Sinners Made Saints — To Divorce or Not to Divorce

Text: 1 Corinthians 7:1-40

Theme: Divorce is not the unforgivable sin, but it is the nuclear bomb to relationship and should be carefully considered.

Date: 10/10/2021 Title: 1_Corinthinas_14 ID: NT07-07

This morning will be our third week in 1 Corinthians, chapter seven. So far, we’ve talked about marriage, singleness and widows and widowers. This morning we will see how Paul tackles divorce. It is a difficult topic for the Church, and one most pastors would just as soon avoid. We certainly can’t ignore God’s commands concerning marriage or give the impression that marriage is merely a human institution that we can do with what we want. Nor do we want to be so rigid that we don’t minister to those who have been through it or who are going through it.

I don’t think anyone enters a marriage expecting it to end in divorce. Nevertheless, the latest statistics on family breakdown makes for grim reading. A child born today has only a 50% chance of living with both birth parents by the age of 16. While the number of divorces has dropped in recent years, more than 100,000 couples still split every year. Nor is divorce just a problem outside the Church. Although some studies suggest that church going couples are more likely to stay together, divorce among Christians is still relatively common.

This morning I want to cover three points ...

Understanding the devastating effects of divorce

Marriage and Divorce

Marriage and some practical considerations

I. UNDERSTANDING DIVORCE

1. we live in an era family researchers call a divorce culture

ILLUS. It began in the late sixties in California. In 1969, then California Governor, Ronald Reagan, signed the nation’s first “no-fault” divorce law. He would later admit that it was one of the biggest mistakes of his political life.

a. since then, all fifty states allow no fault divorces

1) to get a no fault divorce, one spouse must simply state a reason for the divorce that is recognized by the state

2. no-fault divorce has created the divorce culture and it has wrecked social havoc on America

a. divorce may no longer shock as it once did, but it’s an issue the church needs to speak to

A. 1st, DIVORCE AFFECTS EVERY PART OF SOCIETY

1. it negatively affects the two most intimately involved — a husband and wife

a. I understand that everyone is different, and individuals who go through a divorce will react in their own unique way

b. generally speaking, however, here are three major effects divorce has on people

1) It’s Like Experiencing a Death

a) regardless of the circumstances, divorce signifies the fatality of the marriage vow

1. it’s the death of a joint dream birthed in hope and excitement

2. it’s the breaking of a covenant made before God, and family and friends

b) the death of a marriage causes real and prolonged grief

2) It’s Like a Soul-wrenching Betrayal

a) this is especially true when infidelity is involved

1. the idea that the person you thought would be your lifetime partner could give their heart and soul and body to another person is the deepest kind of betrayal

2. it’s like hearing your spouse say, “I never loved you. You aren’t worth it”

ILLUS. This week I read about John Alfred Paulson. He is a 66-year-old American billionaire hedge fund manager. He is one of the most prominent names in high finance. He is especially known for his philanthropy. This week he is especially known for how he announced his divorce. He’s been married to his wife Jenny for twenty-one years. Jenny thought she had a happy marriage. Unfortunately, she found out last Monday that her billionaire hubby had filed for divorce and run off with a woman half his age. His wife found out the same way all New Yorkers found out — by reading about it on Page Six of the New York Post newspaper. I can’t image a worse betrayal than discovering in the newspaper that your spouse has filed for divorce.

3) It’s Like a Daily Accusation that You’re a Loser

a) spousal rejection hauntingly whispers, You’re unlovable. You are a failure. You deserve to be left alone. You’ll never be loved again

b) Satan loves divorce — it’s one of his superb weapons that he will use to weaken your faith, and undermine your confidence

2. it negatively affects children

a. the children of divorce exhibit more health, behavioral, and emotional problems, are involved more frequently in drug abuse, and have higher rates of suicide

b. children of divorced parents perform more poorly in reading, spelling, and math, and they also are more likely to repeat a grade and to have higher dropout rates

c. from a child’s point of view, divorce represents a huge change in their family, and in their understanding of how the world works and where they fit into it

1) they are likely to move to another house, they are likely to see one parent less than they’re used to, they may change schools, and 50% of them will slide into a lower income bracket

3. it negatively affects parents and grandparents

ILLUS. It devastated my mother when my brother served his wife divorce papers after 25 years of marriage. When they divorced, my mother was scared to death for the emotional health of her three grandchildren. She sometimes worried about them to the point of exhaustion.

