Taming the Tongue (2)

Confronting the Sins that We Tolerate

Our toes have been stepped on so much that we have needed a foot doctor in the lobby after each of these messages in this series, Confronting the Sins We Tolerate. And, this message I’ve titled, Taming the Tongueis another toe stomper! Christians are often criticized as hypocrites because they don’t do what the Bible tells them to do. Well, I think the opposite is true. Christians are admirable because they determine to be more like Christ each day of their lives. We admit that we need help and acknowledge that we need the Holy Spirit to help us.

It is interesting that on the Day of Pentecost as the promised Holy Spirit filled the new Christians that it is described as “tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them”. They began to speak in our tongues. Is it just incidental that the image of the tongue shows up repeatedly?

A man working in the produce department was asked by a lady if she could buy half a head of lettuce. He replied, "Half a head? Are you serious? God grows these in whole heads and that's how we sell them!"

"You mean," she persisted, "that after all the years I've shopped here, you won't sell me half-a-head of lettuce?"

"Look," he said, "If you like I'll ask the manager."

She indicated that would be appreciated, so the young man marched to the front of the store. "You won't believe this, but there's a lame-brained idiot of a lady back there who wants to know if she can buy half-a-head of lettuce."

He noticed the manager gesturing and turned around to see the lady standing behind him, obviously having followed him to the front of the store. "And this nice lady was wondering if she could buy the other half" he concluded.

Later in the day the manager cornered the young man and said, "That was the finest example of thinking on your feet I've ever seen! Where did you learn that?" "I grew up in Grand Rapids, and if you know anything about Grand Rapids, you know that it's known for its great hockey teams and its ugly women."

The manager's face flushed, and he interrupted, "My wife is from Grand Rapids!" "And which hockey team did she play for?" Source Unknown.

That’s a funny story but there isn’t a whole lot that is funny about the damage that our tongues can do. God takes our words very seriously…

1. The book of Proverbs contains nearly 60 warnings about the tongue.

2. Jesus warned that we will give account for every careless word we speak (Mt. 12:36).

3. And the brother of Jesus, James, describes the effects of the tongue to be a forest fire or ship out of control.[1]

The Power of the Tongue

One of the great lessons that someone learns from the Army is to always point your weapon down range (down toward the target). It is called muzzle awareness. I like police dramas and watch the movement of the officers as they prepare to meet the villains. Sometimes they cross in front of one another and other times they are pointing their weapons at one another after surrounding the suspect.

Just like a trained police officer needs to have muzzle awareness, Christians need to have “tongue awareness”. The Apostle Paul expressed it very well in Ephesians.

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4:29 The Message

Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.

Paul presents a very simple test for our words – no corruption, edifying, and grace imparting. We expect a change in speech when a person becomes a Christian. It is interesting to trace the word mouth through Romans and see how Christ makes a difference in a man’s speech.

The sinner’s mouth The Believer’s mouth

“full of cursing and bitterness” (3:14) gladly confesses with his mouth “Jesus Christ is Lord”(10:9-10)

is stopped before the throne of God (3:19) his mouth is opened to praise God (15:6)

when he was an unsaved rabbi, he was “breathing threats and murder (Acts 9:1) But when he trusted Christ, a change took place: “Behold, he is praying” (Acts 9:11)

Change the heart and you change the speech. This is the answer to the problems of an untamed tongue. We begin with the answer but let’s take a few minutes to discuss a serious issue with our tongues – GOSSIP.

An Untamed Tongue Will Gossip

First, let’s admit it, gossip is one of those sins that we tolerate but we really shouldn’t. According to an article from NPR, we average 52 minutes of gossip a day and men are just as guilty as women. In preparing for this message, I had planned to hit gossip, move on to slander, and discuss a couple of other problems of untamed tongues but I kept coming back to gossip over and over again. The main reason was that I couldn’t easily provide a definition – it doesn’t seem others can either.

Definitions of gossip:

- Merriam Webster: 1a – Godparent (British), 2a – companion, crony, 3a – a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others; 2a – rumor or report of an intimate nature, 2b – chatty talk (This seems to me to cover a whole lot of conversation – FRIGHTENING!)

