Confronting and Controlling Anger

OPEN: Retell the story about Shane Higgins building a cup castle while I was teaching.

INTRO: "Some 84% of people surveyed said Americans are angrier today compared with a generation ago, according to the latest NPR-IBM Watson Health poll.”

According to a Gallup poll in 2018

32% of those age 15-29 felt angry a lot. 25% of those age 30-49 felt angry a lot. And 16% of those age 50+.

Some Thoughts On ANGER!

1. Anger is a God given emotion that is difficult to explain but everyone has felt and experienced .

2. Jesus equates anger with murder. Matthew 5:22 and Paul lists anger with bitterness malice, slander, . . . in Eph. 4:13 and Col. 3:8.

3. Although the emotion is not sin it is a warning that something is wrong and it needs to be dealt with appropriately or it becomes sin quite quickly.

NOTE: Kind of like pain is not bad but it warns us that something is not right in our body.

4. Anger usually shows up when my needs are not met or I feel like my will has been crossed, i.e. I did not get my own way.

NOTE: Here are just a few things that can provoke anger “Guilt, shame, failure, criticism, rejection, helplessness, insecurity, jealousy, being tired. . .” Pretty much any feeling that makes a person feel as though they’re not in control or they’re not good enough.

So we know how to get angry, “when people lose the remote and now you want to watch something.”; “governments around the world are trying to strong arm citizens to put something in their body that three pharmacutical companies are profiting billions of dollars.” (Hot Button)

But how do we overcome these initial feelings and take control of anger?

How do we stop it from hurting those around us and making us look like fools?

James 1:12–18 NASB95

12 Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. 13 Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. 14 But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. 15 Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. 16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. 17 Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. 18 In the exercise of His will He brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of first fruits among His creatures.

NOTE: If a man or woman stays close to God in trials and temptations, which verse 14 says come from our own lusts and lead to death, he or she can be BLESSED. v.17-18 James affirms that every good thing and perfect gift comes down from God who does not change. It is by His will and the word of truth that we are to be the best of the best; i.e. a kind of first fruits.

This is the context in which James then says “Everyone must be Quick to year, slow to speak, slow to anger, for the anger of man does not accomplish the righteousness of God.”

TRANS: When a situation shows up and anger begins burn in your gut and then courses through your entire body you don’t have to let anger control you and you can even be blessed.

Confronting And Controlling Anger

Recognize

A. Recognize that your uncontrolled anger hurts those around you and makes you look like a fool. Until you recognize this you probably won’t care and rationalize why its good and okay. Proverbs 14:17

Proverbs 14:17 NASB95

17 A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, And a man of evil devices is hated.

ILLUST: Dallas Willard said “whatever you can do with anger you can do better with love.”

Did you know there is no scripture that says God is “anger”. But 1 John 4:8 says “. . . God is love”

B. James writes that our anger does not produce godly character and actions.

James 1:20 NASB95

20 for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

NOTE: The word “produce” or “Achieve” is (ergazetai) comes from the root (ergon,) and means to work.

Our anger wastes precious time, because the energy we pour into a situation is not “working out” right results or products like healthier relationships, healthier bodies, etc.

TRANS: So recognizing that my anger helps no one including myself is the first step to freedom.

Think

Be quick to “hear” and slow to “speak” v.19

A. The word for hear (akousai) is to “listen, pay attention, understand”. Jesus would often say “those who have ears, let them hear . . .” This meant, think about what I am saying and make a decision to act.

B. People have said you have two ears and one mouth for a reason, you should listen twice as much as you speak.

NOTE: Thats good advice and listening and understanding what’s going on in a situation is going to be helpful. So we need to Ask: “ why am I angry, what has been done . . .”

But for years I have wondered if “quick to hear” refers to listening to the Holy Spirit?

You see when I’m tempted to get angry it’s because I still have a lust, a need that’s not being met.

Recall James 1:14

James 1:14 NASB95

14 But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.

If I’m intentionally making my ear attentive to wisdom, “hearing” from God, i.e. listening and learning that His ways are best, then anger can’t feed on my lust and propel me toward rage.

James 4:1–2 NASB95

1 What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? 2 You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask.

It’s unmet needs and a lack of contentment with what I have. Truth is if I have God I have everything I need. When anger is making my blood boil I must think about what is actually going on and then listen to the holy Spirit.

ILLUST: The remote is missing, I can’t watch my show, anger will not fix this, maybe I don’t need to watch my show maybe I need to read the word or just sit in silence.

I didn’t like that Brian shared facts about mandates today. Why? Because the side I don’t agree with is just stupid and evil people? Do I fear something? As you think and listen to the Holy Spirit you will have to Deal with your Anger.

Deal

Allow God’s Character to Permeate My Being.

Ephesians 4:26 NASB95

26 Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,

A. Get alone with God and confess and talk with Him about your anger.

B. Begin learning how God deals with hurt, rejection, and wrongs.

ILLUST: In respons to Moses askiing God to show him His glory. Exodus 33:18

Exodus 34:6–7 NASB95

6 Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth; 7 who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations.”

CLOSE: You see only God knows how to use anger rightly. So the person who is going to seriously get free from letting anger control them is going to have to allow God to control them.