Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage in the Bible, Part 2

I am convinced that if a strict view on divorce and remarriage were taught in our churches, there would be fewer divorces among believers. Marriage would be entered into with more caution, and marriage partners would seek to preserve that union at all cost.

The Divorce Myth, Minneapolis: Bethany House, 1981, p. 123. Carl Laney

And THAT is why, despite the fear and hesitation, we embark upon teaching about this critical subject.

Divorce is a difficult subject. Filled with emotion and strong opinion. It is filled with pain and grief. It is filled with sorrow and anger.

Navigating this issue is like walking through a landline with the location of those mines partially or totally unknown. One wrong step, and you are going to set a bomb off, possibly a chain of bombs that will leave even further devastation in its wake.

And yet, we do not solve it by remaining silent or loosening the standard God established.

So, with great care, we return here today.

Let’s review what we began last week.

Outline

**Outline derived and borrowed from Jay Adams Book, Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage

Big Idea: Even though God hates divorce, because there is sin behind every divorce as its cause, not every divorce is sinful. (Jay Adams)

Last week highlighted in yellow

Marriage

What marriage is all about

Covenant of companionship.

Covenant - unconditional, unbreakable promise to another.

Divorce

A Biblical Attitude Toward Divorce

Concept of Divorce/Origin of Divorce

What is divorce?

The Two Groups in 1 Corinthians 7

Divorce Among Believers

Divorce Among the Unequally Yoked Unbeliever

The Exceptional Clause

Christ, Deuteronomy, and Genesis

Remarriage

Sermon Body

Let’s turn now to the passages of scripture that speak to the provision for divorce.

Look with me at 1 Corinthians 7.

The Two Groups in 1 Corinthians 7

1 Corinthians 7:10-16

1 Corinthians 7:10–16 ESV

To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

Going back to the first verse of chapter 7, we understand that this entire discussion about marriage, marriage responsibilities, and divorce is all coming from a discussion that the believers in Corinth were having with Paul

Paul address the concept of marriage, of intimacy in marriage, and of divorce in direct response to them.

1 Corinthians 7:1

1 Corinthians 7:1 ESV

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.”

The entire discussion that follows is a result of Paul addressing this.

We are going to focus on verses 10 and following.

1 Corinthians 7:10-16

Two distinct groups of people are referenced in this text.

To the married....Vs. 10

To the rest…Vs. 12

In verses 10-11, we have a restated teaching of Christ on divorce between believers. This is the first group.

This information would not have been new, having been address by Jesus himself in Mark 10:2-12 and in Luke 16:18

Matthew 5:31-32 states the same things with the additional exception clause we will consider momentarily.

However, a new situation has arisen as the church has grown, as the gospel has gone forth, and as the pagan world has started to repent and come to faith in Christ.....believers married to unbelievers.

“To the rest I say (I, Not the Lord)…”

Not that Paul is saying he is going to offer his unauthoritative, uninspired opinion…for this is in the inspired word of God so it is offered to us AS THE WORD OF GOD.

Paul is not branching out on his own here and entering new teaching based on his own authority…

Rather, this statement is intended to point out that Paul is going to address an issue that did not come with Jesus teaching.

Understand why this is...

The gospel has gone forth into the pagan, Gentile world. It has gone forth in the Roman and Greek world. And they are repenting and believing.

But this poses a problem when only one of the two parties in a marriage repent and believe, leaving the other one in an unrepentant state.

NOW, you have a mixed marriage, an unequally yoked marriage that is causing conflict and problems for some.

This was not an issue when Jesus spoke on this matter and now Paul is coming back to give instruction on how to address it.

1 Peter 3 is in that context and addresses that issue as well.

The second group is written to believers contemplating divorce or being faced with divorce from their unbelieving spouses.

THIS was a question, an issue never yet addressed in the NT; an issue that Christ Himself does not seemed to have addressed. However, it is a legitimate question/issue. Paul therefore, under divine inspiration, addressed this issue.

There are two distinct groups and situations being addressed here and it is critical to note the distinction lest we get it wrong.

God is addressing divorce among believers and divorce among a believer and an unequally yoked unbeliever.

The two will be handled differently. The same standard is not practiced in both situations.

Let’s talk about divorce among believer’s first.

Divorce Among Believers

1 Corinthians 7:10-11

1 Corinthians 7:10–11 ESV

For two believers…divorce is not an option.

