Untitled Sermon (4)

Foundational Text: 1 Corinthians 7:1-9

7:1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Introduction

Majoring in the Minors

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote…

This particular statement is the introduction to Paul’s response to a letter written by the Corinthian church that we’ve never recovered. So, we don’t know all the subjects that were addressed in the letter. Nevertheless, a striking point immediately comes to my mind when I read this statement in verse 1.

We’re seven chapters into this letter to the Corinthians and he’s just getting around to answering questions about their issues!!! In what is pretty much a response to the Corinthian letter, the issues that they asked Paul about aren’t addressed until the 7th chapter.

So, here’s the question…why would Paul wait to address their questions?

Here’s my observation: Paul decided to address their questions later because, for Paul, there were bigger issues going on in the Corinthian church that needed to be addressed before the questions the Corinthians had were addressed. As a matter of fact, ignoring the bigger issues could have very well been the source of the other trouble that the Corinthians were experiencing and were asking about.

This is a common tendency of people in general. It is absolutely amazing how much we miss the minors because of our neglect of the majors!

[EXAMPLE: Judging a house based on the framing job when the foundation is the problem]

So, like the house, if you repair the major issues, the minor issues might be automatically fixed in the process but even if they aren’t, fixing them becomes a lot more helpful to your overall goal. So what were the major issues that Paul addressed 1st in this letter? We had divisions, sexual immoralities, Christians suing each other and all of sorts of things, and Paul used some of the 1st chapters of 1 Corinthians to address some of these issues that required his attention and authority, BUT I believe there was an even bigger issue plaguing the Corinthian church that Paul had to address in the 1st six chapters. I also believe that correcting this one major issue would automatically have fixed many of his other issues. 1 Corinthians 2 uncovers the main issue Paul was concerned with:

1 Corinthians 2:1-5

And I, when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom. 2 For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. 3 And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, 4 and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, 5 that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.the Gospel is the engine that everything else hinges on. It’s the building block for everything

The issue in two words is “BAD GOSPEL.” Their Bad Gospel seemed to have been impacting everything else they were concerned about.

To miss the essence of the Gospel is to really miss everything else. Everything gets its meaning…its purpose…its value from the Gospel, and so, for example, while they were asking about issues with marriage in the letter to Paul, Paul was thinking about reestablishing their understanding of the Gospel first so that they could understand marriage later.

Get the main thing wrong and you could very well get everything wrong! So, get the Gospel right!

Don’t Touch: Corinthians’ Position on Marriage

1 Corinthians 7:1 ESV

1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”

Last Sunday, we explained that the historical Christian description of sexual immorality as any sexual activity outside of the covenant boundaries of one husband and one wife and much of the early chapters of this letter uncover many of the sexual temptations that the Corinthians struggled with: Engaging in prostitution, fornication, and even shameless adultery with one’s own father’s wife.

We also talked about how sex was apparently seen by some in Corinth as a bodily act that was, for the most part, disconnected from the spirit of a person. It was seen more as just humans giving into their natural uncontrollable cravings. Just like we have to eat, we have to have sex with whomever, whenever, wherever and to deny those cravings was to oppress and suppress one’s ability to live a free and satisfying life.

And we discussed how that same cultural vibe is alive and well in our culture and age…”If it feels good, it is good”

However, as we move from chapter 6 to chapter 7, we notice a significant swing of opinion. On one side you have this unrestrained sexual immorality that we just described, but on the other side, it appears that some in the church saw the damage that such freedom could cause on the soul and in relationships, so they adopted the complete opposite position as Paul describes it in verse 1...

1 Corinthians 7:1 ESV

1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”

So, sexuality has been so tainted in the minds of the some of the Corinthians that they appear to have adopted a position of complete abstinence including within marriage

On one hand, you have a group of members saying “TOUCH ANYBODY and EVERYBODY” and on the other hand, you have a group of members saying “TOUCH NOBODY” including your spouse.

As a result, it appears two things were taking place

1. Celibacy was becoming the preferred life of some members even the MARRIED...

2. People were divorcing and separating from their spouses because of their understanding of sex/marriage.

Sex/Marriage/Relationships had been so tarnished by the sinful flesh that they thought it was irreconcilable to a life seeking to please God!

It almost seemed that there was a basic understanding that “If you wanted to please God, you had to leave relationships alone”

In chapter 7, Paul addresses both of these issues.

This week, we’ll deal with the first one: The goodness of marriage and sex in marriage and the dangers of celibacy in marriage and outside of marriage.

