Godly Parents and Godly Children

Godly Parents & Godly Children

Propositional Statement: Paul gives instruction to both children and parents on how to develop a meaningful and Godly relationship through honor and obedience.

1. Obey and Honor Your Parents

- "Obey" means, The word obey (hupakouo) means to submit to; to comply with; to hearken; to heed; to follow the directions or guidance of some instruction. When a parent guides and directs a child, the child is to obey the parent.

- "In the Lord", means it is of the Lord; it pleases the Lord; therefore, obey them. When they guide and instruct you, follow them (see Col. 3:20).

- because it is right (v.1)

Verse 2 - The word honor (timao) means to “esteem and value as precious” (The Amplified New Testament); to show respect, reverence, kindness, courtesy, and obedience (Wuest. Ephesians and Colossians, Vol. 1, p. 136). Scripture is not speaking to any certain age child. It is speaking to all of us who are children with parents still living. We are to honor our fathers and mothers: to esteem and value them as precious—to respect and reverence them. Tragically, this is a dwindling trait today. Too often a child’s response to his parent is that of …

• talking back

• cutting the parent

• ignoring the parent

• grumbling

• speaking disrespectfully

• not listening

• acting like a know it all

• calling the parent a cute but disrespectful name

• disregarding instructions

• putting off instructions

II. Make Disciples of Your Children (v.4)

-The word provoke (parorgizo) means to arouse to wrath or anger, to provoke to the point of utter exasperation and resentment. Note two significant discussions.

a. Four things will provoke a child.

1) Failing to accept the fact that things do change. Time and generations do change. This does not mean that a child should participate nor be allowed to do everything that his generation does. But it does mean that parents need to be alert to the changes between generations and allow the child to be a part of his own generation instead of trying to conform the child to the parent’s childhood generation. The parent’s childhood generation does not exist nor will it ever exist again.

What changes should and should not be allowed by a Christian parent? Three words provide a good guideline: rebellion, immorality, and injustice. Open defiance or resistance to authority and immorality and injustice are contrary to God’s Word. Any change that involves rebellion, immorality or injustice needs to be dealt with and controlled by the parent. We are probably safe to say that any change not involving one of these areas should be allowed. Whether true or not, these three areas provide a good practical guideline. The point is this: a parent must not resist normal and natural change that takes place between generations. If he resists and forbids his child to grow up in his own generation, the parent is asking for trouble. Most likely the child will be provoked to wrath—to react.

2) Overcontrolling a child will also provoke a child to wrath. Overcontrol ranges all the way from stern restriction and discipline to child abuse (dealt with above in footnote two, point one). Disciplining and restricting a child too much will either stifle the growth of a child or stir him to react and rebel, causing the child to flee from the parent. What is too much discipline? How much should a child be restricted? Should he be allowed to do everything he wants? No! There is a limit, and the limit must be placed upon the child and discipline must be exercised when the limit is crossed over. What Christian parents need to remember is this:

⇒ Some parents allow their children to participate in every function and activity offered to the child. They are usually the ones without proper parental guidance.

The point is this: there must be a balance between family life and the child’s community life. The child should be allowed to do his own thing sometime, and should be required to share with the family at other times. As he grows older, he should, of course, be allowed to break away from the family more and more in order to prepare him for the day when he will step out into the world on his own. A child needs free time away from the parent and family as well as some family time in order to grow into a healthy person.

“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ep. 6:4).

“Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged” (Col. 3:21).

3) Undercontrolling a child can provoke a child. It should be noted that this is the most prevalent problem in an industrialized society. There is a tendency for those with plenty or with wealth to pamper, indulge, and give a child everything imaginable—well beyond what a child needs and what is really best for him. Parents pamper and indulge children for five reasons.

⇒ A parent indulges and pampers—gives in to the child—in order to escape responsibility for the child: to keep a child from interrupting the parents’ time or schedule or desires; to get a child out from under the parents feet. The parent, of course, needs some free time; but too many parents live selfishly, wanting nothing interfering with their own desires and needs. Too many parents push their children out and away and allow their children to run around too much. Too few sacrifice their own time and desires to look after their children as much as they should.

⇒ A parent indulges and pampers—gives in to a child—in order to gain social standing or to relive his own childhood. The parent did not have and was not allowed to do what he wanted as a child; therefore, he sees to it that his child has everything and does everything that everyone else does. He is determined that his child will have everything no matter what it costs.

⇒ A parent indulges and pampers—gives in to a child—because he has a false understanding or philosophy of child-rearing. He gives in to ill behavior, whining, pouting, sulkiness, and temper tantrums just to secure peace and quiet.

⇒ A parent indulges and pampers—gives in to a child—because of misguided devotion and love: to keep from losing the loyalty, quietness, cooperativeness, and affection of the child.

⇒ A parent indulges and pampers—gives in to a child—because of insecurity and lack of purpose. For example, some pamper and cling to a child because they (the parents) are insecure in the world. Others cling and pamper because they lack any other purpose. The child fills the need for security and purpose. Playing house is lived to the limit: the parent plays house with his child, clinging and pampering to the limit.

“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes” (Pr. 13:24).

“Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying” (Pr. 19:18).

“Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him” (Pr. 22:15).

“Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die” (Pr. 23:13).

“The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame” (Pr. 29:15).

“For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not” (1 S. 3:13).

4) Living an inconsistent life before a child can provoke a child. A parent who tells a child one thing and then turns around and does the opposite thing himself is full of hypocrisy and false profession. Yet, how common! How many children are doing things because their parents do them:

⇒ drinking alcohol

⇒ taking drugs

⇒ watching sexual scenes on television or movies

⇒ reading immoral stories

⇒ looking at magazines exposing the human body

⇒ eating too much

⇒ wasting time

⇒ dressing or exposing the body to attract attention

⇒ attending socials or parties that are loose on decency, morality, marital faithfulness, and on and on

Seeing an inconsistent life in a parent can provoke children.