The Strange Woman

Introduction

Proverbs approaches topics from many different angles. Sometimes it’s good to answer a fool, sometimes it’s not. Wealth is a good reward for hard work but that same wealth can be a snare for your soul. Proverbs acknowledges that life is complicated.

But one thing that Proverbs is absolutely certain of, one thing where there are no shades of grey, is sexual immorality. While mostly silent in the latter portion of the book, Proverbs dedicates a full two and a half chapters instructing us to stay away from the forbidden woman.

Proverbs 5:1–6 (ESV)

1 My son, be attentive to my wisdom;

incline your ear to my understanding,

2 that you may keep discretion,

and your lips may guard knowledge.

3 For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey,

and her speech is smoother than oil,

4 but in the end she is bitter as wormwood,

sharp as a two-edged sword.

5 Her feet go down to death;

her steps follow the path to Sheol;

6 she does not ponder the path of life;

her ways wander, and she does not know it.

The Attraction

The wisdom of Proverbs is so incredibly needed today. We are surrounded by a constant barrage of sexual temptations. It’s in all of our advertisements with companies grabbing your eyes with a scantily-clad stranger. It’s in all of our TV shows as we watch our protagonists save the day and be rewarded with more than a kiss. We hear about sex scandals ruining political careers. Pastors and church leaders are caught having affairs. And we see it up close and personal, with inappropriate work relationships, old flings connecting on Facebook, and pornography just a click away.

It’s no wonder why sexual sin is such a temptation for so many. It satisfies a physical longing for touch and intimacy. It satisfies the ego and makes you feel validated. It feels good to be desired. It also can affect your standing in society. People use virgin as an insult for the young and inexperienced or socially awkward. Men in particular are praised in society for sleeping with beautiful women, and lots of them. When considering sexual acts from a worldly perspective, it sounds like a big win all around!

Although Proverbs speaks as a father to a son, this temptation is not just for the young man - these warning cross age and gender. Proverbs 5 warns that a forbidden woman can ensnare a man, but we know there are men who want to ensnare women. And if you think that you’re at an age where sexual temptations are no longer effective against you I would like to remind you that Solomon was old when his wives turned his heart away from God (1 Kings 11:4). This is a problem for man and woman, both young and old.

Proverbs lays out two paths for us - one of wisdom and one of foolishness. And as much as we might want to walk wisely we are warned that there will be those who want to lead us down the path of sin, and we will want to follow them. We need to internalize God’s wisdom, to keep discretion and guard knowledge with our lips because the lips of the stranger will be guiding us to them.

But that stranger is forbidden! Truer to the Hebrew she’s the strange woman. The strangers of the Old Testament were the hostile foreigners that Israel was forbidden to intermarry with. The strange woman is one who has no place in your marriage - she is an outsider to your family - she is forbidden. And if we find ourselves keeping company with her it leads to disastrous results.

A Path to Hell

Our faithfulness to our spouses is a reflection of our faithfulness to God. This is why God tells Hosea to take an adulterous wife, so he can experience firsthand what God goes through when we sin against him. This is why after discussing marriage in Ephesians 5, Paul tells us that “The two shall become one flesh” and says that’s talking not just about husband and wife, but Christ and the church. This is why after David laments his adultery with Bathsheba in Psalm 51 he says “Against you, you only, have I sinned.” When we are led astray in our marriages we are being led to the gates of Hell.

Proverbs 5:5–6 ESV

5 Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol; 6 she does not ponder the path of life; her ways wander, and she does not know it.

Once we’re on that path we’ll find it difficult to get back. It’s beyond difficult to cut ties with someone you are entangled with physically and emotionally.

Have you ever had a friend in an abusive relationship? You hear the horror stories of what it’s like for them at home. Maybe you even hear some first-hand, or see some bruises. But what really kills you is that they know they’re in an abusive relationship - but they can’t help but keep going back.

Even though we know the illicit affairs are sinful, we keep coming back. We leave God in order to keep the forbidden woman. I saw this just earlier this year with a woman who knew she was living in sin with her fourth husband, but wouldn’t let go of that relationship. She chose a forbidden man over God. This comes into play with those who have homosexual attraction. They want all physical and emotional intimacy, but with the wrong people. And many will end up choosing a forbidden man or woman over God. Having an affair won’t just ruin your marriage, it can ruin your eternal destiny.

She Destroy’s Your Life

Not only is adultery sinful, it’s just really stupid.

Proverbs 5:8–14 ESV

8 Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house, 9 lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, 10 lest strangers take their fill of your strength, and your labors go to the house of a foreigner, 11 and at the end of your life you groan, when your flesh and body are consumed, 12 and you say, “How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof! 13 I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors. 14 I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation.”

Despite all that initial allurement that draws you in, in the end that sweetness is exchanged for bitterness and the smoothness for a sharp sword.

I love vanilla flavored things. Saying that something is vanilla to describe it as plain or boring is just flat-out wrong.

One day I come home from school and it’s just me and my brother. And Clint tells me “Hey, we love vanilla ice-cream, vanilla perfume, vanilla mints, so have some vanilla extract!” He pours me a big spoon-full and it smells great and I can’t wait to taste it and you might know how it all ended. Everything told me that this was going to be great and that I would love it. But in the end it was bitter like wormwood.

One bad decision and all your labor, wealth, and years go to another. One act can weigh on your mind for the rest of your life. One moment of sweetness fills your life with bitterness.

How many times have we seen or heard of affairs destroying lives?

Family

You break your spouses heart

Kids and other family take sides

Children split between households, belonging to the invader and not the spouse

You’ve invaded another family

Financial

Child support/alimony

Divorce lawyers

Societal consequences

If you’re unfaithful to the person you love most, what makes you think I trust you?

