The One About Marriage, Sex and Singleness

Introduction

Opening Story: Einstein boarding a train and couldn’t find his ticket. One of the workers recognized him. We know who you are. Einstein finally responds, “It’s not that I don’t know who I am. I know who I am. It’s that I’m looking for my ticket because I don’t know where I’m going.” Story deals with the two great questions of life- Identity and Purpose (telos). Our text deals with the question of purpose or telos. What is the purpose of marriage/singleness/sex?

Connecting to the Culture:

We live in a culture where we think the trains final destination to whatever situation we are in, in life is happiness. Sociologists point to the fact that this really took hold of us here in America right after WW2…16 years of suffering (stockmarket) and struggle. We immediately went into consuming and buying things. Birth of the suburbs. Get away. 1990 helicopter parenting really begins- our kids must be happy. In this century the marriage rate has declined by about 20%. Why? Many suggest the pain of divorce. If half of planes fell would you fly? Marriage is seen as something that gets in the way of my happiness. And of course we see in our culture people viewing singleness as the best way to achieve happiness. The rise of hook up culture, cohabitation and so on are all means to the perceived final destination which is my personal happiness.

Historical Context:

This happiness ethic isn’t just American. We see it with the Corinthians. Take sex. In chapter 6- food is for the stomach. You crave it then gratify yourself. That’s the way to happiness. In our chapter- the thinking among many is if I’m single I have to get married. That’s happiness. If I’m in a bad marriage (unbeliever) I need to be single. That’s happiness. So which is it Paul? What’s the best situation? Paul shrugs his shoulders and says, “Eh”. Paul’s point is so clear: Changing your situation or season will not make you a better Christian.

Applications:

Singles. Andy Stanley, “Be the you, you’re looking for is looking for.” In other words, be the best you can be now! If you’re not a person of integrity and godliness now, it won’t happen with a change of season.

Marketplace people. Don’t think going into vocational ministry will make you a better Christian.

Big Idea:

It is against this backdrop that Paul now deals with the Corinthians. I Corinthians 7:17. His point: Maximizing your season means receiving God’s assignment. What is God’s Assignment? His glory- I Corinthians 10:31

1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Dummy Illustration

Receive it. Wide Receiver Illustration.

Point: What this means is that marriage is not the end zone, God’s glory is. What this means is that singleness is not the end zone, God’s glory is. What this means is that sex is not the end zone, God’s glory is. My season is merely the outlet to facilitate the glory of God.

What does this mean, though?

Receiving God’s Assignment Makes Others Around Me Better

Explanation: This is an astounding passage for several reasons. One is, that Paul communicates that when we receive God’s assignment, it makes others around us better, especially women. What he says is mind blowing especially to the Jewish men sitting there. Look at verses 1-5. Verse 4. Mutual authority. What? In Jewish culture the man had the final say. Yes I’m complimentarian. What does this mutual authority do? It pulls the rug out from abuse. Abuse, by very definition is one way authority. Lived out, this is a scenario where women come fully alive and flourish!

Application: Men do your wives have authority over your body? Make funny. Okay. But seriously. Our wives must flourish. Ephesians 5.

Explanation: The unsaved flourish. I Corinthians 7:14. Culture of the day. Christianity new. Not missionary dating. Chaos. Don’t be quick to leave.

Illustration: Lee and Leslie Strobel. Married as unbelievers. She gets saved. He said his immediate reaction was anger and outrage. Didn’t want to be married to a holy roller. So as a journalist (atheist) he goes on a two year investigation to disprove Christ and ends up becoming a believer and writing a best selling book out of that investigation called, Case for Christ.

Application. God is after so much more than your happiness in your marriage, it’s holiness and his glory. And you’re a part of that in the life of your spouse. Don’t be quick to leave.

Singles/Betterment: I Corinthians 7:32-33

1 Corinthians 7:32–33 ESV

I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife,

It’s not the old ball in chain in marriage. But I am distracted in a great way. Not as free. Singles are as free and flexible as they will ever be, leverage that for the LORD!

Al Mohler Library Illustration. Came home to Korie…that’s unbelievable! Yeh, you’re not doing that. He probably has a terrible marriage! So I don’t. There’s things you give up.

