God's silence (October 17, 2021)

Today we are continuing our “Thirsty” series. And this is a series that resonates with me, because I’ve gone through times of spiritual thirst in my life. In fact, every Christian goes through it at one time or another in their lives.

There are times when God is silent. We read our Bibles, and nothing seems to speak to us. We pray, and our prayers seem to bounce off the ceilings. We go to church, and it seems like everyone is happy except us. For a lot of us, we don’t even want to go to church because even though we’re in a church full of people, we feel alone. We feel like we’re the only ones that are struggling with what we’re going through.

But there’s something important you need to remember. I’ve said this before, and I really want to drill this into your mind. One of Satan’s biggest lies is: “You’re the only one. You’re the only one that ever struggles with this problem.” He says that when we struggle with sins in our lives. He says it when we struggle with personal problems. And he says this when we go through spiritual deserts.

Don’t believe the lie. You are not alone.

I have gone through a lot of spiritual deserts in my life, but probably my longest one was the year before I came to Japan. I’ve talked about this before a bit. After graduating from university, I wanted to come straight to Japan, but God shut the doors on me. And I couldn’t figure out why. The thing was, for years, I had been saying, “I don’t want to be a missionary. I don’t want to go to Japan.” But now that I wanted to go, God slammed the door shut. Even worse, I wasn’t hearing anything from him. I kept asking God, “What am I doing here? My life isn’t going anywhere. I can’t go to Japan. I’m certainly not doing anything worthwhile in Hawaii. Why am I stuck here?” Throughout that time, I kept reading my Bible and going to church, but all that time, God was silent. It was driving me crazy. And that went on for about eight months.

But for as long as my desert lasted, there was someone in the Bible whose desert lasted much longer and was much more painful. His name was Jacob.

Jacob was an interesting guy. He was the younger brother of a set of twins, and when he was born, he literally was grabbing hold of his brother Esau’s foot and taking a free ride out. In fact that was what his name meant, “Heel grasper.” (Genesis 25:26)

Later on, God gave him the name “Israel” which means, “He struggles with God” (Genesis 32:28). And that was the story of a lot of his life. He struggled with God. Why? Mostly he struggled with God trying to obtain God’s blessing in his life. God had promised his grandfather Abraham that he would be the father of many nations and that the whole world would be blessed through him. Jacob wanted very much to inherit that blessing, and so he manipulated his brother and deceived his father in an attempt to get it (Genesis 25:28-34; 27:1-29). The ironic thing is that he didn’t have to do that. God had already planned to give him the blessing even without all of Jacob’s scheming (Genesis 25:23). But now, because of all his scheming, Esau became furious with him and wanted to kill him. Literally. And so Jacob had to flee for his life. (Genesis 27:41-45)

And it was while he was running, that God spoke to him for the first time at a place called Bethel. Look at what God told him.

I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. I will give you and your offspring the land on which you are lying. Your offspring will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out toward the west, the east, the north, and the south. All the peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring. Look, I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go. I will bring you back to this land, for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you. (Genesis 28:13-15)

Those are amazing promises. The thing that is most amazing to me, though, is that it was all of God’s grace. God didn’t say, “Hey Jacob, I’m giving this to you because you earned it.” Quite frankly, God would have been perfectly justified to change his plans because of all the deceitful scheming Jacob had done. But God didn’t.

And God was faithful to his promises. Jacob spent 20 years with his uncle Laban who was an even bigger conman than Jacob was. Jacob loved Laban’s daughter Rachel, and Laban promised to give her to Jacob if he worked for Laban seven years. But at the end of the seven years, Laban tricked Jacob into marrying his other daughter Leah whom Jacob didn’t love. When Jacob complained, Laban said, “Don’t worry about it. If you work for me 7 more years, I’ll give you Rachel too” (Genesis 29). On top of that, time and again, Laban tried to cheat Jacob, but time and again, God protected Jacob. (Genesis 31:6-12)

Finally, at a time when Jacob was completely exasperated with Laban, God said, “Jacob, it’s time for you to return to Bethel where I first appeared to you” (Genesis 31:3, 13). And as Jacob did, he saw more of God’s faithfulness. God brought Jacob peace not only with Laban, but also his brother Esau. And now having seen all that God had done for him, Jacob finally said, “God, I never really committed myself to you before. I’ve been calling you the God of my grandfather Abraham and my father Isaac. But now, I call you my God. And I will follow you.” (Genesis 33:20)

This is not to say that Jacob’s faith was now perfect. Even after all that, he struggled with obedience, and he actually put off going to Bethel as God had commanded him for several years. That resulted in some serious problems in his family (Genesis 34). Ultimately, God had to tell him again, “Go to Bethel.” This time he did, and when he arrived, God reaffirmed all his promises to Jacob. And so things finally seemed well. But then it says something very interesting. It’s easy to skip over, but when you look at what happened afterwards, it does take on some significance. It says,

Then God withdrew from him at the place where he had spoken to him. (35:13)

Why do I put emphasis on this? Here we see Jacob at the highest point of his life. He had this wonderful experience with God. Actually he has had many wonderful experiences with God. He had seen God deliver him time and again. Wherever he has been, God has been with him and answered him in his times of distress (Genesis 35:3). And now God has made all these grand promises to Jacob, and perhaps for the first time, he actually believes them. He is on a spiritual high. And then…God withdraws. And what I find significant is that we don’t see God talking to Jacob for over 20 years. What happened during those 20 years.

