Four Realms of Relationship
Notes
Transcript
Welcome/Introduction
Who do you think the most famous person in the world is?
According to a quick Google search, its apparently Dwayne Johnson. Does any one know who Dwayne Johnson is?
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Oh no, I’m so sorry that’s a picture of me. WOW! That’s so embarrassing. Now you know why Heather married me so quickly.
No - this is more my body type.
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No, in all seriousness, this is Dwayne Johnson, aka “The Rock.”
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I remember this guy. Growing up my brother and I would watch him “wrestle,” sorry if you think what they are doing is real - but they aren’t really beating on each other! At any rate, my brother and I would practice his moves with each other. But Eric always won because he was 6’ 7” and over 300 pounds by the time I was 10!
Now, “The Rock” kind of has an unfair advantage. He has social media, a great personality and smile, movie deals, he’s not only “The Rock” but he’s chiseled out of rock, and he has a publicist that maintains his public image.
Now, he’s the most popular person in 2021 according to Google. But he isn’t the most famous or influential person in all of human history. Instead, that honor does to a young Jewish man who died childless, homeless, and without honor. I’m talking about Jesus Christ.
Apart from being the Son of God, I believe one reason for why a peasant Jewish construction worker from the Middle East is still impacting people’s lives over 2,000 years later is because Jesus prioritized relationships in his life and leveraged those relationships in order to change the world one person at a time. He is the greatest example we have in all of human history of how best to build the relationships you actually want to have, that breathe life into your life and ultimately shows love toward others and received love from others. If you examine his entire life, you will find a consistent theme running through every teaching, interaction, argument, party, dinner, anything and that is love expressed through relational community with others.
No matter who you were, what your past was like, what you personally believed, what your socio-economic status was; none of that mattered because Jesus prioritized his relationship with others because of the love he had for them. Eventually, out of that relationship or concise interaction with Jesus, people’s lives would be changed. And his level of interaction with others was based upon what realm of relationship Jesus placed you in.
Jesus was a relational genius. He identified the relationships in his life so that he could invest the proper relational capital and time in each specific relationship. This is one reason for why he literally changed the world in just 3 short years and created a ripple effect that started in the center of the city of Jerusalem but has expanded out to encompass the entire world.
Jesus structured his relationships in such a way that allowed him to best love those he was in community with and he gives us a roadmap for how to best build the relationships that we actually want in our lives. He did this by properly placing people within one of the four realms of relationship.
DRAW 3 CIRCLES
Label innermost circle = CORE
Second circle = CIRCLE
Third circle = COMMUNITY
Fourth circle = CROWD
Sermon Statement: In order to best love others and build the types of relationships that we actually want to see in our lives, we need to establish proper boundaries for the different type of relationships we have. Not only is this supported by modern psychology and counseling, but we also see Jesus placing boundaries in his relationships and structuring them in such a way that allowed him to best love everyone he came into contact with.
READ Luke 6:12-17
One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God. When morning came, he called his disciples to him and chose twelve of them, whom he also designated apostles: Simon (whom he named Peter), his brother Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James son of Alphaeus, Simon who was called the Zealot, Judas son of James, and Judas Iscariot, who became a traitor.
He went down with them and stood on a level place. A large crowd of his disciples was there and a great number of people from all over Judea, from Jerusalem, and from the coastal region around Tyre and Sidon,
Transition: Jesus is establishing a relational structure by defining his relationships with these twelve men and the others that were there that day. He did this so that he could best love those he was in relationship with by establishing realms of relationships within his life, in total we see that Jesus identifying four realms of relationships. You and I should follow his example by first identifying our: CORE.
Point #1: Identify Your Core
Jesus’ Core group consisted of three guys: Peter, James, and John.
Who were the guys in Jesus’ Core?
Peter = Jesus gives Peter a nickname, literally “rock” in Matthew 16:16-18 (take that Dwayne Johnson - you poser!)
James/John = Jesus gave them nicknames as well “The Sons of Thunder.” (Mark 3:17; Luke 9:54)
Jesus’ core consisted of three guys who had firey personalities, strong-wills of their own, they were successful business-men, providers for their families, and very well connected within the religious/political structure of their day.
These three guys, while not elite or part of the 1% of Jesus’ day were
What it looked like being part of Jesus’ Core:
Special and Unique Access to Jesus during miraculous events:
READ Matthew 17:1-2 “After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light.”
Greater Quantity and Quality of Relational Community with Jesus
Read Mark 14:32-35 “They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.” Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him.”
These three men (Jesus’ Core) witnessed Jesus’ greatest moments of glory and His darkest moments of trial.
