Breaking the Power of the Past

Breaking the power of the Past

Welcome 2 Min: Dave

Good morning and welcome to the last week of our series called Hot Mess

In this series we really believe that God wants to do some redemptive work on relationships and we have seen that happen in so many ways

If you’re new with us, go back and take a look at this series

Recap of the series…

Loving Leah...Learning to love the difficult parts of one another

Dealing with conflict like Jesus

Messy Marriage

So for the last time...We are going to read this little verse together

Memory Verse:

1 John  4:11-12

The New International Version (Chapter 4)

11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

I have asked Pastor Bethany to co-teach with me in this sermon.  She is our Small Groups pastor here and is intimately involved in an amazing program called Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. She has lead these groups and just has an amazing background on these areas.  So Pastor Bethany, would you lead us in where we are going today?

-Introduction:Bethany (3min)

For most of us, our families are the most powerful, influential group that has shaped who we are today. It is because of this that it is important to look at your family of origin and how it has impacted you. Family patterns from the past are played out in our present relationships without us even being aware of it. We end up doing and saying things that we were taught without realizing it.

For example: My mom talks through her teeth when she gets mad.

As we continue to look at messy relationships, today we will look at how to break the power of the past. Part of our discipleship in being formed into followers of Jesus is to recognize and break the negative patterns from our family in order to heal and move forward into God’s future for our lives. Today we are only scratching the surface on this but really this is a lifelong journey and process. EHS material from Pete Scazzero- January 2022 new course starting.

As we look at how our families impact and how they shape us, we can see both good/positive and bad/negative. It can be very hard and painful to look at the bad parts. For some of us the bad was broadcasted very publicly and was seen by many. For many of us it was hidden and yet these underlying issues still creep into our lives. Today we are primarily going to focus on the negative, the sins. Why? Because those are the parts we need to change. Pass those healthy, beautiful blessings along the generation line.

The first part of breaking the power of the past is to acknowledge how the blessings and sins of your family profoundly affect who you are today.

Acknowledge how the blessings and sins of your family profoundly affect who you are today.

Some of the specific ways that you might see unhealthy sin from your family of origin is through family patterns. Family patterns are the repeated themes that you can see from generation to generation. This could be addiction as a pattern, a pattern of divorce or of conflict avoidance. Family patterns cause a ripple effect that gets passed from generation to generation.

Another way you might see unhealthy sin is through family scripts. These are the messages we received about life from our primary caregivers. These scripts were oftentimes unspoken. Maybe never directly told to us but unconsciously interpreted. Maybe sometimes they were directly and consciously spoken to us.

Don’t be sad or don’t cry→ get over it

Perform for attention or to be loved→ grades, sports, social status

Avoid conflict or don’t ruffle feathers→ lack of communication, false peacemaker

What happens is these scripts become a way of behaving and thinking that we live by. We begin to talk and behave in a way that aligns with the scripts that we received from our family of origin. Which many times runs contrary to the way of Jesus. Yet these family scripts are the ones that inform and shape a lot of how we live our lives.

We need to become aware and acknowledge these unhealthy patterns and scripts in our lives. You can not change what you do not know. You can only change when you become aware of what needs to change. We need to make a change because you can unknowingly and unwillingly be passing along unhealthy patterns and scripts to your children and grandchildren.

The idea of unhealthy family scripts and family patterns is not something that we invented. These ideas are first found in scripture.

Bible examples:

(7 Min) Dave:

That is right, they are actually called design patterns in the Bible…As in we can trace them through the whole Bible...

These are ideas that actually originate on the first pages of the Bible.

God defined what was Good.  The word for Good in the Old Testament is “Tov.”  You can find it all over the place in the first couple chapter of Genesis. It is clear that God makes the Tov...and that God does what is Tov..He made a world that was Tov for the humans.

So God made this garden with two trees at the center of the garden.

Adam and Eve more than likely ate from the tree of Life every day…

But God told them in order to keep the Good

Redefining Good

Genesis 3:6

6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.

The first sin in the Bible was that humanity decided what was Tov (good) on their own terms.

Since Adam and Eve, this sin of defining what is good in our own eyes has reverberated across the Bible.

Cain Kills able and plays dumb

Genesis 4:8-9

8 Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.

9 Then the Lord said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?”

“I don’t know,” he replied. “Am I my brother’s keeper?”

Cain decided what is good on his own terms...He kills his brother...then he lies about it...Just like his mom and dad ate the fruit and lied about it

Abram & Sari

If you know the story of the Bible then you know this is Abraham and Sarah...They start Israel...God’s covenant people…

This is arguably one of the biggest power couples in the Bible.

God told Abraham to go to a land that he would show them...He Told Abraham that he would become a great nation…

And we see a series of failures in his life…

We see him choose what is good in his own eyes...And it sets a new pattern for the family of God.

Genesis 12:8-13

8 From there he went on toward the hills east of Bethel and pitched his tent, with Bethel on the west and Ai on the east. There he built an altar to the Lord and called on the name of the Lord.

