49-43 God's Plan For Your Family--Part 4
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Husbands Who Are Like Christ
Husbands Who Are Like Christ
Part of our winter activities growing up was to play “King of the Hill” (mountain, castle). There was a snow pile that would be fiercely guarded by the one occupying the top spot—pushing off other kids—Oh What Fun!
Marriage/family after the curse/fall is sort of like King of the Hill.
Genesis 3:6ff
“where are you” (applies to whole situation—as Adam abdicated his responsibility as head). The curse results in this king of the hill—as the woman is tempted to step out from her God-ordained roles (honoring, helping) and the man gives up his and preferring rather to have her lead. This jockeying for position continues to bring catastrophe to the family and then to society—and this is Satan’s full scale attack. The hope for the family is found in Christ—only in Him is the sting of the curse taken away, and hope returns for those who are quick to follow God’s pattern for marriage/family.
Last time we discovered God’s purpose for wives to be like the church (honorers who render fearless, joyful, loving, affirming submission to their own husbands in everything; Helpers). Today—men—its your turn. Husbands who are like Christ. This is your calling. And it is so important to be the men/husbands God designed you to be. It is very difficult when you’re in a full court press. The world, Satan, even the flesh gets involved trying to keep us from encountering God’s best when it comes to our marriage and families.
The media’s portrayal today of the husband/father: weak, incompetent, lazy, disinterested, selfish, juvenile, distant, uninvolved, pleasure seeking, greedy, cold, and anything that is the antithesis of JC.
And who of us (if we’re being honest) doesn’t laugh at the caricature of the modern man in some of the TV shows that we’ve watched (we look at the man who thinks he can add more power to his garbage disposal and ends up blowing it up). Satan would have us think that this is the picture of manhood. This is what’s expected. Well, God has a different design—begins in Eph 5:23—speaking of Role of the husband.
1. A Christ-like Husband is a Servant-Leader
1. A Christ-like Husband is a Servant-Leader
“husband is the head...”
The word for head is κεφαλή —disagreement over whether the term primarily means “source” or “authority.” The word is used to describe an animal’s head, tip of a spear, prow of a ship, headwaters of a river (source)…it carries the idea of prominence.
Eph 1:22 Christ is head of the church in sense of having authority over it, ruling it as the sovereign God. Eh 4:15-16 puts emphasis on source from which believers grow and from whom the whole body is being fitted and held together. So context is essential in determining meaning.
In Eph 5 Paul is explaining the mystery union of Christ and the church (5:32). A mystery is not something too complex but previously unrevealed in OT—now the church (the redeemed saints of God) are revealed to have an intimate relationship to Christ—who is the head of the church. That is, He alone has all authority. He alone has the right to give direction to the church (His body) which responds thru loving, joyful submission with absolute reverence and honor for Christ. In like manner, the husband has authority over the wife, not in a way that is often abused today.
The Basis for the Husband’s Headship
The basis for headship in the family belonging to the husband is evidenced in God’s creative design for marriage and it is patterned within His own nature.
1 Cor 11:3, 7-9
To understand what Paul is saying, it is necessary to distinguish b/t “equality of essence” and “headship of function”… Robert Gromacki explains it like this: notice the order of spiritual authority: God-Christ-Man-Woman...
“Even though there was an equality of Persons within the Godhead, there is an order (a headship) to execute the divine counsel. Understand this: the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are equally God. The Father is no more divine than the Son, nor is the Spirit less divine than the Son...Christ claimed to be one with the Father (John 10:30), and yet He claimed that the Father was greater than all (John 10:29). In order to carry out the program of redemption, God sent the Son. The Son came to do the will of the Father. Thus even though there was an equality of persons within the divine oneness, there was an order (a headship) to execute the divine counsel.”
