Manly Love and Care

Introduction:

In 21st century, America, manliness has taken a turn for the worst. It has become increasingly acceptable to men and boys to make physical changes to themselves so that they would be more feminine, or to dress themselves to look like women so that they might express their inner femininity. Some men think it’s manly to order their wife around like a servant or to treat women like objects for pleasure. The worldly understanding of manliness is off based in almost every way and by design of the devil actually works to destroy families and by consequence, society. Christian men we need to recover the biblical concept of manliness as it relates to the relationship of a husband with his wife because the effectiveness and perseverance of the church depends largely on us.

Perhaps that is a bold claim, but I believe it to be true, and I believe that because of the text today in 1 Peter 3:7.

You’ll remember that text last week was address specifically to wives as they should submit to their husbands while obeying Christ in all things with a gentle and quiet spirit. In transition, Peter uses the word likewise or in the same way. Peter is not saying husbands should submit to their wives in the same way, but he’s connecting the discussion of the husband wife relationship and connecting what the wife should do with what the husband should do. He’s essentially saying these two things go hand in hand.

So, husbands, as your wives are called to submit to you as the leader of the household, you are called to live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel as they are joint heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Live in an understanding way

We husband are first called to live in an understanding way. The literal translation of the Greek is to “live according to knowledge.” This knowledge we are to live by is the knowledge of our wives. We are to know our wives: their needs, desires, goals, frustrations, strengths, weaknesses, etc. This is no easy task and it certainly won’t happen by accident.

If you’re a married man, you’ve probably dated or courted your wife which means you’ve taken time to get to know her. Eventually you got to the point where you knew enough about her to know you wanted to live with her forever and were married. But the temptation is to assume we know all there is to know about our wives. That’s a tactical error. Women are wonderfully complex and impossible to fully understand and always changing so we would be foolish to think that we know all there is to know. We need to live according to knowledge of our wives.

The way that we demonstrate that we know our wives is by showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel.

Showing honor

Whenever I think about giving honor to someone, I usually think of giving respect and obeying. I think this is the idea of honor that Peter talks about in chapter 2 verse 17 when he says to “honor the emperor.” However, this idea of honor does not fit the context here in verse 7; it sounds much similar to submitting to wives which is not what Peter is getting at.

To understand the meaning of honor in this context, we must look to 1 Corinthians 12:21-26. In this passage, the Apostle Paul wrote about the body of Christ and every part being important and having a function. He wrote:

21 The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” 22 On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23 and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, 24 which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, 25 that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. (ESV)

The image Paul used here is of the body. On the human body are strong parts like the arms and legs and then there are weaker parts like the torso, neck, and head. As it turns out, the strong parts can be lost and the body can survive but the weaker parts can’t! It also turns out that the weaker parts of the body are protected and clothed more than the strong parts; a football player has exposed knees and arms but a protected torso, groin, neck, and head. Special attention is given to these weaker parts of the body in order to care for them. This is how we are to understand honoring our wives as the weaker vessel…we are to honor our wives by giving special attention to love and care for them.

Now, women are not weaker because they are inferior emotionally or intellectually, nor do I believe the text is referring to physical weakness compared with men. What I think is meant by weakness is that women are more prone to hurt. In general, women are physically weaker than men and are certainly more likely to be taken advantage of, but women are also more emotional and feeling which means it’s easier damage a woman’s heart than it is a man’s. Because she is much more easily hurt, a husband is supposed to honor his wife by loving her and caring for her needs that he may protect and guard her.

An incredible implication of a husband honoring his wife is that as he does so, he his minimizing division that might happen withing the marriage relationship. In 1 Corinthians 12:24-26 Paul said:

“But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, 25 that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. 26 If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

As giving greater honor to weaker Christians prevents division in the church, so too does giving greater honor to your wife prevent division within the marriage.

Joint heirs of eternity

And just to make it clear that weaker does not mean inferior or lesser, Peter reminds us Christian men that our Christian wives are joint heirs with us of the grace of life. Since an heir is legally entitled to inherit something and since the grace of God is an undeserved gift, the phrase grace of life refers to the one thing followers of Jesus are entitled to…eternal life.

Before God and in view of eternal life, husbands and wives are equal. God may have created different roles for the husband and wife and he may have designed men and women to function differently, but in no way are men better than women or more deserving of eternal life. Jesus is the great equalizer. “There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, mane nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:28)

No Hindered Fellowship!

Men, if you haven’t been able to tell yet, it’s so important that we honor our wives by giving them special attention in love and care. But Peter is not finished yet, for he gives a spiritual blessing that comes if we do well to honor our wives. He said, “Husbands, live with your wives according to knowledge, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel as they are joint heirs with you of the grace of life, SO THAT YOUR PRAYERS MAY NOT BE HINDERED.

Did you catch that emphasis? Prayer is our way of fellowshipping with God, and this spiritual fellowship between a husband and God will be damaged if a husband does not show honor to his wife. Theologian Wayne Grudem in the New Testament Commentary said, “So concerned is God that Christian husbands live in an understanding and loving way with their wives, that he ‘interrupts’ his relationship with them when they are not doing so.”

This is a principle we saw in the Sermon on the Mount: If we do not forgive others, our fellowship with God suffers. (Matthew 6:14-15) Essentially, it’s living in sin. In my words Peter said, “Husbands, you are living in sin if you are not showing honor to your wives who through Christ have just as much right to eternal life as you.” Husbands, your relationship with God is affected by the honor you do or don’t show to your wife. Take this to heart and it will go well with you and your family.

Summary:

If we take all of what we have said and squeeze it into one sentence, this is what we see: A Christian husband should make it his job to know his wife and give her special attention in love and care as a spiritual equal thereby increasing his fellowship with God.

This is Christlike manliness in the marriage relationship.

Men, take this truth to heart because if you start living in this way and growing spiritually in Christ, your wives will readily submit to your leadership because they will see your leadership as that of Christ. Start today. Do not wait for your wives to get impatient and start badgering you, and do not content yourself with where you are. Whether you’re a 27-year-old husband or an 87-year-old husband, we need this reminder today because we can always do better.

Conclusion

It's in this way that Christ is so much greater than any of us men ever will be. Jesus is already perfect and can’t do any better…he is the perfect image we husbands are to follow. As husbands are to give special attention to love and care for their wives because they are under our authority and are more easily hurt, so too does Jesus give special attention to love and care for his church because we are under his authority and more easily hurt. Jesus forgives us, he provides for our needs, he takes our prayers to God the Father and intercedes for us, he sympathizes for us in our weakness, and he encourages us and strengthens us and empowers us through his Spirit. Husbands, this is how we should treat our wives.

Isn’t it wonderful that for both wives and husbands, Jesus is the example to follow? Wives look to Jesus for the example of submission, and husbands look to Jesus for the example of honoring their wives.

And all of us look to Jesus as the example of enduring unjust suffering while submitting and as the example of submitting to authorities. Jesus, God in the flesh, submitted himself to the authority of his father by coming to the world in the lowly form of a man and being obedient even to the point of death. He endured unjust suffering yet never spoke an unkind or protesting word all with a gentle and lowly spirit. For his church, Jesus honors his church by giving special attention to love and care for her as the weaker vessel.

Submission and honor…it’s all about Jesus.