Mixed Marriages and Divorce

1 Corinthians 7:12-16

We will not study all that the Scriptures have to say about divorce and remarriage but will focus our study primarily on what Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, taught his church at Corinth about this subject. As I have said before, there are many godly men and women who do not share the same conservative interpretation of the passages on this subject as I do. Therefore, not only do we have a responsibility to discover the truth on this subject of divorce and remarriage but we also have a responsibility to relate graciously with our Christian brothers and sisters who interpret this differently than we do.

In this seventh chapter there are at least four distinct groups of people who are addressed. Paul began the chapter by addressing the duty of the married insisting that they not deprive each other of intimate affection. In verses 8 & 9 he addressed the unmarried and the widows (which I interpret as widowers and widows, both men and women whose spouse has died) recommending that it would be good for them to remain unmarried, but if they didn’t keep their passions under control that they had better get married. And last week we looked at verses 10-11 which are addressed Christians who are married to Christians and prohibited divorce and remarriage. Now today in verses 12-16 he will address Christians who are married to unbelievers. Then later on in verses 25-28 he will address virgins who have never married including those who are betrothed or engaged to be married.

Vs. 12 “But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.”

After addressing Christians married to Christian spouses he now turns to the rest of the married people in the congregation, those believers who have non-Christian spouses. Because most of the believers in this newly started church at Corinth were new converts, many of them would have had pagan spouses who had not yet converted to Christianity.

In verse ten Paul appealed to the teaching of Christ when addressing divorce, but now when addressing mixed marriages Jesus had given no instruction, so Paul gives his own instruction, “I, not the Lord, say . . .” This does not mean that what Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, says is less authoritative than the words of Jesus. He simply acknowledges that he is no longer referring to Jesus’ own words. If you have a red lettered Bible, which is a Bible that has all of the words of Jesus printed in red font, it is important for you to realize that the red words of Jesus are not more authoritative than the words in black. 2 Timothy 3:16 “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness”.

Vs. 12-13 “. . . If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.”

What he has already said as the Lord’s command in verses ten and eleven continues to apply to those who are married to unbelievers. “A wife is not to depart from her husband . . . and a husband is not to divorce his wife.” The Bible makes it clear that in as much as it is up to the believer we are not to initiate divorce with our spouse. As long as the unbeliever is willing to stay with you the believer must never seek to get out of the marriage.

Vs. 14 “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.”

Some Christians may have been inclined to walk away from their unbelieving spouse for fear that being sexually joined with a non-believer might somehow endanger their own spiritual lives. Remember what Paul had taught in 6:15 saying, “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot?” The implication is that when a child of God becomes sexually involved with another person they are literally involving the body of Christ in that act. Paul then applied the principle to a practice taking place in the church at that time by asking the question, shall we unite the body of Christ with a prostitute? “Certainly not!” The idea is blasphemous.

Later on in 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 the Bible says, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?”

Many believers who are married to unbelievers would wonder, “How can I justify being sexually joined to an unbeliever?” And they could easily conclude after reading that passage, “surely I must leave my unbelieving spouse.” But surprisingly Paul says, “No, don’t do it!” “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified [made holy, set apart unto God] by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.”

This means that the spiritual purity of a child of God and their holy standing as set apart exclusively for God will not be damaged by remaining with the unbelieving spouse. (Thiselton, p. 108) In the context of marriage the godliness of the believer does more to sanctify the marriage than the ungodliness of the pagan to make it unclean. (Paraphrasing Calvin) Marriage is such a sacred and holy union in God’s eyes that the believer is not defiled by joining sexually with a non-believer in marriage, but in fact the unbeliever is sanctified by being joined in the sacred union of marriage to a believer, and their children also are sanctified unto God. This is never true of any sexual union outside of marriage. But marriage is very sacred in God’s eyes.

This does not mean that an unbelieving spouse is saved by being married to a Christian, verse 16 and the rest of the New Testament teaching on salvation make that clear. But the holiness of a believer that comes from the life of Christ living in us, works in a wholesome and godly way to influence the unbelieving spouse and children in a godly direction. As long as the marriage is maintained the potential for the salvation of the unbelieving spouse is greater. (Fee, P. 301) Because of their connection to the believer an unbelieving spouse and the children are set apart as special to God. One Christian in the family sets the whole family apart unto God just as if both parents were believers. (Ibid) The grace of God at work through a believer in a marriage union is powerful in its influence on the rest of the family.