Jesus did not waste his time, nor was he unintentional about with his relationships. Instead, he, according to author Michael Hyatt, “focused on true depth and long-term impact” by spending the greatest portion of his time and efforts with just three guys.
Application: Do you have a CORE group?
If so, what are their names?
If not, who could they be?
List those now: __________________________
TAKE ACTION: Define the relationship
Tell the people who are in your core that they are in your core! Tell them who they are to you and what they mean to you.
When you define the relationship you are giving permission for that relationship to go deeper.
Text them right now if you want too even!
Schedule a coffee or lunch with them and define that relationship so that it can go deeper!
Transition: Jesus established a relational structure in his life so that he could best love those he was in relationship with by identifying his four realms of relationships. You and I should follow his example by identifying our: CORE, but also our CIRCLE.
Point #2: Identify Your Circle
We read early from Luke 6:12-17 about how Jesus called twelve guys to have consistant, open access to him during his 3 year public ministry. If you know the Bible at all, you know these guys as Jesus’ Disciples. But did you pick up on what was happening around Jesus and the twelve?
READ Luke 6:17
He went down with them and stood on a level place. A large crowd of his disciples was there and a great number of people from all over Judea, from Jerusalem, and from the coastal region around Tyre and Sidon,
This is really important for Jesus. He doesn’t approach the identity of his inner circle lightly at all. Instead he prays all night about this. He prays longer about who is going to be in his inner circle than he did in the Garden the night he was betrayed by one of guys in his inner circle.
Not only was this really important for Jesus. It was also really important for the twelve that Jesus called. Jesus calls all his disciples together, says come to the mountain because we need to have a meeting. They all show up and out of this massive crowd, he calls 12 guys out of it to be part of his inner circle. Think about that. Wouldn’t that do something within you? Wouldn’t that build up your confidence? Wouldn’t that reaffirm who you are and your commitment to Jesus, your leader? Wouldn’t that show you that Jesus was confident in you and your ability to lead? Of course it would.
Out of this large crowd of disciples, which is a fancy way of just saying those who have come to Jesus, are following Jesus, and are joining Jesus in his mission of making more disciples, Jesus calls your name and chooses you. All of Jesus’ other disciples see you go up the mountain and join Jesus and the rest of his inner circle. While you’re up there, Jesus doesn’t just call you his disciple but he also designates you as an apostle!
This is significant, because apostle literally means “one sent out.” So, these twelve men (Jesus’ inner circle) were hand selected by Jesus after praying about it all night and are being commissioned to be sent out by Jesus to represent him and spread the good news of the Gospel to others. Talk about defining the relationship!
Jesus had twelve disciples in his inner circle, three of which were part of his core. All twelve disciples had access to Jesus, they all lived daily life with one another. They knew Jesus, could have him explain his teachings to them when they didn’t understand what he was teaching about, plus they were partners in accomplishing things that Jesus wanted to accomplish. They witnessed most of his miracles and were personally exposed to how Jesus loved, ministered, and built relationships with others.
Why did Jesus do this? He’s the Son of God, why does he need 12 dudes help in spreading the Gospel?
Jesus had a very specific reason for why he needed to chose twelve men to have almost unlimited access to him and his teachings. His reason why because he knew his life and ministry were going to come to an end soon. Jesus was sent to seek and save those who were lost and that through his crucifixion and death, burial, and bodily resurrection from the dead he would be our perfect sacrifice who would satisfy the just wrath of a good and holy God.
Jesus shows us that disciples are made not by reading books or listening to sermons, but by investing ourselves in people and reproducing the life of Christ in them.
Jesus does this by specifically calling out and establishing an inner circle of twelve guys who would follow him, be taught and trained by him, partner with him, and become friends with him.
READ John 15:15
John 15:15 (NIV)
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
C. S. Lewis QUOTE:
“Friends are not primarily absorbed in each other. It is when we are doing things together that friendship springs up - painting, sailing ships, praying, philosophizing, fighting shoulder to shoulder. Friends look in the same direction.”
Jesus was intentionally investing his time into twelve guys so that they would start looking in the same direction as he was.
Who was in Jesus’ Circle:
CHART
“Few, if any, were of noble background, and none of them had religious clout. At least four of the disciples were fishermen. Simon was a Zealot, part of a political group that sought to overthrow the Roman government [through force]. Matthew worked for the very Roman government that Simon wanted to overthrow as a tax collector and would have been viewed as a traitor to the Israelites. Judas Iscariot eventually betrayed Jesus and sold him over to the Jews for a bit of money.