So the relationship b/t man and woman is that the head of the woman is man. That doesn’t make him more superior to her, they are equally human and in Christ there is spiritual oneness. But for the function of the family—God has expressed this divine order.
vv 7-9 explains: some accuse Paul of being chauvinistic
Man is the image and glory of God. The male is the pinnacle of God’s creation and b/c of his priority in creation he is given authority over the woman:
But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet. For it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve.
“the woman is the glory of man” not b/c she is made in his image (made in God’s), but in that she is the greatest creation that God brings out of the man and thus she expresses the glory of God’s special creation of man.
So the basis for headship in the family is the creative design of God—in accordance with His own nature and workings within the Trinity.
The Nature of the Husband’s Headship
Mt 20:20-28
Can you see just how brazen the mother of James and John was, even to have the pretense of reverence (bowing down)? The way to greatness is thru humility and servanthood. This is is to be the nature of the husband’s headship/leadership; Servant-leadership.
Now, what does this look like? Let me show you what it is not: Servant-Leadership is NOT:
A Dictatorship—this is where many men get it wrong. Jesus told His disciples that this type of leadership is what the pagans do. They demand submission, this is the king of the castle syndrome, where he expects her to serve him and forces his wife to accept his opinions and preferences.
Isolated Decision-Making—this happens when men fail to see the great value their wives are in giving counsel, wisdom, insight and perspective for decisions that must be made. Now Adam’s problem was that he listened to the voice of his wife without checking to see if that violated God’s Word—which it did.
A Dominator—where he thinks he is superior so he asserts his authority (Gentiles lord it over their subjects). Because of the sin nature there is always the temptation to use power to gain advantage over people.
On the other hand: Servant-Leadership IS...
Focused on meeting needs of others
Philippians 2:20 (NASB95) of Timothy...
For I have no one else of kindred spirit who will genuinely be concerned for your welfare.
Goal—oriented (primarily spiritual goals—he knows where he is leading his wife & family)
Exemplified—husbands sets example of control in every area of life
The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
Give me your heart, my son, And let your eyes delight in my ways.
Solves problems—the wife will turn to him for help
Teacher—leads his family in the word
A joy to live with
Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun.
John Piper “Biblical headship is a divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christlike servant leadership, protection and provision in the home.”
Bryan Chappell (Each for the Other) writes “The Bible does not permit men to be uninvolved, disinterested, intentionally deaf, or selfishly blind. Headship requires the husband actively (and graciously) to work for the physical and spiritual well-being of each person in the family…too often Christians try to summarize male headship in the home by simply saying the husband has ‘the last word’ of is the final authority in decision making. Be glad this abbreviation of responsibilities is not found in the phrases of Scripture because it can cause great damage…Biblical headship shifts the focus of husbanding from taking charge to taking responsibility. Being a godly husband is not so much asserting one’s will as submitting one’s prerogative to the good of another.”
You have to remember Paul is addressing the church which was situated in the 1st century under the influence of the Roman family structure. The father had absolute control over every member of the family—patria potestas. He had power of life and death over his children. He could legally put a child to death for serious transgressions (Bill Cosby?). As it pertained to marriage he had similar authority over his wife but later on, the father not the husband had all authority and could even initiate a divorce.
Paul asserts that when the man leaves father, joined to his wife…it is not the father who is head of that new family but the husband is. The wife’s submission is to him b/c of God’s design.
2. A Christ-like Husband is a Lover
2. A Christ-like Husband is a Lover
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
A. Love Defined
A. Love Defined
American Culture
There’s a real problem with the way love is defined in our American culture (particularly when it comes to the love a man is to have for a woman). The attitude glorified today is a macho, sexual conquest attitude—taking all the glory for himself. There’s another side of the cultural view and that is if a man displays anything resembling love it is a weakness. So better not to show it, not to expose any weakness (never having to say you’re sorry).
Of course, there is an over-stressing of the emotion of love—love as a feeling. In fact, you can fall into love (like a hole), “fall out of love” (like a tree). When you’re in love you just know. “Love is a feeling you feel when you feel you are going to have a feeling that you’ve never felt before.”