On Preventing Adultery

Recognize How It Starts

What’s interesting is that nowhere in this text is the forbidden woman described as being physically beautiful. Physical descriptions of the forbidden woman are rare throughout Proverbs. Overwhelmingly the forbidden woman’s attraction is found in her words.

Proverbs 5:3 ESV

3 For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil,

Her lips drip honey. In a world before our deserts and soft drinks and refined sugar the sweetest thing you could find was honey. God described how good the promised land was by calling it a land “flowing with milk and honey.” And her speech is just so smooth. Smooth in the way most guys wish they were when talking to girls. It’s flattering, it puts wind in your sails, it makes you melt. The things she says are just so sweet, and so good to hear. Her words are an ego boost that you begin to crave.

Sex is just as much psychological as it is physical. It doesn’t satisfy just a physical need, but an emotional one. What’s better: a supermodel with no interest in you, or an average person who just thinks you’re the cutest? The forbidden woman goes for the heart.

We shouldn’t try to excuse inappropriate talk by thinking words are harmless. Nobody just wakes up one morning and says “Today’s the day! I’m having an affair!” It’s something that builds up over time. A quick compliment here, some casual flirting there, and we’re already hooked.

We must examine our conversations and carefully consider how and why we are talking to people and what they are saying to us. If we’re married we have no business having long and deep conversations with the opposite sex. Emotional affairs turn into physical affairs. Once the forbidden woman grabs your heart, the physical acts become that much easier.

Run Away!

We need to stay away from anyone who would tear our marriages apart. Proverbs 5:8 gives us simple advice

Proverbs 5:8 ESV

8 Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house,

The best way to not sin is to stay as far away from the temptation as possible. There are those lines we have drawn in the sand and we know not to cross it, but we get our toes right on the edge and lean in a bit, and if someone happens to pull us over that’s not our fault!

When it comes to sexual sins we are not the innocent victims of circumstance and bad timing we claim to be.

We may never directly knock on the forbidden woman's door, but we’d sure like it if she’d invite us in. So we go hanging around places we have no business in, not actively soliciting anyone but letting the world know that we’re open for business.

We act like the foolish man in Proverbs 7:6-10

Proverbs 7:6–10 (ESV)

6 For at the window of my house

I have looked out through my lattice,

7 and I have seen among the simple,

I have perceived among the youths,

a young man lacking sense,

8 passing along the street near her corner,

taking the road to her house

9 in the twilight, in the evening,

at the time of night and darkness.

10 And behold, the woman meets him,

dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart.

The fool doesn’t go knocking at her door - but he’s hoping to be invited in. So he just happens to take the path that leads by her house. He comes when it’s dark so nobody will see and warn him away. And when she meets him it’s just all too convenient to minimize his role in what happens next. It all just sort of “happens.”

We need to establish boundaries in our lives. The forbidden woman doesn’t meet us only in the streets. They might be a coworker. In 2006 32% of those surveyed said they had a “work wife” or “work husband.” Set your boundaries and honor your actual spouse.

The forbidden woman has also moved her front door to our computer and phone screens. We wander down certain web pages and links and we just happen to find ourselves confronted by her again and again. Social media lets you connect with old flings, and countless sites let you see anything and everything at the click of a button. Set boundaries by getting website blocking software. Put your computer in an open area. Keep yourself away from temptation.

The allure of the forbidden woman grows stronger with proximity, so stay far away!

The Role of a Spouse

The final piece of advice comes from Proverbs 5:15-20

Proverbs 5:15–20 ESV

15 Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. 16 Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? 17 Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. 18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, 19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. 20 Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?

We can be so fixated on the evils of adultery and fornication that we forget that sex is a blessing. And the best way to guard against sexual sins is to enjoy that blessing in its proper context. Proverbs tells us to enjoy the “wife of your youth.” Rather than running around to find illicit relationships enjoy the one God has blessed you with. Be satisfied with your own fountain and you won’t be interested in drinking from your neighbors. To avoid affairs it’s important that we cultivate a healthy sex life in our marriages. We need to be intoxicated by our spouse.

That is a responsibility of both partners in a marriage. It is your job be satisfied with your spouse, and to be satisfying to your spouse. Paul says as much in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5

1 Corinthians 7:2–5 (ESV)

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.

4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

You know how to be attractive to your spouse. They married you, so you must have done something right! You know what styles to wear, how to cut your hair, the right perfume or cologne. You remember how you were able to woo them with honeyed lips and smooth words.

It’s easy to obsessed with your spouse early on, but unfortunately as the years go by we begin to be complacent. How many times have heard or said the words ourselves “I don’t have to try anymore, you’re stuck with me!” At one point in your relationship you did your very best to be attractive to your spouse. We dressed up, we doted on one another, we made it easy to be with.

Have you stopped? God has blessed the both of you with a relationship that only you can fulfill. So don’t get complacent in your marriages. Make yourself look good for them. Say those things that distract your spouse. Have lips that drip honey and words that are smoother than oil. Be so satisfied and satisfying that it’s impossible to turn to anyone else.

Conclusion

We don’t comprehend what we’re really flirting with when we consider sexual sin, but God has warned us

Proverbs 5:21–23 NIV

21 For your ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all your paths. 22 The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them; the cords of their sins hold them fast. 23 For lack of discipline they will die, led astray by their own great folly.

We might think we can have a secret affair, but God knows it. We think it will just be a one time thing, but it will ensnare us. We might think it’s harmless but it will kill your soul, and it will kill your marriage. It is spiritual suicide.