Don’t mistake verse 11 as permission for two believers to divorce. It isn’t.

Verse 11 is simply saying…IF YOU DISOBEY THIS and do so anyway.....THEN....

The reason for remaining unmarried? THERE IS AN OBLIGATION TO RECONCILE, one that is effectively closed if remarriage happens.

The BUT IF SHE DOES (and this would stand true for the husband as well though not explicitly stated)…statement is not a statement of consent or permission but rather, IF HE/SHE DISOBEYS AND SEPARATES/DIVORCES ANYWAY in direct violation to the command, then....remain unmarried....or reconcile. The follow up is a course of action should disobedience to the first take place.

If she disobeys the second, the result is an irremediable situation. Once remarried, a second divorce to reconcile with the first husband is just as wrong as the first divorce and remarriage.

Because, as we will see, even though the divorce was sinful and the remarriage sinful (because it violated the command to remain unmarried OR reconcile), the divorce is recognized by scripture, as is the remarriage. Both are recognized, even if they are sinful. To divorce again and return to the first spouse is to sin again and break another marriage legitimately recognized by scripture.

The second command is given in the event of disobedience in an attempt to stave off further sin and consequence through remarriage when reconciliation is the expectation.

If divorce does happen, they are to remain unmarried OR reconcile. Those are the only two options.

We will address the “exception clause” in a few moments, but for now, we need to understand that Jesus’ teaching as well as Paul’s here FORBIDS divorce among two believers.

Let me remind you, the separation (Chorizo) that this text has in mind here is that of separation by divorce. She enters an “unmarried” state.

Notice again with me the instruction....NOT divorce BUT if she does…REMAIN UNMARRIED OR RECONCILE.

The reason for remaining unmarried is in order to remain open and available at all times to be reconciled to her husband (to his wife).

What Paul is after, what God is after is reconciliation.

GOING BACK for a moment to a high view of marriage…we are reminded that marriage is to be a picture of the gospel.

What does this commitment to reconciliation at all costs remind you of?

What does this open invitation for reconciliation remind you of?

What does this PURSUIT of reconciliation remind you of?

THE GOSPEL.

Jesus pursuing us....Jesus inviting us the reconcile (having absorbed IN HIMSELF OUR debt of sin against Him).

Jesus making available every opportunity for us to come and be restored to right relationship.

When we are similarly committed in our marriages, we are a living and walking display of the gospel.

When we show unconditional and faithful love to a spouse who consistently wrong us....we live the gospel.

THEREFORE, if an unbiblical divorce happens, whether you are at fault or not, you are to remain unmarried OR be reconciled. The goal and intent of remaining unmarried is to leave the door open for reconciliation.

So, are you telling me pastor, that if I get divorced, I have to live single for the rest of my life?

I am not telling you anything.

God is telling you.

Yes, if it is an unbiblical divorce and you are not free to remarry

In an unbiblical divorce, you are still obligated before God to be married and therefore the only options you have are to reconcile and be remarried or remain single so that the opportunity for that reconciliation is not closed off.

So Yes, you remain single for as long as it takes, BECAUSE reconciliation, not happiness, is the goal. Holiness is the goal.

This is the devastation of sin.

It ruins and destroys everything it touches.

The consequences of sin are devastating and terrible

I think that sometimes we have so downplayed sin, minimized the consequences, and softened the blow that we forget or do not even realize the cost of sin.

We think, oh it hurts, but it is not that bad, I will just endure it because the alternative is worse.

No it is not. We just do not realize it yet.

“A moment of pleasure always outweighs fear of future consequences”

A moment of relief always outweighs fear of future consequences

In the moment, the promise of relief and cessation of suffering and hurt will outweigh the fear of future consequences for our actions.

WHICH IS WHY we need a present delight and persistent commitment to honoring God RIGHT NOW.

A single life, as hard as that may be, is worth the cost of preventing further sin by remarrying when you are obligated to be married and bringing further guilt, sin, and consequence upon you.

LISTEN, this is why we need to take marriage seriously and do ALOT of work on the FRONT side to ensure we are getting involved in a marriage that is equally yoked and then KEEP DOING a lot of work to STRENGTHEN that marriage.

AND WHEN you find yourself in a situation anyway where you are unequally yoked at no fault of your own, this is why you must love God ABOVE ALL ELSE because love for God is all that will keep you in some marriages.

