5 - Forgiveness
In recently read a story about an innocent woman who was hit by the cross fire in a shootout between two men. The bullet permanently paralyzed her.
The Shooting dramatically changed her life…
In the story she said "I haven’t forgiven them yet, but I know I have to, because if I don’t God won’t forgive me."
Have you ever wondered why?
I mean it just doesn’t seem fair does it?
Think about it… your walking along the street minding your own business when all of sudden you are caught in the middle of two thugs shooting it out on the street. You get shot and paralyzed… The rest of your life has been impacted… life has just become harder then you could ever imagine…
And after all of that, as a Christian, the burden of forgiveness is placed on you…
This topic is probably one the most difficult topics in scripture for us as humans to get right… I’m not talking about having the right answers or theology about forgiveness… as Christians we understand that we are supposed to forgive… but when the rubber meets the road do we really practice forgiveness…
· Do our actions, thoughts, and words line up with what the Bible says about forgiveness?
· Do we know what the Bible says about forgiveness?
- When someone wrongs you and doesn’t repent how do you forgive that person?
- Should we forgive that person?
- What does it mean to forgive that person?
Obviously, Jesus does not consider forgiveness an option… and the lady who was shot knew the truth about forgiveness, but actually forgiving the men who shot her wasn’t easy…
It’s difficult to get beyond the emotions of a terrible crime like that and to forgive the very people who have wronged us or caused us harm…
Elizabeth O'Connor said, "Forgiveness is a whole lot harder than any sermon makes it out to be."
Our natural response is not forgive but to get even…
- A mother ran into the bedroom when she heard her seven-year-old son scream. She found his two-year-old sister pulling his hair. She gently released the little girl’s grip and said comfortingly to the boy, "There, there. She didn’t mean it. She doesn’t know that hurts." He nodded his acknowledgement, and mom left the room.
As she started down the hall the little girl screamed. Rushing back in, mom asked, "What happened?"
The little boy replied, "She knows now."
When we are hurt that is how we want to respond isn’t it?
Sometime it is easier to respond that way than it is to forgive?
I know I have found myself wanting to respond by getting even…
I’m not here to give you any pat, Christianiese, answers or formulas about forgiveness this morning… on the contrary I’m going to share with you a lot scripture and a few random thoughts about forgiveness…
There are no easy answers when it comes to forgiveness but I do hope to challenge you to have a Biblical view of the topic and to challenge you to be obedient to Jesus in the area of forgiveness.
This is part 5 of our study “Life According to Jesus” We are working our way through the commandments of Christ learning how to live full, meaningful, productive lives.
John 15:10 (ESV)
10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love.
Our desire as Christians and as a local body of believers is to abide in the love of Christ.
So just curious… How many you here have ever struggled at some point in your life with forgiving someone?
I include myself… I have struggled at times with forgiveness. So I’m confessing up front that this sermon is for me as much as it is for anyone here… I don’t have it completely figured out… But like you I want abide in Christ…
What I have come to understand through my own journey with Christ and through studying the topic in scripture is there are two facets to Biblical forgiveness…
Now this morning we are not talking about Divine Forgiveness which is the forgiveness of our sins by God, we are talking about the ordinary forgiveness that is command by Christ that involves two or more people… and then even more specifically how we as Christian are to approach forgiveness in all our relationships…
There are two aspects to a Christ centered approach of forgiveness:
1. We are to have a spirit or a heart of forgiveness
2. We are to always forgive when someone repents
The first aspect has to do with our own heart and guarding it from the sin of bitterness…
The second has to do with reconciling relationships…
LET’S START BY LOOKING AT THIS IDEA THAT WE ARE TO HAVE A SPIRIT OF FORGIVENESS…
Jesus says it in a number of places:
Matthew 6:14-15 (ESV)
14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Matthew 7:2 (ESV)
2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.
Matthew 18:35 (ESV)
35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
Mark 11:25 (ESV)
25 And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.”
Paul says it in
Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)
32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Colossians 3:13 (ESV)
13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
James says it in
James 2:13 (ESV)
13 For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.
It’s pretty clear in the New Testament if we do not forgive those who harm us, God will not forgive us!
But what is Biblical forgiveness?
The word forgiveness means to cease to feel resentment against someone or to grant relief from payment… In the Old Testament the term forgiveness meant to cover ones sin… The blood sacrifice of Christ has covered our sin.