Paul Illustration. You know the great debate with Paul was, was he married or single. I think the question and debate makes Paul’s point. He was so singularly focused on the Gospel…Eh...

Receiving God’s Assignment Brings Contentment

Explanation: This is such a complicated passage, but it holds so much relevance to the church today. Paul is being hit with questions on marriage and singleness. It feels as if these two in particular are being pitted against each other. How does he respond? Look again at verse 17. It’s sort of like he’s going, “EH”. He just reeks contentment. What is contentment? Contentment is the refusal to allow your circumstances to be the driver of your emotions.

Biblical Illustration: Philippians 4:10-13. Contentment…The word “content” means self-sufficient in a good way. It means that my situation does not give me meaning. Singleness doesn’t define me. Marriage doesn’t define me. In order to get there you have to have something greater than your situation to give you meaning. he gets at this in I Corinthians 7:24

1 Corinthians 7:24 ESV

So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.

Point: Paul is saying you’re making too big of a deal out of singleness, marriage and sex...

I get claustrophobic when I get on smaller planes. The way I handle it is I immediately start watching something on my iPad. I have to distract myself with something else, or I won’t make it. If I obsess over literally where I’m at, I won’t make it. I need a bigger narrative. Or golf club illustration. Or change ending to my wife thinking she’s in a bigger space.

Applications:

You want to make the most out of being single, don’t obsess over not being married. If you want to guarantee singleness disappointing you, make it a bigger deal than God.

Marriage. Stop obsessing over how hard your marriage is, and this person I’m married to. If You want to guarantee making your marriage disappoint you, make your spouse a bigger deal than God.

Family. If you want to guarantee having your children disappoint you, make them a bigger deal than God.

Receiving God’s Assignment Makes Me Selfless

Explanation: What’s God’s assignment? His glory. That becomes the focal point of my life no matter the season I am in and that makes me selfless.

KEY THOUGHT: LIFE’S GREATEST SATISFACTIONS ARE TIED TO LIFE’S GREATEST SACRIFICES. AND THE WAY OF SACRIFICE IS THE WAY OF SELFLESSNESS.

THE WAY TO MAXIMIZE SEX IN MARRIAGE IS TO SELFLESSLY LIVE FOR YOUR SPOUSES PLEASURE AND NOT MERELY YOUR OWN.

THE WAY TO MAXIMIZE A LESS THAN DESIRABLE MARRIAGE, IS TO LIVE ON MISSION FOR THE GLORY OF GOD.

THE WAY TO MAXIMIZE SINGLENESS IS NOT SITTING AROUND BROODING ABOUT HOW YOU ARE “STILL” SINGLE, BUT TO LEVERAGE YOUR TIME AND FLEXIBILITY TO THE GLORY OF GOD.

APPLICATIONS:

OLDER RETIRED COUPLE WHOSE KIDS HAVE MOVED OUT OF THE HOUSE. BEACH EVERY OTHER WEEKEND. “LOOK GOD, MY SEASHELLS”. OR SET OUT ON A CHURCH PLANT TEAM, ADDING INSTANT CREDIBILITY.

SINGLES- GO WITH ONE OF OUR PLANTERS.

KORIE AND I ARE EMPTY NESTERS. SOLD OUR HOME IN SAN JOSE CAME HERE. THOUGHT LONG AND HARD ABOUT THE HOUSE WE WOULD BUY. WANT INTERNS AND APPRENTICES LIVING WITH US. THAT COULD BE YOU.

GOSPEL CONCLUSION:

John 4. The woman at the well. The problem is she had made men and relationships and marriage the obsession of her life and she was always coming up empty. Jesus responds by saying if she made the living water the focus of her life she would never thirst again (thirst = obsess). What he is saying is that if you obsess over me, you’ll be satisfied. She does. He becomes the 7th man, which means she is now complete and fulfilled and her life is transformed.

You need the 7th man...

SHOT CLOCK ILLUSTRATION. MAKE THE MOST OF THE MOMENT.

JESUS. I THINK THE REASON WHY HE NEVER GOT MARRIED IS HE KNEW HE HAD A SHORT SHOT CLOCK- 33 YEARS. I KNOW THERE’S MORE TO IT THAN THAT. BUT HE NEEDED TO CHANGE THE WORLD.