Mark 10:1-12

I heard a pastor teach on marriage once, and he likened it to a fire. Marriage is like a fire. The seasons are starting to change, the mornings and evenings are getting a little cooler, which means it’s getting to be fire pit season and camping season. There’s something special about a group of people sitting around a fire. Something happens in that moment. You enter into a new kind of peace. You could hardly know the people around the fire with you, and yet the conversations and stories that you share just bind you together. It’s a really wonderful thing to sit by a fire. Marriage is like that kind of fire for some of us. It’s comforting and special and wonderful and uniting.

But our experience of fire isn’t always like that. Fire can also be traumatic. When a house catches fire. Or when a forest catches fire. It’s not restful or wonderful, it’s destructive and terrible. We lose precious things to fire. And marriage is like that fire for some of us. It’s overwhelming and anxiety inducing and traumatic and sad.

Marriage is like a fire. Some of us know it to be an incredibly uniting thing in our lives, and some us know it be an incredibly destructive and sad thing in our lives.

I think it’s safe to say that marriage is a charged topic. It’s not particularly easy to talk about. It’s a sensitive subject. But it is necessary that we talk about it. And what Jesus does so well in this passage is he cuts through all the noise surrounding the topic of marriage, and he delivers a hard truth that we need to hear. Jesus reminds us what is the essence of marriage, and also what is the purpose of marriage. So that’s what I want to look at this morning. What is the essence and purpose of marriage, and then we’ll end with some thoughts on how to move forward with this teaching.

But the first thing we see is that just as the topic of marriage is charged for us in modern times, it was also charged in Christ’s day. Look at verse 1.

And he left there and went to the region of Judea and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gathered to him again. And again, as was his custom, he taught them. And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

I’ve said this many times before, but one of the drawbacks to reading the Bible in small chunks is we can miss the larger story line. We’re coming into this text more than halfway into the story. So let me provide a layer of context for you that will bring the drama of this moment into the foreground where it belongs.

Geography matters here. Jesus has left the region of Galilee and has entered into Judea. Mark says that he crossed the Jordan river, which means Jesus has just entered the region of Perea, which was part of the territory over which presided Herod Antipas. This was also the region where John the Baptist had done his ministry. Now, earlier in the story of Mark, we learned that John the Baptist had publicly condemned Herod Antipas for marrying his brother’s wife. This public condemnation of the marital affairs of Herod landed John in prison and eventually led to his execution.

So now, in that same place, under that same leadership, the Pharisees are testing Jesus by asking him about marriage and divorce. Do you see the position that the Pharisees are putting Jesus in? This question is risky. This is a politically charged question.

But it is also culturally charged. Look at what they say next, verse 2 again:

And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.”

The Pharisees are quoting from Deuteronomy 24, where Moses teaches:

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, he may write her a certificate of divorce and send her away.”

Now there were two schools of thought in the Jewish culture of Jesus’ day. One set of people taught that the only justification for divorce was marital infidelity. According to this school, that’s what Moses meant by indecency. But the other set of people said, “well if beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is indecency,” so they said anything could be a justification for divorce, even burning the bread for dinner.

So the Pharisees are trying to draw Jesus into a politically and culturally charged topic when they ask this question.

So which route does Jesus take in his answer? Does he speak to the politics of marriage? Does he speak to the culture that has been built around marriage? No, he does neither of those things. Jesus doesn’t take his cues from politics, nor does he take his cues from the predominant culture. Instead he directs our attention to what God has said regarding the essence and purpose of marriage. He goes to the Scriptures, specifically Genesis 1 and 2.

Verse 5:

And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Jesus says that Moses allowed for the possibility of divorce as a concession, it was never the intention. It was never a part of God’s purposes for marriage, meaning it is not indicative of the essence of marriage. It is a concession. We’ll come back to that.