Frankly, supreme love for God FIRST AND FOREMOST is necessary for ALL relationship, equally yoked or not, healthy or not.

When you endure the single life BECAUSE you are committed to reconciling with your spouse, you LIVE THE GOSPEL.

It is about the gospel of Jesus Christ.

It is about submission to HIS will and not demanding our sin.

Sin sucks. It hurts. There are consequences. THIS IS WHY GOD GIVES SUCH preemptive instructions to help us avoid such circumstances.

Unfortunately, despite our best efforts, at times sins of others crashes into us like a freight train and we are left trying to pick up the pieces of the devastation it brings.

BUT when we are committed to reconciliation..WHICH, I SHOULD ADD…IS the gospel…we glorify God. EVEN if the marriage is never reconciled, you glorify God in your intent to be open for reconciliation if it should come.

This also means that it is wrong to marry a believer who has been divorced for unbiblical reasons. To marry one in this position is to remove their option for reconciliation to their former spouse. This is why scripture speaks of it being adultery to married a divorced person (again, this excludes the biblically permissible cases…which are probably fewer than we want to admit).

The are still under obligation TO BE married to their former spouse and by your marrying them, you remove that option from them.

This is why we MUST have a high view of marriage and understand what is at stake.

This is not a small matter

But we have made it a small matter in a society today.

I ALSO KNOW that despite having a high view, despite our best intentions, it happens. We live in a sin cursed world. We are a rebellious and hard hearted people at times, even among those who profess our King’s name.

But what we must walk away with is this....Scripture is clear…

2 believers are NOT to be divorced.

We have the indwelling Spirt; we have the word of God; we have the power and truth of God to resolve our differences and bring us to oneness and wholeness in our marriages.

BUT, if we are divorced....THE command, the obligation is two fold...

Remain unmarried - TO BE OPEN to reconciliation at all times

OR be reconciled

When sinful divorce takes place, we are still under obligation to be married before God and therefore remarriage is adultery.

This is the clear expectation of scripture.

What happens though with an unequally yoked unbeliever?

Divorce Among the Unequally Yoked Unbeliever

1 Corinthians 7:12-16

1 Corinthians 7:12–16 ESV

To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

To the rest....

This is being written to the group now that finds themselves in a unique circumstance not addressed by Jesus

Vs. 10-11 does not apply to them since it was speaking of divorce between two believers.

Vs. 12-16 is address an unequally yoked marriage a believer and unbeliever.

It is one thing for two believers to contemplate divorce. They have the Spirit, the Word, an intercessor (in the person of Jesus), direct access to God and His Grace to overcome their problems and conflict.

An unbeliever does NOT have the necessary resources to address the problems of the marriage. They lack the Spirit and power of God to change.

These are two different situations that need two different approaches and solutions.

Between two believers there is only two options when divorce happens

Remain UNMARRIED OR

BE Reconciled

The remain unmarried is FOR THE PURPOSE OF BEING RECONCILED

My father pointed out in small group last week that according to the Divorce Care Ministry, which he did for a number of years, most who remain unmarried and patiently wait it out and keep working towards reconciliation for a period of 2-10 years (on average) do often reconcile.

For an unbeliever and believer, this is not always possible and we do not see Paul requiring reconciliation because it is not always possible.

The believer in the unequally yoked marriage

is NOT to divorce his unsaved partner regardless of what happens. IF the unbeliever is willing to continue in the relationship, the believer is to remain.

is to do all that they can to hold the marriage together for the sake of the unbelieving spouse (For their salvation) and for the sake of any children who may be part of the family. Their presence will have a sanctifying influence over them even if they persist in refusing to repent.

However, if the unbeliever refuses to stay EVEN AFTER THE BELIEVER HAS DONE ALL THEY CAN TO HOLD IT TOGETHER, we are to let them go.

Let me repeat, divorce is never ideal and never desired, even in an unequally yoked marriage.

And if the unbeliever wants to stay we MUST not pursue divorce.

However, if they refuse and want to go, we are to let them go.

A look at Romans 12:18 sums up the general principle. We are to live at peace with others. If an unbeliever wants out, we are required to let them go. We ARE required to do EVERYTHING we can to affect peace, to entice them to stay, but if they refuse, that we are required to let them go for the sake of the peace.