1 Peter 3:1-2 puts it this way, “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.”

First Corinthians 7:14 underscores how strongly God views the sacred union that is formed when the marriage covenant is consummated. Even if it is the union of a believer and a non-believer, which God forbids us to enter into, once that marriage covenant has been sealed we are not to separate it.

Let’s pause here for a moment and consider some implications of verse 14. Last week we studied 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 “Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.”

I then ended our study by raising several questions that are important for us to address. One of the questions was, “what if a person does remarry after a divorce?” If a second marriage after divorce is forbidden by Paul can a second marriage be considered a legitimate marriage? In particular, how do we treat a second marriage in light of Jesus’ statement in Mark 10:11-12, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

Is that second marriage an ongoing adulterous relationship so long as it continues to exist? I believe a second marriage is a legitimate marriage and I do not believe that it is perpetually an adulterous relationship. Though I cannot answer all the questions as to how this can be let me explain why I believe this way. I believe the text we studied today gives us some helpful insight.

We saw in 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 a clear prohibition against marrying an unbeliever. “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” And yet, we saw that if a believer and unbeliever are married, the marriage union is so powerful and sacred in God’s sight that it was not to be broken. Not only is a mixed marriage recognized as a legitimate marriage, though it is forbidden to be entered into, but also the unbelieving spouse is sanctified by the union. This is one example of a forbidden union that once entered into is recognized as a holy union that is to be preserved.

Therefore it would certainly be reasonable to suspect that another forbidden marriage, (i.e., remarriage after divorce) would also be recognized as a holy union that is to be preserved. The second marriage should not have been entered into because in the first marriage the couple vowed, “Till death do us part” and even if one spouse breaks his or her covenant vows, the other is still bound till death to not break theirs. That is the nature of a covenant. Therefore, to enter into a second marriage while a divorced spouse is still living is an act of unfaithfulness to the marriage covenant and is in that sense an act of adultery. But once that second covenant has been entered into a new, sacred, holy and binding union has been established with new vows that must be kept even if they shouldn’t have been made in the first place (as in Joshua’s forbidden covenant with the Gibeonites who deceived him in Joshua 9) God places great importance on keeping our vows even when it turns out to have been a costly mistake to have made the vow: Psalm 15:4 “[The upright man] swears to his own hurt and does not change”.

Another reason why I believe that a second marriage after divorce is a legitimate marriage though it is forbidden is that in Deuteronomy 24:1-4, where the permission for divorce was given by Moses, the divorced woman remarried and her spouse is referred to by the Bible as her “husband”. Therefore, though the Bible says “she has been defiled” by the second marriage he nevertheless became her husband in a legitimate marriage. Also in John 4, when Jesus met the Samaritan woman at the well, He said to her, “You have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband”. The point is that each of the other five men had been her husband, implying that they were legitimate marriages that were distinguished by Jesus from the illegitimate relationship she now had. She shouldn’t have had five marriages but she did and Jesus recognized them as marriages. (John Piper, “This Momentary Marriage”, p. 170) Jesus did not dwell on her past marriage failures but focused on her spiritual need. He did not treat her less because of her past but treated her with love and respect.

I believe it is the church’s responsibility to compassionately resist and counsel against both divorce and remarriage. But if a couple reject this counsel or are persuaded by the counsel of other godly Christians who view divorce and remarriage as acceptable under certain circumstances, and the couple remarry, it remains the church’s responsibility to love, accept and care for those individuals just as strongly as before. And in the case of remarriage, once the marriage has been entered it then becomes the church’s responsibility to nurture and pray for the health and success of that second marriage just as we would for a first marriage.

I believe a principle guiding our attitude toward remarriage is similar to that governing our attitude toward a child born out of wedlock. The church must discourage, oppose and act to prevent premarital sexuality. But when an unwed woman conceives and is pregnant it then becomes the church’s responsibility to nurture, protect, value and care for the child and the unmarried parents just as faithfully and as fully as we would a child conceived and born to a married couple. God does not treat us according to what our sins deserve. He does not accept us if we live right and reject us when we sin. But all of His children are accepted as righteous solely on the basis of the righteousness of the indwelling life of Christ. If we are led by the Spirit of God, He living through us will enable us to accept and embrace as righteous those who sin and fall short of the glory of God.

This does not mean that there are no consequences to divorce and remarriage. There are often painful and difficult consequences. But rejection by the church should not be one of them. Lets return to our text.

