Mr. & Mrs. Wrong Communication
Notes
Transcript
Handout
Intro
Intro
25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Message
Message
Be Honest
25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.
9 Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices
We must put off falsehood
We must speak the truth
11 For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.
because we are members of one another
in the context of love
15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,
Biblical Anger / Keep Current
26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil.
sinful anger prevents intimacy and oneness
sinful anger is always a hinderance to communication
sinful anger robs God of the glory due to Him
sinful anger must be rooted out of the church
Righteous & Sinful Anger
reacts against actual sin
when it focuses on God and His kingdom, rights, and concerns not your own
when accompanied by other godly qualities and expressed in godly ways
Righteous & Sinful Anger
flows from selfishly motivated heart
characterized more by talking than listening
when it attacks the person and not the problem
occasion to speak rashly or harshly
when you brood over the failures and hurts of others
accompanied by other sinful tendencies
honestly acknowledge the emotional component of anger.
Eph 4.26
carefully evaluate your thoughts and replace false, deceptive ideas with ones that meet biblical criteria
Phil 4.8
carefully evaluate you desires and replace false idols for worship and obedience of your living God
James 1.14-15
guard your words and actions and withhold any response until you are certain it will please God and edify others
Pro 19.11
keep reminding yourself that your patience with others is minor in comparison to God’s patience with you
Ps 145.8
cry out to your redeemer for grace, strength, and wisdom as you seek to use your anger in a godly way
Heb 4.15-16
repent and confess your sinful anger, if any, to God and appropriate people
use anger to solve todays problems today
do not make excuses for failing to communicate
communication cutoffs
crying
threatening explosions
bottom line statements
leaving
deal quickly
25 Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison.
questions to ask before bringing up a problem
are my facts right
13 If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.
should love hide it?… is it sin?
8 Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
is my timing right
23 To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!
is my attitude right
are my words loving
15 Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,
have I prayed yet
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?
Attack the Problem
24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.
avoid unwholesome words
21 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ 22 But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.
words that attack a persons character
words that tear down, rip apart or hinder growth
5 So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.
words that confuse the discussion or bypass the conflict
words that grieve the holy spirit
30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
use encouraging words
words that fit the need
solution oriented words and actions
Ephesians 4 “when people have communicated effectively, they are mutually strengthened and encouraged in the lord.”
Act; not React
31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
guard against sinful reactions in our hearts
bitterness = a state of resentment; a desire to think or treat someone according to evil
wrath = intense anger normally resulting in passionate outburst
anger = settled indignation that often seeks revenge
clammer = loud screaming and shouting
slander = profane and abusive speech
malice = wickedness in the form of a sense of desire to harm the other person
guard against our natural tendency to be defensive
Gen 3:7-13 = man, woman, snake
sinful arguments are possible only if each person reacts
seek to apply godly actions and attitudes
kindness = benevolent helpful courtesy
tender-heart = compassionate sympathetic and affectionate
forgiving = a willingness to pardon the repentant guilty person from moral liability and working toward reconciliation!
Are we motivated by God’s forgiveness?
Close
Close
Group Questions
What is one thing that stood out to you from this week’s message?
Do you have a tendency to explode or to hide when you are upset or
passionate about something? How has it gotten you into relational
trouble?
Do you get angry about the right things?
How does our use of texts, emails, and social media get in the way of
communicating well? How do we overcome those obstacles?
Do you consider your self a good listener? Why or why not?
Share a time when a miscommunication led to an unexpected outcome.