Due to the complete desecration of the purpose of sex within the culture the Christians in Corinth were really struggling with understanding what to do with it.

The culture around them had defiled sex and relationships so much so that many in T Corinthian church thought that the practice of sex was irreconcilable with pure living!

They thought that it was irredeemable

However, God uses the institution of God-GLORIFYING, Christ-CENTERED, Self-SACRIFICING marriage to restore sex to its original holy intent, restore it, and remake it into something enjoyable, selfless, and beautiful.

Defining God-GLORIFYING, Christ-CENTERED, Self-SACRIFICING Marriage and Intimacy

Now before I move to much further in chapter 7, I want to pause and work through this phrase you keep hearing me use: God-GLORIFYING, Christ-CENTERED, Self-SACRIFICING Marriage

I’m being very careful and intentional in my use of the phrase because it matters.

God-GLORIFYING

That is to say marriage and sex done within the confines of biblical command, biblical principle, and biblical wisdom;

For example, marriage and sex between one husband and one wife! Paul says in verse 3 of Chapter 7 “each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband”

So, for the Christian, to be God-GLORIFYING would be to obey this command. And if we try to step outside of those confines because we’ve listened to the voice of the culture and the devil and they’ve told us this will revitalize us or bring satisfies us, we’re moving outside of the bounds of honoring Christ with our marriage.

Christ-CENTERED

That is living out our marriages and sexual relationships with an understanding of how the Gospel is to be reflected in it.

Christ-Centered Marriage and Intimacy is living it out with the understanding that MARRIAGE AND INTIMACY is ultimately TOOL by which Christ is shaping us into His image and likeness

For example:

He’s humbling us in marriage

In intimacy, He’s teaching us to submit our will to another; to live not simply for our own delight and pleasure but for the delight and pleasure of another

In marriage and intimacy, He’s training us to love unconditionally through hardship and difficulty. Through trials and storms

Ephesians 5:22–23 ESV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Notice Paul here puts the wife’s attention on CHRIST as the motivation for living selflessly, for following her husband’s lead, but Christ-CENTERED doesn’t stop with the wife...

Ephesians 5:25–26 ESV

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

Paul puts the husband’s attention on CHRIST as the DEEPEST motivation for HIS CONTINUALLY SERVING HIS WIFE BY LAYING HIS OWN LIFE...

Christ-CENTERED Marriage is to hold a DEFAULT position of LOOKING PAST our spouses to JESUS for our deepest motivation to love, to serve, to submit, to humble ourselves, and to lay our lives down for them.

Most of our DEFAULT positions is looking at our spouses first for our DEEPEST motivation to love, to serve, to submit, to humble ourselves, to lay our lives down for the other…and as a result, our ability to love, to serve, to submit, to humble ourselves, and to our lay our lives down is always resting on the behavior of a fallible, sinful, human being...

NOW HERE MY WORDS…I said we have to look past our spouses to our Christ for our DEEPEST MOTIVATION. That doesn’t mean that our spouse carries no responsibility to motivate us towards love, sacrifice, humility with their own love, sacrifice, and humility…it means that they CANNOT be the PRIMARY MOTIVATION.

The Christian marriage draws its first strength not from the conduct of the spouse but from the faithfulness of Christ…That is Christ-Centered...

So, God-Glorifying...Christ-Centered...

Self-Sacrificing

That is simply embracing the idea in deeply in your heart that marriage and sex is an expression of love meaning that it is primarily an expression of giving ourselves over to the other versus taking from the other.

It is first about your spouse not about YOU!

1 Corinthians 7:4 ESV

4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

Did you hear that?

The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does…The husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

This verse signifies a giving over of ourselves to the other. NOW be very careful before you turn this own its head. This is mutual giving over, mutual sacrifice, both parties working towards an end of living sacrificially and intimately for the other.

The marriage relationship is intended to be the closest human relationship in all of creation behind only our relationship with Christ (Ephesians 5).

No other 1 to 1 relationship except our relationship with Christ is described in the terms that marriage is described in (1 Corinthians 6)!

Flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone...

Two becoming one...

Terms reserved for marriage alone.

In some unique way, those of us who are married not only belong Christ, but we belong to our spouse. Paul will say as much the further we get in this chapter.

This extends to all facets of married life not just sex.

Marriage and marital intimacy is not primarily about you!

Herein lies what I believe to be the main reason why we can’t see sexual intimacy in the light that God has created it to be viewed in. We can’t see sex properly because the selfish motivations behind our desires for sex!

