Relationships Matter

A little girl had just heard the story Snow White for the first time. So full of enthusiasm that she could hardly contain herself, she retold the fairy tale to her mother. After telling about how Prince Charming had arrived on his beautiful white horse and kissed Snow White back to life, she asked her mother, “And do you know what happened then.”

“Yes,” said her mom, “they lived happily ever after.”

“No,” responded Suzie, with a frown, “they got married.”

Children’s View of Marriage Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents." - Eric, age 6 "If marriage is anything like spelling, I don't want it. It's too hard." Marty, age 7 "Hey, I'm just a kid. It gives me a headache to think about things like marriage." William Robert, age 5 "Marriage is a real good thing I think, but baseball is pretty good too." - Ralphie, 9 "Marriage is what happens when two people are in love, and they go out to eat, and they like talking to each other so much their food gets cold and they don't care." - Pamela, age 7

• Children have a great way of communicating truth don’t they...Getting married and living happily ever after are not necessarily synonymous…nor do they describe every union...these children get their ideas about marriage from somewhere…what are they learning about marriage from you?

We often don’t take the time to reflect upon this, but our relationships with one another, especially with our spouse, are reflections of our relationship with God.

As we continue in our study of Malachi, we find ourselves in the text of Malachi 2:10-16 which I have to say this week as been a real wrestling match...

The text before us this morning is difficult from an original language perspective — there are a couple verses in this text where the Hebrew is ambiguous or confusing…I am not a Hebrew scholar, but even the Hebrew scholars admit the difficulties in translation.

The text before us is also difficult from a preaching perspective — how can I communicate the truth of this text that is both true to the text and applicable to our time…to take it from the then and there to the here and now.

The text before us is also difficult from a spiritual perspective — it hits on an issue that is very sensitive and impacts every church family — Marriage and Divorce. Because sin is messy, there is not a church in existence today where someone or a group of someones has not experienced the pain of a broken marriage…including this church!

By the way, Pastor Matthew and I earnestly desire your prayers for us each week as we wrestle with the texts God lays before us…it is our desire to be true to the text and to communicate it in a way that our lives are changed for eternity…That is a daunting task that we accept willingly…please pray for us!

Malachi is going to go after the people now…he just roasted the priests for their lack of faithfulness to God, now he is going to roast the people as a unified whole, for how they too have been unfaithful to God.

Malachi is going to go after their attitude and actions regarding marriage and divorce to illustrate their unfaithfulness to God.

From the outset we need to understand that our relationships to one another, especially in our marriage can either honor God or dishonor God.

In staying we the theme of Malachi, Are you honoring God the way you ought in your relationships, especially your marriage?

We want to answer the question here this morning of how did their marriage relationship impact their relationship with God?

Read Malachi 2:10-16

In verse 10, Malachi lays out the charge against the people…

your unfaithfulness in marriage reflects your unfaithfulness to God!

Remember, when there is a repeated term or phrase we need to take notice of it…depending on what version you might have… it is in verse 10, 11, 14, 15 and 16.

NASB, NKJV,KJV = translated = deal treacherously

ESV, NIV, = translated = unfaithful

Jewish Bible translates it as break faith

The root word means to cover..It is a word that conveys the idea of acting fraudulently, covertly, to oppress, to afflict, to spoil…to violate a standard

What they were doing in their marriage relationships was an act of treachery…they violated the standard…they spoiled the covenant...

That is another key word here...covenant…we see it in verse 10 & 14...

a covenant was an agreement between two or more parties that specifies requirements for at least one party and includes blessings or curses for obedience or disobedience…

In a broad use of the word, Malachi is referring to the covenant made between God and Moses that all the people agreed to obey…it was that agreement that God would be their God and they would be His people…this would be what set them apart for Him and Him for them…no other nation had a covenant with God...in that covenant was a promise from God and an acceptance of responsibility by Israel to obey Him…obedience to the covenant brought blessings, disobedience brought curses....

In a narrower use of the word, Malachi uses the term to denote the reality of the union between a man and a woman…When you said I do, you made a vow, a promise, a covenant… you invoke God’s presence into your marriage so now there are three parties involved…You, your spouse and God!

I think this is where marriages break down today…it is very rarely seen as the covenant of marriage…

When I conduct pre-marriage counseling, after getting to the know the couple a little, the first question I ask is why do you want to get married…what is their response “because we love each other”.

They want to get married because of the way they feel about each other…I then proceed to tell them what happens when he/she does something that sets you off…at that point you feel love for them…what then...

In On This Day by Carl-D. Windsor, the page for Valentine’s Day includes this anecdote:

Even the most devoted couple will experience a stormy bout once in a while. A grandmother, celebrating her golden wedding anniversary, once told the secret of her long and happy marriage. “On my wedding day, I decided to make a list of ten of my husband’s faults which, for the sake of our marriage, I would overlook,” she said.

