Introduction

      I love boating and although I have a fascination with canoeing and sailng, there is nothing like sitting in the drivers seat of a power boat with an inboard motor and pushing the throttle and feeling the boat come quickly out of the water and begin planeing along the surface of the water at high speed. That's power and you have control of it at your finger tips.

      A few years ago we drove to Arizona to visit my mom. We drove there with our four cylinder Buick and every time we went up a hill, we had to slow down because the power was not there. When we were visiting, I drove my mother's 1962 Buick Riviera. It has 455 cubic inch V8 engine. What a difference! Now that is power, and I had control of that power. It was great.

      As men, we. like power and we like to use power. We also have great power available to us personally. But power is a two edged sword. It can be used to destroy or it can be used to build. Atomic power can be unleashed in a bomb and destroy everything in its way. It can also be harnessed and be used to produce energy that can fuel a city.

      This morning I would like to focus on the power of a man in fathering. We as fathers have great power at our disposal. How will we use that power?

I.                   The Power of a Father

      Just as atomic energy can destroy or build, so we can use our power as fathers to break or build our children.

A.                 Power to Break

      The Bible gives us examples of fathering that destroyed. Although a good man himself, Eli was not effective as a father. He was destructive in using his power as a father. We read in I Samuel 3:13, "For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them." Eli did not use his power as a father wisely and as a result had a negative influence on his sons.

      We have recently studied David and have seen how he was not a successful father. He had great power as a king and also as a father, but he did not use that power wisely and also lost his sons. We read in II Samuel 14:21,24, "The king said to Joab, "Very well, I will do it. Go, bring back the young man Absalom."..."But the king said, "He must go to his own house; he must not see my face." So Absalom went to his own house and did not see the face of the king."

      Power used negatively is destructive of families.I read recently that men are involved 90 % of child and spousal abuse cases.

      "A child's heart is easily bruised. Easily torn. Easily broken. And once seriously damaged, no team of surgeons in God's world can repair it. Only the Almighty Himself has the skill to restore its original balance, potential, and capacities."

      One of the saddest stories I have read about a father using his power to destroy is the following.

      "I was just 12 when my Boy Scout troop planned a father-son camp-out...I was thrilled and could hardly wait to rush home and give my father all the information. I wanted to show him all I'd learned in scouting, and I was so proud when he said he'd go with me."

      "The Friday of the camp-out finally came, and I had all my gear out on the porch, ready to stuff in his car the moment he arrived. We were to meet at the local school at 5:00 pm. and car pool to the campground. But Dad didn't get home until 7:00 pm.

      "I was frantic, but he explained how things had gone wrong at work and told me not to worry. We could still get up first thing in the morning and join the others. After all, we had a map. I was disappointed, of course, but decided to just make the best of it.

      "First thing in the morning, I was up and had everything in his car while it was still getting light, all ready for us to catch up with my friends and their fathers at the campground. He had said we'd leave around 7:00, and I was ready a half hour before that. But he never got up until 9:30.

      "When he saw me standing out front with the camping gear, he finally explained that he had a bad back and couldn't sleep on the ground. He hoped I'd understand and that I'd be a `big boy' about it... but could I please get my stuff out of his car because he had several `commitments' he had to keep.

      "That's when I realized that my dad never meant to go with me to the campout. He just didn't have the guts ot tell me."

      "How do you restore the capacity to trust after trust has been shattered like that."

B.                 Power to Build

      Fortunately, fathers not only have the power to destroy, but also to build. We read in the Bible about Samuel's parents. Most often we read about his mother, but his father was also instrumental in the good parenting that went on there. We read in I Samuel 1:3,23, "Year after year this man went up from his town to worship and sacrifice to the LORD Almighty at Shiloh..."..."Do what seems best to you," Elkanah her husband told her. "Stay here until you have weaned him; only may the LORD make good his word." So the woman stayed at home and nursed her son until she had weaned him." It was Samuel's father who was faithful in worship attendance and lead his family in worship. We also notice that he was supportive of his wife and helped her in discerning God's will and in directing her to God's way.

      It is great to read stories of faithful parenting.

      "After her father's death, Sara went through some of his personal things. Opening his Bible, she came across a pressed rosebud and two ticket stubs. Suddenly, the memories came flooding back. During her insecure, unsettling, and terribly important teenage years, her father had... used his power for good.