At its roots all that we have ever experienced about sex is self-serving and self-gratifying. It’s not done to please God and not done in gratitude for who he has given us to enjoy our lives with, but rather it’s done for me!

In an article entitled, “3 Ways Sex In Your Marriage Can Be Sinful”, one pastor highlights three ways in which this kind of selfishness plays out...

1. We can withhold sex to punish our spouse.

More on this one in a minute...

2. We can selfishly demand sex.

He writes, “Jesus’ love for his bride was utterly selfless in that he gave himself up for her (v.26). This call to love unselfishly extends to our sexual relationship within marriage...Selfish sex within marriage can be just as sinful as sex outside of the marriage covenant, since it is a way of laying our spouse down for us, instead of laying ourselves down for our spouse!”

3. We can use sex to shame our spouse.

He writes “Because sex is such an intimate part of the marital bond, it’s extremely sensitive. When we’re frustrated about our sex lives, we can say hurtful things to our spouse related to this area of our marriage. This can further damage intimacy, and create a rift between couples.”

Selfish sex within marriage can be just as sinful as sexual immorality outside of it...

Our primary aim in marriage and in intimacy should always be the giving of ourselves away...

Marriage is first about your spouse not about you...

So, to say God-GLORIFYING, Christ-CENTERED, Self-SACRIFICING, is to say I give myself completely to God for my body is not my own, and since he has given me to my spouse in a union in which he has created, I give myself them.

That’s what we mean when we say God-GLORIFYING, Christ-CENTERED, Self-SACRIFICING Marriages. Now, let’s unpack how God uses these type of marriages and intimacy in these of marriage for His glory and our Joy and Satisfaction!

God-honoring, Christ-Exalting, Self-sacrificing marriages may be used by God to reconcile sex back to its rightful place within the created order as being something pure and holy to be used for the Glory of God and His purposes. (1 Corinthians 7:2, 8-9; Genesis 2)

As a result, God-honoring, Christ-Exalting, Self-sacrificing sex is then transformed by God to be something beautiful, satisfying, and enjoyable (1 Corinthians 7:5; Proverbs 15-19)

God Uses God-GLORIFYING, Christ-CENTERED, Self-SACRIFICING marriages to reconcile sex back to its rightful place.

1 Corinthians 7:2 ESV

2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

Here it appears that some of the Corinthian church was abstaining from sex because they were seeking to be more spiritual.

But Paul argues that for many of us God actually uses marriage and sex within marriage to maintain our purity and deepen our spirituality!

Paul is inviting those in the church whose understanding of sex has been completely twisted to rethink it!

For Paul, a single man who embraces singleness and celibacy, sex not something for married couples to be reluctant about.

It’s actually something to be enjoyed within the parameters that God has provided us for our own good.

Now, the “should have” in verse 2 is not written as a command for EVERYONE to take up a spouse. Paul says as much in verse 6. However, for Paul ongoing relational and sexual desire is a clear justification for marriage.

Marriage is not a place where we should usually be overcome with relational and sexual desire that leads to sin. It is place where our relational and sexual desire has the opportunity to be fulfilled in a deep and meaningful way to frees us for to live holy and pure lives before God.

I mentioned an article moment ago, “Three Ways Sex In Your Marriage Can Be Sinful”, and I told you that we would come back to the first reason the author said that sex in marriage can be sinful: We can withhold sex to punish our spouse.

This is what Paul says to that

1 Corinthians 7:3–5 ESV

3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Paul says part of the purpose of our union is to grow in holiness together by helping each other not give into temptation of sexual desire.

The first half of verse 4 was not a very revolutionary statement…

In ancient Rome the wife did not have authority over her own body, she was subject to the desires of her husband.

The husband however was not subject to the desires of his wife. He wasn’t really subject to his wife in any way. She was there solely for him, but he could look elsewhere to have his desires met...

That’s what makes the second half of verse 4 so REVOLUTIONARY…the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

In Christianity, Marriage and intimacy are matters of mutual submission, not moving on the whims and demands of the other but moving selflessly together towards one another.

In Christianity, Marriage and intimacy is living with a sensitivity not just to your needs but to your spouse’s. It is a desire to live for the good of one another...

In Christianity, Marriage and intimacy is of course expressing your needs to your spouse but our primary sensitivity should be towards the needs of our spouse because we BELONG TO THEM and they TO US!

Paul says “Don’t deprive one another? Deprive one another of what?”

Deprive one another of the joys of unbridled intimacy. Guiltless intimacy! God-GLORIFYING, Christ-CENTERED, Self-SACRIFICING (and add another term), Self-SATISFYING Intimacy.