The change in values, convictions, desires, and practices may be enough to drive the unbeliever to want out.

1 Corinthians 7:15 makes it clear, if the unbelievers wants to separate (Chorizo - remember, always used in context of divorce and dissolving the marriage), we are to let them go.

Remember, I said last week that divorce is NEVER REQUIRED. This is actually the ONE exception to that.

Paul uses an imperative here. If the unbeliever wants out (AFTER WE HAVE DONE ALL TO HOLD IT TOGETHER), we are required to let them go, for the sake of the peace mentioned in Romans 12:18 and in 1 Corinthians 7:15.

Paul says, it is for PEACE that we do this...

Adams notes.

Too often Christians, on bad advice, have settled for the in-between. Let me describe it. Believing (wrongly) that she must remain married to her unbelieving husband, no matter what, a Christian woman holds on even when her husband wants to end their marriage. He, then, may begin running around with other women (if he hasn’t been doing so already) and at length may even desert her. Yet, urged on by bad counsel, she will not agree to a divorce. He may stay away from home for six month periods at a time, occasionally showing up for a week or so. This upsets the kids and the life of the home (hopes are aroused and shattered). His wife may get pregnant ( i f married, she must agree to sex if he seeks it), and so it goes on and on. She is always hoping against hope, yet there is no evidence at all of a desire on his part to consent to a marriage. She may hang on for years; for life!

There is nothing peaceful about that! Everything is constantly being upset, nothing is settled. There is nothing but loose ends. God wants the matter to be concluded so that (in one way or the other) there will be peace the resolution of the matter. This is an important principle.

Jay Adams - Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage

God desires peace, resolution.

This is why the modern day idea of separation is so detrimental. It keeps everything up in the air, unsettled, and it works against the peace that God so desires.

HOWEVER, even when divorce from an unbeliever must happen or does happen, it must NOT be done hastily and we must not do anything to encourage or pursue as the believing spouse.

Yet, when this happens, the believing spouse is not bound, is not “enslaved.”

All bonds of marriage are dissolved and all requirements of that covenant of companionship are severed.

Neither is the obligation to remain unmarried OR reconcile.

However, one may choose to remain unmarried, seek their former spouses salvation and reconciliation, though it is not required to do so.

SO, for two believers, divorce is not an option. They are to remain married and address the challenges in the grace and power of God.

If they disobey this and divorce anyway, they are to remain unmarried OR be reconciled.

For an unequally yoked marriage (believer and nonbeliever), the believer MUST NOT pursue divorce, must do all they can to hold the marriage together, BUT in the event that the unbeliever wants to go, they MUST let them go for the sake of the peace. They are then free from all obligation to the marriage as well as from any obligation to remained unmarried or reconcile. They are free to remarry.

Now, having established these points, we need to turn to the “exception” clause for divorce among two believers.

The Exceptional Clause

Two passages of consideration

Matthew 5:31-32

Matthew 19:1-12 (particularly vs. 9)

Matthew 5:31–32 ESV

“It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Matthew 19:1–9 ESV

Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

Note that Jesus gives one, and only one, permissible reason for divorce among believers; sexual immorality (porneia).

It is interesting to note that Matthew includes this exception where 1 Corinthians and Mark omit it. Matthew includes it, not just once, but twice. Why?

Matthew was written to Jews. There were some among the Jews who held that you could divorce for ANY reason.

Matthew is careful to include this clause because he wants to restrict divorce among Jewish converts. Contrary to fears of some today, who think that allowing divorce for fornication is a serious loosening of Christian morals, Matthew saw the effect of the inclusion of this exceptional clause in exactly the opposite light. By pointing out Christ's only exception, he knew that for many this would have a tightening effect on morality in the church.

Jay Adams - Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage

The ONE AND ONLY exception mentioned here, would have been severe restriction on the divorce practices of the day. It was a limiting exception, not a loosening instruction.

So what exactly was Matthew saying?

ESV translate it in both places as “sexual immorality.” Some call it “fornication.” The Greek is the word porneia.

The term means unlawful sexual intercourse, prostitution, unchastity, fornication, immorality.

The ONLY exception clause to divorce among believers involves sexual immorality, unfaithfulness.

If a divorce happens FOR ANY OTHER REASON and a REMARRIAGE takes place FOR ANY OTHER REASON THAN THIS, both parties in the new marriage are held guilty of adultery.