4. it negatively affects the larger society

a. the divorce of parents, even if it is amiable, tears apart the fundamental unit of American society

1) when enough of those units are torn apart by divorce society will begin to fall apart

b. federal and state governments spend $150 billion per year to subsidize and sustain single-parent families

5. it negatively affects the Body of Christ

ILLUS. Not long before he retired, our previous Director of Missions, Phil Rector, and I were talking about an issue of deep concern to both of us. That’s the number of churches in our association who have ordained men as deacons who are not biblically divorced, and who have called pastors who are not biblically divorced. Phil’s comment was that the day is coming when many churches will be unable to find qualified men for either the deaconate or the pastorate, and to do so will have to abandon biblical requirements. Many already have.

6. divorce affects everyone and everything it touches

a. we live in a divorce culture that is exacerbated by American’s newest idol of radical autonomy that says, “It’s all about me and my happiness. Everything and everybody else be damned”

1) no longer are the parents' interests presumed to be subordinate to their children's needs; instead, individual happiness is the new standard by which a marriage is judged

2) the church must, from time-to-time speak to the divorce culture, and the church must do everything it can to encourage marriage, support marriage, and help fix marriages when possible

3) even if the rest of the culture should abandon traditional marriage, the church must work toward rebuilding a culture of Family based on marriage

B. 2nd, DIVORCE DESTROYS GOD’S PLAN FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

1.in Malachi 2:16 God bluntly tells His people “I hate divorce”

2. but if you read the entire passage (Malachi 2:13-16) it tells us why God hates divorce

a. 1st, we’re told that God esteems marriage so highly because it was His idea — God creates the woman for the man, brings the woman to the man and commands them to become one flesh in order to fill the earth.

1) if God designed marriage, He gets to define marriage — it is a covenant relationship between a man and a woman that is to last until the death of one or the death of the covenant

a) here is the fundamental reason the Church must oppose “Gay marriage” and “plural marriage” and “open marriage” — it redefines what God has defined

2) any deviation from His design is abhorrent to Him

b. 2nd, marriage is an illustration of the covenant God has with His people

1) when we divorce someone with whom we made a covenant, it makes a mockery of the God-created idea of covenant relationship

c. 3rd, divorce does violence to one’s spiritual life

“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. ... “ (Mal. 2:16, ESV)

1) this is Malachi’s way of saying that divorce is hard, horrible, and heartbreaking

C. 3rd, DIVORCE IS A PRODUCT OF SIN, BUT NOT EVERY DIVORCE IS SINFUL

ILLUS. In the 19th chapter of Matthew the Pharisees come to Jesus with a question about divorce. They are not seeking information, but are trying to lay a trap for Jesus hoping that he will say something that will offend the masses of people who are following him. Their question is, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” They are referring to Deut. 24:1 where Moses allowed divorce if a husband found some indecency in his wife. Well, virtually before the ink was dry, Jewish rabbis’ and scholars began to debate what “some indecency” meant. One school of theology said this was a reference to infidelity ... period end of story. The other school of theology gave a more liberal interpretation. An indecency could refer to something as serious as adultery, but also as simple as she’s not a good cook, or she’s a nag. This second view was actually the prevailing view among the rabbis of Jesus’ day. Their version of no-fault divorce!

1. Jesus immediately takes them to the Scriptures — “Have you not read ...?”

“He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” 7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”” (Matthew 19:4–9, ESV)

2. there is a lot there we can unpack, but the point I want you to see is vs. 8 — the reason Moses allowed the option of divorce is due to your hardness of heart

a. in context, this was directed at the men of Israel, since women could not initiate divorce proceedings

b. but, I think it’s safe to say, that “hardness of heart” is not an exclusively “husband issue” in divorce

3. divorce results when people harden their heart, become intransigent, entrenching their positions, allowing anger and bitterness to rule their hearts

a. in a word — sin

b. perhaps this is also why God says in Malachi 2:16 that we must guard our hearts when it comes to our marriage

4. while sin is always at the root of divorce, all divorce is not sinful

a. let me unpack that for you with this morning’s text

II. MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE

1. when it comes to divorce, the Apostle speaks to four scenarios

a. 1st, he is speaking to Christians who were divorced before coming to Christ

“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Corinthians 7:8–9, ESV)

ILLUS. The term unmarried indicates those who were previously married, but are not widows; people who are now single, but are not virgins. The unmarried woman in this passage, therefore, is a divorced individual who came to Christ after they were divorced.