The first thing we see is that shortly after arriving at Bethel, Rachel, the wife he loved with all his heart had a baby he named Benjamin. Great news, right? Except she died in childbirth, leaving a scar in Jacob’s heart. (35:16-19; 48:7)

Not long after that, he returns home and sees his father Isaac for the first time in over 20 years. But then Isaac too passes away. (27-29)

But then came the biggest blow. Rachel had two sons. The younger one was of course Benjamin, but the son Jacob loved more than any other was Joseph.

And the day came when Joseph’s brothers came back with a special coat Jacob had made for him, and the coat was covered in blood. And Jacob cried out,

It is my son’s robe…A vicious animal has devoured him. Joseph has been torn to pieces! (37:33)

The truth of the matter, though, was that out of jealousy, his older brothers had sold Joseph to slave traders and he ended up a slave in Egypt.

And it says that when Jacob’s children tried to comfort him, he refused to be comforted. Instead, he said,

No…I will go down to Sheol (the grave) to my son, mourning. (37:35)

What was even worse is that it seemed that God had stopped talking to him. One thing we know for certain: God never told Jacob,

“Hey, cheer up! Your son is alive and in Egypt!” Because if God had told him that, we know Jacob would have instantly gone done to Egypt to rescue his son.

Something else to think about: There was no Bible back then. There were no psalms of David that Jacob could turn to for comfort. David wouldn’t be born for hundreds of years. There were no words of Jesus that Jacob could read. Jesus came hundreds of years after David. All there was, was silence.

How many sleepless nights did Jacob have mourning for Joseph…and hearing nothing from God. And the pain never did go away. We don’t see Jacob’s name again until chapter 42, a period covering about 20 years. And when we finally see him again, he is still mourning Joseph. It seems like his whole life simply stopped. Instead of living, he was just existing.

For 20 years, Jacob lived with a huge hole in his heart, and with God seeming distant, he apparently tried to fill it with something else. His youngest son Benjamin now became his whole life. Benjamin’s brothers would later say about Jacob, “His life is intricately tied with Benjamin’s life. If Benjamin were to die or disappear, our father would not live long.” (44:30-31)

But Benjamin couldn’t fill that hole. In fact, Jacob spent that whole time worried that he might lose Benjamin too.

Pastor Fumi talked a couple of weeks ago about all of us having a God-shaped hole in our hearts. And so often, when God seems far, when we are going through a spiritual desert, we try so desperately to fill it with anything we can. But nothing can fill that void except God. And when we try to fill it with something else, often times like Jacob, we end up living in fear that we’ll lose what we do have.

Anyway, in the midst of Jacob’s spiritual desert, a literal famine hit the land. Nothing was growing, and he and his family were starting to go hungry. So he told his sons, “Go to Egypt. I hear there is food there. Go purchase some for us.” (42:1-2)

But while he sent Joseph’s ten older brothers, he refused to send Benjamin. Why? As I said before, Benjamin was his whole life now. And he was afraid something might “happen to him”. (42:3-4)

I really have to wonder: in those 20 years after Joseph disappeared, did Jacob start to wonder about his other sons. Did he start to remember the jealousy they had had for Joseph? Did he start to think, “Could they have….?”

That concern only grew greater when his sons came back and his second oldest son Simeon wasn’t there. And his other sons told him how the ruler of Egypt accused them of being spies, and had kept Simeon prisoner. Worse, they told him that if they ever needed to go back and get more food, they would have to bring Benjamin with them. Honestly, would you have believed that story? And Jacob cried out,

It’s me that you make childless. Joseph is gone, and Simeon is gone. Now you want to take Benjamin. Everything happens to me! (42:36).

“Everything happens to me! Everything is against me!” Have you ever felt that way? That’s how the desert often feels. And Jacob said,

My son will not go down with you, for his brother is dead and he alone is left. If anything happens to him on your journey, you will bring my gray hairs down to Sheol in sorrow. (42:38)

But time passes, the famine is still going on, and food is running short. Again, Jacob’s sons insist, “Benjamin must go with us. We can’t get food otherwise.” Finally, Jacob gives in and says,

Take your brother also, and go back at once to the man. May God Almighty cause the man to be merciful to you so that he will release your other brother and Benjamin to you. As for me, if I am deprived of my sons, then I am deprived. (43:13-14)

You know, that is the first time we see Jacob even mention God’s name in all those years since God had last appeared to him. It doesn’t seem that he had much hope, much faith left. But what hope he had left rested in God. After all, his situation with Esau had seemed just as hopeless, and God had been with him then. The ironic thing is that Jacob had sent all these gifts to Esau hoping to win his favor (Genesis 32:13-21). What he didn’t know was that God had long before already worked in Esau’s life and had caused Esau to forgive Jacob. In the same way, he now sent all these gifts to the ruler of Egypt, not knowing that God had already done a work in that ruler’s life (Genesis 43:11). Because as most of you know, that ruler was Joseph himself.

