Wisdom for Training Children November 14, 2021

Introduction

it's no surprise that we live in a world where our children are struggling. Whether it comes to crime teenage pregnancies rebellion in schools and more we have a crisis of the next generation. Our children are really struggling. What do we need to do about this? Do we just need to leave it up to the government?

The reality is I hope you're laughing at that proposition :) the book of proverbs teaches us how to raise our children. It teaches us how to elect our parents. And if we apply these principles and we understand these truths we will raise healthy, godly, wise children.

Disciplining Children

The reason we need discipline.

So why in the world we need to discipline our children? Many parents believe that our children come into the world as a clean slate ready to be influenced for good or bad. What does the book of proverbs teach?

Proverbs 22:15 ESV

15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Children are not blank slates from birth they are inclined towards evil

Genesis 8:21 ESV

21 And when the Lord smelled the pleasing aroma, the Lord said in his heart, “I will never again curse the ground because of man, for the intention of man’s heart is evil from his youth. Neither will I ever again strike down every living creature as I have done.

Proverbs is full of foolish characteristics that parents must push back against in their children. We must use whatever tools possible to train our children away from many of these fallacy's.

I could list attribute after attribute of the fool and proverbs are filled with these characteristics that we need to do our best to get out.

The reality is that foolishness is like a cancer. It's like the leukemia that a curd in our daughter Isabel. We moved heaven and earth to correct it because we knew it would kill her.

We must see the same stakes in play with our children and with the children of our children. There is a high cost to our children living in foolishness. And we must use whatever lovers, strings, rods, whatever we have available to challenge our children to avoid foolishness.

God’s tool for training.

So how do we as parents get this foolishness out of our kids?

Proverbs 22:15 ESV

15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

God is given us as parents this extraordinary opportunity to discipline our children to teach them and get them to leave foolishness behind. Isn't it amazing that we have this moment in time to form and shape our kids. But we have to remember that while we're disciplining and training our kids we must imitate God's discipline of Oz.

Proverbs 3:11–12 ESV

11 My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline or be weary of his reproof, 12 for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

Psalm 103:13 ESV

13 As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.

Discipline reveals your love for your children and trust of God.

The temptation in our world today is to believe that our kids are totally innocent and we shouldn't spank them or discipline them. We should just encourage them to flourish in their own way. The Bible rejects this philosophy teaching instead that disciplining our children reveals our love for them.

Proverbs 13:24 ESV

24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Proverbs 3:12 ESV

12 for the Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

We can actually be abusing our kids by neglecting to discipline them.

my Christina and Isabel experience needles all the time to combat the health struggles they've had. But we teach them all the time that the shot or blood draw they're enduring is necessary to keep them healthy and whole in the long run.

Hebrews 12:11 ESV

11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

How to discipline according to Proverbs

It's easy for us to get worn out disciplining our children but we need to remember how important it is.

Proverbs 23:13–14 ESV

13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. 14 If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.

But we also need to remember that wayward children can be like the classic example of a fool... they are wise in their own eyes.

Proverbs 3:7 ESV

7 Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.

in the same way that proverbs challenges us not to argue with a fool... we as parents need to sometimes not waste times arguing with our child but instead just take corrective action

Proverbs 20:3 ESV

3 It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife, but every fool will be quarreling.

Correct discipline

as parents the Bible challenges us

Colossians 3:21 ESV

21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

So we need to measure our discipline wisely based on what the context requires.

One of the tough things isn’t it is to not discipline out of anger. But instead out of intentionality.

Proverbs 16:32 ESV

32 Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

we need to remember that what we're trying to do with discipline is to train a child and not to get justice for how we feel..

Romans 12:19 ESV

19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

Rod and Reproof

Proverbs also teaches a balance between reproof and the rod.

Proverbs 29:15 ESV

15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.

Proverbs 17:10 ESV

10 A rebuke goes deeper into a man of understanding than a hundred blows into a fool.

Proverbs 10:13 ESV

13 On the lips of him who has understanding, wisdom is found, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks sense.

I love this quote which often applies to girls as well

‘Boys have their ears on their backsides.’[1]

As parents we need to both invest in rebuking our children without words and taking corrective actions to teach them.

And yes the Bible teaches the value of punishments like spanking. As parents we need to lovingly and intentionally use whatever tools we have to help our children.

Educating your children

Proverbs challenges us to use discipline to drive out foolishness from the lives of our children. But it also challenges us 2 build wisdom into our children's lives. To train and form them.

One of the mistakes made in our culture is that many parents are willing to entirely hand off or nearly entirely hand off the character formation of their children two schools. As parents it is our job to shape the character and the faith of our kids.

Shape character

We are shaping the character of our children. Not just when they are around us but we want to instruct and teach them so that when they go out in the world they are equipped to restrain their tongues, manage their career, avoid sexual immorality and eventually choose a godly wife or husband.