1) they wanted to know if they had the right to marry again

a) Paul’s encouragement is to remain even as I — i.e. single and celibate

b) if, however, a Christian is single but does not have the gift of singleness and is being strongly tempted sexually, he or she should pursue marriage

ILLUS. The phrase Let them marry in the Greek is a verb in the aorist imperative, indicating a strong command. “You can’t be like me? Then, by all means, GET MARRIED!” is what Paul is saying.

2) so ... if you came to Christ AFTER you were divorced, Paul says it’s perfectly permissible to remarry

b. 2nd, he is speaking to Christians married to other Christians

“To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:10–11, ESV)

1) lest there be any doubt as to the source of the teaching here, the apostle adds, “not I, but the Lord”

a) Jesus had taught during His earthly ministry about the sanctity and permanence of marriage

“And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”” (Matthew 19:9, ESV)

b) this passage is always include in any list of the hard sayings of Jesus

c) this statement is even disturbing to Jesus’ disciples and they respond to Jesus, saying, “ ... “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”” (Matthew 19:10, ESV)

d) and Jesus essentially responded, “Yep ... that’s right”

2) in answer to the disciples’ question, Jesus explained that God allowed Moses to permit divorce only because of His peoples’ “hardness of heart” (vv. 7–8), and that remarriage was permissible only in the case of adultery (Matt. 5:31–32)

3) divorce is contrary to God’s plan for His people, and when allowed in cases of adultery is only a gracious concession to the innocent party in an irreconcilable case of unfaithfulness

a) but where there is repentance, there can be restoration

b) God’s desire is always for the restoration of a marriage, and remarriage precludes that from happening

c) Paul is clear in this passage — if a Christian does divorce a Christian spouse, except for adultery, neither partner is biblically free to marry another

d) in God’s eyes that union has never been broken

4) here is one of the hardest commands in the Scriptures, one of the hardest to preach, and unfortunately, one of the hardest to obey even by Christians

c. 3rd, he is speaking to Christians married to unbelievers who want to stay married

“To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.” (1 Corinthians 7:12–13, ESV)

1) one of the vexing problems in the church at Corinth was the matter of the unequal yoke I the marriage relationship

a) most of the Christians at Corinth were saved out of paganism, and in many cases this results in Christian woman married to pagan husbands and vise-versa

b) and so the question arises, If you come to Christ, but your spouse doesn’t should you divorce them? After all, Paul had taught that their bodies were the temple of the Holy Spirit, and if they remained married to an unbeliever isn’t that joining the temple of God to the temple of Satan?

c) it’s an honest question

2) Paul’s response is No. Christians married to unbelievers were not to worry that they themselves, their marriage, or their children would be defiled by the unbelieving spouse

3) so, if you’re married to an unbeliever, but you love each other and want to remain married there is no Scripture the believer is breaking

d. 4th, he is speaking to Christians who are married to unbelievers who want to leave their Christian partner

“But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:15–16, ESV)

ILLUS. In the mid-2nd century, Tertullian (160–230 A.D.), the theologian of Carthage, wrote about pagan husbands being angry with their Christian wives because they wanted to minister to jailed Christians, worship Christ, and visit the homes of the poor. It was obviously an issue.

1) Paul’s response is simply, If the unbelieving spouse wants to leave, let them leave

2. in God’s sight the bond between a husband and wife is dissolved only by death (Rom. 7:2), adultery (Matt. 19:9), and an unbelieving spouse leaving (1 Cor. 7:15-16)

a. when the bond is broken in any of those ways, a Christian is free to remarry

III. MARRIAGE AND SOME PRACTICAL CONSIDERATIONS

1. as we come to the end of this passage the questions are what advise do we give people in 21st century America regarding marriage, singleness and divorce?

