Session 3 Happily Ever after copy

· TEACHING

HOW MANY OF YOU WERE LIKE THOSE COUPLES?

-MARRIAGE IS GOING TO BE AWESOME, SEX WHENEVER, YOU ABSOLUTELY DID NOT NEED THE MARRIAGE COUNSELING THE PASTOR OFFERED? NO WAY WE DIDN’T NEED THAT AT ALL........WE WERE IN LOVE!

I THINK PERSONALLY I THOUGHT MARRIAGE WAS GOING TO MAKE ME HAPPY. AND NO DOUBT IT CAN AND SHOULD HOWEVER THAT IS NOT THE CHEIF GOAL GOD INTENDED FOR MARRIAGE.

GARY THOMAS COINED THE PHRASE “WHAT IF GOD DIDN’T INTENT FOR MARRIAGE TO MAKE US HAPPY BUT TO MAKE US HOLY”? (BOOK SACRED MARRIAGE-GOOD READ)

NOTHING BRINGS OUT EVERY CHARACTER FLAW, AND INSECURITY IN ME QUITE LIKE MARRIAGE DOES........

THE HONEY MOON STAGE, FOR US IT DIDN’T LAST AS LONG AS WE THOUGHT. WHY IS THAT?......... WE CAN BLAIM IT ON MANY THINGS BUT REAL LIFE HAPPENS.

BUT I THINK IT SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST LIFE HAPPENING, I BELIEVE IT COMES DOWN TO “ ARE WE ON A JOURNEY OR ARE WE SIMPLY TRYING TO FIGHT THOUGH LIFE TO GET TO AN IMAGINARY DESTINATION?”

LET BE HONEST IF WE ARE TRYING TO GET TO HAPPILY EVER AFTER AS A DESTINATION THAN THAT IS IMAGINARY..........

JOHN 16:33 ““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.””

LAST SESSION WE TALKED ABOUT THE NECESSITY OF FORGIVENESS-FORGETTING THE FORMER THINGS. THE MAJORITY OF SESSION 2 WAS SELF-INFLICTED OR A WOUND FROM SOMEONE ELE.

THIS SESSION BRINGS US FACE TO FACE WITH THE FACT THAT “IN THIS WORLD WE WILL FACE TROUBLE”. IN YOUR MARRIAGE YOU WILL HAVE TROUBLE AND MOST OF THAT TROUBLE IS SIMPLY OUT OF YOUR CONTROL.

WE ARE GETTING READY TO WATCH THE NEXT ROUND OF TESTIMONIES AND I WANT YOU TO REALLY LEAN IN, LISTEN TO WHAT THEY ARE SAYING. MANY OF YOU WILL BE ABLE TO TOTALLY RALATE AND SOME OF YOU THEY WILL BE TELLING YOUR EXACT STORY. I DON’T WANT YOU TO BE CONDEMNED OR HEAVY BY WHAT YOUR GOING THROUGH OR HAVE WENT THOUGH. PAY ATTENTION TO “BUT TAKE HEART, I HAVE OVERCAME THE WORLD”.

WHAT GOD DID FOR THEM HE WANTS AND WILL DO FOR YOU.

SESSION 3 MAIN TESTIMONY VIDEO

WHY HAPPILY EVER AFTER?:

WE TOUCHED ON IT EARLIER, BUT WE CHOSE HEA BECAUSE WHEN YOU SAID “I DO”, THATS ALL WE HAD IN MIND. NOW IF YOU HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR LONGER THAN 2 WEEKS YOU MAY THINK THAT HEA DOES NOT EXACTLY DESCRIBE MARRIAGE.

AND MOST IF NOT ALL OF US THINK OF IT AS A DESTINATION WHEN IN REALITY I BELIEE IT IS A JOURNEY.

EVEN IF YOU HAD THE BEST MARRIAGE COUNSELING IN THE WORLD, I DON’T THINK ANY OF US WAS FULLY PREPARED FOR WHAT MARRIAGE WOULD BRING.

NO ONE THAT HAS EVER SAID THE WORDS “I DO”,

OR THOSE OF YOU PREPARING TO SAY THEM, PLANNED FOR MARRIAGE TO BE AWFUL, WHETHER WE USED THE PHRASE OR NOT WE EXPECTED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER SIGN IN OUR BED ROOM….

FOR US IT WAS A DESTINATION, BUT WE QUICKLY FOUND OUT THAT IT WAS A JOURNEY, W/ UPS & DOWNS, BUMPS & BRUISES…

WE STARTED OFF THIS WAY W/ HAPPILY EVER AFTER AS OUR DESTINATION THAT WE HAD ARRIVED AT UPON THE KISS THAT SEALED OUR VOWS

HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEARTS, MARRIED 2 YEARS AFTER HS, STARTED A BUSINESS & HAD OUR FIRST CHILD BEFORE 2 YEARS OF MARRIAGE.

LIFE BEGAN ROLLING REALLY QUICK…OUR DREAM/DESTINATION WAS HAPPILY EVER AFTER, BUT REALLY WE HAD NO PLAN AND THEREFORE WERE UNEQUIPPED FOR ANY ISSUES THAT WOULD ARISE

AMANDA- I HAD WANTED TO BE MARRIED FOR 2 YEARS BEFORE WE WERE AND IN MY MIND NOW THAT WE WERE GETTING MARRIED ALL OUR PROBLEMS WOULD VANISH…. MOVE UP???

I AM A NATURALLY SELFISH PERSON & AMANDA IS A NATURALLY GET IT DONE AND GIVING PERSON. WHICH IS AN AWESOME THING BUT ITS NOT SO AWESOME WHEN ITS PAIRED WITH A SELFISH SELF CENTERED MACHINE, LIKE MY SELF. IT BASICALLY WAS A RECIPE FOR DISASTER. IF I NEEDED OR WANTED SOMETHING AMANDA WOULD FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT HAPPEN, CREATING MORE OF A MONSTER….BLACK HOLE OF SELFISHNESS WHO WAS SUCKING IT….

ONCE HE WAS FINALLY READY & WE MARRIED, I THOUGHT, THIS IS IT….HE LOVES ME ENOUGH TO GET MARRIED, WE HAVE ARRIVED AT HAPPILY EVER AFTER

§ AMANDA—I WANTED TO BE MARRIED SO BAD, I WANTED TO FEEL THAT COLT LOVED ME ENOUGH TO MAKE THE DECISION TO CHOOSE ME AS HIS BRIDE, BUT HE FELT WE NEEDED TO BE “READY” AND I HAD TO WAIT ON HIS TIME TABLE.

WE HAD A BEAUTIFUL WEDDING & FUN HONEYMOON TRIP TO NIAGRA FALLS. I REMEMBER PLANNING ALL THE DETAILS OF THE WEDDING & HONEYMOON, BC I WANTED THEM TO BE PERFECT.

I CALLED TRIPLE A AND THEY MAILED US A MAP THAT GAVE US THE STEP-BY-STEP DIRECTIONS TO & FROM OUR HONEYMOON DESTINATION. WITHOUT THIS MAP WE WOULD HAVE BEEN LOST, WE DIDN’T HAVE SMARTPHONES, WE HAD TO RELY ON THAT MAP.

NOT TOO FAR INTO OUR VOYAGE WE GOT OFF THE MAP W/O REALIZING IT & WHEN WE MADE THE DISCOVERY WE WERE OFF THE PATH, WE HAD TO FIND OUR WAY BACK TO THE BEST ROUTE. IT COST US A COUPLE HOURS, BUT THANKFULLY WE HAD THE MAP THAT GOT US BACK ON TRACK.

· THIS MAP WAS OUR TRUE NORTH-AN ESTABLISHED POINT OF DIRECTION

I THINK EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM CAN RELATE TO GETTING OFF TRACK, AND MAYBE YOU ARE OFF TRACK RIGHT NOW, YOU MAY DESPERATELY SEARCHING FOR A TRACK.

‘YOU MAY BE OFF TRACK RIGT NOW BY NO CHOICE OF YOUR OWN. YOUR CURRENT CIRCUMSTANC IS NOT SOMETHING YOU CHOSE-IT JUST HAPPENED.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER DOES NOT MEAN PROBLEM-FREE, BUT IT DOES MEAN THAT WE ARE WALKING OUT LIFE, SOMETIMES REALLY DIFFICULT LIFE, WITH OUR FAVORITE PERSON BY OUR SIDE.

§ HE WAS CONSTANTLY WORRIED ABOUT LOSING WHAT HE HAD BUILT, RUINING OUR LIVES AND THE LIVES OF OUR EMPLOYEES.

LIFE CONTINUED FOR US, WE BEGAN A NEW CHURCH, STARTED DIGGING INTO THE WORD AND GROWING. COLT WANTED TO START A BUSINESS AND GOD MADE A WAY. THE BUSINESS TOOK OFF AND WE ADDED 2 KIDS TO OUR LIVES. SOON THE STRESS OF LIFE BEGAN TO TAKE ITS TOLL AND COLT BEGAN TO FOCUS ON THE BLESSING OF THE BUSINESS SO MUCH THAT IT CONSUMED HIM.

§ THIS CONTINUED ON AND OFF FOR 4 YEARS WITH 3-4 TIMES OF FULL BLOWN PANIC ATTACKS, LEAVING COLT A BALL OF WORRY AND AMANDA STRUGGLING TO CARE FOR THE KIDS, COLT AND NOT TELLING ANYONE THAT COLT WAS ON THE VERGE OF A MENTAL BREAKDOWN. THERE WERE MULTIPLE TIMES THAT I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO, CHECK HIM INTO A STRESS CENTER OR CONTINUE TO TRY RIDE IT OUT.

DURING THESE STRESSFUL YEARS, WE WERE GOING TO CHURCH, LEADING SMALL GROUPS, TITHING, READING OUR BIBLE, DOING ALL THE RIGHT THINGS BUT HONESTLY WE HAD STOPPED SEEKING GOD FOR A RELATIONSHIP AND WAS DOING IT OUT OF OBLIGATION.

GOD WAS NO LONGER OUR TRUE NORTH, OUR EST. POINT OF DIRECTION

§ TELL TRUE NORTH STORY

TELL TRUE NORTH STORY

§ MY LOWEST POINT WAS AFTER A PANIC ATTACK, WHEN I FELT LIKE MY ONLY WAY OUT WAS DEATH. THIS WAS DIRECTION CHANGE, WHICH I HAD MANY OF, BUT MY TURNING POINT DIDN’T COME UNTIL I ATTENDED ME AND THE HOLY SPIRT SPOKE TO ME AND SAID THAT I HAD

AS CRAZY AS THIS SOUNDS, THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS DOING. MY NORTH GOT SHIFTED TO THE BUSINESS GOD HAD BLESSED US WITH AND I SAW IT AS MY VEHICLE TO HAPPINESS AND IF I LOST THAT, OUR HAPPILY EVER AFTER WAS LOST AS WELL.

JUST ENUF CHRIST TO LOOK AND FEEL GOOD, BUT IN REALITY HE WAS NO WHERE IN THE CENTER, HE WAS NOT MY TRUE NORTH, MY EST. POINT OF DIRECTION….THIS WAS MY TURNING POINT.

§ I DON’T WANT TO PAINT THE PICTURE THAT NOW I HAD A TURNING POINT, OUR LIFE AUTOMATICALLY FELT HAPPILY EVER AFTER, BUT WE DID BEGIN TO RE-ENGAGE IN THE JOURNEY OF HAPPILY EVER AFTER TOGEHER

WHICH IS NOT A DESTINATION BUT IS SOMETHING THAT IS CAREFULLY CONSTRUCTED DAY BY DAY WITH THE ONE WE LOVE, WHILE PUTTING CHRIST IN THE CENTER IN ALL WE DO.

YES THIS DETOUR OF STRESS, ANXIETY, WORRY, AND NOT KNOWING HOW TO HANDLE IT, TOOK US OFF TRACK & COST US TIME, FOR YEARS WE DIDN’T LIVE THE LIFE OR FULLY ENJOY THE MARRIAGE GOD HAD DESTINED US TO.

THESE PAST 5 YEARS SINCE THAT PIVOTAL TURNING POINT HAS DRAWN US CLOSER TO GOD & TO EACH OTHER

MY STRESS AND ANXIETY WERE HEALED BY DAILY DOSES OF THE WORD AND PRAYER.