Vs. 15 “But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.”

Here the Bible gives an exception to the repeated command not to divorce. The believer is never to initiate divorce, but if the unbelieving spouse seeks to end the marriage then the believer is released from this requirement that the marriage must be preserved. A Christian is not to contest the divorce or fight to keep the marriage together if the unbeliever wants out. In other words the believer is not bound to keep the marriage together. The reason for this is that God has called us to peace.

Some interpret Paul’s statement that “a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases” to mean that the believer is not under bondage to remain single in such cases when divorced by an unbeliever but is free to remarry. I do not agree with this interpretation for several reasons:

First of all, in light of all the positive things Paul says about the single life in this seventh chapter I don’t believe he would have spoken of remaining single as being in a state of bondage or slavery. It would be inconsistent with his positive view of the single life in the rest of the chapter.

Secondly, in verses 10 and 11 Paul has just finished saying that “. . . even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.” Therefore it is unlikely that four verses later he is saying the opposite. Singleness is not a punishment for initiating divorce and remarriage a privilege for the victim of divorce. The principle behind it all is remaining faithful till death to your marriage vow, regardless of the circumstances.

Thirdly I don’t believe he is speaking about remarriage in verse 15, when he says that the brother or sister is not under bondage, because the next verse is giving a reason why they are free to let the unbeliever go, it has nothing to do with remarriage. It says, you don’t know whether you will save your spouse, therefore don’t fight to stay married as if your spouse’s salvation depends upon it, you don’t know that they will ever be saved so let it go. You are not in bondage to this marriage when your unsaved spouse wants out.

My fourth reason for not seeing verse 15 as giving approval to remarry is that the theme of this chapter is consistently instructing the believers in Corinth not to initiate a change in their status but to remain in the condition they find themselves in. Look at the pattern:

If your spouse has died and you find yourself single, remain single. (vs. 8)

If you are married, remain married. (vs. 10)

If you leave your husband remain unmarried or be reconciled. (vs. 11)

If your unbelieving spouse is willing to stay with you remain married. (vs. 12-13)

Later he says “Let each one remain in the same calling in which he was called (vs. 20-24)

If you are a virgin it is good to remain single. (vs. 26)

And to those betrothed to a wife, do not seek to be loosed, remain as you are. (vs. 27)

And finally he ends the chapter with the statement that the widow is happier if she remains as she is. (vs. 40)

So when remaining as you are is such a consistent theme in the chapter why would we interpret verse 15 as a deviation from that pattern by encouraging remarriage when they find themselves single? It would be a glaring inconsistency. Rather we are consistent with this pattern when we interpret verse 15 in a way that affirms remaining faithful to their covenant vows even when their spouse is unfaithful and abandons them by remaining single.

The fifth reason I do not believe Paul is saying the abandoned spouse can remarry is because the Greek word that is translated as “bondage” in verse 15 is a totally different word than he normally uses when referring to being “bound” to a marriage (i.e., at the end of this chapter in verse 39 and in Romans 7:2). (Fee, p. 303)

And finally, when you look ahead to Paul’s summarizing statement at the end of this chapter he clearly states that one is not free to remarry so long as their spouse is alive. This is consistent with the teaching of Jesus in Mark’s Gospel and with the rest of this chapter. Therefore to interpret verse 15 as giving approval for remarriage is to create too many other contradictions.

Vs. 16 “For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?”

In addition to being called to peace, this verse gives another reason for not fighting to save the marriage if your unbelieving spouse wants out. Don’t fight it because you have no assurance that your spouse will ever be saved. There is no guarantee that the unbelieving heart will ever change. God will never force anyone to receive Him and you can never force anyone to believe in Jesus. All who come to Him must come freely of their own free will.

Though divorce and remarriage carry with them difficult and enduring consequences, as does all sin in various degrees, the value and significance of an individual is unaffected in both God’s sight and the church’s by either their divorce or remarriage. Our worth and our identity are not determined by our performance but by the indwelling Spirit of Christ who is our righteousness. By grace alone we are all equally loved and accepted in the Beloved though we are all equally unworthy.

In closing let us meditate on the words of 1 Timothy 1:12-17, “And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord who has enabled me, because He counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry, although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man; but I obtained mercy because I did it ignorantly in unbelief. And the grace of our Lord was exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are in Christ Jesus. This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, to God who alone is wise, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.”

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