To Marry or Not to Marry
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Two weeks ago, we began looking at Marriage Matters addressed in 1 Corinthians 7. In the first section of this chapter we saw how a major part of the marriage relationship is built upon considering the other person.
All-to-often in our culture, we are looking at love as something we get. Love is how the other person makes me feel.
In God’s design, marriage is about how we treat the other person. This concept actually applies to all of us, married or unmarried, as we are to love our neighbors as ourselves.
Today, as we continue looking at 1 Corinthians 7, we will see another topic the Lord revealed through Paul concerning marriage: whether to marry or not to marry.
I honestly thinking the application is pretty straight forward. It applies to those who are currently not married. However, after praying and studying this passage, I do believe there is something for us all to apply here.
Let’s read the passage, and then look into it to see how God might have us apply this in our lives today.
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.
Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is.
Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife.
But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not;
those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep;
those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord.
But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—
and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.
I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married.
But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing.
So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.
Prayer
Good to be unmarried… but…
Good to be unmarried… but…
As I mentioned weeks ago, much of what Paul is addressing in this letter to the Corinthians is in response to questions that came to him from some representatives in the church. One of the issues was whether people should be marrying, or staying single. Part of this had to do with the Greek philosophy of Asceticism infiltrating the church. For those who are married, asceticism was not the way to go. God did not design marriage that way. That said, what about those who are not married? Should they remain single?
Paul begins by saying it would be good for those who were unmarried to remain single.
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.
Notice Paul mentions the unmarried and the widows. The unmarried would those who were never married, and the widows were those whose spouses had passed away. Paul says it would be good for them to stay unmarried, as he did. Many suspect Paul was likely previously married and widowed as Jewish culture and religious teachings at that time expected young men to get married, and Paul excelled his peers in following traditions. Why would he say that it is good for them to stay unmarried here, when in 1 Timothy 5:14, he seems to give different direction?
So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children, to manage their homes and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.
Thankfully, Paul does give clues in both of these passages as to why he was giving the direction he did.
In the case in 1 Timothy, Paul was concerned because some of the young widows were making commitments to be unmarried to serve the Lord, and then breaking those commitments. Others were becoming busybodies and gossips. Some even fell away from the faith. So, in that situation, Paul said it was better for those young widows to remarry.
Actually, that is not far off from what he says here.
While he said it was good for them to stay unmarried, he said it was better to marry than to burn with desire.
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
As Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:7, “I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.” Some people are gifted by God with the ability to remain single and serve Him. Others do not. Actually, I would say the majority do not, because God designed us from Creation to be in marriage relationships.
So, if it is better to marry than to struggle with self-control—for any sexual actions outside of marriage is wrong by God’s standards, as seen in 1 Corinthians 6—why would Paul say it would be good to remain unmarried?
Thankfully, the context later in the chapter sheds light on this. Let’s look into what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:25-38.
Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy.
Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is.
Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife.
But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
What follows here is not a command of the Lord. In other words, it is not going to be a sin issue whether one marries or remains single. Paul is giving good counsel, not a command. The decision will be between the individual and the Lord. And there are a couple reasons to remain single. Though, I think they are related. What is the first reason Paul mentioned that one should remain single?
Reason to remain single: Troubles
Reason to remain single: Troubles
The reason Paul feels it better to remain single is because of ‘the present crisis.’
What was the present crisis?
Persecution from the Jews. Everywhere Paul went, including Corinth.
Persecution from the Romans. He met Aquila and Priscilla in Corinth because Claudius had kicked all Jews out of Rome over disputes about Christ. Additionally, Paul was facing opposition from the silversmiths in Ephesus. Later in this letter, Paul tells us he had fought wild beasts in Ephesus. This was likely due to persecution. Not long after this, Paul will be making his trip back to Jerusalem, where the Spirit had already revealed to Paul that he would be imprisoned and facing hardships. Additionally, the historian Tacitus shows that there were famines in Corinth around this time. Times of famine always lead to problems in a culture. Paul likely was aware of the coming harsh persecution of Christians. This is why he was giving the counsel to remain single.
But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
He wanted them to spare them troubles.
This is not a new concept. God gave this same direction to Jeremiah in Jeremiah 16.
Then the word of the Lord came to me:
“You must not marry and have sons or daughters in this place.”