A. QUESTION #1, How Do I Stay in a Difficult Marriage?

1. 1st, Reject the “Right Person” Myth

a. this is wishful thinking and an eharmony and marketing gimmick

b. the right person myth says that there is a right person out there for you, and a great marriage is determined by finding that person

1) if you have a unfulfilling marriage it’s because you married the wrong person, and you have every right to find the right person so you divorce your present wrong person, and go back on the hunt for the right person

ILLUS. My own maternal grandmother thought she’d found the “right person” five or six times, and maybe more — even my mother wasn’t exactly sure.

c. marriage is not so much about finding the right partner as it is becoming the right partner

2. 2nd, Make Christ Lord and Become a Servant to Your Spouse

a. it’s hard to feel bitter toward someone you’re attempting to minister to and serve

b. we don’t get divorced because we fall out of love with our spouse, but because we don’t take seriously our obedience to Jesus

c. in a marriage between two believers, your spouse is also a brother or sister in Christ, and ought to be treated as such

3. 3rd, Ask for Forgiveness and Be Forgiving

ILLUS. We will offer forgiveness to our friends, and our co-workers, and our children, and the stranger who offends us. Why then do we have such trouble offering it to our spouse?

a. Jesus gave us the answer — the person we are closest, the one whom we pledged our life to, is the one who can harden our hearts the most if we’re not guarding our heart

b. forgiveness keeps our hearts soft and pliable

4. 4th, Hang in There for the Sake of Yourself and Others

“For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.” (1 Corinthians 7:14, ESV)

“For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” (1 Corinthians 7:16, ESV)

a. should you stay married for the sake of the kids?

1) yeah, unless there is physical abuse involved, I think you do

b. consider what divorce tells your kids, and all those around you about the love of God

1) when you walk away from a spouse it tells the world that our love for another is conditional ... “I love you “if” you make me happy” ... “I love you “if” you make a certain amount of money” ... “I love you “if” you’ll loose weight”

c. if you’re a Christian, you’re in a covenant relationship with God and His love for you is unconditional

1) marriage puts you in a covenant relationship with your spouse and that love ought to be an unconditional love

5. 5th, Get Some Counseling

B. QUESTION #2, Should I Get Married or Remarried or Stay Single?

1. to the never married I simply echo the Apostle — God may be calling you to the single life because he has a special place for you in His Kingdom work

a. you can devote time and effort that a married individual cannot because of the responsibilities of spouse and children

b. but if you think he’s calling you to singleness then also gladly accept the gift of celibacy that goes with it

2. to the previously married, but widowed Paul’s counsel is also singleness

a. it’s been my experience that women handle being widows better than men handle being widowers

b. if you can deal with singleness stay single, but if singleness is not for you, by all means remarry

3. to the previously married, but divorced Paul’s counsel is more nuanced — not as cut-‘n-dried as we might like

a. if your non-Christian spouse chooses to divorce, let them, you’re free to remarry

b. if you were divorced before you became a Christian, then you’re free to remarry

c. if your spouse was a Christian, and you were a Christian when you divorced, then your best option — the once commanded by the Lord — is to remain single and attempt to reconcile with your spouse

1) unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world, and many divorced Christian couple will choose to remarry

2) in that situation here are some questions to ask yourself

a) Have I given God time to restore my previous marriage? Your biblical responsibility is to ask God to heal your previous marriage, and then give Him time to do it

b) Have I given God time to heal me?

c) Are those closet to you, especially your children, in favor of your remarriage?

C. QUESTION #3, If I’m Divorced, Does God Still Love Me?

1. yes, because God knows what you’re going through

“I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries. Yet I saw that her unfaithful sister Judah had no fear; she also went out and committed adultery.” (Jeremiah 3:8, NIV84)

2. God understands the pain and trauma of divorce

a. in this passage God, speaking through the prophet, says that he divorced Himself from Israel because of her adulteries — she was worshiping pagan deities

b. from a human point of view, God understands what it means to lose the love of His life — Israel

Con. The church must always maintain that divorce is sin — it is the breaking of a covenant relationship sanctioned by God. Vows are broken ... lives are ruptured ... families are broken apart ... hardness of heart, and bitterness of mind ensue ... guilt, sadness, depression and remorse fill our hearts and minds. But when divorce happens, the Father stands ready to forgive, to heal, and to guide. In the cross and resurrection, Jesus puts away the sin done by you and he overturns the sin done to you. The empty tomb is the answer for a soul broken by divorce.