      "I grew up in a poor family in the late 40's. My father loved us very much and worked extremely hard to keep five kids in shoes and clothes. but still, most of our clothes were hand-me-downs from the missionary barrel at church.

      "During high school, I struck gold with a wealthy family at church who needed a baby-sitter. I saved my money, and then one night, I wrote up a special invitation to my father, asking if he would go out with me on a special "date" the next evening.

      "My father responded by picking up flowers on his way home from work, then brushing off and putting on his only nice suit--usually resserved for weddings or funerals. "After all, "he said, "it's not often you get to go out with the `belle of the ball.'"

      "We went to a local restaurant and had hamburgers and chocolate milkshakes. Then we went to see a show, and we walked home together, arm in arm.

      "I'll never forget how he hugged me when we got home, and how he told me he loved me, prayed for me and was proud of me."

      "Looking at those ticket stubs and faded rose from a special night nearly half a century ago, Sara realized how the power of that memory had warmed her days and encouraged her heart through all the intervenening years. No matter what others may have thought of her, her father thought she was the "belle of the ball." No matter what she accomplished or failed to accomplish, she could still close her eyes and see the pride glistening in ther father's eyes."

II.               Using Our Power to Build

      As fathers, we have great power with our children and our wives. How can we use our power to build relationships and to help them become the best people they can be?

      We will not gain our children by using the power we have as men or by the power we have because we are the head of the home or the power we have because of our place in society. We will be most effective with the power of love.

      Jesus was the Son of God. He had power over the wind and the waves, he had power over life and death. And yet in his relationship with the disciples and others around him, he set aside that power and used the power of love.

      The Pharisees expected a power Messiah, He had that kind of power, but he also had personal power to change lives through love and kindness. He used the personal power of love in order to always seek our best. How did Jesus do that? How can we as fathers do that?

A.                 Honor

      We know that the Bible tells children to honor their parents. But have we ever realized that we can also find teaching that encourages us to honor our children?

      Jesus is our example here. How did Jesus treat others? When the society he lived in treated women as little more than property, Jesus honored women by giving them a place in his kingdom and discussing God's truth with them. John 4:9, "The Samaritan woman said to him, "You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?" (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.)"

      We have been studying the issue of women in leadership and have seen how much things changed for women because of Jesus. He gave them dignity and honor.

      But Jesus also honored children. When the people were bringing children to Jesus to have him touch them, the disciples tried to protect Jesus. But Jesus honored the children, not only by having them come, but also by inviting them to sit on his lap and by blessing them with his touch.

      We read in Matthew 19:14,15, "Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there."

      How can we honor our children? The essence of honoring is to let them know that they count. How can we do that?

      One way is to build security into their lives. One of the most destructive insecurities today is that kids don't seem to have any assurance that their parents will stay together. They have friends whose parents are separated and divorced. When that was the exception, that was one thing, but today it often seems that it is not the exception or at least that it happens often enough that they have significant insecurities.

      That is why it is so important that as parents we let our children know that we love each other and that we are commited to each other for life. We have heard it before, but it bears repeating. The greatest gift you can give your children is to love your wife.

      All children need regular affirmation. We have sometimes heard it said that if you praise a child too much he will become proud. The exact opposite is what actually happens. A child who lacks praise will try any way to get it. They will get it by being bad or they will get it by boasting about themselves. A child who is regularly affirmed, knows that she or he is worthwhile and so does not need to boast. Aaffirmation does not build self aggrandizment, it builds self esteem.

      We could talk about other ways of honoring children, but suffice it to say that we as fathers have great power to build up our children and one of the best ways we can do that is to honor them.

B.                 Meaningful Communication

      A further way of using our power to build is to engage in and teach them good ways of communicating.

      Jesus was an expert communicator. He was not weak and could speak what needed to be said when it was necessary. But he was also compassionate and spoke words of love to those around him. Matthew 9:36" When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd."

      How can we engage in meaningful communication. One of the powers of men is the power to fix things. We don't mind if people notice that we can fix anything. We are good at figuring things out and arriving quickly at a solution. Relationships are not often as easily fixed. When I play Ping Pong, I have learned some pretty fancy shots and I try to use them to beat my opponent with a quick spike or a tricky spin. When I play with Carla, however, I can't beat her with that method. The only way I have a chance with her is if I play a patient game. The quick fix doesn't work. Often we want to fix problems in relationship the same way we fix our car or try to win a ping pong game, but it doesn't work.