But if it is not indicative of the essence of marriage, than what is marriage? What grounds it? What defines it? Is the essence of marriage procreation? Making babies? If that’s the case, than rabbits are way better at marriage than people. Is affection or fondness the essence of marriage? Again, if that were the case than dogs would be far better spouses than people. I can do no wrong in Mopsy’s eyes. She is eternally fond of me.

These are not the essence of marriage. What grounds and defines marriage according to Jesus is covenant. What defines marriage is a covenantal relationship between a man and a woman. It is a beautiful, sacrificial giving of one another to the other for the purpose of building up, blessing, and beautifying the other. It is a self-giving commitment that says, “I will be with you, come what may. Richer or poorer. Sickness and in health. Forsaking all others, for as long as we both shall live.” The essence of marriage is covenant.

And who is the author of that covenantal relationship? Where does that kind of commitment originate? Where is the source of that kind of sacrificial love?

Listen to verse nine again: “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

God is the point of origin. He is the source and author of the marriage covenant, which means our marriages point to something that is innate to God’s character. Our covenant with our husband or wife points to the covenant making and keeping God. In fact, that is the purpose.

If the essence of marriage is covenant, than the purpose for marriage is to showcase our ultimate covenant with God in Jesus. Let me say that again: the essence of marriage is covenant, and the purpose for marriage is to showcase our ultimate covenant with God in Christ.

What is a showcase? A showcase is a glass case that is meant to highlight what’s inside. Something valuable and priceless that you want people to see. You do not put a showcase in your house hoping to get compliments on the glass case. A showcase is not meant to be looked at. It is meant to be looked through!

Every marriage on earth is meant to be a showcase, putting on display the glory of God’s relationship with us! So that through our marriages, the self-giving, covenantal love of Christ would be seen and admired and glorified. Marriage is covenant showcasing our ultimate covenant with God in Christ.

This is why we neither idolize nor trivialize marriage. We don’t idolize marriage, because it is not ultimate. It is not what grounds us - what grounds us is our covenant in Christ. He is the groom and we are his bride. So we do not idolize marriage.

But we also don’t trivialize it. Marriage is covenant - it is a commitment to pour ourselves out for the other in a dim reflection of the way Christ pours himself out for us. It is no small thing, but it is also not the ultimate thing.

Now, I want you to see something in this passage. Jesus doesn’t offer any guidance here. He doesn’t list off the seven ways to have a healthy marriage. He doesn’t give any counsel on how to strengthen your covenant with your spouse. He offers no guidance. He simply states the reality of God’s intention for marriage. This is what marriage is supposed to be.

But notice: that’s not the only reality he recognizes. He also recognizes that marriages don’t always work out like God desires. Moses allowed for the possibility of divorce because marriages in this world don’t always function as covenant. Jesus recognizes both realities: the divine intention and the human failure. And so the question for the church is this: how do we as Christians live in the midst of these two realities?

We all know people who have gone through divorce. And most of them would say that it was one of the hardest and most painful experience of their lives. The scars of divorce are deep and they are many. But the first thing I want you to hear is that you are not alone. Hebrews 5:15, “We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but one who in every respect has been tested as we are.” Jesus knows what it is like to feel isolated and wounded by loved ones. In Jeremiah, God self-identifies as one who has experience divorce. In his dealings with Israel, he knows what it is like to live with a rift between covenant partners. You are not alone.

But you are also not alone in this community. There are people in this community who have stories like yours, and I promise you that they would love to walk with you in love and support. You are not alone.

How do we as Christian live in the midst of these two realities: the divine intention and human failure? The same way we approach every other aspect of our life in Christ. We rely on God’s grace, and we give grace to others. The task of the church is to hold up the ways of God - to teach on the essence and purpose of marriage, to prepare couples for marriage, to support husbands and wives, to encourage and challenge. And at the same time, we must find ways to show compassion, sympathy, and understand towards those for whom life and marriage has not turned out according to God’s intentions.

Our God is in the redeeming business, and he alone can and will redeem terrible situations. He alone can make beauty from ashes.