WHY? Because unless it was for sexual immorality, the divorced couple is OBLIGATED and REQUIRED to remain single (to leave the door open to reconciliation) or to reconcile.

Adultery occurs if a remarriage happens for any other reason than sexual immorality.

Like it or not, this is what scripture teaches. Unfortunately, many do not like it. And many choose to ignore it. And the church has been silent and lets it happen without opposition.

And PLEASE HEAR ME ON THIS....Just because divorce is PERMISSIBLE here....does not mean it is REQUIRED. It is not.

FURTHERMORE…IT IS NOT PERMITTED IF THE SINNING PARTY REPENTS. If they repent, we are required to forgive and work toward reconciliation UNDER THE SAME ROOF.

It should be apparent by now that there is good reason for the standard, historical Protestant interpretation that, for fornication, a believer may divorce his spouse.

Note, however, that I say may. The Bible does not require divorce in such cases; divorce is permitted. It is clear that a husband or wife may forgive the sinning partner upon repentance. Indeed, in most cases of this sort, the biblical counselor will seek to bring the guilty party to repentance and then seek to bring about a reconciliation. If the guilty spouse repents, his partner must forgive him (cf. Luke 17:3ff).

Forgiveness involves not raising the matter again." It is not possible for a believer to proceed to divorce after granting forgiveness. Forgiveness also leads to a new relationship with the forgiven one. Divorce of a believing spouse who has committed fornication must, therefore, be restricted to those who refuse to repent of their sin.

Jay Adams - Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage

This does not mean there are not consequences and fall out…oh boy, will there ever be. BUT IT DOES MEAN that the goal of reconciliation and rebuilding begins.

But recognize that will take time and work…lots of it, but God’s grace is there to meet you where you are and to take you where He wants you.

What happens, though, in the circumstance where the wronged party WANTS to forgive (and indeed already has done so before God in his heart), WANTS to go on with the marriage, but yet cannot GRANT forgiveness because the offending party has not yet ceased the sin, repented of the sin or even sought forgiveness?

Luke 17:3ff speak of granting forgiveness to those who repent. So what happens if they do not repent?

This is were the reconciliation/discipline dynamic comes into play.

Matthew 18:15-20 must then be employed.

The sin must be confronted privately and the sinning party called to repentance.

If they listen and repent, forgiveness is extended upon request, reconciliation is made, and the restorative work begins. (Counseling and discipleship may well be required).

If they do not listen, now a witness must be taken (To witness their refusal or their willingness to repent).

This witness should be a godly and mature believer.

Possibly a witness or someone aware of the situation.

If they listen to them with the witness and repent, forgiveness is extended upon request, reconciliation is made, and the restorative work begins. (Counseling and discipleship may well be required).

If not, then it goes to the church, beginning with the leadership who then gets involved.

If they listen and repent, forgiveness is extended upon request, reconciliation is made, and the restorative work begins. (Counseling and discipleship may well be required).

If they do not, they are put out of the fellowship and treated as an unbeliever.

If they continue to not repent after being put out, they evidence a lack of grace in their life, they evidence a lack of saving faith and are to be treated as an unbeliever.

The believer is then under the same obligation discussed above regarding how to live with an unbeliever....except if the sin being addressed is sexual immorality. IF THEY REFUSE TO REPENT AND CEASE, divorce is permitted.

If they want to depart, divorce is permitted because now they are being treated as an unbeliever due to their unwillingness to repent.

Let me show you some further support for this form the passage we look at last week. Let’s return for a moment to Deuteronomy 24.

Christ, Deuteronomy, and Genesis

Deuteronomy 24:1-4

Deuteronomy 24:1–4 ESV

“When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife, then her former husband, who sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after she has been defiled, for that is an abomination before the Lord. And you shall not bring sin upon the land that the Lord your God is giving you for an inheritance.

Last week, I noted that word “indecency” in verse 1 meant nakedness or genitals and that it was not just for any reason that he found disfavor with her.

However, returning to my notes and study, I need to make a correction, clarification because I stated it the opposite of what it was supposed to be.

Incorrectly writing down my notes, I mistakenly presented this text from the opposite of what I intended and what is should have been.

YES, this phrase means “nakedness” or “genitals” and this would lead one to believe that the issue for which disfavor falls has to do with sexual immorality.