9 Then Abram set out and continued toward the Negev.

Abram in Egypt

12:10–20Ref—Ge 20:1–18; 26:1–11

10 Now there was a famine in the land, and Abram went down to Egypt to live there for a while because the famine was severe. 11 As he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, “I know what a beautiful woman you are. 12 When the Egyptians see you, they will say, ‘This is his wife.’ Then they will kill me but will let you live. 13 Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you.”

God never told Abram to go to Egypt. This was a decision that he made on his own..in fact if you look at the places that Abram was going, he was headed toward Cannan…

You get the picture that he was headed toward Eden.

Life got tough, because there was a famine so Abram went to Egypt…

HE DECIDED WHAT WAS GOOD ON HIS OWN TERMS

Then he lied about his wife to the Egyptian officials!

Just like Adam and eve and cain and lied to God…He was living in a design pattern

One of the things that you need to know about the book of Genesis, especially the garden narrative...Is that like a rock in a pond leaves ripples...you can see those ripples all through the Bible and it actually culminates with Jesus on the cross

The ripple we are seeing is Abram deciding what was good in his own terms

But even though Abram messed up God still wanted to use Him…

It sets up another point where God begins using flawed and broken people...like us...like the disciples...

He made a covenant with Abram and told him that he would make him into a great nation...That he would have many descendants

Genesis 16:1-4

16 Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; 2 so she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; perhaps I can build a family through her.”

Abram agreed to what Sarai said. 3 So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian slave Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. 4 He slept with Hagar, and she conceived.

This story is almost shot for shot taking from the garden narrative

Sarai decided what was good on her own terms…And she gave the forbidden fruit to her husband...

God was supposed to handle the promise…But Abraham and Sari decided that they would take over...

A little further in the story

Genesis 20:1-3

Now Abraham moved on from there into the region of the Negev and lived between Kadesh and Shur. For a while he stayed in Gerar, 2 and there Abraham said of his wife Sarah, “She is my sister.” Then Abimelek king of Gerar sent for Sarah and took her.

3 But God came to Abimelek in a dream one night and said to him, “You are as good as dead because of the woman you have taken; she is a married woman.”

Abraham falls back into the same pattern...He did again what he did as a young man

He pretended that Sarah is his sister..

In one sense, one of the things that I love about the story of Abraham is that he is like this major symbol of faith in the Bible and he keeps failing...Just like us!

We have to ask ourselves, By Abraham falling into this same pattern, what patterns was he setting for his family?

Now Abraham would have a son..The promised one Isaac and he would go visit Abimelek...

Genesis 26:6-7

6 So Isaac settled in Gerar. 7 When the men of the place asked him about his wife, he said, “She is my sister,” for he feared to say, “My wife,” thinking, “lest the men of the place should kill me because of Rebekah,” because she was attractive in appearance.

So Where would Isaac learn this type of behavior?

His dad did the same exact thing, twice?

Isaac decides what is good in his own terms and lies about his wife...

Many times we read the Bible and see things like this...

Pastor Bethany, have you seen this play out in your own life?

Conversation point: Bethany & Dave together

Bethany- “Worst case scenario”. Fearful and anxious. Plan for the worst.

What about you?

Dave: My Grandfather’s Anxiety

Bethany: What unhealthy family patterns and scripts do you see in your life? Take a moment on the sticky note that is there on your sermon notes and write a few words about an unhealthy family pattern or script in your life that has had an impact on you.

2. Recognize that you have been birthed into the new family of Jesus Bethany

The good news is that your past family of origin doesn’t have to determine your future. A greater future can emerge out of the pain and dysfunction from your past. Once you acknowledge the reality of your family of origin you look towards what it means to be discipled in the new family of Jesus because this is “TOV”, this is good. God wants to take every part of who you are, including the broken parts of your history/life/family, and offer them back to Him so that your life would be a gift to those around you.

You can't do this alone. God’s spirit, the Holy Spirit within you, gives you the power to change. In Romans 8:14-17 we see this language of being adopted into the family of God.

14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Paul used the practice of Roman adoption to communicate this truth that you can be birthed into the family of Jesus. You are a child of God. You can come into Jesus’ family and experience all of what that means. You can get God’s future out of your past. You can be parented in a new way that’s different from your parents of origin. The church is the family of God that is “re-parenting” you to do life in this new family of Jesus. Part of breaking the patterns is to see that there is hope of a different way in the new family of Jesus.

Pastor Dave what are some ways that we can live in this new family of Jesus?

(2:30)

Dave

Yeah I love that scripture because when we come into Jesus’ family then we dont have to live out of our idea of what is good any more...

God is the author of Tov…of Good…and

Repentance leading to a new creation.  The life of God is available to you.

Our Part: The repenting part:  The way that I like to define repentance is, “Re-organizing your life around Jesus”  . I need to reorganize my garage right now.  When we moved we just kind of shoved a ton of stuff into the garage and thought that we would sort it out later...Well what this means to me is that I pull everything out and decide what to keep or what not to keep.  What deserves a spot in my garage and what needs to go.

