5 Love Languages of Children

Why be concerned about love languages?

“Only a child who feels genuinely love and cared for can do her best. You may truly love your child, but unless she feels it—unless you speak the love language that communicates to her your love—she will not feel loved”.

“Emotional Love Tank”

The Love Languages

Physical Touch

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it, and he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.”-Mark 10:14

SHARE WAYS TO SHOW love through physical touch.

Words of Affirmation

Proverbs “The tongue has the power of life and death”

· Words of Affection and Endearment

o Expression appreciation for the very being of a child

o Even before children understand words they receive emotional messages. Tone of voice, gentleness of mood etc

o I love you as your reading a book

o Connect the words to events like sending your child off to school. Use them at appropriate times (bed time, morning etc

· Words of Praise

Praising to frequently your words will have little positive effect

Specific complements “Great Catch!”

Children know when you are giving insincere praise “just to make them feel good”

· Words of Encouragement

· Words of Guidance

o Too often parents give the right message but in the wrong manner. They tell their children to stay away from drugs bur their harsh manner drives children to drugs.

o A positive message delivered in a neg manner will always reap neg results

SHARE WAYS TO POSITIVELY AFFIRM YOUR KIDS

BREAK!!!!

Quality Time

· Children crave the undivided attention of parents.

· Quality time is focused attention. (Avoid the cell phone when you are with your kids)

· It is often a sacrifice for parents.

· Share your thoughts and feelings.

· You must plan for quality time.

o It can be done anywhere, doesn’t have to be a special place, mealtimes, overnight trips, just sharing your thoughts, experiences and history, storytelling and conversation

o Spend time with each of your children individually

· It is a parent’s gift of presence to a child. It conveys this message: “You are important, I like being with you.”

o It is a sacrifice on the part of parents because we must often give up our preferences to give quality time (Girls night out dinner and a movie or a night playing games with your child

WAYS To show it

BREAK!!

Gifts

· There is a difference between a gift and a payment for services. If you clean your room I’ll give you ten bucks

· A child who doesn’t feel truly loved can misinterpret a gift thinking it is conditionally given (Jason and the baseball pg 77)

o Disposing of or ignoring gifts is a classic example of this type of child needing a fill up

· The grace of giving has little to do with the size and cost of the gift. It has everything to do with love.

· How you give the gift is as important as giving it.

· Be careful of distorted gift giving.

o Don’t let gifts take the place of the other love languages

o A gift is often easier to give than emotional involvement

o A parent may not know how to give of themselves emotionally or may feel guilt for not being able to spend time with their child and go overboard buying

· If your child’s love language is gift giving than she will make a big deal out of receiving the gift.(make a special place, want it to be given in a special way

WAYS TO SHOW it

BREAK!!!!

Acts of Service

· Parenting is a service vocation.

· Parents can be a model for children to help others and escape their self-centeredness.

· The ultimate purpose for acts of service to children is to help them emerge as mature adults who are able to give love to others through acts of service Luke 14:12-14

· How many of you have felt like a slave rather than a loving servant? We wash their clothes, do the dishes etc etc. If a child who experiences love through acts of service recognizes the fact that you have a grumpy attitude about it she will not experience love.

o Personally when Jim realizes I need my love tank filled and he helps me after I have nagged him and told him I feel unloved and has a neg attitude my love tank does not get filled.

o

WAYS to SHOW it

BREAK!!!

Two Reasons to learn your child’s love language:

· Speaking your child’s love language helps her feel loved. When your child feels loved, when her emotional tank is full, she will be more responsive to parental guidance in all areas of her life.

· As we speak love in the five languages, all the while specializing in his language of love, we show him how to love others and his own need to learn to speak others love languages.

How to discover your child’s love language:

· Observe how your child expresses love to you

· Observe how your child expresses love to others

· Listen to what your child requests most often

· Notice what your child most frequently complains about

· Give your child a choice between two options

In the book there is a test for your child to take that can also help you to discover their love languages

**REMEMBER: Speak all five love languages to your child!