Grace in a contentious marriage.

King James Version (WordSearch Edition) Chapter 4

6 Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

David had a wife that criticized him. (2 Samuel 6)

David is bringing the Ark of the Covenant into Jerusalem for the first time ever.

He is so excited about hosting God in his city.

He leads the procession overcome with the blessings and goodness of God.

He leaps and dances before the Lord.

Michal, Saul’s daughter, sees David and verse 16 tells us, “she despised him in her heart.”

She waits until David gets home at the end of the day to unload on him.

David is unsuspecting of her anger.

He comes to the house to “bless” his family in verse 20.

Before he can even get in the door, Michal comes out to criticize him.

She goes on and on about how embarrassing David had acted.

He had behaved in a manner unbecoming of the king.

You know that this was a heated exchange because at the end of the verse, there’s a big fat exclamation point!

David does not seem to return in kind.

We’ll mention more of this later, but a big part of dealing with contention in marriage involves a refusal to match a disgruntled partner’s negative energy.

David defends himself by explaining that what he had done had been for the Lord.

This can be a common problem in a house where one partner is spiritual and the other is not.

The contention in this instance had to do with differing priorities.

Michal prioritized image.

David prioritized faith.

When faced with personal attacks, David did not respond with personal attacks.

Hosea had a wife that hurt him deeply.

In chapter 1, God had directed Hosea to marry a prostitute.

He married a woman named Gomer.

They welcomed two sons and a daughter into their family.

By chapter 2, she has left Hosea to return to a life of prostitution.

We see her children pleading with her to come home.

We see her motivation was the supposed inadequacies of her husbands provision.

Try to imagine the real life implications of what Hosea is experiencing.

This is an extreme period of intense hurt and pain and betrayal.

Then, in chapter 3, God tells Hosea to take her back.

Actually, it’s worse than that.

Gomer isn’t knocking on Hosea’s door asking to come back.

She is out actively living the life of a whore.

Hosea is supposed to go out, find her in her filth, and pay money that he apparently doesn’t have to buy his wife back.

She had been unfaithful and horribly injurious to Hosea.

This is not how Hosea responds to her.

In Hosea 3:3, we see what Hosea says to Gomer when he finds her.

King James Version (WordSearch Edition) Chapter 3

3 And I said unto her, Thou shalt abide for me many days; thou shalt not play the harlot, and thou shalt not be for another man: so will I also be for thee.

Hosea is certainly a part of a contentious marriage.

And yet, somehow he did not reward unfaithfulness with unfaithfulness.

Instead he showed love and kindness, even if it wasn’t deserved.

Abigail had a churlish husband. 1 Samuel 25

Nabal was a wealthy man in Israel during the reign of Saul.

Saul had failed to fulfill the primary God-appointed purpose of government: the protection of it’s people.

David, though a fugitive, had stepped in to provide this service.

One of the people he did this for was Nabal.

David eventually found himself in need, and he sent for assistance from Nabal.

David had a reasonable expectation that Nabal would return his kindness.

Nabal did not.

He insults David’s men and refuses to offer any assistance.

David is, of course, infuriated at Nabal for his ingratitude and insults.

And so, he sets off with 400 men to extract revenge on Nabal.

One young man, however, gets word back to Nabal’s wife, Abigail.

Abigail immediately gets to work defending her foolish husband.

Abigail saves Nabal’s life.

She apologizes for the offense.

She supplies David with food and supplies.

David is appeased and turns back from his mission.

Abigail heads home.

When she gets there, she finds Nabal very drunk.

She decides not to tell him anything about going to see David while he is in such a condition.

The next morning after Nabal had sobered up, Abigail shares with him what she had done.

She had heard of David’s plan to kill Nabal.

She had taken supplies to try and persuade him against his course of action.

She had succeeded and saved her husbands life, despite his character and actions.

When Nabal heard this, commentators believe that verse 37 depicts him having a heart attack that would that would go on to kill him 10 days later.

This doesn’t negate the great act of love that Abigail had performed for her undeserving husband.

She knew who he was.

She knew what he had done.

She did her best to prevent his downfall.

In the end, Nabal’s life was in the hands of God.

For her part, Abigail had been a better wife than Nabal had deserved.

Finally, we know that Esther had an unstable husband.

Ahasuerus was only with Esther to begin with because he had banished his previous wife.

He was as unpredictable as they come.

And…he had the power to do whatever he wanted.

When Esther was forced to go before her husband unannounced, there was no telling how he would respond.

Esther’s situation is different than the other three marriages we have looked at.

In each one we have looked at real conversations that took place between the spouses.

In Esther’s situation, however, she deals with contention in her marriage by first going to God in prayer.

For three days she and her people fasted and sought God for help.

Esther had to have a difficult conversation with her husband, but before she did, she wanted to be prayed up for the encounter.

We know the rest of the story how she invites the king to a series of banquets in his honor.

This culminates in her asking for the lives of her people.

The king grants her request, and Esther and the Israelites are saved.

Esther could have relied on her own skills and cunning, but she knew, with a husband as unpredictable as Ahasuerus, she need the favor of God to be upon her.

Every spouse that we have looked at, and, truly, every spouse in this room needs an overwhelming portion of grace in order to deal with the contentions that come with marriage.

No matter the source of contention, grace is the answer.

Criticism founded/unfounded

Unfaithfulness

Damaging actions and character

Instability

The verse that comes to mind when I look at these interactions is Colossians 4:6.

King James Version (WordSearch Edition) Chapter 4

Colossians 4:6

6 Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

Every person in this message displayed the truth of this verse.

They showed undeserved favor to their spouses through their words.

David did not get personal with Michal.

Hosea spoke love to his unfaithful wife.

Abigail spoke up for her undeserving husband.

Esther prayed to God for her unstable husband.

You have probably experienced some of these exact contentions.

You’ve been criticized.

You’ve been cheated.

You had to clean up their mess.

You didn’t know how they would react.

Why should we show grace to our spouses, in contention, when it is seems to be undeserved?

That is the purpose of our relationship.

To display the gospel to each other and those around us.

Grace is a bedrock principle of the gospel, Acts 20:24 calls it the “gospel of the grace of God.”

That is what Jesus did and does for you.

Have you ever criticized God?

To His face.

To others.

Have you ever cheated on HIm?

Has He ever advocated for you when you didn’t deserve it?

Have you ever been a little unstable spiritually?

And yet through all of the contentions we put Him through, His grace is constant toward us.

We need to follow His example when it comes to our relationship with our spouses.

Wether they deserve it or not, we show them favor.