Paul is deviating from the cultural norms in some ways with his view of marriage. Marriage in antiquity was often seen as a means to continue the family legacy. It was seen as a tool for familiar and social stability. It was seen as a tool for economic security, but it was not a primary tool for sexual and relational intimacy.

That’s why sexual immorality was so rampant, because you could find your sexual fulfillment ANYWHERE not just in marriage. It appears that they had so much sexual promiscuity that folks in the church started seeing it only in a negative light even to the point of seeing marriage itself as a stumbling block

However, for Paul, marriage was all of those other things, security, an ability to procreate and extend family lineage, but also very high on the list for Paul was the fulfillment of sexual desire and intimacy. You didn’t go outside of marriage for that. You went into marriage for that. You went into covenant for that...

Proverbs 5:15–20 ESV

15 Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. 16 Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? 17 Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. 18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, 19 a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. 20 Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?

Paul is saying God gave you one another and bond you at the deepest level of commitment and sacrifice in order that your might enjoy one another at the deepest level of intimacy.

Here’s where we run into a very interesting paradox:

When we give ourselves over to one another…living for the sake of one another, for the joy of one another, for the happiness of one another. God has a way of producing happiness and satisfaction in us...

When SELF-SACRIFICE is pursued by both spouses…SELF-SATISFACTION is what they will both receive in return.

This is the gift of MUTUAL SUBMISSION.

By the way, let me say this as I believe it is very important...

MUTUAL SUBMISSION is not just an appeal to not withhold from our spouse but it is an appeal that our spouse should not force anything upon us because they belong to us as much as we belong to them…It is a constant posture where we ask what does my spouse need!

Paul even gives us a situation in 1 Corinthians 7:5 “5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer...”

There are times that Paul says are important enough to be deprived. Prayer being one, but it’s not Paul’s mission to make an exhaustive list but rather to make a point that it is not all demands all the time.

For example, if my spouse has faced a history of abuse and trauma or if my spouse has faced or is facing a significant health issue that makes being intimate difficult or painful or as Paul mentioned, my spouse has a desire to dedicate a period to deeper spiritual devotion and formation, then me living for them, giving myself over to them, and living mutually submissive to them may mean operating with greater patience, gentleness, and care in the area of relational intimacy.

Saints of God this is what God desires to do in your marriage and in your intimacy. He desires to make it a place where you are sanctified to live more selflessly, more committed to His glory rather than your own and more commited to make Christ the center of your life and not your self...

When this happens, marriage becomes something glorious and so does sexual intimacy...

Singleness is Good, Marriage is Good, Christ is Ultimate

1 Corinthians 7:6–9 ESV

6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

This is very important text to consider for those of us who are single as well…

Singleness is good if you are gifted to be single, but don’t say I need to be single while actively looking for a mate!

Don’t say I need to be single while constantly yearning for companionship and relational intimacy.

Even if you’re not married it’s ok to desire marriage.

It’s ok to be content in singleness while not hiding your desire for marriage.

Paul says very clearly in verse 7 EACH HAS HIS OWN GIFT FROM GOD…One of one kind and one of another…meaning that some folks are gifted in such a way where singleness with community is a gift.

Relational Intimacy is more than sexual intercourse. It is friendship, it is brotherhood, it is sisterhood and some people are gifted to enjoy the intimacy that comes from community while leaving a more dedicated life on mission with God.

Singleness with Contentment is not an excuse for dishonesty...

However, with that said…Honest singleness is not desperate singleness.

Paul says in verse 7 and verse 8 that Singleness is his PREFERRED Good!

It is a good thing and righteous thing and even it is not your preferred good, God can still use it in this moment for His glory and for your eternal good.

Now, For Paul, a man committed to a single life, celibacy was an worthy good.

However, it did not mean that it was an ultimate good.

While Paul does see singleness as a worthy good he is not trying to dismiss marriage, in fact, the Bible speaks CLEARLY to the goodness of Christ-Centered, God-Glorifying marriage.

We see, before the fall, marriage was created as a necessary good in the world

Genesis 2:18, 24

Genesis 2:18 ESV

18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Genesis 2:24 ESV

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

We also see, after the fall, that marriage was sustained as a good thing in a fallen world

Proverbs 18:22 ESV

22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

According to this verse, marriage is not merely a good thing, but it is a display of God’s good favor towards us.

But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

Marriage is a gift just like Singleness is a gift both to be enjoyed and used as God has ordained. Both coming with the mercy to live them out.

Neither are ultimate, God is ultimate…The goal in all of life from every seat in life

1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV

31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.