Most of you know the story. When the brothers went back to Egypt, Joseph revealed himself to them. And in doing so, we see the reason for God’s silence towards Jacob over those 20 years. God was preparing for the salvation of Jacob and his family, and all of Egypt for that matter, through Joseph. (45:4-8)

The brothers come back, all excited and they told Jacob, “Joseph is alive! He is the ruler of Egypt!” Jacob, of course, was stunned. He couldn’t believe it. I have to think it was at that point Joseph’s brothers had to admit what they had done. But after showing all the gifts that Joseph had sent to prove the truth of their words, it says in chapter 45 verses 27-28,

…the spirit of their father Jacob revived. Then Israel (i.e. Jacob) said, “Enough! My son Joseph is still alive. I will go to see him before I die.” (27-28)

And it was when they were on their way to Egypt that Jacob’s spiritual desert ended. For the first time since chapter 35, we see Jacob building an altar and worshiping God. And for the first time in over 20 years, God spoke. Take a look at chapter 46 starting at verse 2.

That night God spoke to Israel in a vision: “Jacob, Jacob!” he said.

And Jacob replied, “Here I am.”

God said, “I am God, the God of your father. Do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for I will make you into a great nation there. I will go down with you to Egypt, and I will also bring you back. Joseph will close your eyes when you die.” (46:2-4)

God kept his promise. Jacob not only saw Joseph, but Joseph’s sons. And look at the words he used as he blessed his grandsons.

The God before whom my fathers Abraham and Isaac walked,

the God who has been my shepherd all my life to this day,

the angel who has redeemed me from all harm—

may he bless these boys. (48:15-16)

He didn’t say, “God who was the shepherd for most of my life…except for that time when Joseph disappeared and I had to go through that spiritual desert.” He said, “The God who has been my shepherd all my life to this day. The God who was committed to me even when I wasn’t yet committed to him. The God who was with me even when I couldn’t feel his presence and felt abandoned.”

Jacob wasn’t forgetting about all the pain that he had gone through. He remembered all the years that he had been exiled from his family. He still remembered the pain of losing his wife. He remembered all those years without Joseph. (47:9, 48:7)

But Jacob recognized, “I was never abandoned. God was always with me. And he was always watching over me for my good.

So what do we get from all of this? Two things.

First, keep seeking God even in His silence. I do wonder if Jacob’s desert would have lasted so long if he had kept seeking God even in His silence. Of course, God wouldn’t have told him about Joseph until the timing was right. But would Jacob’s hurt have remained so sharp? And would Jacob’s life have remained stopped for so long? Jacob ended up wasting 20 years of his life. Don’t do that.

The most important advice I can give you if you’re going through a desert now is to stay connected with God’s people. Even if you can’t come to church now because of Corona, stay connected with God’s people. And just as importantly, be honest with how you’re feeling. It’s hard to seek God in his silence. It’s much easier when you have people to support you. Like I said before, one of Satan’s greatest lies is, “You’re alone. You’re the only one going through this.” That lie loses its power when you’re honest with God’s people. I’ve gone through spiritual deserts. Pastor Fumi has admitted he’s going through it now. We all go through it. So let us support you. Let us support each other.

Christian fellowship is what helped me get out of my desert all those years ago. Being with a small group that supported me. And then one day hearing a message at church that suddenly turned my desert into a spring. So I encourage you now: stay in fellowship. And keep seeking God even in his silence.

Second, remember that even if you can’t see it as you go through the desert, God is working for your good. We see it in Jacob’s life. I also saw it in mine. I look back at that time in Hawaii. When I was lost and wondering what to do, God literally dropped a job in my lap. I wasn’t looking for it. It just came to me, a job working with computers which was my major in university. Because I couldn’t go to Japan, I took the job. And I learned something very valuable through that experience: that kind of job wasn’t for me. I wouldn’t have known that had I come straight to Japan. And perhaps, I would have always wondered what would have happened had I taken a job with my major. I might have always lived with regrets. But by holding me back for that year, now I know. Once I learned that lesson, God took that job away almost as suddenly as he had given it to me. And soon after, he opened up the door to Japan and I’ve been here ever since. And I’m here with no regrets, no wondering, “What if…”

Are you going through a desert now? Are you feeling abandoned. Let me assure you, you are not abandoned. You are not alone. God is still with you even though you may not be hearing from him, even if he seems distant. Still for those who are going through a desert, just knowing that doesn’t make things easier. I understand that. So let me pray for you now.