Family Matter Part 2

Central Point of the Message: Because Jesus is the lord of the church, husbands are to submit to him by having sacrificial love for his wife.

Question? Why should husbands have sacrificial love for their wives?

The petition of love (vs.25a)

Paul transitions from wives to husbands. He addresses husbands by calling them to love their wives.

John Stott said, “Paul’s Stoic contemporaries taught husbands to ‘love’. But the verb they used was the weak word phileō; it was Christian teaching which introduced strong, sacrificial ‘agapē-love’ into marriage.

The word he uses for love is agapao. It is a present active imperative verb second person plural verb. Imperative indicates a command. Paul is not suggesting that husbands love, he is not giving us a choice in the matter. He is commanding that husbands love. This action is presently happening in the marriage. Love is the practice of the husbands life.

The Greek English Lexicon said love means, “To esteem, indicating a direction of the will and and finding one’s joy in something or someone.

Paul here command husbands to love their wives not in a wordly way. The way the world loves is motivated by self. Their mindset is a what is in it for me mentality. It is the same heart that we heard last week when we spoke about those who abuse their authority for selfish gain.

The model for this love is not found by looking to Oprah, Ellen, Dr. Phil, nor any other person in the world but the messiah. Romans 5:8 describes this love that Christ has shown us. We also see it in

John 15:13 ESV

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

This love is what motivates us to love our wives as Christ loved the church.

1 John 4:19 ESV

We love because he first loved us.

The love that Paul talks about here is not a conditional love, but this love is sacrificial.

It is the same love that God showed Israel, that “hesed” love. Even when you may not be loved back you still love. This love goes deeper than just feelings.

Growing up I loved as a child to ride the cars. They were the cars right inside the door of the grocery store. The ones that moved up and down when you put your change in it. I thought that I was driving a real car. No one could convince me that I was not driving a real car. In order to understand that I was not driving a real car I had to drive the real thing. Some men are imagining that they love their wives as Christ loved the church. Unfortunately they have never experienced love from the father.

Without being in Christ we can not love our wives in this way.

1 John 4:10 ESV

In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Husbands are to give themselves up for their wives. This type of sacrifice is impossible to do without the Spirit of God. As husbands we are to remember where our power comes from. We need the Spirit of God to live sacrificially with our wives in this way.

Paul said, “4:18 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit,

Being “filled” with the Spirit is in a present passive imperative. Which this is a command too. We do not have a choice as to be filled or not be filled with the Spirit. We must continually walk in his Spirit. Many husbands are grieving their wives because they are grieving the Spirit of God. The Spirit that is speaking to them about how to love their wives as Christ loved the church.

As Jesus was lead by the Spirit from the very beginning of his ministry and all the way to the cross so also must the husband be lead by the Spirit in this way.

So husbands have this sacrificial love because the command God gives. We also see anther reason why husbands should sacrifice for their wives.

The purpose of love (vs. 25b-27)

Paul gives the command then he gives the purpose behind the love. He does this as paints a picture of what bride will look like. This picture is a picture of Christ relationship with his church.

Because of Christ’s love we will be sanctified. Paul said, “She will be sanctified by this love.” This is the purpose of love that he may “sanctify” her because of his love. We are being made into the image of God because of the Spirit of God in our lives that convicts us of sin, righteousness, and judgement. (John 16:18). This sanctification is not our own doing but it is solely the Spirit of God.

Paul said in Titus 3:5

Titus 3:5 ESV

he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit,

Many commentators believe that the washing of “water” with the word speaks of water baptism.

The best way I feel to understand what the washing of water speaks about is by understand what sanctifies us. As we have seen above in Titus 3:5 that the Spirit of God is what sanctifies us. The blood of Jesus and the word does this as well.

Revelation 7:14 ESV

I said to him, “Sir, you know.” And he said to me, “These are the ones coming out of the great tribulation. They have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

John 17:17 ESV

Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth.

It is Christ who begins this work Philippians 1:6

Philippians 1:6 ESV

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

And it is Christ who will present the church to himself in splendor.

This word “splendor” means:

to being held in high esteem, honored,

Arndt, W., Danker, F. W., Bauer, W., & Gingrich, F. . A Greek-English lexicon

Christ esteems his bride, he honors his bride.

He also will present her without “spot” or “wrinkle.”