A guest asked the woman what some of the faults she had chosen to overlook were. The grandmother replied, “To tell you the truth, my dear, I never did get around to listing them. But whenever my husband did something that made me hopping mad, I would say to myself, Lucky for him that’s one of the ten!”

When Marriage is viewed as a covenant bond between a man and woman and God…we can build marriages that last! We can have marriages that honor God…or the opposite is also true…Our marriages can bring dishonor to God!

Let’s look at what Malachi exposes about their marriages that showed their unfaithfulness.

Exposition

Their unfaithfulness to God was displayed in their marriage to foreign women.

Remember that the word profane means to defile, pollute…in reference to God it was to disregard the fact that God was holy/separated and needed to be honored in that way…

the priests had polluted the worship of God by making Him ordinary…they disregarded His holy character through allowing detestable sacrifices…the priests allowed disobedience to His Word…they did not take take it to heart that God was to be honored...

now the people have polluted marriage...in fact he calls it an abomination — detestable…the term “abomination,” whose root meant to “hate” or “abhor,” referred to activity that would cause the most serious defilement requiring destruction or death.

Again, Malachi specifically mentions this specific sin as an evidence of how they have been unfaithful to God…this was probably not the only sin, it was perhaps the most glaring sin.

foreign — not only was it used to describe someone outside the Jewish community, it also described something dangerous and threatening...

term “daughter of a foreign god” refers to pagan women who worshipped false gods…

these marriages were expressly forbidden because of the impact they would have on Israel…Deut 7:3-4 ““Furthermore, you shall not intermarry with them; you shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor shall you take their daughters for your sons. “For they will turn your sons away from following Me to serve other gods; then the anger of the Lord will be kindled against you and He will quickly destroy you.”

the men of Judah returned from exile and found these heathen hotties living in the land and just had to have them.

They were unfaithful to God because they did that which He strictly said was off limits...I’ve said it before and its worth repeating here…I know what God says, but… “God I know it’s wrong for me to marry this unsaved, heathen hottie, but”...

Was it really that bad for them to marry outside the Jewish community? I mean really, come on God…

What was so wrong with it? ...it should have been enough to know that it was direct disobedience....that should have stopped them…but here is what Malachi reveals to us...

Their marriage to pagan women profaned the holiness of God;

there’s that word profane again — polluted, defiled...

“the sanctuary of the LORD which He Loves” — phrase is literally “the holiness of Yahweh which He loves”… the word for “sanctuary” is the word for “holiness”… again remember what it means to be holy…separate…

The sanctuary was not only where God dwelt but it also signified something set apart for God…

What they were doing not only was an affront to God’s holiness, but to God’s love for them in His design for them to be holy…to be separate…as vessels God wanted to use, He lovingly separated them for His purpose, but they polluted themselves by being unfaithful…keeping marriage within the community of Israel was God’s plan for spiritual unity!

By marrying outside the Jewish community, they were polluting the identity God wanted them to have as a completely separated people.

Listen to what Ezra says about this time period…Ezra 9:1-2 “Now when these things had been completed, the princes approached me, saying, “The people of Israel and the priests and the Levites have not separated themselves from the peoples of the lands, according to their abominations, those of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Jebusites, the Ammonites, the Moabites, the Egyptians and the Amorites. “For they have taken some of their daughters as wives for themselves and for their sons, so that the holy race has intermingled with the peoples of the lands; indeed, the hands of the princes and the rulers have been foremost in this unfaithfulness.””

They knew the Law was God’s means of proclaiming His holiness and their separation to Him, but they did not care about being separated from the world... obedience to Him was not a priority!

They broke their part of the covenant when they married those who worshipped false gods…they were unfaithful.

They made their “happiness” with heathen hotties more important than God’s holiness.

Their marriage to pagan women opened the door for idolatry.

There is no indication in the text that idolatry was occurring yet, but the danger was very real…again Deut 7:3-4 specifically says their heart will be turned away.

This was not a racial or ethnic exclusivism…the purpose for this was to keep those who worshipped other gods from polluting the worship of the true God

…only Israel worshipped the true God…at one point in history, Israel was a great United Kingdom…Solomon, the wisest man on earth, willingly violated this covenant and had many wives…with those marriages he also built temples to honor their gods…his heart was divided and so God divided the kingdom after him...

They cut the covenantal bond that tied them to the Lord…they forsook God to go after fake gods!

They never took the time to think about what impact their choices would have on their relationship with God…even after being confronted with it, there was still no repentance!

Their failure to be faithful to God in the covenant of marriage warranted God’s discipline.

v.12 is a difficult verse to translate…I am not a Hebrew scholar, but even the Hebrew scholars admit this is a difficult text…there are a lot of opinions out there...here is what makes sense to me!