- ISBE: TALEBEARER; COMMON TALK OF MEN; WHISPERER; TATTLER. In its biblical setting, “gossip” is used to designate the spreading of secrets or rumors, usually for the purpose of slander.[2] (This biblical definition helps because it begins to target secrets and rumors)

- Hebrew (rogan) it means to whisper, murmur, backbite, and slander (As we get deeper into the biblical sense it becomes more and more clear that gossip carries evil intentions.

- (One pastor) the sin of gossip is bearing bad news behind someone’s back out of a bad heart.

Check out this “man on the street” video that asks people why they think that people gossip.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WQx3ePgHuQ&list=WL&index=37 (3:20)

It is interesting to hear their thoughts about gossip but what is even more interesting is the admission that many of them had been hurt by gossip. This brings up a question that many of us may have.

Gossip vs Conversation

Depending on the definition that you use, it leaves a lot of questions about where the line is between gossip and conversation. Does the Bible limit our speech to only the things that are positive and wholesome? Do we ignore the entirety of the bad things of our lives while we keep our lips shut?

It is definitely clear that God wants us to monitor our words, but it is much more about the intent of our statements. Consider these comments that Paul makes:

2 Timothy 4:14–15 NIV

Alexander the metalworker did me a great deal of harm. The Lord will repay him for what he has done. You too should be on your guard against him, because he strongly opposed our message.

Romans 16:17–18 NIV

I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people.

He calls out Alexander in the 1st passage and clearly identifies a group of people in the next. Saying that all discussions of other people is gossip is too narrow a definition. I agree with Pastor Matt Mitchell when he says,

Certainly, there are times when we can, and even must, speak about people who are not present. You are not being a gossip when you call the police about a crime you witness, when you earnestly seek counsel on how to relate to someone in your life, or when you carefully warn someone else about a dangerous. The presence of gossip depends in large measure on how you talk about people who are not present and why you talk about them.[3]

So, it is possible to have conversations about other people without engaging in gossip. But, we really need to be cautious about the spirit in which we are talking.

Could You Be Talking About Me?

Author Peter Barnes, in an article titled “What! Me? A Sinner?” wrote this:

In twentieth century England, C. S. Lewis noted that, “The barrier I have met is the almost total absence from the minds of my audience of any sense of sin.” And in 2001, New Testament scholar D. A. Carson commented that the most frustrating aspect of doing evangelism in universities is the fact that students generally have no idea of sin. “They know how to sin well enough, but they have no idea of what constitutes sin.”[3]

You and I have certainly seen the social media post, “I love Jesus, but I cuss and drink a little”. I get that they are perhaps admitting that they aren’t perfect, but I’m concerned that they see no problem with sinfulness. Consider this passage from James,

James 1:26 NIV

Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.

God takes gossip seriously, and so should we…Here are some questions to help us keep our tongues tamed.

1. Do I Appear in the Story?

2. Was I Directly Asked Not to Share?

3. Could this negatively impact someone’s reputation?

4. Have I talked to the person I’m upset with?

5. Am I listening to gossip without stopping it?

Taming Our Tongues

Imagine a world with tamed tongues. “As widespread as the practice of gossip is, however, it is by no means the only sin of the tongue. In this category, we must also include lying, slander, critical speech (even when true), harsh words, insults, sarcasm, and ridicule.”[4]

The book of Ephesians helps us tame our tongues:

1. Remember the grace of God and who we are in Christ

Ephesians 4:17–19 NIV

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

2. Take control of the reins and control your tongue

Ephesians 4:20–24 NIV

That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

3. Put the right rounds in

Ephesians 4:15 NIV

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

Ephesians 4:25–26 NIV

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4:31–32 NIV

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Ephesians 5:4 NIV

Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.

Ephesians 5:18–20 NIV

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

4. Pray and Praise

If we will allow the Holy Spirit to tame our tongues we will allow blessings to come into our lives and be a blessing to those around us.

[1] Bridges, Jeff. Respectable Sins. [2]Birkey, A. J. (1979–1988). Gossip. In G. W. Bromiley (Ed.), The International Standard Bible Encyclopedia, Revised (Vol. 2, p. 536). Wm. B. Eerdmans. [3] Mitchell, Matt. “What is Gossip: Exposing a Common and Dangerous Sin”. www.desiringgod.org. Accessed October 30, 2021. [4]Excerpt From: Jerry Bridges. “Respectable Sins.” Apple Books.