Marriage as Discipleship

Mark 10:2–16 ESV

2 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.” 5 And Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote you this commandment. 6 But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7 ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 10 And in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. 11 And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” 13 And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. 14 But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. 15 Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” 16 And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.

Marriage as Discipleship

We have spoken about the section in the gospel of Mark from Peter’s confession to Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem centers on the costliness of discipleship and the necessity of servanthood and suffering for those who are followers of Jesus. Disciples are called to take up their cross and follow him. They are to be servant of all, to make radical sacrifices to enter into true life.

When we first read this section on marriage and divorce it seems to be oddly placed in this context. Why would Mark place it within the bounds of discipleship and sacrifice? But the purpose for Mark is to help us to see that marriage is one aspect of discipleship. This makes complete sense in Jesus’ teachings on the importance of discipleship. Even when Jesus says that we must give up family for him, it never mentions our spouse or children. That is because the marriage relationship is so important to God and his plan for humanity.

Our society has elements within it that are trying to destroy the family of a father, mother, and children. Yet, this unit is the basic building block of society and the church. By trying to destroy the family unit, our culture is creating structures that are harmful and destructive to the proper development of our society as a whole. God created the family for the purpose of properly discipling the next generation so that proper teaching can be passed on from generation to generation. But because of the disillusionment with the family structure, the structure of our society as a whole has begun to crumble before our eyes. We as the church must reclaim the proper role of the family as father, mother, and children in order to set forth the example of how our society should be.

Today, we are going outline some ways that marriage and family are the cornerstones of our discipleship and what that looks like for us as Christians.

1. Marriage is the natural example of the Trinity. (vs. 2-9)

Genesis 2:24 ESV

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

How is this the case? In order to explain what I mean here, we need to actually flip the text around a bit and deal with the answer that Jesus gives to the Pharisees rather than the context of the question. We will get to that in a moment.

In this discussion around divorce, Jesus points to the Pharisees by saying that they have a hardness of heart and this is why divorce is permitted in the Law of Moses. However, from the very beginning of creation, the bond between a man and woman was extremely special, and disciples of Jesus are called to follow a different standard than under the Law of Moses. Behind the Law of Moses was God’s original intent for the marriage relationship. Jesus specifically uses the passage from Genesis 2:24 to say that a man and woman become “one flesh.” There is a unique bonding between a man and woman that displays the unique character of God. The sexual union between a man and a woman creates this body as no other. This is why any sexual relationship outside of a marriage relationship between one man and one woman goes against God’s created order and God’s intent for humanity. Any kind of sexual union outside of the marriage relationship as prescribed by God should be avoided. Sex should be saved for a marriage alone.

This goes against everything we see in our society. Promiscuity and unnatural sexual relationships are what is promoted by our culture. Living together before marriage is seen as a natural step. Having multiple partners is seen as a part of growing up. Experimenting in sexual relationships is part of experiencing life to the fullest. But this kind of oversexed society is part of the reason why we see so many of the issues that we see.

The union between a man and a woman in marriage is a symbol of the fullness of who God is. Both men and women are created in God’s image and bringing a man and woman together within the context of marriage is a way of showing the fullness of the love that overflows from within the Trinity itself. God is joined together Father, Son, and Holy Spirit - one God in three Persons. They are not divided and cannot be divided but share one essence. The same is true between a man and woman. They are bound together in love and come together to create life, and as they grow in discipleship, they cannot be separated.

2. Because of this image of marriage, divorce is not the ideal. (vs. 10-12)

Ephesians 5:21 ESV

21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Jesus is confronted by a group of Pharisees on divorce as way to test him. The reason why this was a test is because divorce was universally accepted within Judaism. What was debated was legitimate grounds for divorce. There is an inference here that the Pharisees may have already heard that Jesus opposes divorce. They were trying to catch him and expose his inconsistency with the Law of Moses. However, in their exchange, the verbs that are used in verses 3 and 4 are different. Jesus says what did Moses “command you.” The Pharisees respond that Moses “allowed.” All of this hinges on a passage from Deuteronomy 24:1-4 “1 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, 2 and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, 4 then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.”

Jesus is clear that divorce is not what God intends between a man and woman. We know that because of our hardness of heart that there are times when marriages do not continue on. That hardness can come in form of abuse or infidelity. In these cases, we know that is unhealthy to continue in these relationships without any kind of interventions and the hardness of heart dissipating in one or both spouses. That is why God’s design for the family is so important if we want to see successful marriages and live up to the ideal that God has in store for men and women.

Paul outlines for us what that looks like and specifically what discipleship looks like within a marriage. The passage from Ephesians 5 has been much milaigned by many particularly feminists in our culture. That is because we completely misread what Paul is trying to tell us in this passage. Paul begins this section by saying that we are to submit to one another out of our love for Christ. A man and a woman are to submit to each other first and foremost. There must be sacrifice and give and take within the relationship of a husband and wife if we are going to understand submission.

The next section is what people get so upset with. Paul tells the wives that they are to submit to their husbands because he is their head just as Christ is head of the church. But in order to understand that you have to understand the implications for the husband. The husband is to love the wife as Christ loves the church. When the husband loves the wife, the wife respects the husband. It begins with the husband. And this, my friends, is the central point in Paul’s argument and the importance of what Jesus is saying. The Pharisees are trying to trip up Jesus because they want to have an out for their marriages. But Jesus turns it on them bringing out their lack of care for their spouse if they believe they just have to write a certificate of divorce to end a marriage. The Pharisees are not living up to what God wants for them.

Paul is clear that the husband is to love as Christ loves. He is to be the example of Christ’s headship within the family. The role of the husband is to be the primary discipler of his wife and children. It is the husband’s responsibility to teach his wife what it means to be a disicple of Jesus Christ. This is how we live into the ideal. When husbands fail to do their God given call to be the primary discipler within their families, it is then that we have so much of the trouble that we see within families and our society writ large. The failure of men to be who they are created to be causes so much destruction. But when men do what they are truly called to do, it can create a difference in a church and in society at large. Men must do their part in being the primary discipler within their families and building up and loving their wives the way that Christ has loved the church.

3. Parents have the obligation to disciple their children. (vs. 13-16)

Deuteronomy 6:7 ESV

7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

The parents together are called to help disciple their children. Jesus tells the disciples that the little children are to come to him and the kingdom of God belongs to such as them. One of the failures of the modern church is our lack of reverence for our baptismal vows. So many people bring their children to be baptized in a church and never truly intend to do what we covenant to do. It is the obligation of the parents to raise their children up to be disciples of Jesus Christ and accept him for themselves later in their lives. A lot people come into our church from other denominations that do not practice infant baptism and have questions. They come from denominations that primarily practice a believer’s baptism. Why do we do infant baptism in the UMC?

The short answer is that is based on the covenantal practices that we find in the Old Testament and later in the New Testament. In the Old Testament, boys are circumcised at eight days old and brought into the covenant people. We do not circumcise as a symbol of the covenant. We baptize infants to bestow upon them the grace that is given to us only in Jesus Christ and make covenant in the same way that Jewish parents would have made for their children. We covenant as parents and a community to raise up a child in discipleship and teach him or her the ways of the faith. At a certain age, it is 13 within Judaism and around the same age for most Christian churches, the children go through a period of learning about the faith for themselves and building upon the teaching of their parents over the years. At the end of that period of learning, the child will profess before the congregation and God the vows that were made on his or her behalf as an infant for himself or herself. That child confesses Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior before the assembly and remembers his or her baptism and is thankful. I always tell parents who are going to baptize their children to write their child a letter about that day and give to him or her on the day of confirmation so that the baptism can truly be remembered.

Pointing out these things is important in the growth and development of disciples. The family is the primary place where all of this begins. We have to understand that the marriage relationship is one of discipleship all the way across. When discipleship begins at home, it makes for a better church and society.