Final Touches On Forgiveness - Four Reasons Why We Often Refuse to Forgive - Part 3 - 10/03/2021

October 3, 2021 Landyn and DeLauren Sis. Benita's Brother Ed McNeal - Loss of an Aunt and Cousin Final Touches on Forgiveness FOUR Reasons Why We Often Refuse to Forgive Select Scriptures This morning is the final installment of our long-running sub-series on FORGIVENESS. It's been a long journey, but in the scheme of life and the conditions of choice, whether to be blessed or cursed, God has built into the principle of forgiveness - I hope that the journey has been well worth it. Just yesterday, I heard from one listener who has tuned into the series (who is not a member of GP) say, it took her about four lessons before God got her attention on why this series of messages was significant to a specific condition in her life. I pray that this series has been rewarding to you. I pray that it will serve each of us both now and in future encounters down the road. Today, I want to close this "forgiveness" series out by addressing FOUR reasons why we often struggle to forgive. It is dangerous to be unforgiving. I received a text the other day that read: "Unforgiveness can turn you into who and what you refuse to forgive . . . let go!' (Thanks Jonathan Bellamy) Sadly, many believers prematurely conclude "I CAN'T FORGIVE". When we draw such a deep line in the sand, we're really saying, "Jesus' death on the cross and His forgiveness of me and the whole world is inadequate . . . it's in sufficient. We're saying that Jesus lacks the power to equip me to forgive. So, then, you don't forgive! Why Not? Although I believe there are more, here are FOUR Primary Reasons Why We Often Refuse to Forgive: The first is: * Control - Holding a grudge as control Here's an example: So, someone did something that was really disappointing to you. They have genuinely apologized and hoped that the apology would make the situation right, but it hasn't. Why not? Because you've chosen not to forgive them so you will always have something to hold over their head. It's called control. And, by throwing their fault constantly back at them, they feel guilty and always in debt to you. You can use it as manipulation to get what you want from them. Very probably because they care, they will try to win your trust or forgiveness by giving gifts or working to curry favor with you and in other materialistic ways. On the flip side, it's a sign that the one seeking forgiveness doesn't fully understand the principle of biblical forgiveness. Now, we have two people held in bondage. In this case CONTROL is intentional and misappropriated. That is ungodly and out of bounds of God's standard of forgiveness. It wreaks of Matthew 18 when the servant was forgiven 10 thousand talents (nearly 4 billion dollars), but exerted control over a fellow servant who owed him only 100 denarii (three month's wages). The SECOND reason people don't forgive is because they believe: * Forgiveness means I condone their behavior [the behavior of the offender]. It makes it feel like I'm in agreement with or am making light of what they did. This is one of the toughest reasons to move from, that is to Let Go and Let God. Because of what our minds tell us, it's extra hard to let go. It's hard for the person who has suffered hurt to take down because the offender might take "my" forgiveness as approval, or weakness or even being alright with what they did to me. Here's something that we might say, "I want to forgive, but if I do that means that I am okay with what they did." That is a lie from Satan. He has used this to blind you from the truth. Forgiving someone does not mean that you are okay with what they did. Forgiveness is for your benefit. Once you forgive you have freed yourself from the inner turmoil that you were dealing with and Satan doesn't want you to be free. But let me remind you: It has to be forgiveness from God that we first experience in our hearts before we can ever extend perfect forgiveness (baggage-free) to the offender. The THIRD reason we don't forgive is because: * Forgiveness means that I now have to go back to being their friend Here's a scenario: Someone trusted and close to you betrayed you . . . maybe a relative, sister, brother, or your best friend. You are so hurt and upset, but you want to forgive the person. You're holding back because you think that once you forgive them you now should start having coffee or lunch with that person. That is not true. You can forgive someone without continuing or reentering a relationship. In reality, forgiveness is FIRST about being reconciled to God, then God reveals next steps in how we should be reconciled to the offender. In some cases, He might say "Go to them! In other cases, He might instruct that we Go the other way, or even, get out of the way that He Himself might have a clear shot at them. Scripture references that support this: Psalms 51 David had to first be reconciled to God, before he could be rightly and perfectly reconciled to Bathsheba and Uriah and the people who know of his sins. Joseph and his brothers; Also, Zacheaus the tax collector. Genesis Chapters 28 - 33 speaks of Jacob and Esau - how they both had to be reconciled to God first in order that their hearts would be made right to receive each other. Remember, it was Jacob who stole the birthright from Esau and that changed the entire course of Esau's future and the course of history. For this, I believe Esau was ever-ready to put a