Divorce and Remarriage 11-14-2021

such as they were counting how many marriages ended, with no distinction for death of a spouce. The marriage ended, let’s add one to the divorce list.

She also found some very good news.

Most people erroneously assume that most marriages aren’t particularly happy, which is very demoralizing.

• Many people are cynical about marriage—or avoid it entirely—as a result.

• In reality, though, around 80 percent of marriages are happy, with around 30 percent being very happy!

• The vast majority (93 percent or more) are glad they married their spouse and would do it all over again—including those who had at one time considered divorce.

• Most of those who are the least happy will be the most happy if they stay committed for five years.

Feldhahn, Shaunti. The Good News About Marriage (pp. 60-62). The Crown Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Jesus back on the road teaching

And answering Critics.

Mark 10:1 NIV

1 Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them.

So if you look on the map

Jesus left the Galilean area

and went down across the Jordan and is heading toward Jerusalem

But as his custom was, he taught the people.

When our lives are over, I wonder what people will say were our customs ????

He took people for coffee

She welcomed every new neighbor a plate of cookies

He yelled a lot, and kept kids out of his yard

What would they say was your custom?

lets move on

Is it lawful

Mark 10:2 NIV

2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

How many of you think, they really wanted to know the answer to this question?

they really wanted to be enlightened by this new teacher, this new Rabbi?

Why did they ask the question?

To trap him? To get him in trouble?

If they could discredit him as going against Moses, that would be great!

If they could get him to speak against Herod’s marriage to Herodias

That might get him locked up and killed, just like John the Baptist.

But Jesus turned this question into a time of teaching.

So first he asks them a question

Mark 10:3 NIV

3 “What did Moses command you?” he replied.

So they said

Mark 10:4 NIV

4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”

Here comes the teaching

Mark 10:5 The Message

5 Jesus said, “Moses wrote this command only as a concession to your hardhearted ways.

This really surprises me!

I wouldn’t have thought, Moses had that much influence on God

to put his Concession in so he could work with,

so he could lead

the stiff necked Israelites.

The idea reminds me of the joke with Moses coming down from the Mountain saying

“Hey guys, I got Him down to 10 commandments,

but adultery is still on the list.”

But there it is in black and white.

Here is Young's literal translation

Mark 10:5 YLT

5 And Jesus answering said to them, ‘For the stiffness of your heart he wrote you this command,

You might ask,

what was God’s original intent?

I am so glad you asked

Mark 10:6–9 NIV

6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

God’s plan for marriage was life long commitment.

God’s plan was a process of becoming one flesh.

God’s plan was for your marriage, to replace your ties to mom and dad

well not replace but supersede your relationship to mom and dad.

If you are married, you are not just two people living in a house together

you are ONE FLESH

What does that mean?

a lot of things!

Guy, you may have to learn to listen to all, I mean ALL the details of her she wants to tell you

when all you want to do is be released to get out there and fix the problems

Gals you may need to learn the name of his favorite sports team

even though other things interest

a little bit more then his teams.

Lets look at what Jesus said again!

Mark 10:6 NIV

6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’

Jesus seems to believe in

Jesus endorses the creation story

That God created the heavens and the earth

that he made them male and female

Not Adam and Steve

Not Eve and Eva

And certainly not Adam, Eve, Bob and Sue.

No God created them, male and female.

Mark 10:7 NIV

7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,

They are a new family,

a new household,

a new couple,

in a sense,

they are a new creation

No wonder God’s desire is for life long commitments

He said

Mark 10:9 NIV

9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Divorce and Remarriage

Now the disciples,

they have the courage today to ask Jesus about his teaching, but not until

they get away from the crowd.

Mark 10:10 NIV

10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this.

So they wanted clarification on this life long commitment to marriage.

They must have had a pretty low view of marriage at the time.

Maybe someone told them that 50% of marriages end in divorce.

and that discouraged them about it,

they picturing marriage as an unhappy situation.

Here is Jesus clarification

Mark 10:11–12 NIV

11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”

Lets see how The Message put it

Mark 10:11–12 The Message

11 Jesus gave it to them straight: “A man who divorces his wife so he can marry someone else commits adultery against her. 12 And a woman who divorces her husband so she can marry someone else commits adultery.”

So the stories are the same. If a husband or a wife, dumps their spouse, to marry someone else,

a trophie guy or gal,

someone cuter,

then they are caving in on their marriage

just to satisfy their own lusts

That is wronging their spouse,

that new marriage begins in a state of sin.