Your inner circle should not be homogeneous, where every one looks the same, thinks the same, and believes the same. Your inner circle should not be comprised of people who look like you, think like you, vote like you, spend money like you, etc. The people in your inner circle should not me carbon copies of you. Instead your inner circle should look like Jesus’ inner circle: people who think different, have different work and life experiences, how come from different socio-economic backgrounds, how have different political leanings and so forth.
Jesus’ inner circle shows us that it is appropriate to have diverse relationship with others because those relationships will stretch us, grow us, and help us model Jesus’ love to others. It’s easy to love someone just like yourself; but it is a totally different story when you are trying to intentionally love someone that isn’t like you. We’ll talk more about this next week when we look at how to deal with difficult people.
It is really important to figure out who you are allowing to be part of your inner circle because the Apostle Paul tells us to:
READ 1 Corinthians 15:33
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
READ Proverbs 13:20
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise,
but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
APPLICATION: Don’t know who is in your circle, then ask yourself the following questions:
Is this a person of character?
Does this person share a common vision for their life?
Do this person show up for me?
Does this person love the real me?
Does this person tell me the truth, even when it’s tough?
Who is in your circle?
What are their names? List those now: __________________________
Transition: Jesus established a relational structure in his life so that he could best love those he was in relationship with by identifying his four realms of relationships. You and I should follow his example by identifying our: CORE, our CIRCLE, and our COMMUNITY.
Point #3: Identify Your Community
A lot of the people that showed up that day when Jesus called all his disciples to the mountain can be classified as Jesus’ community. A community is a group of people who share something in common. It’s an extended network or web of people that you are connected with and share something in common. For these people, what they shared in common with each other was their interest and commitment to Jesus. They were his disciples: they had come to him, followed him, and were joining him in his mission of changing the world one person at a time by bringing them into the kingdom of God.
Luke identifies this group when he says that there were 72 other disciples that Jesus interacted with and developed, albeit to a much lesser extent than his level of involvement with his circle and core.
After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. He told them, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.
The seventy-two returned with joy and said, “Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name.”
Community is important and Jesus shows us that it is not optional. You should have relationships with people who you share commonalities with so that you can serve them, love them, and point them to Jesus.
You can’t really show someone Jesus’ love, serve them, or point them to Jesus, if you refuse to be connected with them or allow them into your realm of community.
My East Harlem Community
Goodie Giveaway - reasoning
Emanuel “Manny” from El Barrista story - gives me the friends discount. He is part of my community here in East Harlem.
Deli guy at Green Olive - refuses to speak en ingles with me. Why? Because I shared with him that I was trying to learn Spanish. Now we have something in common with each other. He is part of my community here in East Harlem.
Keith from the block - always calls me Caesar because I run into him multiple times every day while I’m out walking my dog. He is part of my community here in East Harlem.
Application: Who is a part of your community?
List those now: __________________________
Transition: Jesus established a relational structure in his life so that he could best love those he was in relationship with by identifying his four realms of relationships. You and I should follow his example by identifying our: CORE, CIRCLE, COMMUNITY, and CROWD.
Point #4: Identify Your Crowd
Jesus was great at attracting large crowds. He would perform miracles, heal people, and teach with a unique authority and ability that others simply did not have. Even though Jesus communicated hard truths to others, they still wanted to be around him and wanted more from him.
Characteristics of the Crowd:
Constant
Consumers
Because of this, Jesus continually poured himself out for others.
READ Matthew 20:28
just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
As Jesus’ disciples, you and I are should be living out life in such a way that models the type of life that Jesus lived. We should be pouring ourselves out for others by serving them.
READ Colossians 4:5-6
Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
Now, Jesus didn’t just serve others continually, he took care of himself and limited his availability and public image
How did Jesus interact with the crowd?
Authentic; not transparent
Measured Available (Matthew 8:18 “When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake.”)
Reactive Investments - asked people what they wanted him to do.
Show invitational love - “Come, follow me.” Jesus gives us the choice to follow because we have free will.
Jesus’ Crowd were constant consumers, but he still loves and served them when he had the chance and when he made intentional efforts to do so.
Application: Who is in your CROWD?
People on Facebook or social media
Strangers on the subway or in traffic
Fellow shoppers at the grocery store
Neighbors
Transition: Jesus established a relational structure in his life so that he could best love those he was in relationship with by identifying his four realms of relationships. You and I should follow his example by identifying our: CORE, CIRCLE, COMMUNITY, and CROWD.
Conclusion/Call-To-Action: LOVE ONE ANOTHER
We’ve covered a lot of ground in identifying the different parts of our relationships and placing people in the four realms of relationship: CORE, CIRCLE, COMMUNITY, and CROWD.
Now, go back and ask yourself this question for each realm: Who is Jesus inviting me to love this person?
READ John 13:34-35
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
[PRAY/BAND]
