When Sorry Isn't Enough (2)

I’m Sorry

We kicked off this series last week in a position that I think we all personally like— we were the victims.

But tonight we are going to flip that role and we must look at how we apologize and request forgiveness.

Have you ever found yourself in that position before, where you had to be the one how said sorry?

That you hurt someone and know you have to apologize.

And sometimes our apologize is going to cause pain so severe that we wonder if we should even say those two word.

Those two words that leave us vulnerable, exposed and real.

I’m Sorry.

Let me as you a question why is it so hard to say I’m sorry?

I would love to hear some of your thoughts on this?

You know what I think I think there are a million reason of why we don’t like saying this.

But I really like it boils down to two: Pride and Fear.

It take humility to admit you are wrong to someone else.

We hate admitting we are wrong.

And to openly admit that not only were we wrong but we caused pain— that is a noose for a prideful person.

And it takes courage to apologize because truthfully you have no idea what that person is going to say or do.

The unknown is scary stuff.

And people believe it or not can be pretty unpredictable.

Does this mean that we just dig our heels in and never apologize again?

Of course not.

Actually quite the opposite.

While the Bible paints a clear picture when it comes to forgiveness, like we looked at last week.

It was the 77x forgiveness.

When someone has wronged us we forgive.

We don’t hold grudges, we aren’t suppose to resident the other person, and we aren’t suppose to without forgiveness.

Luke 17:3–4 ESV

Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

Ephesians 4:32 ESV

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

I hope that everyone here understands the importance of forgiving one another.

It was actually interesting that I found an article written by THE MAYO CLINIC.

So even taking the whole Spiritual side of forgiveness out we see the medical professionals.

And not just any medical professionals but the top of the field medical professionals see the value and understand the importance of forgiveness with one another.

They point out that forgiveness can do these things:

When we forgive:

Healthier relationships

Improved mental health

Less anxiety, stress and hostility

Lower blood pressure

Fewer symptoms of depression

A stronger immune system

Improved heart health

Improved self-esteem

While I understand that some people have caused some of you pain that I could not imagine.

I want you to know that freedom from that pain that you are still holding on too can be healed, it can be forgiven maybe not forgotten but it can be forgiven.

That is going to be what we talk about next week as we look at Forgiving what you can’t forget.

This week is all about saying sorry and ask for forgiveness.

And honestly I think we may be teaching this incorrectly or at least at the bare minimum we are making the victim comfort forgiveness with a questions rather than an option.

What we tend to do is we say I’m sorry, will you please forgive me?

While this may sound innocent, I believe that what we are doing is we are putting the ball (figuratively) into the hand of the victim.

And our emotions are tied to that outcome.

So if they say yes, we who was the offended, are overjoyed.

We have been forgiven but what if that person is still hurt.

Because if it a big situation that caused them hurt such as

a parent walking out,

a boyfriend or girlfriend cheating on them,

or a spouse committing adultery,

their best friend lying to them,

someone causing physical harm

and we could go on forever—

if those situation pay out— and while the person why be truly sorry the victim may need more time to forgive that person.

But so often we not only want forgiveness as soon as possible but we demand it.

And then when the other person isn’t ready to move forward yet, or they still need a little bit of time we say things like, but you have to forgive me.

God wants you to forgive me.

If you forgave me why are you still bringing this up.

I said I was sorry, isn’t that enough?

Forgiveness is a tricky thing.

And while I still believe that as believers we are to forgive no matter the situation because there is something that can be done that Jesus’ blood doesn’t cover.

There is nothing on this earth, no sin on this earth that Jesus didn’t forgive and die for.

Not one.

And if Jesus can forgive everyone and I am made in his imagine then I can find it in my heart to forgive no matter what.

Forgiveness is to move forward and not to be stuck in the past.

So that is what I believe about forgiveness, but not everyone that we wrong are going to be believers are they?

And there may be times they are but they don’t see forgiveness this way.

We still have to apologize to people even if they don’t believe in the same thing as us.

So what do we do when we say sorry, request forgiveness and none is granted?

I would like you to open up your Bibles to Matthew 5:23-24

I really like this passage because Jesus is not talking about you granting forgiveness because someone has wronged you but rather you have hurt someone else and you to say your sorry and inquire about forgiveness.

Matthew 5:23–24 ESV

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

The first point for tonight is:

Obedience is greater

Jesus is teaching the people.

It is one of his greatest sermons as in the sermon on the mount and he comes to this statement.

He is talking about murder before this.

And how it starts in the heart.

And when you bring an offering to God, you better check your heart before coming to Him.

Because even if you have the offering on the alter and you remember that someone has something against you.

As in your wronged someone.

YOU HAVE BETTER LEAVE IT AT THE ALTER.

And seek out that person and say you are sorry.

This is an act of obedience to God.

And you may already be being obedient to God with something else you are doing, but if you are reminded that someone has something against you, then you are to leave it there—

stop worshiping, stop listening to the message, stop everything that is treated as an act of worship because what needs to be done is that you need to check your heart.

Check your self.

And go and seek out that person.

King Saul had this question thrown to him.

in 1 Samuel 15:22-24

1 Samuel 15:22–24 ESV

And Samuel said, “Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams. For rebellion is as the sin of divination, and presumption is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, he has also rejected you from being king.” Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned, for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice.

Let me give you a little context here.

Saul was told to go and kill of this group of people.

He was to not leave anyone alive nor take anything from this group of people.

No spoils of war.

Well Saul did what he wanted.

He done messed up.

So not only did he not obey God but he was offering up a sacrifice too God with the stuff he took from the people God told him not to take anything from!

And Samuel who was a prophet is like dude— stop!

You have sinned against God.

And Saul was like nah, I didn’t— God told me this was okay.

Samuel was not buying it— and eventually Saul breaks down and confessing that he sinned against God.

God wants your worship but he wants your heart searched before coming to him.

The church is to be a place of being reconciled.

We are to confess our sins to one another.

James 5:16 ESV

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

We tend to leave this whole confessing thing out don’t me.

Again it probably has to do with fear and pride.

And I understand that if we were to actually practice this in our churches we may have some pretty empty churches on a Sunday morning.

But would our worship be more centered on God?

If we sought after people who we have wronged and said that we were sorry.

That we took it upon ourselves to confess sin against a brother or a sister?

Now they may not forgive you.

But here is maybe a freeing part for you— they don’t have too.

I think they should but we must stop demanding forgiveness.

Here is what we are commanded to do.

1 John 1:9 ESV

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Confess your sin: To God and to the person or people you have wronged and the promise that comes with that will be fulfilled.

Confession is a promise fulfilled by God not people.

So what if they don’t want to forgive you?

We are to confess to them but we cannot control whether they forgive or not.

Again I think they should, but they may not be ready yet.

And truly that will be up to them and God.

What Jesus is asking in Matthew is that you realize there is a problem and you confess it and God and the other person and then give it to God.

Because folks that is the GOSPEL AT WORK.

That is why forgiveness is critical in the lives of a believer because it is a consistent reminder that I’m not good enough, I’m not perfect, I do suck.

But God even when I mess up still loves me and forgives me and because of that I confess to those I hurt and I forgive those who hurt me.

I would like to tell you about one of the worst days of my life.

My wife Brittni and I were driving back from seeing a friend of ours get married.

And I was currently being refined.

As in Jesus was truly becoming the most important thing to me.

As in Christ was chipping away at my sin and he was exposing the darkest parts of my heart.

And on this day, on this 9 hour car ride home, I decided that it was the perfect time to tell Brittni my wife of 5 years that I had a porn addiction that I wasn’t able to shake and it has been not only going on for our whole marriage but also while we were engaged, and while we dated, and even before I knew her.

It started in 6th grade being exposed to porn at a friends house and I was immediately hooked.

I wasn’t saying sorry to her, because sorry didn’t help the pain that she was going through in this moment.

The hurt that she felt.

The trust that was literally being shredded as we drove down the interstate in silence and fits of anger.

I hurt the person that I vowed to never hurt.

The person I swore to protect.

The effects that this had on our marriage were felt for years to come.

Sorry really didn’t feel good enough.

And truly sorry was not what I was doing, but I was confessing sin that was in my life.

Sin has to be exposed for what it is.

It is sin.

And we all have sin that we have hidden.

It is in the dark.

And you may think you have a hold on it— that you have it in control— but that is exactly what the devil wants you to think.

I thought I did as well.

I thought that I had it figured out, that I could have my cake and eat it too, but it was costing me.

It was hurting my relationship with Brittni and it was hurting my worship with God.

While we were on that nine hour ride, Brittni said she forgave me.

It was not something I deserved at all.

And it still took time to move forward.

To be fully forgiven and able to move forward.

Because what confession did was it took that addiction to Porn and it squashed it.

And I have been clean of that in my life since that day.

Because of confession I was able to taste freedom from the bondage of sin.

Because of confession I no longer was fighting the devil in the dark— but he was brought into the light and the devil is way less scary when the light of CHIRST IS SHINE THROUGH YOU AND IS KICKING HIS TAIL.

CONFESSION brought redemption to my marriage.

Confession is enough because Christ is enough.

So look tonight, no matter where you are at in life, no matter if you got an addiction, or maybe you got some hangups, maybe you hurt someone, maybe someone has something against you.

I challenge you to confession to God first and for most— to ask for forgiveness.

Confess— repent— be forgiven by God.

And then go and confess to the one you hurt.

If they choice to forgive you praise Jesus, If they need more time be patient and allow God to draw near to them and heal them.

No matter what is going on in your life, I want you to know that you have people here that care for you and love you.

And there is nothing that you can say to us that is going to change that.

The worship team is going to come up and if you need to stay seated, don’t feel like you need to stand up.

Maybe you got some stuff to figure out.

I would ask that you do that now.

The team will play and you can join in with them whenever you feel led.

We just leave you with this:

Note from a journal?