God’s Part: And the new creation part is what God does:  When I begin to bring every part of my life before Jesus, the king of the universe then he can transform me into a new kind of person...Its as if God is freed up to do something totally new in your life

Maybe this is difficult for you, this is what the community of God is about, fInd a mentor or someone who has changed the cycle of their family…

Maybe your blind right now and you need to get with someone who can see

A picture of repentance:

3. Put off sinful patterns of your family of origin and culture and learn how to do life in the family of Jesus.  Dave

So quick recap

God decided what is Good

Man Took Good into his own hands…and then would often lie

Adam and Eve decided to what was good in their own eyes

Abraham didn’t wait for God and did what he thought was good

His son Isaac does the exact same thing as his father

Isaac has Jacob and we spent time talking about Jacob in this series.  Jacob followed in his family’s footsteps..

Most of his life was duplicitous

He was a liar…

Jacob had twelve sons which became the twelve tribes of Israel.

But Jacob’s 11th son... Finally breaks the family cycle

His name was Joseph

See Abraham through Joseph, they all were a family that lived at the expense of one another

Joseph had a pretty hard life, He brothers were thinking of killing him

They sole him to slavery instead

In slavery he worked at Potiphers house and was accused of attempted rape

That will ruin your reputation

He spent time in an Egyptian Prison...Which in the bronze age was pretty bad.

And then finally he acknowledged God’s role in his life.

Then Joseph because the second in command of all of Egypt...

Then his brothers lived out the pattern of sin of Abraham…

Abraham went to Egypt because of a famine

Now his great grandsons are traveling to Egypt because of the famine…

But God orchestrates this meeting between Joseph and his brothers

And they don’t realize that they are meeting their own brother who will break the pattern of sin in their family

See when Joseph recognized God’s role in his story he was able to see things from God’s perspective.  He didn’t live into his family's sinful legacy, he wrote a new story with his brothers.

There was a point when Joesph revealed his true identity to his brothers and they were afraid that he would kill them.

Genesis 50:19-21

19 But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? 20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. 21 So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

Joseph broke these unhealthy patterns in his family

If you look at the words here…Joseph says…what you intended for harm…or RA…or Bad or evil…God intended for TOV…or Good...

Because Joseph reorganized his life around God and fully surrendered to God’s will, he was able to break the family pattern of lying and murder!

And then he spoke to them with Kindness…This is not in any of the earlier patterns…Joseph was kind! He is a picture of a new creation...

You can break these unhealthy patterns too

“Jesus may live in your heart but grandpa lives in your bones”

So there is a practical way that we want to invite you to do this..

Pastor Bethany what are we doing

Bethany Write a new family script that is consistent with scripture

Once we acknowledge the impact our family of origin has on us, recognize that we can make a change by being in the new family of Jesus, we need to respond by unlearning and relearning new patterns and scripts. Honestly, this is hard work. When we begin to look at breaking specific and unhealthy patterns of our past, the pain can become very real. I mean if grandpa lives in your bones then you need to start breaking some bones. That hurts.

We don’t do this alone. We invite the Holy Spirit to come and begin a transformative work in us to help us surrender ourselves to Jesus. We invite community to come and pray for us and remind us of God’s truth.

Earlier we asked you to write down an unhealthy family pattern or script. We want you to write a new family script that is consistent with Scripture and within this new family of Jesus. What do you want your grandkids to say or do or think? What are two or three words that would describe this and what scripture might go with this?

Don’t be sad or don’t cry→ You don’t have to have it altogether, it’s ok to be sad or show weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:10, For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Perform for attention or to be loved→ You are beloved child of God. Matthew 3:17 “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

Avoid conflict or don’t ruffle feathers→ Navigate differences and resolve conflict in God-honoring ways. Matthew 5:44 Jesus says, “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

For me, “Worst case scenario”- plan for the worst. Fearful. Jesus wants good things for my life. John 10:10, Jesus said, I have come that they may have life and have it to the full. Abundant, full life with Jesus, not a fear based life.

As an act of repentance, if you are ready to start changing your family pattern or script then we want to invite you during this next worship song to take the unhealthy one you wrote down and give it over to Jesus. Two stations with a cross and stick it up on the cross. You can say out loud, “I repent of…” Begin to live out your new script.

Would today be the day that you started to acknowledge the unhealthy patterns and scripts from your family of origin, that you looked towards the hope there is in the new family of Jesus and your response is to repent and break the power of the past by moving towards God’s future for your life. A life that would be “TOV”, that would be good, for generations and generations to come in your family.

(5:00)

Dave Pray

God help us to see unhealthy stuff that has been hidden behind family tradition

Before we go to thanksgiving dinner…Help us to be aware that you want to make a new family pattern inside of us...

Jesus, help us all write new scripts for our families…not out of our own strength but out of your Tov

New 9:15am