How to Change Your Husband

1 Peter 3:1-7

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

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This passage is in the contexts of suffering and living faithfully before the gentiles.

Just as it can be difficult to live under bad government or work under a bad taskmaster, it is difficult to live with a disobedient husband.

This is a hard, but hopeful passage.  It teaches us much about how wives can change their husbands.

Peter is realistic.  He knows that there are marriages where both husband and wife are not going in the same spiritual direction.  Paul also recognizes this in 1 Cor. 7.

Vs. 3 - adorning - kosmos - interesting word.  "your whole existence"  "Your reality"

Vs. 4 - gentle - πραΰς  - to not being overly impressed by a sense of one’s self-importance, gentle, humble, considerate, meek (BDAG)

6 - "frightening" - being intimidated or terrified

Contrasts:

Husbands will be won by what is hidden - a gentle and quiet spirit, along with its actions, respectful and pure conduct.

What Submission is and isn't:

·         Submission does not mean always agreeing.

·         Submission does not mean losing your own mind or will.

·         Submission does not mean putting your husband in the place of Christ.

·         A wife's spiritual strength is NOT derived from her husband.

·         Submission here is not bondage or forced obedience; it is willingly placing oneself under another's authority.

·         Submission "allows" God to change the person in authority over you. (1 Tim. 2:1)

·         Submission allows for you to appeal to your authority. (Esther)

·         Biblical submission is more than just doing what another person tells you to do.  Submission to a husband includes respect and doing good.

o    It is not a 50/50 relationship.

o    It is not "I'll scratch your back if you'll scratch mine"

Submission checklist:

1.       Do you speak negatively of your husband to others?  Even in the form of prayer requests?

2.       Do you know your husband's dreams?

3.       Do you think creatively how to help your husband reach his dreams for your family?

4.       Do you contradict your husband in front of others, particularly your children?

5.       Do you nag, complain, or manipulate to get your way, either for something that you want to have or do?

6.       Do you pout to show your disapproval?

7.       Do you withhold intimacy when you don't get your way?

8.       Do you leave hidden scripture bombs to rebuke your husband for his disobedience?

9.       Do you ask your husband spiritual questions, or do you ask other men?

10.   Do you remind your husband that you've submitted to him?

11.   Do you ever think, "I would submit to my husband, but he's not a Christian and doesn’t share my, I mean, God's values."

12.   Do you pray for your husband?

13.   Do you ever talk candidly to your husband about ways that you believe he should change?  Do you think this is disobeying this scripture?

14.   How much time and effort  do you put into beautifying your inner person vs. your outer person?

Objections:

1.       Society has moved beyond this patriarchal system.

2.       Mutual submission is taught in Eph. 5:21

3.       Paul hated women.

4.       Men and women are equal according to Galatians 3:28.

5.       God wants me to be happy, right?

6.       I tried to submit and it didn't work.

7.       God didn’t have my circumstances in mind when he wrote the Bible?

8.       What about abuse?

9.       What if my husband tells me to sin?

Examples and Test Cases:

1.       Freezer

2.       Going to the Mission Field

3.       Babies

4.       Wife Working

5.       Getting involved in Church

6.       Lying to employer

7.       Spanking Children

What is at stake?

·         Our testimony to the World

·         Our prayers

·         The spiritual good of our husbands

But suppose a husband interferes with his wife in her Christian life. What should she do then? If he requires her to disobey a plain command of Scripture, then she must disobey her husband and be true to the Lord. If, however, the matter involves a Christian privilege rather than a clear duty, she should be subject to her husband and forego the privilege.

MacDonald, W., & Farstad, A. (1997, c1995). Believer's Bible Commentary

1 Corinthians 9:19-22

19 For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them. 20 To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews. To those under the law I became as one under the law (though not being myself under the law) that I might win those under the law. 21 To those outside the law I became as one outside the law (not being outside the law of God but under the law of Christ) that I might win those outside the law. 22 To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some.

Matthew 18:15

If Your Brother Sins Against You

15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

Philippians 3:8

8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ

1 Peter 1:4

4 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you,

1 Peter 1:23

23 since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God;

Genesis 18:12

12 So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “After I am worn out, and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?”

Luke 12:51-53

51 Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division. 52 For from now on in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three. 53 They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.”

1 Timothy 2:9

9 likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire,