49-44 God's Plan For Your Family--Part 5
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Husbands Who Are Like Christ
Husbands Who Are Like Christ
Field Marshal Bernard Montgomery (British Army officer in WWI, WWII) “Gentlemen, don’t even think about marriage until you have mastered the art of warfare.”
Maybe a bit pessimistic, but why is marriage like that—potential warfare? Why is it difficult to have meaningful relationships with other people (esp. our spouse)? The type of relationship, one that is lasting and gets better, richer, deeper, more intimate, is rare. And society around us has a lesser view of marriage than a generation ago—now marriage is a prison, bondage. People are discontent, unhappy and the solution is don’t marry at all, or just get divorced and start all over again.
Well, we understand why there are struggles in marriage/home. It goes back to the fall and the curse when Adam & Eve disobeyed God. His pattern for the home was broken. And you add the corrupting influences of Satan as he attacks marriage and the home and the confusion of society over what makes for truly meaningful relationships and we find broken families, hurt families that stand in need of God’s intervention. And this is where we find hope—b/c God does intervene.
The sting of the curse is taken away in Christ. Restoration, reconciliation is made possible thru Him (1st with God and then with one another). And then God gives us His design for marriages that will be fruitful, lasting, harmonious when they are patterned after His purposes.
What is this pattern?
Wives fulfil their God-given roles of honoring the husband (shown in loving, joyful, reverent submission) and being the helpmate that brings pleasure to the Lord.
Husbands—lead your wife as a servant leader and love her as Christ loved the church
Last time, I began to lay out before you the love a husband is commanded to have for his wife, the love that follows the divine example of JC loving His bride, the church.
A. Love Defined
B. Love Described
As Christ loved the church
Notice how Paul describes His love:
a. Sacrificial Love
a. Sacrificial Love
“gave Himself up” this becomes the definition of the pure love you are commanded to love your wives with—love that gives instead of taking. JC gave Himself up for the church. That doesn’t only include laying down His life (clearly He did this).
“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
The word “life” is psuche (usually translated “soul”). Jesus was demonstrating the love that would not only lay down one’s life but everything about himself for the sake of the other. Including wants, passions, pursuits, desires, goals, hopes, dreams—the whole person—total self-denial, including physical life.
We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
Husbands, to love your wives in this manner you must surrender yourself for her. Everything is motivated by the highest degree of love where even self-denial has her best in mind.
b. Purifying Love
b. Purifying Love
The goal of Christ loving the church by giving Himself for it is to purify the church unto Himself. Here’s a basic truth: when you love someone you will seek to purify them. No one loves something and wants it defiled. Husbands, your love, which seeks to purify your wife is exemplified in JC sanctifying His bride.
Positional Cleansing
At moment of salvation every sin you committed or will commit has been cleansed on the basis of Christ’s self-sacrifice (paying the debt).
When you were dead in your transgressions and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our transgressions, having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.
He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.
Practical Cleansing
Jesus said to him, “He who has bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; and you are clean, but not all of you.”
The Gk custom for a man was to rise in the morning and take a bath. He would cleanse himself and as he would go thru the day and pick up the dirt from walking in the world he would only need occasional washing of the hands or feet as they soiled. For the Xn—positionally you have taken the bath. You are already clean but practically, morally you need the daily cleansing, figured in the Lord washing feet. This is accomplished by means of the “Word”.
“Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth.
And Jesus’ purifying is effective. He will “present to Himself...” without blemish—holy and blameless which is the purpose for the Father’s divine election (Eph 1:4).
2. As You Love Yourself
2. As You Love Yourself
28-29
And He said to him, “ ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ “This is the great and foremost commandment. “The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ “On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.”
Husbands, in your roles of loving your wives, God is calling you to meet her needs. You do that with yourself (that’s the evidence of “self-love”). This includes “nourishing” lit “to feed” (used of nurturing and raising children). It simply means to bring to maturity. You will cause your wife (thru your loving disposition) to mature—to become all that God intends for her.
The other term explaining self-love is “cherish” (to soften or warm with body heat). Birds cover their young with their feathers. Husbands, it is your responsibility to provide a secure, warm, soft place as a provision and security for your wife. The bird instinctively keeps her young nestled and don’t push them out into the cold, cruel world. Wives need a place of nourishment, security, provision, protection.
This is exactly what Christ does for the church—b/c we are His body (Vs 30).
Let me give you men a few practical ways to manifest this love to (the wife of your youth):
Tell her (verbal and non-verbal)
Express appreciation (praise her publicly, for what you receive from her)
Make time for her (men with busy schedules—make it happen!)
Communicate (become a good listener, don’t assume she can read your mind)
Share (every area of life—emotions, aspirations, needs; be a complete partner to her)
Provide for her (all the necessities of life—buy her a new outfit!)
Treat her as your top priority (your love for her supersedes all other loves (except X).
Initiate love—don’t wait for her—take leadership
3. A Christ-like Husband Is a Learner
3. A Christ-like Husband Is a Learner
You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
The command “live with your wives...” The word “to live with” means to “dwell together” and it always has in view your conduct in relation to the person you live with. And the conduct Peter is concerned with, in relation to your helpmate—live life with her “according to knowledge” (understanding way). Someone once described this as “knowledgeable conscious sensitivity”. It is knowledge you have of your wife that forces you, consciously, to live with your wife treating her with great sensitivity.
Now, the world objects to this— “you can’t understand a woman!” (Mars, Venus) God says, Ah (you’re both from earth)—you can…you must! Listen, God’s not going to give you a command that you are unable to obey. There are a couple of implications with this command:
It requires time. If you are going to live with her according to knowledge you must spend time with your wife. Some of you might say “well won’t that be awkward?” maybe—at first. But the reward of investing time—prioritizing the time you spend with your wife, being of the greatest value, will reap benefits—enabling you to obey God’s command. And it will take both quantity and quality of time.
It requires effort. Put the effort into studying godly women of Scripture. How did God create women? What is unique about their gender? What is unique about the difference b/t men and women? What is unique/special about your wife—and how God created her? What are her strengths, weaknesses? What makes her happy, sad? What encourages her, discourages her? What are her pet peeves?
Now why is God concerned about this? “since she is a weaker vessel...”
Now, our culture hears this and immediately sees it negatively. Anything that might sound like an inferiority is attacked. But this is not an assault against equality but shows that God had a purpose in creating male and female with gender distinctiveness. And the NT affirms that what is considered to be weaker by the world is actually given more abundant honor by God (1 Cor 12:22-25).
There’s much debating over what “weaknesses” women (lit “the feminine ones”) have characteristically (physical, spiritual, intellectual, emotional…). The bottom line is Peter is instructing husbands to make sure they keep in mind any kind of weakness that would make it easier to take advantage over his wife. Husbands, you must treat your wives with honor and delicately—treat her as if she is fine china—b/c God says she is indeed. Treat her with respect, honor, cherish her as one of utmost value. There is a spiritual warning that Peter concludes with: “so that your prayers will not be hindered.”
How you treat your wife will determine God’s responsiveness to you in times of need. So be very careful with your most prized, earthly relationship.
Do you remember the “7 Ages of the Married Cold”?
Several years ago, the Saturday Evening Post published an article entitled “The Seven Ages of the Married Cold.” It revealed the reaction of a husband to his wife’s colds during their first seven years of marriage. It went something like this:
The first year: “Sugar dumpling, I’m really worried about my baby girl. You’ve got a bad sniffle, and there’s no telling about these things with all this strep throat going around. I’m putting you in the hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good rest. I know the food’s lousy, but I’ll be bringing your meals in from Rossini’s. I’ve already got it all arranged with the floor superintendent.”
The second year: “Listen, darling, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I called Doc Miller and asked him to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl, please? Just for papa.”
The third year: “Maybe you’d better lie down, honey; nothing like a little rest when you’d feel lousy. I’ll bring you something to eat. Have you got any canned soup?
The fourth year: “Now look, dear, be sensible. After you’ve fed the kids, washed the dishes, and finished the floor, you’d better lie down.”
The fifth year: “Why don’t you take a couple of aspirin?”
The sixth year: “I wish you’d just gargle or something, instead of sitting around all evening barking like a seal!”
The seventh year: “For Pete’s sake, stop sneezing! Are you trying to give me pneumonia?”
Let’s not be like those who become irritated by the needs of our wives, but show her honor as a fellow heir (joint heirs) in the grace of life. You have been put in the position of authority and held responsible for the condition of your family—but nonetheless equals in spiritual privilege and eternal importance.
Practical help:
On the table in the back foyer, there is a page (one for men/women) “Headings to create your own notebook”. I have in mind especially husbands (since we are to be learners). I want to encourage you to make time to learn these things b/c I believe they will truly enrich your marriage and are honoring to our Lord.