Biblical View
“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.
A clear description of biblical love—God’s love, is that it gives rather than takes. That love God demonstrated and the love Xns are called to show, and husbands are commanded to love is the love that meets needs. The greatest need of man is met b/c God gave…what supreme love!
Men, the real test of masculinity is the choice to love (even when feelings are not accompanying)—notice the command is given 3x (25, 28, 33). It is easy enough to define love as sacrificing self for the sake of others—of course it is the husband’s chief aim, out of obedience to Christ to love his wife, selflessly, sacrificially, giving to meet the needs of his helpmate (ezer kenegdo).
B. Love Described
B. Love Described
1) As Christ Loved the Church
1) As Christ Loved the Church
When our son-in-law asked for our daughter’s hand in marriage, I answered his question with a question (“what does it mean to love your wife as Christ loved the church?”). I thought it was a good question (he agreed). The standard is infinitely high: love (PAImp) your bride as Christ (God) loved (AAI) His.
Now, there will always be the need for growth in husbands who desire to love their wives in this manner. You may have the model marriage, may be the exemplary husband—but you can always grow in love:
Now as to the love of the brethren, you have no need for anyone to write to you, for you yourselves are taught by God to love one another; for indeed you do practice it toward all the brethren who are in all Macedonia. But we urge you, brethren, to excel still more,
What can we observe about Christ’s love?
Let me describe it with these words:
Initiatory
We love, because He first loved us.
Husbands who love as Christ, initiate love toward their wives. They don’t wait to respond.
Sacrificial
Eph 5:25 “gave Himself up for her”
one of the specific qualities of agape love is that it is in its essence selfless. It always seeks the highest good of the object loved. That’s Christ’s love for the church, giving Himself up for her. This was not only demonstrated in His sacrificial death (pinnacle of that love) but everything about the incarnation proves His sacrificial love. He laid aside His prerogative of deity (didn’t cease to be God) but He didn’t selfishly cling to it (Phil 2:5-8). He took to himself the humanity which would cloak the fulness of His glory. That love seeks the highest good of the one who is loved. Husbands, we have an exceedingly high calling—not only to lay down your life for your wife but to surrender all of self for the sake of her good.
Humble (closely related to the previous)
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
Mac Davis (country singer died) “Oh Lord, its hard to be humble, when you’re perfect in every way.” The problem, men, when you’re tempted to think this is that you aren’t. The humble husband will love His wife, you will accept correction for error from her, you will seek her opinion, insight, wisdom and counsel in matters that affect the family. You will offer forgiveness when she sins against you.
Volitional
Like all commands in Scripture, they are directed at the heart, directed at the will of man and God desires the simplicity of obedience as we surrender our will to His. Husbands, God commands you to love your wife. Now, there will be times when you don’t feel like loving her. Too bad! Not loving her is a sin against her but ultimately a rejection of God’s authority over you—a rebellion from which repentance is the only proper response.
Unconditional
Agape love, in its demonstration is not given to those who deserve it…but quite the oppositie:
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him.
For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust, so that He might bring us to God, having been put to death in the flesh, but made alive in the spirit;
We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Forgiving
bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Unmistakable
1John 3:16-18
Christ’s rich, divine example of love is immensely practical so John says let us love in word and in deed. Express verbally to your wife that you love her. Find ways to communicate that love in fresh ways. But we must be cautioned that love expressed in words but never in deeds is hypocritical.
Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.
Love will manifest itself outwardly in your actions. That’s the love of Christ. He sacrificed everything. Total self-denial. Husbands…our obligation is likewise to our wives to love as Christ loved the church.
There’s more that needs to be said about the love Christ has toward His bride—that for next week, plus 1 additional role you have as husbands (Leader, Lover—come back next week to discover the next one—starts with “L”).