OVER THESE PAST YEARS, GOD HAS LED US TO DEAL WITH ALL THE UNRESOLVED ISSUES WE NEVER KNEW HOW TO HANDLE.

§ AMANDA BEING A FIXER, ALWAYS WANTING ME TO BE HAPPY AND FULFILLED AND I WANTING THE SAME THING FOR MYSELF.

THERE HAD BEEN YEARS OF ME FOCUSING ON MY NEEDS, MY WORRY, MY STRESS, THAT I HAD NO MORE ENERGY TO FOCUS ON HER NEEDS.

GOD HAS TAKEN US ON AN INTENSE TRAINING COURSE WHICH HAS LED TO US BEING HERE AT ISD…

NEED TO TRANSITION INTO THIS SPOT

MAYBE YOU HAVE BOUGHT & ADOPTED THE WORLD’S VERSION OF NON-HAPPILY EVER AFTER, THAT THIS IS JUST HOW MARRIAGE IS SUPPOSED TO BE & NOW YOU ARE JUST WAITING OUT THE DAY JESUS RETURNS.

§ THE ENEMY WOULD HAVE US BELIEVE THAT HAPPILY EVER AFTER EQUALS PERFECTION, THAT LIFE IS PERFECT. IF THAT IS OUR THINKING, THEN WHEN A LESS THAN PERFECT SITUATION, OR REALLY A BAD SITUATION PRESENTS ITSELF, THEN WE ARE NOT LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER=NOT THE MARRIAGE YOU SHOULD BE IN.

§ THE MAN WHO FINDS A WIFE FINDS A TREASURE & HE RECEIVES FAVOR FROM THE LORD (PROVERBS 18:22NLT)

· THE WORD SAYS THAT MARRIAGE IS TO BE CONSIDERED A TREASURE.

· IF THIS WEDDING RING THAT I VIEW AS A TREASURED GIFT WAS TO BE LOST

o SAY I WAS GARDENING AND MY TREASURED RING SLIPPED OFF INTO THE DIRT (NEED A LARGE GLASS JAR (WITH SOME DIRT IN BOTTOM), EXTRA DIRT, SHOVEL, RING, SCOOP TO RETRIEVE, LARGE GLASS OF WATER, TOOTHBRUSH)

o IT WOULD STILL BE VALUABLE AND IT WOULD BE A SAD DAY THAT THIS TREASURE WAS MISSING.

o YOUR MARRIAGE IS A TREASURE & MAYBE THIS PRECIOUS TREASURE HAS SOME DIRT ON IT. THIS DIRT MAY BE (TALK SLOWLY, ALLOWING THE MOMENT TO TAKE HOLD WHILE SCOOPING MORE DIRT IN.)

§ INFERTILITY..AN AFFAIR…STRESS….DEPRESSION…LOSE OF A CHILD…HEALTH PROBLEMS….TAKING CARE OF AGING PARENTS…LOSE OF JOBS…YOU CAN FILL IN THE BLANK FOR YOU SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCE.

YOU BOTH NEED TO BE WILLING & COMMITTED TO YOUR MARRIAGE

§ IF I KNEW WHERE MY PRECIOUS TREASURE WAS HIDING, I WOULD MOVE MOUNTAINS TO FIND IT AND EVEN IF IT IS DIRTY AND GRIMY IT IS STILL VALUABLE….IT WOULD NOT MATTER THAT IT WAS FILTHY. I WOULD SEARCH UNTIL I FOUND IT AND THEN I WOULD CLEAN IT UP.

§ THIS IS WHAT GOD WANTS TO DO FOR OUR MARRIAGE

§ MAYBE YOU FEEL THAT YOUR MARRIAGE IS SO DIRTY, THAT IT’S HOPELESS

YOU MAY HAVE EXPERIENCED AN UNFORSEEN SITUATION SUCH AS A LOSS OF A CHILD & YOU DIDN‘T HAVE THE TOOLS YOU NEEDED & YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS STRAINED.

