Marriage & Family

Intro & Context

Everyone is trying to find happiness in relationships. Many people are searching for true love, searching to be loved, and they search for much of it in their relationship to the opposite sex. Even going so far as to find their worth in their relation to the opposite sex.

Today our dating and marriage culture is in shambles. Young people today date on social media and dating apps, interacting in the most shallow ways imaginable. Loneliness, divorce, depression, and anxiety are at an all time high. Marriage rates are at an all time low.

The reason for all of this mess is the denial of God in our culture and in our individual lives. People have denounced God, and in so doing the very nature of our existence, all that is good and right, goes down the drain with it.

This denial of God has manifest itself in cohabitation, LGBTQ “marriage” (as far as legalizing polyamory; Somerville, MA), and rampant fornication. People are still having sex and babies, but those children are denied their God given right to a mother and a father living together in covenant to support their upbringing. As marriage deteriorates, society deteriorates.

In our fallen nature, in our sin, we embark on futile crusades to find true love, true worth, and true happiness in our own ideas of marriage and relationships, leaving trails of destruction on a societal and personal level in our wakes.

BUT GOD, being rich in mercy, gifts us true love and worth, he has given us a blueprint to follow, if we would only repent of our sins, put faith in him, and follow him.

Context:

Paul is writing from prison in Rome in 62 A.D.

The marriage culture of his day was also terrible, perhaps much worse than ours.

Jewish marriage: women were not their own, they belonged to their husbands. No divorce rights, property rights; separated from men in synagogue worship services. Some Jewish men, in their morning prayers, would give thanks to God that he had not been made “a Gentile, a slave, or a woman.” According to the rabbis who followed Hillel’s thought, a man could divorces his wife for ANYTHING; burning supper even!

Greeks: divorce was rampant. Men regularly had 3 women: A wife for producing legit children and managing their homes, prostitutes for the sake of pleasure, and concubines for daily cohabitation. Wives were often secluded and kept in their homes.

Rome: the worst! Prostitution and divorce were on the regular. Reports of people with more than 20 marriages/divorces.

IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO EXAGGERATE THE CLEANSING EFFECT THAT CHRISTIANITY HAD ON HOME LIFE IN THE ANCIENT WORLD AND THE BENEFITS IT BROUGHT TO WOMEN.

Again, as we can see today, society is crumbling back into this type of mess the more God is rejected.

God Established Marriage

Genesis 2:22-24 “Then the Lord God made the rib he had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man. And the man said: This one, at last, is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; this one will be called “woman,” for she was taken from man. This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.”

God established marriage in the beginning, and the divine pattern for marriage is heterosexual monogamy. The marriage relationship is so intimate and important that it creates obligations to one another that override even duty to one’s parents.

It is a covenant.

Proverbs 2:16-19 “It will rescue you from a forbidden woman, from a wayward woman with her flattering talk, who abandons the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God; for her house sinks down to death and her ways to the land of the departed spirits. None return who go to her; none reach the paths of life.”

Proverbs 2:16–19 CSB

It will rescue you from a forbidden woman, from a wayward woman with her flattering talk, who abandons the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God; for her house sinks down to death and her ways to the land of the departed spirits. None return who go to her; none reach the paths of life.

The parallel description of forgetting the covenant of her God along with forsaking the companion of her youth indicates that the covenant referred to here is her marriage vow.

Malachi 2:14-16

Malachi 2:14–16 CSB

And you ask, “Why?” Because even though the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, you have acted treacherously against her. She was your marriage partner and your wife by covenant. Didn’t God make them one and give them a portion of spirit? What is the one seeking? Godly offspring. So watch yourselves carefully, so that no one acts treacherously against the wife of his youth. “If he hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord God of Israel, “he covers his garment with injustice,” says the Lord of Armies. Therefore, watch yourselves carefully, and do not act treacherously.

Marriage is a covenant and the man who divorces or is faithless in marriage “covers his garment with violence.” God makes husband and wife ONE, with a portion of the Spirit in their union.

“One Flesh”

Genesis 29:14

Genesis 29:14 CSB

Laban said to him, “Yes, you are my own flesh and blood.” After Jacob had stayed with him a month,

This terminology is used of blood relatives.

1 Corinthians 6:15-20

1 Corinthians 6:15–20 CSB

Don’t you know that your bodies are a part of Christ’s body? So should I take a part of Christ’s body and make it part of a prostitute? Absolutely not! Don’t you know that anyone joined to a prostitute is one body with her? For Scripture says, The two will become one flesh. But anyone joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. Flee sexual immorality! Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body. Don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought at a price. So glorify God with your body.

Having sex out of wedlock is wrong. You become one flesh with your spouse through the consummation of the marriage. If you are becoming “one flesh” over and over again with different people and/or outside of the covenant of marriage, you are leaving parts of your very self all over, which drains you, dishonors God, and grieves the Holy Spirit.

