Love Defined

1 John 4:8

Introduction

We have looked at faith and grace in some detail and now we turn our attention to another very popular religious word.

Love is far more universally spoken of and appreciated than faith and grace which live more uniquely in a religious context.

So, in this instance, we seek correctives not only to religious misusage but also the worldly concepts of love.

In two lessons I hope to explore the range of love as well as the different aspects leading us ultimately to a picture of what we are told “God is”.

Love is…

Love is a difficult word to strictly define (2 Sam. 13:1; Lk. 6:32; 1 Cor. 13).

In reading about Amnon, we are quick to insert, “he didn’t really love her”. But then of course the Bible says he did and so we must deal with that reality.

He did not love her in a godly way or a noble way, but he loved her in some way.

This is just part of the difficulty.

We often speak of the Greek language as if it has razor sharp precision (especially on the subject of love).

But it seems they struggled as much as any language to figure out how to communicate the range of emotions that are described by the umbrella term of “love”.

There is a love that gives and a love that receives (Acts 20:35; 17:25).

We might be tempted to assume that the giving love is noble and the receiving one is base.

Certainly, there is great nobility and blessing in giving love.

We think here of the notion of self-sacrifice for the good of another.

There is no greater example of this giving love than Christ on the cross.

And yet, we are not able to give to God in this way.

Certainly, we can provide Him loving adoration and service. But He does not need anything from us and we need everything from Him.

So, when it comes to God, it cannot only be noble to have the “giving” love, we must happily and humbly always be the recipients.

It is not only God that we have need of (Gen. 2:18).

Not only this, but those who will only allow themselves to be givers and never receivers deny what God says about mankind.

Far from being noble, they are more often unapproachable tyrants who look down on humanity from on high.

The astonishing thing about God himself is that He came to earth and allowed himself to be given what he did not need.

We do need it, but can easily deny that we do (1 Cor. 12:21).

Another division can be made between what is loved out of need and what is loved out of appreciation.

Affection

This sort of love is very much seated in feelings (Matt. 9:36; 14:14; 15:32; Acts 1:8).

It is the love of preference.

This is the love you have for an old sweater or for your dog.

To have affection for something is not necessarily to admire or honor it, affection can actually be based in pity.

You can have affection for things you know fully well are not lovable in themselves.

It involves what is a natural attraction (Rom. 1:31; 2 Tim. 3:3).

Particularly, we think here of affection for children (and perhaps for parents).

There is (or should be) a natural feeling that arises in parents for their children.

In these passages, Paul speaks of it’s absence in terms of what is natural.

That is, something that should even need teaching, is missing.

But of course that is the whole point of Romans 1.

They have gone so far that they no longer even possess natural tendencies.

And yet it can be commanded (Rom. 12:10; Phil. 1:8).

We must be careful not to think that God only commands what can be immediately obeyed.

When He commands feelings, He commands what we ought to feel.

Affections must be guided so that they do not rule us (2 Cor. 6:12).

Too many report their affections as if they have no power over them.

Have you ever “given someone a chance” and found them to be more likable than you supposed?

Developed affection for what you once disdained?

Not only this, but we must guide affections away from where they should not go.

On the subject of guiding affections, we must guide them as the objects of affection change.

We must learn to enjoy the affection of others without being ruled by it (Lk. 14:26).

Friendship

The foundations of friendship are in common interests (2 Cor. 6:14-17).

The more interests we share, the closer friends we are likely to be.

But deep common interests can make a close friendship out of people who share very few shallow common interests.

Conversely, when our common interests are shallow, important disagreements can rupture a friendship.

In this way, friendship is often borne not by having our attention directed at a person but that we find a persons attention directed at the same object as our own.

The common loyalties we share, leads to a loyalty to each other (Prov. 18:24).

This doesn’t work the other way around.

Some people are looking for friends because they want all the benefits of having friends. But they have no interests outside of themselves, and so they do not find others equally interested in their interest.

It means there are things we will do because we are friends.

Those aren’t the things that the friendship is built on, they are the result of other foundations (Prov. 27:6).

It is among the greatest degrees of love to find one who shares your deepest interests and affections (2 Sam. 1:26).

We cannot be friends of equal depth with everyone (Jn. 19:26; 21:21-23).

Our friendship with God, is not normal friendship (Jn. 15:14-15).

Romantic Love

In its noblest sense, this is the love that is most fully dedicated to another (Gen. 2:24).

Many look at this love and see the sexual aspect as the primary component but that is not so (1 Cor. 7).

Those who are seeking sexual pleasure alone are not seeking this sort of love.

One writer commented in response to someone who said about a man that he always wanted a woman, “that is exactly what he does not want.”

When Amnon got what he wanted from Tamar, he did not desire her, but rather hated her.

This is love that utterly yields (Eph. 5:22-33).

Charity

This is where love really gets to work (1 Cor. 13:4-7).

We are tending a garden which is hard work.

People too often look at the hard work as in competition with feelings of affection or romance when in reality, the work clears the way for those things to exist as they ought.

We do the hard work so that we can have those lovely things.

Loving God first humbles us and makes us ready for the work of loving others (Eph. 4:32).

The love we practice should prepare us to stand face to face with love Himself (1 Jn. 4:8).

Conclusion

Like a father, God has look on us with kind and tender affection.

He has called us to see value where He sees value and so be His friends.

He has called us to be His bride and to become one with Him.

Loving Him should be the easiest exercise of all because He has first loved us.

But He will not have competition. We must be willing to turn our backs on every affection, every friendship, every romance as we approach His throne.