spouses are...
UNTIL we sit down and communicate NOT only WHAT those needs are…AND - HOW to meet those needs...
We will spend time MISSING the MARK!!
And what happens when we continually FAIL to the meet the needs of our spouse?
Frustration
Anger
Bitterness
We have to sit down and TALK thru what our needs are...
I have to tell my wife -
What my needs are - AND how she can meet those needs
Some typical needs for men would include:
Respect
Support / Encouragement
Intimacy
For a woman they might typically be:
Security
Communication
leadership
Affection
NOW - in those 2 lists - the husband and wife might share - AFFECTION as a NEED...
BUT - meeting that need for the husband will PROBABLY look MUCH different than meeting that need for the wife!
When we don’t REALIZE that - Men will usually ASSUME they need to MEET that need of their wife the way that THEY THEMSELVES would want it to be met!
And what happens is - we MISS the mark!
We need to find out:
WHAT are my spouses needs
HOW do I meet those needs
What else?
SLIDE: As Husbands and Wives: Know Each Other’s History
As Husbands and Wives
As Husbands and Wives
Why is this important?
It’s important because our history - will impact how we respond to life - today
Maybe your wife…or your husband - responds to certain situations in a way that DRIVES.YOU.CRAZY!
Have you ever thought that maybe they have an experience in their past - which CAUSES them to respond that way?
*Traumatic experience - Empowering to know
Helps me understand - Instead of getting mad at them…i can be more empathetic
We should seek to KNOW each other’s history
What else?
SLIDE: As Husbands and Wives: Emotionally Respond to Each Other
As Husbands and Wives
As Husbands and Wives
How often have you been telling your spouse something important...
and you realize they’re not listening??
If we’re going to Emotionally Respond to our spouse…it will require us - listening!
It will require EMPATHY!
To put ourselves in a place where we FEEL what they FEEL!
“Mourn with those who Mourn....rejoice with those who REJOICE”
When we can emotionally respond to our spouse - we will VALIDATE their feelings in a given situation...
and we will make our BOND stronger!
What else:
SLIDE: As Husbands and Wives: Intentional Communication
As Husbands and Wives
As Husbands and Wives
The pre-marital counseling that Rachel and I walked through was great for us...
One of the things we needed to do as part of the 16 week class was hold - Staff Meetings
We’d intentionally sit down and talk through our assignment/homework...
And we’d connect.
We’d talk through any issues that had risen up...
IT wasn’t always EASY....but it was SOO helpful...
It was a STRUCTURE we created - where it helped Rachel and I - RESET - get back on the same page..
But it takes being INTENTIONAL!
Staff Meetings - a good thing
Last one...
SLIDE: As Husbands and Wives: Know the Games You Play
As Husbands and Wives
As Husbands and Wives
We ALL - play games
Some people:
When they are FRUSTRATED in a marriage: Go Silent (they just stop talking) - The Silent Treatment
Some will Play the Martyr: They’ll always resort to - “Ok, do whatever you want, it doesn’t matter”
Some will resort to: Oh Everything’s fine!
The problem with this one is: If your spouse doesn’t know what’s bothering you…you can’t work through it!
Some resort to the: Eye for an Eye - mentality.
If she’s gonna DO WHATEVER she wants - then I’m gonna DO WHATEVER I WANT!
These are some of the games that married couples play...
We need to know what games we like to play.
WHY?
So we can recognize when we’re playing them - and STOP it!
We need to be able to FILTER the game we’re playing - thru God’s CALL for our lives as Husbands and Wives...
There’s no ROOM for games - when we’re actively living out our CALL...
Wives as HELPER
Husbands as LEADERS
And that leads us to our final point...
SLIDE: Husband Leadership: Initiator
Husband Leadership
Husband Leadership
Men - Husbands - we need to embrace the role of INITIATOR.
When EVERYTHING IN YOU - wants to wait for your wife to come to YOU - to apologize...
You need to initiate
Why?
Because when we do that - we’re actually WARRING against satan and sin...
Adam - in the garden - EMBRACED APATHY!
We must INITIATE
We’re supposed to DISPLAY Jesus to our WIVES...
Christ didn’t WAIT for mankind to MAKE THINGS BETTER!
Christ INITIATED - He TOOK on the form of a servant!
Men - Husbands - we have work to do!
SUMMARY:
SLIDE: Husbands, Love Your Wives: As Your Own Flesh
Husbands, Love Your Wives
Husbands, Love Your Wives
We as Husbands - are called to NOURISH our wives...
We’re called to QUENCH our wives desires for the Spiritual donuts of life:
Anxiety
Anger
Gossip / Slander
Apathy
Pride
We’re called to BE CHRIST - for our wives…allowing Christ to CHANGE our wives - THRU us
Practically:
Understand Each Other’s Needs
Know each other’s history
Emotionally respond to each other
Intentional Communication
Know the Games You play
Husbands - Be Initiators!
This isn’t easy...
But I would imagine - that EVEN taking a step in THIS direction - for us husbands...
Would be a WELCOME sign for our wives
Husbands - can we begin to Sacrificially Love our wives in such a way that we create structures for them to flourish in...
And then can we be the conduit that God uses to QUENCH the earthly desires (extinguish) of our wives, that she might grow in Holiness, in this fallen world!
Let’s pray