God established marriage:

Between a man and a woman

in covenant with each other and with God

becoming one flesh (consummation)

God’s Purposes for Marriage: Glorify His Name

The first reason I found was: For Godly Offspring. After all, Christ came from the offspring of God’s people, and his church comes from the same today.

Malachi 2:15

Malachi 2:15 CSB

Didn’t God make them one and give them a portion of spirit? What is the one seeking? Godly offspring. So watch yourselves carefully, so that no one acts treacherously against the wife of his youth.

Colossians 3:18-21

Colossians 3:18–21 CSB

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter toward them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they won’t become discouraged.

We strive to facilitate this in Woodland’s Youth Ministry.

We strive to assist parents in teaching their children the gospel of Jesus Christ and Biblical doctrine in the preparation for their adult membership at Woodland or a church of like-faith.(Deut. 5-6:9, 32:1-47; Ps. 78; Ezra 10:1; Matt. 18:1-6, 19:13-15; Luke 18:15-17; Eph. 6:1-4; Col. 3:18-21; 2 Tim. 1:5; Titus 2)

REFLECTION OF CHRIST’S RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS CHURCH

In Ephesians, there is a theme or purpose of illuminating the hidden plan of God that has come to fulfillment in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 1:9

Ephesians 1:9 CSB

He made known to us the mystery of his will, according to his good pleasure that he purposed in Christ

Ephesians 3:3-4

Ephesians 3:3–4 CSB

The mystery was made known to me by revelation, as I have briefly written above. By reading this you are able to understand my insight into the mystery of Christ.

Ephesians 3:9

Ephesians 3:9 CSB

and to shed light for all about the administration of the mystery hidden for ages in God who created all things.

Ephesians 6:19

Ephesians 6:19 CSB

Pray also for me, that the message may be given to me when I open my mouth to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel.

Look towards the end of the passage at verse 32.

Ephesians 5:32

Ephesians 5:32 CSB

This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church.

By “mystery,” Paul means the hidden plan of God that has come to fulfillment in Christ Jesus.

Paul quotes Genesis 2:24 in the prior verse Ephesians 5:31

Ephesians 5:31 CSB

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

This quotation on marriage from Genesis ties into the relationship between Christ and His Church.

Paul’s meaning is “profound:” THE ORIGINAL CREATION OF THE HUSBAND/WIFE UNION IS MODELED AFTER CHRIST’S FORTHCOMING UNION WITH THE CHURCH AS HIS BODY!

Ephesians 5:23

Ephesians 5:23 CSB

because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body.

Therefore, marriage from the beginning of creation was created by God to be a reflection of, and patterned after, Christ’s relation to the Church

2 Timothy 1:9

2 Timothy 1:9 CSB

He has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began.

Ephesians 1:4-6

Ephesians 1:4–6 CSB

For he chose us in him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and blameless in love before him. He predestined us to be adopted as sons through Jesus Christ for himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace that he lavished on us in the Beloved One.

This was God’s original purpose for marriage, and it was purposed before time, and thus before the effects of sin.

Because of God’s purpose and establishment of marriage, IT HAS MEANING! We do not give it meaning, God established it with meaning.

Because of this, the roles of husbands and wives do not merely reflect the culture or the time of this writing, but they are God’s ideal for all marriages at all times.

DANGER:

If you tailor the biblical teaching on marriage roles to fit your own taste based off of them being culturally instead of divinely established, the next step is to redefining marriage in its totality. For you could make the same argument in favor of LGBTQ marriage.

THEREFORE:

God’s Established Roles in Marriage are Not Arbitrary

Ch. 5:1-20: general instructions for holy living focusing on purity of life - both by avoiding evil deeds and associations and by adopting holy practices.

Verse 21 is transitional, connecting with the previous section and leading to what follows: What submission looks like in various relationships.

“Submitting to one another” means “submitting to others according to the authority and order established by God.”

So, (5:1-20) here is how you live holy, part of that is submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ, and this is what that looks like in:

Husbands/wives (5:22-33)

Parents/children (6:1-4)

Masters/servants (6:5-9)

Wives submit to husbands (vv. 22). Clarifications:

Not as a child submits to parents

Not to all men, only to your own husband

Both genders are equally created in God’s image (Gen. 1:26-28

Genesis 1:26–28 CSB

Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness. They will rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, the livestock, the whole earth, and the creatures that crawl on the earth.” So God created man in his own image; he created him in the image of God; he created them male and female. God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. Rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and every creature that crawls on the earth.”

Both genders are heirs together of eternal life (Gal. 3:28-29

Galatians 3:28–29 CSB

There is no Jew or Greek, slave or free, male and female; since you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, heirs according to the promise.

This submission is deference to the ultimate leadership of the husband for the health and harmonious working of the marriage relationship.

Husband is the head of the wife (v. 23)

This is the grounds for the wife’s submission and is modeled on Christ’s headship over the church.

Again, this is the same cross culturally and throughout time. Just as Christ’s position as head of the church does not change, neither does the headship of a husband in relation to his wife.

