Communicating Wisely in Crucial Conversations

James 1:19-20

James 1:19–20 (NASB95)

19 This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

Wise Communicators are Quick to Listen

This is by far the most important component of communication, hence why James says be quick or do it without delay.

Which requires willingness

If we are going to be quick to listen, it requires a willingness on our part.

Application: If we are not willing to listen, it will show itself disrespectful very early in the conversation.

Which must be purposeful

Another aspect is that it must be purposeful. The phrase “To Listen” informs us that “listening” must be a major reason why we’ve decided to have the conversation

The purpose is to gain understanding - Prov 1:5 “5 A wise man will hear and increase in learning, And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel,”

What is the aim of listening? It is to learn and gain an understanding. Gaining an understanding leads me to wisdom for the circumstance.

Application: Times are tense, crucial convos are necessary, and as wise communicators, our aim must be to understand the other person or party.

Wise Communicators are Slow to Speak

While listening is paramount, controlling one’s mouth is also key. It’s not that wise communicators don’t speak at all, they are slow to speak.

Because Fools speak before hearing - Prov 18:13 “13 He who gives an answer before he hears, It is folly and shame to him.”

First off, because speaking too quickly interferes with the primary goal of listening, and that’s full clarity and understanding about the matter. Solomon says on fools begin to speak, not fully understanding the issues.

Application: How many times have we gone round and round with someone about something, only to find the problem is that neither understands the others concern, issue, position, etc. That’s foolish.

Because Fools only want their opinion heard - Prov 18:2 “2 A fool does not delight in understanding, But only in revealing his own mind.”

In addition, speaking too quick and too much only shows that one is most interested in voicing what they feel and think.

Application: This is the cutoff stage. I’ve vacated understanding you, I’m only interested in what I have to say, and making sure that’s your only interest too.

Because too much talking can lead to sinful speech - Prov 10:19 “19 When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, But he who restrains his lips is wise.”

Then, wise communicators are slow to speak because too much talking can lead to sinful speech.

Application: This is the slick and slanderous talk, where our minds are far from the real issues or concerns, and we’re now cutting the person with every word. But a wise communicator instead, demonstrates love and self-control and locks those words up in their minds.

Wise Communicators are Slow to be angry

Not only are wise communicators quick to listen and slow to speak, but they also take a while to angry.

Because Fools are quick-tempered - Ecc 7:9 “9 Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, For anger resides in the bosom of fools.” ; Prov 12:16 “16 A fool’s anger is known at once, But a prudent man conceals dishonor.”

Again, fools, ones without understanding, are characterized by their tempers and angry disposition.

Application: How soon do we let our anger show when we disagree, dislike, etc what’s been said.

Because Quick-tempers fuel strife - Prov 15:18 “18 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, But the slow to anger calms a dispute.”

Well what’s the problem with getting angry, don’t we all? The first is that a quick temper adds fuel to the fire. But one who can control their anger can calm everything down!

Because Human anger doesn’t achieve God’s desires

Lastly, the problem that James himself explains is with human anger. Divine anger is always just. Whereas human anger is faulted and doesn’t subside. The problem is that it cannot produce or achieve what it is that GOD desires.

Application: Think about it. The last time you got angry, like off the chain. How easy was it to serve someone? Could you be kind and angry at the same time? Can you do acts of love from human anger?