Forgiveness is a necessary part of any community…
Whether it is a family, a friendship, a small group, or a local church… For healthy relationships to flourish a spirit of forgiveness must be present.
Where two or more people are gathered conflict, hurt feelings, and offenses will be present… therefore forgiveness must be present as well.
Some people have trouble with forgiveness because they think that forgiveness means that the offense or sin was ok.
They feel to forgive would not be taking the sin seriously. But on the contrary… forgiveness does take it very seriously.
Forgiveness does not excuse sin, it does not say that sin is ok… It does not release a person from dealing with their sin or give them permission to continue in a life style of sin.
For forgiveness to really be forgiveness you must call sin, sin, and in many ways it holds the sinner accountable for their actions.
Forgiveness says, "you hurt me, and what you did was wrong, but I will not hold it against you, I will not try to get back at you and I will not hate you for it." It says I will accept the consequence of your actions, I will bear the pain, and will choose to love you anyway…”
That should sound familiar…
Romans 5:6-8 (ESV)
6 For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— 8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
A spirit of forgiveness means that as the offended party you seek out reconciliation, you choose not to take offense and hold bitterness; you choose to love instead of hate…
Let me give you three characteristics of a spirit of forgiveness…
1. A spirit of forgiveness initiates the process of repentance and restoration
Just like Jesus… That means you don’t wait for the offender to come and say sorry… you seek that person out with the intent to forgive and be reconciled… Likewise if you know you have offended your brother or sister you do what it takes to restore that relationship…
Matthew 5:24 (ESV)
24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
2. A spirit of forgiveness does not take offense easily…
I’m always surprised by how easy it is to offend others and how easy I can be offended…
Ecclesiastes 7:20-22 (ESV)
20 Surely there is not a righteous man on earth who does good and never sins. 21 Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. 22 Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others.
Not everything is worth getting offended over… sometimes you need to just forgive. Here is what I try to do. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt… I try to assume the best in people not the worst… I’m not perfect at this. BUT I TRY, Then I remind myself that my enemy is not brother or sister but the devil and his demons…
Ephesians 6:12 (ESV)
12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
We need to remember who are real enemy is!
So if the offense is something that I can forgive without confrontation, if it affects only me and I can remain in the relationship without bitterness… then maybe there is no need to take the offense any farther… I give it to God and chose not to be offended…
The third thing a spirit of forgiveness does is
3. It forgives when people don’t know what they are doing…
There are all kind of issues that can fall into this category… cultural issues, language issues, comments made on assumptions…
It is easy to be offended by someone’s mannerisms, communication, or even actions without the person knowing that you are offended…
Luke 23:32-34 (ESV)
32 Two others, who were criminals, were led away to be put to death with him. 33 And when they came to the place that is called The Skull, there they crucified him, and the criminals, one on his right and one on his left. 34 And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments.
Remember Jesus is to be our example, he’s hanging on the cross and the soldier that nailed him to the cross are gambling over his clothing… and he says “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Those soldier did not have a full understanding of what they had just done… if Jesus can forgive the soldier who nailed him to the cross we should be able to forgive someone who said “that sucks” because we are offended by their language!
A spirit of forgiveness doesn’t take offense easily, gives people the benefit of the doubt, knows who our real enemy is, understands that some people don’t know what they are doing, and seeks out reconciliation through repentance and forgiveness…
So with the help of the Holy Spirit every Christian has the responsibility to foster a spirit or heart of forgiveness… WHICH ALLOWS US TO FORGIVE FIRST THEN BE RECONCILED RELATIONALY…
Just as Jesus offered forgiveness first by dying for us on the cross then we are reconciled by accepting his gift salvation and forgiveness…
We are going to talk in a moment about the role of repentance in the act of forgiving… but before we go there I want you to fully understand this idea that Jesus forgave us before we were reconciled and it is His pre-forgiveness that draws us to repentance… If you thought for a moment that confessing your sins to Jesus would still leave you condemned would you do it… No…
Romans 2:4 (ESV)
4 Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?
It is because of his kindness that we are led to repentance…
1 John 1:9 (ESV)
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
We can approach God and confess our sin because we know he will forgive us and act kindly towards us…
That is the example we are to follow in dealing with conflict and forgiveness… we should be approachable because people should know that we will respond like Christ… I wish I could say I always respond like that… I don’t… but I want to!