For this is what the Lord says about the sons and daughters born in this land and about the women who are their mothers and the men who are their fathers:
“They will die of deadly diseases. They will not be mourned or buried but will be like dung lying on the ground. They will perish by sword and famine, and their dead bodies will become food for the birds and the wild animals.”
In Jeremiah 16, God told Jeremiah not to marry and have sons and daughters because of the trouble coming.
It is the same counsel Paul is giving to the believers in Corinth, because of the situation they were facing.
Reason to remain single: Devotion
Reason to remain single: Devotion
Paul goes on to share another reason for one to remain single: undivided devotion to the Lord.
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord.
But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—
and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.
I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
Does this mean married people cannot be devoted to the Lord? No. In fact, isn’t being faithful to one’s spouse an act of devotion to the Lord? Isn’t showing love an act of obedience and devotion to the Lord? Yes it is!
Therefore, being married can be done, and should be done out of devotion to the Lord.
Is having a family and raising up children a matter of being devoted to the Lord? Yes, it is. Raising them up should be done in obedience to the Lord. Raising them up to love and follow the Lord is a means of making disciples.
So, having a spouse and children can, and must be done in devotion to the Lord.
So, how does marriage divide one’s devotion? I see two ways.
First, Paul is being realistic in light of the present circumstances. Because of the persecution that was coming, it would be easier for the unmarried to be devoted to the Lord.
I think of Richard Wurmbrand and the decisions he faced when the communists were taking over. He could keep his mouth shut so that he would be around to care for his wife and son, or he could take a stand for Christ. Thankfully, he took a stand for Christ. However, for those of us who are married, our concerns about caring for our families may tempt us to keep quiet, to keep a low profile so we will be around to care for them. Those who are unmarried are free from these concerns. And again, Paul is writing this counsel to spare them some of the troubles of this life.
Second, for those who are married, there are more concerns about providing for the family. This necessitates more concern about homes and income. I know that I never worried about finances until I was married. Anyone else in that boat?
This is not a wrong concern, however, like all concerns, it can draw our attention away from the Lord. This is a difficulty Paul would like to spare them.
Reasons it is good to remain unmarried.
However, remember it is better to marry than to struggle with sin.
Now, how does this passage have application for those who are already married.
Let’s look again at 1 Corinthians 7:29-31
What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not;
those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep;
those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
Do not live for this world…
Do not live for this world…
We all, whether married or unmarried need to keep in mind that this world, that is, the things of this world are not what we are to be pursuing.
It is so easy to get caught up in this world and the things of this life.
We are trained from a young age to get a good education, so you can get a good job. Find a good person to be a good spouse and good parent. Have children. Get a good home, some property. Get a good car, or multiple cars. Get the toys. You need a hobby. You need to take care of yourself and your needs. Do what makes you happy.
This warning from Paul is a good reminder that we are not to live for this world. John shared a similar truth in 1 John 2.15-17
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them.
For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.
The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.
Both John and Paul are trying to remind us that this world is passing away. We are not to look at this life as all there is. Rather, we need to remember nothing here is going to last. And, preoccupation with things here, with life here is going to keep us from pleasing the Lord.
Yes, we still live in the world, and we need to use the things of the world to live and to provide for our families. Even today, we will be voting to use funds to repair the roof of the church. There are things that we need to live, and do what the Father wants us to do here in this world. However, we need to not fall in love with the things of the world. We need to, as Paul says here in 1 Corinthians 7:31, “those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.” Or, as he says in 1 Timothy 6:17
Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment.
We need to make sure we are not putting our hope in the riches, but in the Lord who is our provider. I don’t know about you, but I would have a tendency to put my hope in keeping a good buffer in the checking account. That is not to be our hope. We make use of the things of the world, but we are not to be engrossed with them, nor put our hope in them.
How are you and I doing with that, today? Are we engrossed? Are we hoping in the things of this world?
Paul is warning us to not live for the world. He is giving us a warning for our good because, He knows what it is like.
I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
He does not want us engrossed in the things of the world, nor hoping in them, not to put a restriction on us. The word picture he used is having a noose around your neck. He doesn’t want to restrict us. Rather, he simply wants us to...
Live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord
Live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.
And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.
1 Corinthians 7:35 (NIV)
that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.