§ ********

WE HAVE OUR MAP, OUR TREASURE MAP IF WE HAVE JESUS AS OUR TRUE NORTH

JUST LIKE WE HAD A MAP THAT TOOK US FROM LICKING MO TO NIAGRA FALLS, CANADA AND IT DID WELL, AS LONG AS WE FOLLOWED ITS INSTRUCTIONS.

BUT ONCE WE GOT TO OUR DESTINATION, THE EMBASSEY SUITES OVERLOOKING THE MAJESTIC NIAGRA FALLS, WE WANTED TO SEE WHAT ELSE THERE WAS IN THE AREA, SO WE HAD TO GET ANOTHER LEG OF THE MAP OUT.

IF WE DIDN’T HAVE THE NEXT LEG OF THE MAP, WE WOULD HAVE BEEN STUCK IN THE HOTEL (MAYBE THAT WOULDN’T HAVE BEEN SO BAD!)

YOU MAY BE IN A SEASON OF YOUR LIFE THAT YOU ARE FACING AN OBSTACLE AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU NEED ANOTHER LEG OF THE MAP.

ARE YOU CURRENTLY IN A SEASON OF LIFE THAT YOU NEED THE NEXT LEG OF THE MAP FOR YOUR NEW DESTINATION?

WE HAVE THE MAKER OF THE MAP, OUR TRUE NORTH, OUR EST POINT OF DIRECTION

HE WILL DIRECT YOUR PATHS

DESIRE-YOU CAN HAVE EVERY TOOL IN THE SHED, BUT IF WE DON’T HAVE THE DESIRE TO USE THESE TOOLS THEY ARE USELESS

YOU MAY NOT EVEN HAVE THE DESIRE TO ASK FOR THE DESIRE AT THIS MOMENT, BUT THE WORD SAYS THAT

GOD IS WORKING IN YOU GIVING YOU THE DESIRE & THE POWER TO DO WHAT PLEASES HIM- PHILIPPIANS 2:13 NLT

BEGIN TO PRAY THIS

§ SEEK AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

· INDEPENDENTLY & TOGETHER

· READ A MARRIAGE DEVOTION TOGETHER

· PRAY TOGETHER

o WAS THIS HARD FOR US-YES! FOR THE ENTIRETY OF OUR MARRIAGE AMANDA WANTED IT….GO AHEAD.

o HUSBANDS-YOUR WIVES NEED AND CRAVE BEING PRAYED OVER AND ALTHO IT CAN BE HARD TO ALLOW SOMEONE TO HEAR YOUR MOST PERSONAL CONVERSATIONS W/ GOD, QUESTIONING, IF IT IS GOOD ENUF….IT IS

o LADIES, ENCOURAGE YOUR HUSBAND IN THIS, DON’T ASSUME HE KNOWS HOW IMPORTANT, SPECIAL AND HOW GOOD OF A JOB HE IS DOING-TELL HIM.

· OUTDOING EACH OTHER IN LOVE, BY OUT SERVING EACH OTHER (ROBERTS)

· VIEW ISSUES AS OPPORTUNITIES TO GROW CLOSER TOGETHER.

o DON’T LET CHALLENGES DISCOURAGE YOU, ALLOW THEM TO BE THE CATALYIST TO GROW YOU CLOSER.

o HEBREWS 13:4 SAYS TO GIVE HONOR TO MARRIAGE & REMAIN FAITHFUL TO ONE ANOTHER IN MARRIAGE

§ HONOR MEANS PRECIOUS, VALUABLE, OR COSTLY)

§ IS THERE ANY AREA OF YOUR MARRIAGE YOU NEED TO VIEW AS A PRECIOUS TREASURE?

· SO WE HAVE ESTABLISHED THAT MARRIAGE IS:

· A TREASURE

·

o WE HAVE A VIDEO & WHEN THIS VIDEO IS OVER WE WANT YOU TO PRAY TOGETHER AND IF THIS IS THE FIRST TIME AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, PRAY THE PRAYER WE HAVE WRITTEN FOR YOU IN THE BOOK.

· END W/ THE VIDEO OF PRAYING QUESTIONS COMPILATION ALONG W/ ROSS IF POSSIBLE QUOTE ABOUT MY TIME TO LEAD AND ROBERTS OUT-SERVING