Malachi is invoking a curse on everyone who violated the covenant of marriage in this way.

NASB = everyone who awakes and answers…KJV = master and scholar…ESV = any descendant…NIV = whoever…Jewish Bible = initiator or follower...

This display of unfaithfulness to God is hypocritical and insensitive...those who continue to worship without any sense of the severity of this sin need to be excommunicated from worship of God, both the individual and his family.

Here is how Nehemiah dealt with it…read Neh 13 23-27 … “So I contended with them and cursed them and struck some of them and pulled out their hair, and made them swear by God, “You shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor take of their daughters for your sons or for yourselves. “Did not Solomon king of Israel sin regarding these things? Yet among the many nations there was no king like him, and he was loved by his God, and God made him king over all Israel; nevertheless the foreign women caused even him to sin. “Do we then hear about you that you have committed all this great evil by acting unfaithfully against our God by marrying foreign women?””

They further displayed their unfaithfulness to God by divorcing their Jewish wife to marry the heathen hotties.

“This is another thing you do” introduces this as an additional problem…

In verses 11 - 12, Malachi states the sin first and then the consequences, in this section he states the consequences first and then the sin!

He employs this method to intensify the impact… “not only have you done this, but you also do this”

He doesn’t specifically say “You divorce your Jewish wife”…it is implied here in verse 16...he again states “deal treacherously”…then in verse 16 declares God hates divorce...not only were they marrying the pagan women, they were divorcing their Jewish wife to do it!

The consequences of their unfaithfulness were very serious.

No matter how much emotion they poured out in worship, God was not going to be moved.

There was crying, weeping, and groaning going on in their worship...The men were upset …not because they were genuinely sorry and repentant…but because God wasn’t answering their prayers the way they desired Him to...

Malachi points out to them that regardless of how emotional they get with God, He is not going to hear them or accept their offerings while they continue on in their sin.

2. The sin against their spouse, was a sin against God!

In verse 14 they asked God why He was ignoring them…

He was an eyewitness to their marriage and He was an eyewitness to their sin...

He knew what they were doing to their wife…you cannot hide from God!

Here is what God is saying to them...

“When you entered the covenant of marriage with your wife, she agreed to be your companion, your friend, your partner, and you have forsaken her... I was there with you when you both entered into that covenant…I was the one who ratified the covenant…in this, you deal treacherously with them, you are dealing treacherously with Me.”

3. God hates divorce and the violence in brings into a marriage.

v. 16 is a very powerful statement…Malachi makes a point for them to know that God is the one who says this...

Divorce = verb = meaning “send away”

“him who covers his garment with wrong” = violence

In Ancient times, a man would cover the woman with his garment (Remember Boaz and Ruth) symbolizing a promise to protect her.

God sees divorce as a removal of that protection and replacing it with violence…the consequences of divorce are inevitable…Malachi states that those who divorce wear violence as a garment for all to see!

God does hate divorce. We can’t water this down or try to act like He doesn’t. God created marriage to be permanent…man leaving and cleaving…

God divorced himself from His people — Jer 3:8 ““And I saw that for all the adulteries of faithless Israel, I had sent her away and given her a writ of divorce, yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear; but she went and was a harlot also.”

God does not hate divorced people. Many of you are victims of divorce and are suffering through some incredible pain right now. Whatever the circumstances of your divorce were, God does not hate you. He loves you.

Divorce is not the only thing God hates. Sometimes we single out divorce and forget what God said in Proverbs 6:16-19: “There are six things which the Lord hates, Yes, seven which are an abomination to Him: Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, And hands that shed innocent blood, A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that run rapidly to evil, A false witness who utters lies, And one who spreads strife among brothers.”

God does not forbid all divorce. Under certain very restricted conditions, there are two exceptions to the “no divorce” dictate of Scripture.

1 Corinthians 7:15 teaches that if the unbelieving spouse wants to leave, the believer can let him or her go.

And, in Matthew 5:32, Jesus recognized that in the case of adultery, the one who was wronged is not obligated to stay married. Having said that, God’s heart is always for reconciliation and restoration of the marriage covenant.

Those were not happening here! They were divorcing their Jewish wife because they wanted to marry someone else.

Even though you’ve done all this, there is still hope!

Remember Rom 15:4 “For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.”

v.15 — is the most difficult verse to translate from the Hebrew…I am not a Hebrew scholar…even the Hebrew scholars admit the difficulty… here is what makes sense to me!

“Don’t you know that God made you one with your wives? And in spite of your treachery in divorcing your wives, there is still a remnant of that spiritual bond. And what is the purpose of that oneness? It is to produce godly offspring with God’s help.”

God has not given up on you…God still wants you to bring up generations that know him and follow him…one of the best places for that to happen is in the home where the marriage is a stable union between a godly man and godly woman who are focused on honoring Him.

Malachi provides the key for staying faithful in your marriage and therefore staying faithful to God...

Guard Your Heart

Twice he says here to “take heed to your spirit” — means to watch over, to guard…you need to have the same desire for covenant unity that God does!

Don’t deal treacherously with your wife…

Don’t deal treacherously!

Main Point — Being Faithful to One Another Honors God

Implications for Us Today!

Stay faithful to God by being faithful to one another — in the church.

Malachi appealed to them on the basis that God established Himself as their Father... God’s purpose for this was to establish a people who would serve him in the task of redeeming the world…He created Israel for that purpose…as descendants of Abraham, they all shared in that identity..

This was an act of grace, this was a wonderful expression of love for them…when God made them all His servants He gave them an identity…they were all God’s children and as such were spiritual siblings!

Because of Israel’s rejection of Jesus as the Messiah, God’s program for them as been paused and He now works through the church…like Israel we have an identity…in Christ…we have all been adopted into God’s family…we all share equally in our receiving of grace...

One of the best ways for us to show faithfulness to God is by being faithful to one another.

John 13 35 ““By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.””

I’ve taken the liberty to provide you with a chart that identifies the various “one another’s” in Scripture…These are ways God has commanded His church to relate to one another…there are certain actions and attitudes we are to put on and certain actions and attitudes to put off…(SHOW/DISTRIBUTE CHART!)

Stay faithful to God by being faithful to one another — in your marriage!

Unmarried

Don’t corrupt the covenant of marriage by choosing to marry an unbeliever!

If you are here as a single person planning for marriage, waiting for marriage, or even simply dating hoping for marriage, you need to take heed of this...

2 Cor 6:14 “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

Many may recognize this as “don’t be unequally yoked”… from Deuteronomy 22:10 about plowing with an ox and a donkey together…neither one wants to cooperate with the other… one will eventually win out!

Evangelistic dating very seldom works!

Not saying God can’t and doesn’t save them, but the goals and motivations of the unbeliever are completely different from the goals and motivations of the believer…For the believer, our bottom line goal and motivation is to please God…their’s is no where near that.

God will never tell you it is okay for you to marry them in hopes that your marriage can bring them to him! Sadly, far too often the opposite is true…they take you away from your worship of God!

For those already married to unbelievers

don’t give up!

Paul told the Corinthians that the unbelieving spouse is sanctified because of the believing spouse (1 Cor 7:14 “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.” )

That does not mean they are saved by nature of being married to you…what it does mean is that the Christian partner can have an influence on the unsaved partner that can lead to salvation…so don’t give up pointing them towards God.

Married Men

1 Pet 3 7 “You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”

…if you ever wonder why it seems God isn’t answering your prayers, it could be because your relationship with your wife is not what God wants it to be!

You forsake your spouse by detaching yourself from her emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically (explain these to some degree).

Married Ladies

Eph 5 22 “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”

Your submissiveness to your husband reflects your submissiveness to the Lord.

Have you forsaken your husband in the way you view him…explain

You are not his Holy Spirit…only God can truly change him...

Life Lesson — Guard Your Heart

What protections have you placed upon your heart to make your marriage a marriage that honors God?

You may not have a spouse that is on the same page with you…but are you on the same page as God?

You must do your part to honor God with your relationships...

Take responsibility to grow spiritually...You will not be the husband or wife your spouse needs you to be unless you take responsibility to cultivate your spiritual life.

Seek God’s help to stay committed. Divorce is a lose/lose situation. If you are entertaining the idea that I can just get out of my marriage if I need to, you have entered very dangerous territory. God’s intention for marriage is that one man and one woman commit themselves to each other for the rest of their lives to building a godly home and to living in a marriage that fulfills and helps them become what God intended them to be. When you place two sinners under the same roof and then multiply those sinners with sinful children, there are going to be problems.

Set up some practical guardrails. Set up some boundaries with members of the opposite sex that include, but are not limited to:

Avoid flirting.Don’t be alone with the doors closed when you’re with a member of the opposite sex.

Be careful what you watch. Men we need to be like Job, Job 31:1: “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.”

Commit to communicate. It has been said that communication is one of the keys to marriage. Make time to talk. And, when you have a fight, don’t go to bed angry. Ephesians 4:26-27: “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” That doesn’t mean you have to solve the problem, but it does mean that you should at least be able to hug before you doze off. If you’re serious about this, it means you’ll have some pretty late nights!

Think the best of your spouse. Love assumes no wrong. As recipients of grace we need to remember that no sin committed against us is greater than our sin against Christ…Be gracious to each other...

Wrap up.