Analysis Paper-Campbell, Ross

__________________

A Paper

Presented to

Dr. Bill Goff

Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary

__________________

In Partial Fulfillment

of the Requirements for CNETH 4303-A

__________________

by

Ronald G. Sears

October 24, 2006

How to Really Parent Your Child

I appreciated the way the author made suggestions of how parents should relate their love to their children. The parent’s behavior must profess their love, prove their love, and promote their love. The author encourages the parents to evaluate the atmosphere in the home. Is it one that love and grace abounds, or one that is ruled with an iron fist? When parents are tempted to react naturally (human way of dealing with issues) to a child’s extreme ups or downs, they should reflect back on the example of Christ. His love was perfect and never wavered, so as followers of Christ, our love should reflect the same.

The emotional tank section concerning our children rang familiar bells in my mind about how we are to treat our spouses. By our eye contact, touch, and attention we communicate our love (or lack there of). It only makes sense that if it works on building one type of relationship that it would work on the other. Before we respond to how our child is behaving we should first check out our own. Think about how that behavior normally makes you feel and react and allow yourself to learn from past successes and failures. If your child does not see you grow from life experiences, then how can we expect them too.

It was helpful reading about the difference between discipline and punishment. As a child growing up, in school, and even in the corporate world these terms were looked upon as being the same thing. In my previous job the last step to every project was a process called “Correction of Errors.” It was designed for everyone involved in the project to sit down and take some time to evaluate how the project went. Most projects took several man-hours and several of the steps would be repeated in future projects. For that reason, spending a small fraction of that time to celebrate the success or completion and to identify areas that required change or improvement was cost effective and wise. Over time the company realized that the focus of these meetings concentrated more on who messed up, and less on celebrating completion or looking for a better way. After all, by calling this process “Correction of Errors,” I guess that should have been an expected outcome. It took renaming this process, and a conscience effort to swing this back to its intended purpose. Just like leadership within a company, parents need to set the example. We need to love (or appreciate) first, and then work on training for the desired outcome.

Defusing anger was a chapter that I began reading with somewhat of a closed mind. I know that is not a good way to learn, but it stems from what happened to me in the past. My step-father was an alcoholic that was verbally and physically abusive to my mother and I. Because of this, I felt there was never a reason for anger and that a person should learn to control it. Several years later, after I was saved, I realized that the Bible taught “In your anger do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Eph 4:26-27). Realizing this truth did not always make it easy to do. I agree however, that parents must have a right response. It is important to prepare ourselves in times of peace, take hold of the perspective, and encourage healthy verbalization of their anger.

Caring for yourself, made a lot of sense too. It is important to take a step back and renew your mind. Think on Romans 12:1-2 and 1 Cor 13:4-5, 7-8. God will refocus your mind and remind you of His love for you and your child. He will challenge you to reflect that love when you resume your conversation. Remember to be patient, stay calm, do not be condemning, encourage your child with the areas they handled correctly, and training them on how to handle it even better the next time. I like how the author ended this section with forgiveness. Not just forgiving the child when they handle anger incorrectly, but asking for forgiveness from them when you do.

I think the author adding the Q. and A. With Dr. C. section was a big asset. This allows a person to read through each of the chapters and capture its overall concept. Then for those readers that want to dig deeper they can flip to the back, and whiling thinking about those concepts see how they apply to several specific areas. This provides good flexibility and helps to reach a broader audience.

Another strengthen is the Study Guide. I like how the author broke it up into three parts. The first, Start, helps get a person or group thinking in the right direction. If you were a facilitator of a study group, you could use this to begin the discussion and add any personal experience or illustrations. The next, Study, would help to identify the main points in the chapter. Sometimes it is really hard for people to read a book and feel comfortable to talk openly in a group environment. This would help keep the discussion going in the right direction and therefore chase fewer rabbits. The last, Strength, is the most important. For those that invested the time in reading the book and in this study, it would be terrible to leave without knowing how to apply what was learned.

The section Five Ways to Get the Most From This Book helps provide a few ideas of how to apply this to ministry. The “Down the Block” concept would be a good way that your family could minister to the neighborhood from your home in ways that you might not be able to from the church. This would help you to get to know them better along with showing them the love of Christ. It could be an environment where you share your struggles, listen to theirs, and turn to God through His Word, and prayer for the answers.

The “In the Classroom” idea could serve as a good tool from several different angles. One way, would be to help parents deal with some of the issues they maybe having in raising their children. Another, to help teach principles and concepts that would help them to avoid having those issues. The last, would be to offer teens and opportunity to share their struggles and help them to look to God for answers and direction. You would also teach ways to avoid falling into some of the traps that face teenagers today. All these angles should work together to strengthen the family and the body of Christ.

The “With Your Spouse” idea could help you as a couple or couples in your church. Sit down together and share each other’s views on parenting, share ideas from the book, seek biblical guidance, and spend time together in prayer. This should help establish a game plan that is supported by both. Overall this was a helpful book that would benefit families and churches.