The world today, and even Christian women today, hear this definition and explanation of marriage and liken it to bigotry. To many ears today, this sounds identical to someone making a pro slavery case. Conversely, I’m sure there are many men who hear/read this and think “oh I like the sound of this!” But we aren’t done yet, and I promise you this paints a beautiful picture.

Moving on:

The Duty of Husbands

This should be the part where the ladies switch to saying “I like the sound of this!” (notably, 3x more space devoted to the husband’s duty than the wife’s)

Give Himself Up For Her (v. 25)

husbands are to love their wives in a self-sacrificial manner, following the example of Jesus. This decisively refutes any ideas that male oppression or abuse is acceptable, or that women should submit to any other type of leadership other than that based off of Christ’s example.

The Washing of Water and the Word (v. 26) - what does that mean?

Washing & sanctification are side by side elsewhere (Titus 3:5

Titus 3:5 CSB

he saved us—not by works of righteousness that we had done, but according to his mercy—through the washing of regeneration and renewal by the Holy Spirit.

and 1 Corinthians 6:11)

1 Corinthians 6:11 CSB

And some of you used to be like this. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

It could reference the gospel, resulting in baptism

Or the convert’s affirmation of faith at baptism (Acts 22:16)

Acts 22:16 CSB

And now, why are you delaying? Get up and be baptized, and wash away your sins, calling on his name.’

BUT I THINK: Paul is drawing on the setting of the OT background of Yahweh’s marriage with Israel described in:

Hosea 2:16

Hosea 2:16 CSB

In that day— this is the Lord’s declaration— you will call me, “My husband,” and no longer call me, “My Baal.”

Isaiah 54:4 ““Do not be afraid, for you will not be put to shame; don’t be humiliated, for you will not be disgraced. For you will forget the shame of your youth, and you will no longer remember the disgrace of your widowhood.”

Isaiah 62:4 “You will no longer be called Deserted, and your land will not be called Desolate; instead, you will be called My Delight Is in Her, and your land Married; for the Lord delights in you, and your land will be married.”

Ezekiel 16:1-13: The Lord washes infant Israel, raises her, and eventually elevates her to royalty and marries her, which would correspond to presenting “the church to himself in splendor” at his marriage supper.

Ezekiel 16:8 ““ ‘Then I passed by you and saw you, and you were indeed at the age for love. So I spread the edge of my garment over you and covered your nakedness. I pledged myself to you, entered into a covenant with you—this is the declaration of the Lord God—and you became mine.”

The rabbis took these passages (list of 3 above) and used them to eulogize the covenant between God and his people at Sinai in terms of a marriage contract. The Torah or law of God received by Israel as the foundation of the covenant became that contract. Moses was the one who led the bride to God, the divine husband. In Christian terms, Christ’s relationship to his bride, the church, became for Paul one further way of saying that the age of the Torah had given place to the new age of the Messiah’s fulfillment. The apostle himself plays the role of the lawgiver Moses in leading Christ’s spouse to him (as in 2 Cor. 11:2; cf. John 3:29).

Additionally, “washing of water” may refer to the prophecy/promise:

Ezekiel 36:25-27

Ezekiel 36:25–27 CSB

I will also sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean. I will cleanse you from all your impurities and all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. I will place my Spirit within you and cause you to follow my statutes and carefully observe my ordinances.

cited in John 3:5

John 3:5 CSB

Jesus answered, “Truly I tell you, unless someone is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.

Love Their Wives As Their Own Bodies (v. 28)

Just as God, through Christ, has kept, protected, sanctified, enter into covenant with the church, husbands are to do the same with their wives: protect them, lead them, guide them in holy living, keep her pure, etc.

v. 29: For no one hates his own flesh: again, reinforce the “one flesh” concept.

A big problem we have today is: I really don’t think men or women have an issue with what is taught here about the opposite sex/our spouses. What we have problems with is what this passage tells us to do.

Goes against pride, selfishness, independents, and requires something of us.

FOCUS on the “as” statements

v. 22: “as to the Lord”

v. 23: “as Christ is the head of the church”

v. 24: “as the church submits to Christ”

v. 25: “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”

v. 29: “as Christ does the church”

ILLUSTRATES HOW BOTH HUSBANDS AND WIVES HAVE AN ASPECT OF THE CHRIST - CHURCH EXAMPLE TO FOLLOW.

Duty: What does this passage call me to do?

Husbands: love your wives, lay down your life for her; servant leadership.

Wives: submit to and respect your husbands.

Character: What kind of person must I be to do this?

Loving, forgiving, sacrificing, selfless, God fearing, God seeking

Discernment: How does this passage help me to discern what is right, wrong, true, or false?

Establishes marriage: you know what a marriage is and what a marriage is not. You can avoid supporting or participating in unrighteousness.

Enables you to correct yourself in your marriage role and counsel others.

Goal: How does this passage direct me in the direction of my life?

Prepares you for marriage, enables you to maintain or work on your marriage, spurs purity and devotion.