Can You Hear Me Now? Pt 2

Perhaps you know about the 2 men driving down the street talking about their relationships with their wives. One man looks at the other and says. The other day my wife looks right at me and says “You’re not even listening to me, are you?” and I thought, “well, that sure is a weird way to start a conversation!”

Listening, one of those subjects that if we are all honest we could probably all use some work in. Research tells us that on average we hear around 30,000 words a day. Now, science tells us that human ear and brain can comprehend around 450 words a minute. But the mouth is not that fast- the average person speaks around 125 words a minute. Here is the alarming part though- studies show that most people only remember 176-25% of what they listen to! In other words, out of the average 30k words- we remember around 6,000! That really is not all that much.

So it is no wonder that the Bible talks about listening, because we do a lot of it and still miss a lot of things.

We should listen to others because God listens to us.

Think about this for a moment, we serve a God who listens! When we pray we are talking with the one who created the Heavens and the Earth. The God who formed the mountains, the God who carved the seas and riverbeds gives you his attention and gives you his ear when you speak to him.

When we talk to God, when we pray, we have this promise found in Psl 34:15:

Psalm 34:15 ESV

The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry.

This is one of the greatest hopes for the Christian, that we serve a God who takes the time, the energy, the intention to listen to us. After all, isn’t that why we pray? We pray because we believe that God is listening to us, and even if God does not grant our request we believe that God has heard us and will work his plans for our good, right?

Well, can I just ask a very frank question; if we serve a God who listens to us, who are we to avoid listening to others?

If we fail to take time our lives to listen, in a way we are proclaiming that we are better than God. God- the only all know, all seeing, all perceiving being in all of creation- the one person who really has the excuse not to listen to any- listens to us.

So, think about this for a moment, that person who wants to talk with you, take a moment of your time, bend your ear- God listens to them, seems to me that this makes a pretty strong case you should listen to them too.

There is a difference in listening to someone, agreeing with someone, and obeying someone.

This is a vocabulary switch I am trying to make with my kids. You can listen to someone and not obey them or agree with them. Just because you open up space with your ears and heart does not mean we have to accept all the ideas or words. Sometimes the person does not need you to agree with them, but they do need you to listen to them.

You cant obey unless you listen, but you do can listen and not obey.

We will talk about things we should not listen to later on in this sermon, but many times we will find our relationships with others in a much healthier place if we take to time and effort to listen.

Listening takes humility

Pride can often be the roadblock to listening. We build ourselves up to a point where we convince ourselves that there is no one else who has the right or ability to speak to us, give a different opinion, or another perspective. Pride builds a fortress around us and takes up captive to our own opinions.

Pastor Brad Henry tells the story that

I was living in Phoenix at the time and on my way to work I stopped at a Dunkin Donuts drive through. I said to the woman at the window, "I'll have 3 cake donuts and a cup of coffee."

She started mumbling something that I couldn't hear. I thought she may be able to hear me if she opened that window. It was early, I hadn't had my coffee and was getting annoyed. OK, I was annoyed.

AGAIN, cake donuts and coffee, again I hear her mumbling through the glass. I thought "I'm going to have to stick my head through the window of hers and let everyone know inside the restaurant what I WANT!" and of course I did.

I leaned forward to tell her what I thought, and SMACK. She had not forgotten to pull her window open--I had forgotten to roll down my window! I hit my head on my window so hard I saw stars. She started laughing and I can't tell you how embarrassed I was. I finally got my 3 cake donuts and my coffee and drove sheepishly away with her still laughing.

Pride can play tricks on us. Specifically related to this story, pride can make us think that the communication issue is the fault of the other person. Of course it was the man’s barrier that was hindering the conversation, not the woman’s!

Sometimes we need to take a step back and examine our own baggage and ask ourselves if we are the ones who need to listen and open up; rather than assuming it is the other person’s fault things are breaking down.

Listen to understand, not to respond

Let’s be honest, many people listen, but not with the right motives. They listen and they are so busy forming their response that they are not actually tuned into the conversation.

You all know exactly what I am talking about, because we are all guilty of it at some point in our lives. We hear a trigger in a conversation and automatically we begin formulating our response in our heads so we can get a leg up in the conversation.

Some of you all know that I spend time coaching little league football, and we talk about this same concept with our wide receivers almost every week- the ball is coming to them, and before they catch it, they turn their head up field and start focusing on where they are going to run. Ultimately, they drop the pass- even if it hits them right in the hands, why? You gotta watch the ball all the way in buddy! Don’t look up too quick, catch it before you run! Sometimes we need to hear that same advice when having tense conversations with the people around us- catch it before you run!

Or as Proverbs 18:13 says:

Proverbs 18:13 ESV

If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.

The Bible is pretty clear about how things end up if we try and answer before we hear.

Sometimes we just need to slow down and pay attention.

You cannot listen with your heart if you are busy in your head.

Don’t breed arguments

There are things that we are not supposed to listen to, though, Not everything is worth our time, energy, or mental health. There are things that the Bible tells us we should not take a part in, and need to walk away from.

Listen to what Paul says to Timothy in 2 Timothy 2:23

2 Timothy 2:23 ESV

Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.

Ok, let’s be honest, all of us as parents have talked about avoiding arguments. i think we have all told our kids to let stuff go or move on without engaging in an argument.

Or, as the old saying goes “you do not have to show up for every fight you’re invited to.”

I love the words that Paul uses- foolish and ignorant. Or in Greek moras and ἀπαίδευτος (ah-pa-gay-tos) which can translate to childish and uneducated. Remember last week? Godly communication is always rooted in the truth.

Gossip, slander, malice, these are not rooted in the truth; they are rooted in lies- they are uneducated statements because they have no facts connected to them.

The more you feed an argument the bigger it becomes.

Sometimes you need to pause

Do you know Beethoven’s 5th symphony? I bet you do, you just might not know it by name. Its the one that goes- dum,dum,dum dummmmmm....

It is a powerful and well known melody that mostly anyone who has heard it once will recognize. In fact, many call it the world’s most famous symphony because so many people recognize it- mainly because it was used so widely around WWII as a victory song for the allies.

But here’s the cool thing about the 5th symphony- it starts with a rest. Part of the power in the melody is created by an eighth rest that the song begins with and each movement of the song follows the same pattern of a hard pause throughout the song.

The biggest statement is made by the pause-the moment of silence- the time to be still before the action- maybe that could be said for us in terms of listening.

In James 1 we read

James 1:19–20 ESV

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

When I think about this verse I think about a race. Each conversation that I am invited into, especially the ones of high intensity, is a race. At the fire of the starting pistol my mouth and my ears can take off.

Now, if you are like me, my mouth can get off the line a lot quicker than my ears. So, when I commit to pausing to listen I am giving my ears a head start. They get a leg up in the race.

Don’t let your mouth get ahead of the Holy Spirit!