But this would put us in direct contradiction to the teaching of the NT.

The NT, as we have seen, permits divorce in the case of sexual immorality and permits remarriage without adultery in such cases.

So, what are we to do with this....

A deeper look at the word “indecency” is needed. Yes, the word means nakedness or genitals, but there is another reference this can and is used regarding besides that of sexual immorality.

Deuteronomy 23:12-14

Deuteronomy 23:12–14 ESV

“You shall have a place outside the camp, and you shall go out to it. And you shall have a trowel with your tools, and when you sit down outside, you shall dig a hole with it and turn back and cover up your excrement. Because the Lord your God walks in the midst of your camp, to deliver you and to give up your enemies before you, therefore your camp must be holy, so that he may not see anything indecent among you and turn away from you.

Verse 14 - “indecent.” Same word

But notice the context of this word and the usage of it…dung, excrement, the need to dispose the body of one’s bodily waste. This too involves ones nakedness and genitals (or that region).

This gives us a greater understanding of the scope of this word and how it is used when we see it used in other places throughout scripture.

It is a very broad term, left broad for a purpose. It’s intent was NOT one of sexual immorality but rather a term that included EVERYTHING else.

Jesus’s words Matthew 5:31-32 and Matthew 19:3-9 emphasize this truth. The ONLY exception, as we have already considered is unrepentant sexual immorality. ANYTHING ELSE, any other “indecency” the dissolves a marriage also commits adultery if a remarriage occurs.

Deuteronomy 24:1-4 was intended to acknowledge that divorce does happen and it recognizes that even when unbiblical, it is recognized. It does NOT institute divorce, merely recognizes and regulates it.

Deuteronomy 24 does NOT encourage easy divorce, but rather the opposite by getting them to recognize that it is impossible to rectify the situation once a remarriage occurs. THEREFORE, consider CAREFULLY what you do.

THIS is the point of Deuteronomy 24…not that which the Pharisees taught, that it was legal and permissible to divorce for any reason.

Because this text is NOT institution or granting permission for divorce but merely acknowledging and regulating it, let me remind you of a couple points.

Even when a divorce is unbiblical, the divorce is legally recognized. The marriage, the covenant of companionship has been severed. It is therefore NOT correct to view them as still married in God’s eyes. 1 Corinthians 7, that we saw last week, acknowledged that the divorce results in an UNMARRIED status.

In this scenario in Deuteronomy, the divorce was unbiblical (for that is what this text is addressing). Her remarrying was also unbiblical, remember because they are under obligation to remain unmarried OR be reconciled. EVEN IF her second husband dies, freeing her from the covenant of companionship, she IS NOT free to remarry her first husband. HE defiled her for divorcing her on unbiblical grounds and to remarry her amounts to divorce. AGAIN, the point is, this was to discourage easy divorce. Once a remarriage happens, reconciliation of the first marriage is no longer an option.

Adams notes...

Normally, adultery takes place while the marriage contract is still in effect. In the situation to which Jesus refers (Deut. 24) that contract has been broken for sinful reasons. Therefore, while it is truly broken (and no rights, privileges or obligations of marriage are permitted or required at this point), nevertheless the divorced parties have no right in God’s eyes to be i n a divorced state. They are obligated to be reconciled in remarriage so that they can renew the contract and continue to pursue their vows. That is the point (cf. I Cor. 7:10, 11). As Paul says, they must remain unmarried not only in order to be in a position to be reconciled (as we saw earlier) but, as we now see, also in order not to commit adultery.

It is adultery DESPITE the actual marriage being broken BECAUSE they are obligated to reconcile and restore their covenant of companionship.

THIS is an important reality to understand.

EVEN WHEN DIVORCE takes place and is done so in sin, the divorce IS recognized.

HOWEVER, they are under obligation to remain unmarried OR reconcile.

THEY ARE NOT FREE to remarry and therefore any resulting marriage that comes after is adultery and sin

HOWEVER, it is also important to note that this is why divorcing the second spouse and returning to the first is no longer an option.

Repentance and acknowledgement of the sinful action can and should still take place but once that remarriage happens AFTER a sinful divorce, it is done and there is no way back. You REMAIN with the spouse you have and build a godly marriage with them…ENSURING reconciliation with the former spouse is made as much as possible and all responsibilities you may have resulting from that first marriage are cared for (ie. children, financial responsibility, etc.)