The Lexham Bible Dictionary said a spot is, “A word that often refers to diseases, injuries, or imperfections (e.g., Lev 21:17–23; 22:19–25). An imperfection or defect in an animal that made it unfit as a sacrifice.

Outside of Christ we have plenty of spots and blemishes. We are unfit!

As many of you know my truck body has been repaired multiple times. When i first took my truck to get repaired after someone hit me from behind. I had other scratches and dings in my truck that I personally did myself. The repair show told me that they could fix the scratches by painting over them but they could not paint over the damage done by getting hit from behind. They said that they would have to replace the side panel and the bumper on my truck in order to fix it. They took of the old and put on the new. When they called me and told me that my truck was done and could be picked up, I went and picked it up. My truck looked brand new when i picked it up! I mean the scratches and dings were gone. The bumper and side panel looked brand new! Why did my truck look brand new? Because they did work to it. In the same way because of Christ sacrificial work on the cross we are made brand new. We do not have a spot nor a wrinkle because of the blood of Jesus.

Paul puts this beautiful picture on display of how the sacrifice of Christ for his bride shows how much he loves his bride.

So too the husband must sacrifice for his bride so that she can be without spot or blemish. He has the responsibility to do this and he does it primarily by studying the scriptures together and praying together.

Life Way did a survey in 2019 of protestant Christians who read their Bible daily and they found that 32 percent read it everyday. https://www.baptiststandard.com/news/faith-culture/relatively-few-protestant-churchgoers-read-the-bible-daily/

Now if 32 % reads it everyday probably about 10-15% would be men reading the Bible everyday. One of the primary ways that men can present his wife without spot or blemish is by being in the Word of God together.

This is one discipline that Christie and I have to do better at. Scripture reading to our children we do often. Unfortunately we get so busy with life we are not focused on what brings life as a couple. It is my responsibility as the husband to do this.

Many people say you are not ready to get married until you have enough money. What if we said men you are not ready to get married until you have enough scripture memorized and a daily quiet time.

The husband must love sacrificially in this way so that he may present his wife without spot or blemish.

The final reason the husband must love sacrificially is because of:

The posture of love (vs.28-33)

During this time men would go above and beyond to take care of their bodies.

This reminds me as I go to the gym I see men who are obsessed with the way their body looks. They eat right, sleep right, and workout right. Anything it takes to make their bodies look great they will do. They do this because they love themselves.

Paul uses this as an example to show how much the husband must love his wife.

The word “norishes” means to to shepherd or take general care of

Zodhiates, S. (2000). The complete word study dictionary: New Testament (electronic ed.). Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers.

The word “cherishes” also shows how the husband must love his wife.

The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament 2282. θάλπω thálpō

To make warm, heat. In the NT, used figuratively meaning to cherish, nourish

Husbands should keep warm and to cherish his wife.

I cherish my compound bow. I mean it is a “Hoyt” it is the top of the line bow made by Hoyt. At the time it was their flagship bow. I cherish it so much that I will not let it stay outside for multiple purposes. One I do not want anyone to steal it. Two I do not want it to get too cold, even though carbon bows are not affected by the cold weather. I do not want it to get cold. Why? Because cherish it. One day one of the limbs broke on it. I immediately called for a replacement limb. This is my baby!

In this same way husbands presently nourishes and cherishes his wife. You probably did more when you were married. Paul says you currently both nourish and cherish are in the present tense!

Do you nourish and cherish yourself more than your wife? Do you nourish and cherish your truck, boat, bow, job, or money more than you do your wife?

Paul said husbands must do this as Christ does to the church.

Christ served and died for the church!

As the husband leaves mother and father “holds” fast to his wife. The word for “hold” here literally

To glue one thing to another.

Zodhiates, S. (2000). The complete word study dictionary: New Testament (electronic ed.). Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers.

Men what are you glued too? Your job? Your TV? Your truck? Paul said we must be glued to our wives. God said what God has joined together let no man separate. What are we allowing to separate our marriages?

Our posture as husbands must be a posture of service and sacrifice just like Christ to the church. This is the mystery of Christ and the church.

Paul summarizes his point of both wives and husbands in verse 33. He must love his wife like he loves himself. This implies that husbands can not really love your wife until you love yourself. You can not love yourself until you have experienced the love of Christ. The wife is also to respect her husband as well. Our identity in Christ speaks to everything Paul has commanded to both the husband and the wife.