      Meaningful communication means quick listening. James 1:19, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,"

      There are a lot of things that could be said about good communication and when I teach pre-marriage counseling I often go in to some of them. Let me share one with you.

      We like to solve things quickly and we use the power of angry words to do so too often. At least I know I do. A better way is to listen and to resolve a problem. One way to resolve problems is by the use of a chart.

      When communicating about a problem with a child, get out a piece of paper and divide it in half. On one side, put your point of view on the other the child's point of view. Or put advantages of a decision on one side and disadvantages on the other. That way each person is heard and the problem is resolved through listening.

      We have at our disposal the power of words. Will we use them to build?

C.                 Meaningful Touch

      In the story of the children coming to Jesus we read in Mark 10:13, 16, "People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them,... And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them."

      We live in a society today where touch can be a very dangerous thing. With the dangers of abuse, of being accused of abuse even when you are innocent, with the danger of inappropriate touch, many are getting to the place where they are scared to touch anyone.

      Some of us are OK with that because by nature we are not "touchy" type of people. But both of these reasons make it important today that as fathers we use the power of appropriate touch to build our children.

      I am not a person who likes to hug too often. But I know that a hug from the right person does a lot of good. I read about a survey recently that said that men who had a kiss from their wife when they left for work were less likely to have an accident on the way to work.

      Appropriate touch is healing and building and greatly needed today. A pat on the back or a hug are wonderful ways of using the power of our hands to build our children.

      Words are not enough, we need to show our children in physical ways that we love them.

D.                Regular Emotional Bonding Experiences

      This past weekend, my brother was here. On Saturday evening, my brother and I went out for a drive. My sister-in-law was encouraging us saying that we needed time to bond. She was teasing and it was almost the joke for the weekend, but what she was saying was not a joke. My brother is 5 1/2 years younger than I am. Although we shared a lot of things as children, the age difference was enough that we were not particularly close. It is only in the last 10 years that we have come closer together. Time spent together doing different things builds relationships. In fact I read that "deep friendships come in the context of doing something else together."

      Jesus engaged in this type of relationship building with his disciples. The whole way of teaching his disciples was built around this type of relationship. They went with him wherever he went and they got to know him and he taught them in the context of life. One story which illustrates this is the story of the storm at sea in Mark 4:35-41, "That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?" He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

      In order to use our power as fathers to build, let us take the time for emotional bonding experiences-working together, eating together, playing together and so on are all ways we can use to express the power of love.

E.                 Evident Consistent Love For God

      One of the most impressive things about Jesus is the relationship he had with his Father. It was clearly evident that he loved the Father and that the Father loved him.  "All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him." Matthew 11:27.  "After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone," Matthew 14:23

      Jesus used the power of his relationship with God to show the disciples the power of a relationship with God. We can use our power as fathers, indeed as parents to show our children the right way to have a relationship with God. If our relationship with God is close and evident, we will show them the same kind of pattern.

Conclusion

      Jesus had great power, but he was among us as a servant. As men, we have great power, but on this Father's Day, I would like to invite you as fathers to use your power as a servant in your family. You are the head of the home, and you have the power to prove it, Prove it by living as a servant, take the lead in loving.

      All of us as parents and especially as fathers could probably improve in this area. One book that I read recently is called, The Hidden Value of a Man. It is an excellent book to help us grow in using our power to build our families.

      One of the most discouraging things for a father must be to realize after many years that he has been destroying his family by the wrong use of power. It is never too late to turn around.

      It may be difficult to do so because power is so much a part of who we are as men, because we have a long habit of using power negatively, because we are proud or because we never learned the right way of using power from our parents. But it is still not too late to change.

      "Great turn arounds don't just happen. They come as a direct result of learning from fiery trials and, out of the ashes, forging a plan of action that works."

      One way to consider if we want help in turning around is to do so with the help of other men. I would like to challenge the men in this church to get together as groups and help each other grow. A support group can help support us, motivate us and act as resourcing, reassurance network and a way of gaining the perspective of others.

      For too long, we have followed the way of the world in using our power to destroy. Let us learn more of the way in which Jesus used the power of love to build.