We need to have a spirit of forgiveness…
Here’s the hard thing about forgiveness just because we forgive someone does not mean relationship will be restored…
Let me give you a little scenario… Your friend who is a Christian, who you trust enough to give a key to your house, comes into your home while you’re gone and steals $1000. You catch him on video… You confront him and he says yeah so what you have lots of money what’s the big deal… and then he goes around church telling everybody how stingy you are and that you don’t tithe…
Now as a Christian we need to forgive our friend RIGHT…
But that kind of forgiveness says I will chose to live with the wrong you have done and not stay bitter towards you, angry at you, or have a hateful spirit… Because God has forgiven me, so I will forgive you…
This forgiveness also continues to seek reconciliation and restored relationship… It doesn’t write him off… I don’t know how many times I have heard Christians say “I forgave him but I we will never be friends again…”
That is not Biblical Forgiveness… and I’m so glad Christ doesn’t look at me like that!
Romans 12:17-21 (ESV)
17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Even when we have been taken of advantage of, hurt, and abused… we must choose to forgive as Christ has forgiven us…
But here is where most of us get confused and really struggle… most of think that by forgiving we are saying that everything is ok and relationship should be restored even if there has been no repentance… there can be no restored relationship until the one who has caused the offense against you accepts your forgiveness by repenting… Relationship is always bidirectional meaning… it is never a one-way street! As Christians we are commanded to forgive because we were forgiven such a great debt…
We must be willing to own our part but for relationship to be restored there must be repentance… which remember is “a change in thinking that leads to a change in action”
It takes both parts to have restored relationship… and you are only responsible for your part… You must be willing as far as depends on you to reconcile and to forgive… you must be willing to own your part in the conflict… but you cannot make the other person receive your forgiveness. You cannot force repentance… and I am a firm believer that relationships can never truly mend until that takes place… It doesn’t mean we give up or quit trying to reconcile but it does mean that we understand that both parties have a role to play in reconciliation…
SO HOW SHOULD WE RESPOND WHEN SOMEONE ASKS FOR FORGIVENESS
LET ME READ FOR YOU ANOTHER PASSAGE…
Matthew 18:21-35 (ESV)
21 Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. 23 “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. 24 When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. 26 So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ 27 And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. 28 But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ 29 So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ 30 He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. 31 When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. 32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
When a brother or sister repents or asks for forgiveness we must offer true forgiveness from our heart… and there is no limit to this forgiveness or how many times we are to forgive the same offense…
Peter thought forgiving someone 7 times was going overboard because the Jewish law was to forgive 3 times… Peter was trying to impress Jesus with his willingness to forgive… but Jesus said Peter you need to forgive 70 times 7 times if your brother repents… Basically Jesus was say there is no limit on forgiveness…
Then Jesus Tells a story… of a servant that was forgiven a debt of 10,000 talents about $20 million because he begged for mercy… then he went out and had someone who owed him 100 denarri thrown in prison. A denarri was a day’s wage… So it was a lot of money $10,000 to $15,000… but nothing in comparison to the debt he had already been forgiven of…
Here’s the moral of the story… each and every one of us owed a sin debt to God that we could never pay… Yet God forgave our debt and paid its price with the blood of his son Jesus Christ…
And since God has forgiven us all our sin… he expects us forgive others when they sin against us… When we refuse to forgive, God is insulted because essentially what we are telling God when we chose not forgive, is that offense we are holding onto is greater than the sin that God has forgiven us of…
Basically we saying God you don’t understand I have a right not to forgive them…
And all throughout the New Testament God says if that is the standard you want to use Go ahead hold your grudge but I’m going to Judge you by that same standard…
Matthew 7:1-2 (ESV)
1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.
SO AS WE CONCLUDE… Jesus commanded us to forgive… That means we must have a spirit of forgiveness, which means we don’t get easily offended, we forgive when people offend us without knowing it, and we seek reconciliation.
It also means that when there is repentance we restore relationship…
So I would just challenge you today… If you are holding a grudge if you are harboring un-forgiveness in your heart… that you deal with it… Begin to cultivate a spirit of forgiveness by repenting of your sin of un-forgiveness… Begin to ask God to help change your thinking, to see things as Jesus sees things, and start to change your actions… Choose today to forgive, seek reconciliation… and do everything in your power to restore relationship…
God’s word is clear you will be forgiven in the same manor you forgive…
Let’s pray…