The way the proverbs writer chooses to form the character of the child that he is speaking to is by challenging him to fear the Lord.

Proverbs 1:7 ESV

7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.

If there's one thing that we can do with our children is to live with a reverence for God in our lives. To honor God and how we speak about God period to honor God by the time we spend on reading our Bible and praying to him period to honor God by how we give and spend our money period to honor God by how much we really don't worry but instead trust him period to honor God with the movies we watch and the TV shows we watch. Our children pick up on our view of God. If we want to raise children of character, we need to teach them to honor God.

Deuteronomy 6:6–7 ESV

6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

And how we talk about our faith is not just a matter of going to church or sitting our children down and talking to them about the Bible and God. It's weaving a faith in God into our walks in the park, how we face health problems, and how we see the world.

Children’s responsibility to their parents

So how about the child's responsibility to the parents.

Accept discipline and training

First of all, a wise child should learn to embrace discipline. Part of our jobs as parents should be to talk to our children about why we discipline them. So that they understand that we are doing this to shape them into godly, good young men and women.

Proverbs 15:10 ESV

10 There is severe discipline for him who forsakes the way; whoever hates reproof will die.

Honor

Something we are called to do no matter how young or old we are is to honor our parents. As it also we are no longer responsible to completely obey our parents. But we are responsible to respect and honor our parents.

Proverbs 19:26 ESV

26 He who does violence to his father and chases away his mother is a son who brings shame and reproach.

1 Timothy 5:8 ESV

8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

As adult children we need to honor our parents. And in different phases of life this looks different. In some situations we honor our parents by stepping in to help provide them what they need period to care for them as they age. In other situations we honor them by showing up regularly and investing in our relationship with them.

The joy of a parent

Another thing we need to remember no matter how old we are is how much joy children bring to their parents. And when we live with wisdom. We bring joy to our parents. When our children live with wisdom they bring us joy.

Proverbs 10:1 ESV

1 The proverbs of Solomon. A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.

Proverbs 23:24–25 ESV

24 The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him. 25 Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice.

God’s judgement on disobedient children

Here is a passage that we can share with our kids. God commands children to honor their parents and he adds a threat. He judges children who refuse to honor their parents.

Proverbs 20:20 ESV

20 If one curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in utter darkness.

Proverbs 30:17 ESV

17 The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures.

Do children of wise parents ever go astray?

Sometimes it seems that even passages that teach us about raising our children taunt us.

Proverbs 22:6 ESV

6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

sometimes you can do everything you can do as a parent and your children will walk away from their faith and choose to love a foolish lifestyle.

2 verses which should challenge us

Genesis 8:21 ESV

21 And when the Lord smelled the pleasing aroma, the Lord said in his heart, “I will never again curse the ground because of man, for the intention of man’s heart is evil from his youth. Neither will I ever again strike down every living creature as I have done.

First of all, our children are born with a sin nature. It's not our job to save our children but to shape them. Sometimes children will choose their sin nature instead of the life that wisdom offers.

Hebrews 12:10 ESV

10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.

Secondly, we are not perfect parents. There's every chance that without God's intervention we would ruin our kids even if they didn't have a sin nature :) :)

Why do some children go astray?

here are a few thoughts...

Proverbs 13:24 ESV

24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

parents are responsible to train and instruct their kids... proverbs is clear about that. If we neglect this there are consequences.

Proverbs 20:11 ESV

11 Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright.

Secondly, children are responsible for the choices that they choose. Thinking about Cain and Abel. They grew up in the same family and made dramatically different choices. Not all rebellious choices that children make are the faults of the parents. And children will have to bear the consequences if they choose to regularly reject wisdom.

Thirdly, one factor that we need to consider is God's sovereign grace. God has the power to reach out to and soften hard hearts. God sees our children and knows what they're thinking. And he loves them. If we have children grown or young who are walking with God let us give glory and gratitude to him. If we have children young or old who have walked away from God let us relentlessly bring them to God in prayer. Let us relentlessly challenge our children to turn to God.

Conclusion

So what do our children need most? Do they need good looks? Do they need status and a successful career? Do they need lots of money?

Proverbs shows time after time that wisdom is the most valuable thing we can pursue wisdom through a relationship with God will give you the most fulfilled and meaningful life you could ever want.

Teach your children to grow in wisdom above all else.

The problem is that far too often we as parents spend too much time treating our children as if they are only born to live in this world and to not live for eternity.

“They educate them for time, not for eternity.’[2]”

Train your children for eternity.

Parenting is hard, messy, often thankless work. Thank you parents for the work you are doing investing in your children. Use discipline, use reproof, take responsibility to train your children. The stakes are high but the potential is limitless.

[1] Jim Newheiser, Opening up Proverbs, Opening Up Commentary (Leominster: Day One Publications, 2008), 153. [2] Jim Newheiser, Opening up Proverbs, Opening Up Commentary (Leominster: Day One Publications, 2008), 159.