Malachi 2:16 NIV

16 “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.

That is do not do violence against your spouse!

When does God allow divorce

Matthew 19:9 NIV

9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

He allows it if the spouse has been unfaithful, sexually immoral.

That is, if they have broken faith with their spouse, the faithful partner can move on.

That is not a command to move on,

but it is allowed.

Jesus doesn’t address the issue of neglect which is addressed in the old testament in Exodus 21.

reading just a little of the chapter

Exodus 21:9–11 NIV

9 If he selects her for his son, he must grant her the rights of a daughter. 10 If he marries another woman, he must not deprive the first one of her food, clothing and marital rights. 11 If he does not provide her with these three things, she is to go free, without any payment of money.

So it’s saying if the husband takes a second wife and neglects the first, she can go free. She does not have to buy her freedom, he has disrespected her, she can just go.

Where the NIV translation said “marital rights”, God’s Word translation is more specific.

Exodus 21:10 GW

10 If that son marries another woman, he must not deprive the first wife of food, clothes, or sex.

Rabbi’s, priest and pastor’s have all seen a broader application into areas of neglect and abuse.

In case we start to think, well only the Old Testament has these extra allowances for divorce

1 Corinthians 7:14–15 NIV

14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

If your un-believing spouse leaves, abandons you, you are free of the marriage.

Here is what Paul said to Timothy

1 Timothy 5:8 NIV

8 Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

So a husband or a wife, who neglects thier family, is worse than an unbeliever.

Yah, the New Testament takes the marital relationship seriously.

It also takes immorality, sexual sin seriously

Ephesians 5:3–7 NIV

3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. 4 Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 5 For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. 7 Therefore do not be partners with them.

So don’t stick around the habitual sexual sinner.

If you have messed up royally in life, where do you go from here?

Seek God’s grace.

If appropriate, restore what you messed up.

but if the other party has moved on,

has re-married then don’t go there.

If you are remarried,

don’t break faith with your new spouse

to pursue restoring your prior marriage.

Does God understand being divorced?

Well, God in his Covenant relationship with Israel and Judah claimed to have divorced Israel in Jeremiah

Jeremiah 3:8 NIV

8 I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries. Yet I saw that her unfaithful sister Judah had no fear; she also went out and committed adultery.

Relationships are messy. The nation of Judah, the Southern Kingdom was Exiled 70 years before God brought a number of the Jews back to their homeland.

A story without Grace

In Chuck Swindoll’s book Divorce & Remarriage: According to Jesus

Church shared this story.....

A married man, away on a business trip,

viewed an X-rated channel in his hotel room.

He watched for only a minute or two,

but then turned it off, feeling guilty and ashamed.

When he returned home from his trip, he couldn't sleep.

Finally, he confessed to his wife what he had done.

At that moment his marriage ended.

His wife refused to forgive him of that single failure.

She was determined to get him out of her life.

And over the course of a brief period of time, she did.

Chuck went on to say

Don't misunderstand me. I don't condone what that man did in his hotel room.

But neither do I agree with what his wife did.

Divorce is a personal decision, not a divine mandate.

And sexual immorality isn't a blanket rule that we smear across all immorality in marriages and say,

"Ah-hah! Now you've done it!

It's over!

Our next stop is divorce court."

Again, divorce is permitted in cases of sexual immorality; it's not commanded.

Reconciliation is the goal—a spirit of,

"How can we work through this serious breach in our relationship?"

not, "How can I get out of it?"

Let me add that sexual immorality isn't an unforgivable sin.

Admittedly, it is a

serious,

heartbreaking, and

emotionally shattering act of disobedience and betrayal.

But it need not be treated as if it cannot be forgiven.

If you're in the midst of heartbreaking betrayal and you believe your marriage is hanging in the balance,

please consider the hard work of reconciliation before you make the knee-jerk reaction of:

"I've got grounds for a divorce, and I'm not stopping until I get it!"

More often than not, filing those papers will only trade one heartache for an even deeper one.

. . . . . If you have a spouse guilty of the kinds of things just described, you're not commanded to walk away from that person.

The goal in such marital relationships is reconciliation—always.

Paul wrote in Galatians 6:1: "If anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness."

As your pastor, I care about your relationships.

It is better to be married than to play at marriage.

If possible, with God’s help, it is better to work to restore a marriage,

then to move on.

But if your abused, or if you’re actually neglected of something your spouse can give you.

then the bible, and your church family can help you through the next, messy steps