knife in Jacob's neck as he was constantly on the prowl for him. But God changed both their unforgiving hearts. Now, look at what resulted: Genesis 33:4 4 But Esau ran to meet him, and embraced him, and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept. . . . God performs a miraculous operation on our minds and hearts first. That operation is designed to get us firmly focused on His forgiveness of us. Because without it, we are nothing. We are deceived to think otherwise - and most people are. Then, God having fixed our hearts, releases us back into the original situation to face the people we "offended" or have been "offended by" with a spiritually healthy disposition that exemplifies the love of Christ. (Matthew 5:43-45; plus, Matthew 18:15 . . . process, ) Matthew 5:43-45 43 "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44 [o]But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. God does not ask or command us to do anything He hasn't equipped us to do? So, He isn't telling us to forgive without first loading us with the benefits of His forgiveness Forgiving too quickly causes people to not face their issue of offense (and to never own up to their actions. Matthew 18:21-35 The FOURTH and final reason people don't forgive is: * Waiting for an Opportunity of Revenge or Retaliation. This is to concoct our own outcome. It is a self-prescribed remedy and trick from Satan intended to cause us to lean to our own understanding apart from God. It is never given to man to dictate punishment. We have to humble ourselves before God and let Him determine the proper reprimand. It is God who administers vengeance. Romans 12:19 says . . . Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. Payback belongs to the Lord and it must be He who legislates it. Don't take matters in your own hand. And avoid trying to dictate how you want a person to be punished for doing you wrong. It's not our to do. First of all because none of us are deserving of anything. It is God who has been sinned against. We need His forgiveness more than we need a fellow human being's forgiveness. The first clear truth that must be understood and embraced by every believer is that Jesus forgave us; He paid the price for a life the was lost and wasted in guilt, condemnation and shame. Without His forgiveness we would be absolutely nothing. * The process of forgiveness is more focused on personal wholeness with Christ rather than reconciliation to our fellowman. * In fact, true and perfect forgiveness begins with "I'm Forgiven" and not, "Why should I forgive". The power in understanding Jesus' forgiveness of us, serves as the remedy for many hard and seemingly impossible cases where we must extend forgiveness. What we must ask in every case is: What is the biblical standard given by Jesus in matters of personal forgiveness. These are the four reasons we often don't forgive. END What do we forfeit when we don't forgive? {The consequences of Unforgiveness} * The Gift of Forgiveness from the Supreme Forgiver If we do not forgive others, then God will not forgive us for our sins. That is a scary thought, that alone should make us want to forgive right away. Mark 11:25 KJV And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses. * Deliverance and Relief from Personal Sins which erodes our life and eats away at our health like a cancer. 26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." * Freedom from Bondage and the Tormentors. The Bondage of living in guilt and unforgiveness which stifles your ability to love and to receive love. It stunts growth of relationships including marriages and friendships. It keeps you from entering into all that the Lord might have for you in the full abundant life that Christ promised to those who believe in Him (John 10:10). Bondage is never God's desire for us. * Answered Prayers Mark 11:24-26 NKJV 24 Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them. 25 "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. 26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses." SPIRITUAL BENEFITS OF FORGIVENESS We know that there are physical benefits for forgiveness, but there are also spiritual benefits. * Act of Obedience When we forgive someone, we are being obedient to the word of God. It is important that we obey the commands of the Lord. 1 Samuel 15:22 KJV Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice. Being obedient shows that we love and trust the Lord that what His word says is for our own good. * Shows spiritual strength Forgiving someone shows that you are strong spiritually. The flesh would stay in a state of anger and bitterness, but forgiveness shows that you are walking after the spirit. Your Spirit man is greater and has dominion over the flesh. You never know how this may affect others that are watching, it could be a great testimony. * Prayers are no longer hindered If you are holding a grudge and bitterness against another person, your prayers will not be answered. Sometimes we may wonder why our prayers seem to go unanswered, in those situations we need to check our heart to see if we are harboring any unforgiveness and bitterness. * You will receive forgiveness If we do not forgive others then God will not forgive us for our sins. That is a scary thought, that alone should make us want to forgive right away. Mark 11:25 KJV And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in Heaven may forgive you your trespasses. No one can love us like you Lord! 1