As we round this out, let me summarize and make clear the biblical teaching on remarriage after divorce.

We have touched much on it already so let me summarize and clarify.

Remarriage

The speaks of and even encourages remarriage after the death of a spouse.

Romans 7:3 ESV

Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.

1 Timothy 5:14 ESV

So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.

Remarriage, in and of itself is not wrong and scripture does not condemn it.

The question ultimately becomes, remarriage AFTER DIVORCE.

1 Corinthians 7:27-28

1 Corinthians 7:27–28 ESV

Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.

This verse plainly explains and clarifies for us the biblical position on remarriage after divorce.

If you have biblically released from your marriage....

Death of spouse

Unbeliever refuses to remain AFTER the believer has DONE ALL they could to keep them

Unrepentant sexual immorality

THEN you are also FREE to remarry WITHOUT SIN.

You are free to marry a divorced person in these circumstances.

When one has been released, one is free to remarry.

I would like to add....even if one HAS BEEN released, it does not mean they MUST get remarried. One who has a high view of marriage may desire to, be encouraged to/challenged to, remain unmarried in order to leave that door open for reconciliation as long as possible.

One may even want to prayerfully consider this…even though they are free and could remarry without sin.

Conclusion

These are the clear teachings of the word

They are not as unclear as we make it to be

They are only unclear because we want them to be unclear.

It is clear

The question becomes, will we submit ourselves to it knowing full well the cost?

I pray that our love for God compels us to do just that.

Application and Discussion Questions

Why is divorce among two believers never permissible (except in the case of unrepentant immorality)?

Because God gives us everything we need to resolve our disputes and disagreements.

Why is divorce not permitted after sexual immorality if repentance is present? How do you discern if genuine repentance is present?

If the sinning party repents, we are required to forgive and reconcile.

Only by one’s actions can we truly know if repentance is genuine. We do not know one’s heart and must rely upon their choices and actions to show the validity of their heart change. A genuine repentant heart will work to make changes to reconcile, make amends, rebuild trust, and avoid further sin and compromise. A repentant heart will seek counsel, accountability, will commit to being open, honest, and vulnerable, will accept the consequences of their choices and will patiently work to grow in their love for God and others.

Why does God permit, even require, us to release an unbelieving spouse when they refuse to believe?

Romans 12:18

God desires peace. He does not enslave one to an individual who deny’s and rejects him.

God does not wish to inflict more pain and suffering by forcing one to remain in situation with an unrepentant sinner whose actions would cause suffering and grief.

They do not have the Spirit of God nor access the resources of God to change. Therefore, the same degree of change cannot be expected from them until such time as they repent and believe. Therefore, the believer is free to let them leave.

What is involved in; what does it look like for the believing spouse to do everything in their power to encourage the unbeliever to remain and to hold the marriage together?

The believer is NEVER to pursue or give any indication of a desire to divorce (except for unrepentant sexual immorality). The believer should remain faithful and committed to the their spouse and be resolved to display their intent of faithfulness to them.

The believer is to strive to fulfill their biblical role as husband/wife. They are to live righteously, godly before them and be an exemplified example of Christ likeness.

The believer should reconcile through confession and repentance when they fail to live righteously before them.

The believer should seek to build up their spouse and see their good, their salvation without nagging or preaching but through example and sharing verbally AS they perceive by the Spirit that their spouse is ready to hear.

For what reason(s) is one to remain unmarried after a divorce that is not permitted by scripture? Why is one NOT free to remarry after a divorce that does not release them from their covenant of companionship?

For the intent of reconciliation. God’s goal and intention is to reconcile, to restore the marriage. The remaining unmarried is for the explicit purpose of keeping that option open for as long as possible.

One is not free to remarry after an unbiblical divorce because although the Bible recognizes the dissolution of that marriage, they are still obligated in the sight of God TO BE married and must work towards the reconciliation of that marriage (except in the cases where they are free from their marriage)

What does it look like, after a divorce not permitted by scripture, to pursue reconciliation?

Maintain contact with the former spouse as much as possible or as they are willing

Continue to serve and seek the good of the former spouse

Continue to share truth/gospel with them as you perceive by the Spirit that they are ready

Remain unmarried and even communicate your desire to reconcile (again as much as able or they are willing)

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