genesis 1 1 Peter 3 Ephesians 5 fireproof your marriage boy are we different
Fireproof your Marriage: Fresh Vision for our relationships
“Boy are we different”
Genesis 1 ;1 Peter 3 ; Ephesians 5
From - Girlfriends in God - Jan. 14, 2009
January 14, 2009 The Problem with Sight Sharon Jaynes
On July 16, 1999, John F Kennedy, Jr., his wife, Carolyn Bessette, and his sister-in-law, Lauren Bessette, met their death in a watery grave in the Atlantic Ocean. John was piloting their single engine aircraft and was only a few miles from their destination of Martha’s Vineyard when something went terribly wrong
The plane left New York City en route to a family gathering in Massachusetts in the dark of night, and while crossing a thirty-mile stretch of water to make its final decent, the plane began a series of erratic maneuvers. John’s descent varied between 400 and 800 feet per minute, about seven miles from shore. The plane began an erratic series of turns, descents and climbs. Its final decent eventually exceeded 4700 fpm and the airplane nose-dived into the ocean. Other pilots flying similar routes on the night of the accident reported no visual horizon while flying over the water because of haze. They couldn’t see a thing. The watery grave swallowed the plane and the three passengers on board. (www.airsafe.com/events/celebs/jfk_jr.htm)
One pilot explained that John most likely experienced the “Black Hole” syndrome. Pilots of small engine planes use the horizon as a reference point. However, John lost visual sight of the horizon and his eyes gave the brain no clue as to which way was up and which way was down. In this situation, if an airplane should turn slightly or nose down slightly, the body’s inner ear compensates to make the pilot believe he’s flying straight and level. If for some reason the pilot makes another correction, he can make a bad decision worse. (www/cnn.com/chat/transcripts/Edmund.pinto.html)
John was not flying under Instrument Flight Rules, but rather Visual Flight Rules. That means that he was not trained to use the instrument panel properly, but simply learned how to fly by sight alone. When he could not see the horizon due to hazy conditions, John became disoriented and his mind lost its sense of perspective and direction. He had what we commonly call vertigo and the flight pattern showed all the evidence of “mind wobbling and tortured confusion.” (www.airlinesafety.com/editorials/JFKJrCrash.htm Heart Over Mind: the Death of JFK, Jr. by Eric Nolte) While John had all the instruments on board for a safe landing, he did not know how to use them.
One pilot explained John’s vertigo and disorientation this way, “And here is the crux of the matter; the pilot’s emotions drowned out the flight instrument’s story about banking and diving at high speed, and screamed out, “No Way! It can’t be! I’m actually flying straight and level! I know it!”
John’s instruments told him that his wings were tilted (flying sideways), but he felt that he was right-side-up. A skilled instrument flyer knows he can’t rely on his feelings and has the ability to regain control of the airplane by depending on the instruments. Instructors call this lifesaving skill “recovery from unusual attitudes.” “The real skill of instrument flying is truly depending on the instrument’s readings rather than your feelings. Recovery from ‘unusual attitudes’ consists of one essential belief: your feelings cannot be trusted as the final authority on what the airplane is doing. Your mind is the boss. The instruments are your window on reality and you desperately need to understand the data they provide.”
Friend, I hope you are tracking with me. This isn’t just about flying an airplane; this is about maneuvering through life! John had everything he needed to make a safe landing right there on the instrument panel in front of him. He had the resources available for a safe landing, but he didn’t know how to use them. John chose to rely on his feelings rather than the facts. His feelings lied. He died.
We must not trust our own feelings that everything is alright. We must evaluate our relationships in light of life’s instrument panel, God’s Word. We have the opportunity right before us to learn how to fly through the storms of life with limited visibility. We can maneuver safely through unexpected turbulence and relational malfunctions. God has given us the tools to avoid becoming disoriented and going into a tailspin or nose-dive. His Word is the Truth that guides us through the inky soup of life when the horizon is nowhere in sight. His Word is the instrument panel. However, if we rely on our feelings we won’t know which way is up and which way is down.
Let’s pursue our relationships as God has revealed in His Word.
I. Different: God’s Intention for relationships
A. Created in God’s Image
(NKJV) Genesis 1 26 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over (God’s creation).” 27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.
1. Intended to reflect God’s image (mentioned four times here for emphasis)
2. Reflects God’s Diversity / Unity
Much debate of what exactly is intended by God’s image
Will focus here on one often overlooked aspect of God’s image – unity in diversity
B. Created in equality
Genesis 1 26 Then God said, “Let Us make man
27 So God created man
1. Singular
2. No distinction in essence
3. Full equality in reflecting the image of God
C. Created to be different
(NKJV) Genesis 1 27 …male and female He created them.
1. Physical (sexual words for male and female)
2. Picture of the differences in persons
3. Male
a) Role: Initiator–protector - Provider
b) Needs: Affirmation / Recognition
4. Female
a) Role: Receiver – Responder –care giver
b) Needs: Security / receptivity
5. Harley study
Disclaimer: Every individual is different but overall:
Male Needs
€ Sexual Fulfillment
€ Respect/Admiration
€ Comfortable/Orderly home
€ Recreation Participation
€ Physical Attractiveness
Female Needs
Y Affection
Y Conversation
Y Security / Financial security
Y Honesty/ Openness
Y Commitment to Family
II. Different: A Sinful twist to relationships
A. Sin entered
(NKJV) Genesis 2 16 God said … 17 but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”
6 … she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.
1. Chose own way instead of obedience to God
2. Reversal of authority roles – Man – Woman – Creatures
B. Alienation in relationships
(NKJV) Genesis 3 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings. 8 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
1. From God
2. From each other
C. Sources of joy became sources of sorrow
1. Sorrow in child rearing
(NKJV) Genesis 3 16 To the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children;
2. Sorrow in providing
(NKJV) Genesis 3 17 Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’: “Cursed is the ground for your sake; In toil you shall eat of it All the days of your life.
D. Corrupted responses to spouse
(NKJV) Genesis 3 16 … Your desire shall be for your husband,
And he shall rule over you.”
NLT Genesis 3:16 … And you will desire to control your husband,
but he will rule over you.
NET Genesis 3:16 … You will want to control your husband,
but he will dominate you.”
1. Self centered view of relationship
a) It’s all about me
b) You must act first for me to respond
c) I continue to respond only as you return
2. An issue of control
a) Men – dominating control – I will force you to follow
b) Women – manipulative control – I will resist your leadership and seek my own control
III. Untwisting relationships
A. Women: Respond – and with a gracious spirit
(NKJV) 1 Peter 3 1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.
1. Respond to husband’s leadership
2. Be pure in action and appearance
3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.
3. Be known for gentleness (power under control)
4. Be known for a quiet spirit (not self asserting or resistant)
5. Precious to God even if husband doesn’t appreciate
B. Men: Honor – and treat knowledgably
(NKJV) 1 Peter 3 7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered.
1. Understanding them Honor them
2. Support them Treat them as equals
3. Impacts your relationship with God
C. Women: support and respect toward your spouse
(NKJV) Ephesians 5 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
1.Don’t try to control your spouse or manipulate him /Support your spouse
(NKJV) Ephesians 5 33 … let the wife see that she respects her husband.
2. Respect your spouse
3. Words and actions that display
a) I am proud of you I believe in you
b) You do what you do very well I will whole heartedly follow you
D. Men: Love your spouse
(NKJV) Ephesians 5 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
1. Don’t try to force your wife to submit or dominate her
2. Sacrifice your own rights/desires for her benefit
3. Seek the spiritual physical emotional welfare of your wife
28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church …33Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself