The Example of Wives

Introduction

Today we find ourselves in 1 Peter 3:1-6. This passage contains the final command for submission in the book of 1 Peter and is directed specifically to Christian wives. I must confess to you that I do not feel in any way qualified to be addressing this topic. I approach this with fear and trembling and ask that you give me an extra measure of grace today for I will certainly need it.

Married ladies, the Apostle Peter write this text specifically to you. To stay as faithful to the text as possible, this first part of the sermon will be directed to you so that the meaning is not lost or cheapened. (Don’t worry, the men will get ours next week.) With that being said though, I have been challenged myself by the more general truths found here about submission that bind everything together and so the second part of the sermon will be directed to widows and men as well.

What the passage DOES and DOES NOT say

Because of the poor opinion people tend to have concerning submission to husbands, I think perhaps it would be helpful to frame this passage by stating what this passage DOESN’T say about submission and quickly following up with what is DOES say.

Wives submit to husbands

To begin, Peter does not here give a general instruction for women to submit to men. What he does say is that Christian wives should submit to their husbands. This is descriptive of the divinely assigned role of a woman within the context of marriage.

Way back in the Genesis, God created Adam and Eve. After a time, they both sinned: Eve was deceived by the serpent and Adam went along with it. However, even though Eve was the first to take and eat the fruit, Adam is considered responsible for the sin because he was the leader in his family (Romans 5:12, See also 1 Corinthians 15:21-22). Furthermore, the image of marriage is a direct picture of Jesus and the Church. Jesus is the head of his Church who in turn submits to and obeys Jesus (Ephesians 5:23). The submission of a wife to her husband is not cultural but divinely ordained and so Peter’s instruction for wives to submit to their husbands is valid even in today’s culture.

Submission speaks volumes

Here’s another thing that this passage does not say: wives can never speak the Truth of God’s word to their husbands. What it does say is that submission speaks louder than words.

Many of the first people to respond to the gospel in the time of Jesus were women, and from what we know about the women who followed Jesus, they were the most immediately passionate about Jesus. I imagine that women were becoming Christians faster than the men were, and when women become passionate about something, they talk about it…a lot. Micah and I had a good laugh about this because it’s true in our marriage; often when Micah is convicted about a spiritual truth or a way we may better obey the Lord, she will keep talking to me about it in different ways and at different times in hopes of convincing me to feel the same way. Usually she’s right, but the more I’m badgered about it the longer it may take me to see the truth.

Submission to your husband, especially when he is not obeying the word of God, is the best way to bring him over and bring him back to Christ. You are still free to speak the truth in love and say what you believe needs to be said, and a good husband should certainly value that, but submission will be the straw that breaks the stubborn camel’s back.

Seek spiritual beauty

This passage also does not say that wives can never do up their hair or wear jewelry. What it does say is that you should desire most an imperishable spiritual beauty.

In verses 2, Peter describes what proper submission looks like: living with pure or godly conduct in a respectful manner.

What makes a wife truly beautiful is the spirit of Christ within you and inward transformation. For the Christian, there should be nothing more beautiful to us than Jesus Christ, and therefore nothing more beautiful in a person than a heart being transformed by Jesus. Outward appearances fade: hair falls out, noses and ears get bigger, skin wrinkles and sags. But spiritual beauty lasts for eternity.

The beauty that is specifically commended here is the adornment of a gentle and quiet spirit.

A Gentle and quiet spirit is precious to God

It’s important to understand that the text does not say wives must remain silent and stay out of the picture. It does say, however, that a gentle and quiet spirit is precious to God.

In the text, a gentle a quiet spirit is actually a further explanation of how to be respectful in godly conduct. Verse 2 literally reads, “when they see your pure conduct in fear.” The Greek word phobos means fear, but it can also mean respect. The word is communicating that the godly conduct should be done with specific regard to a higher authority. It’s unclear whether it’s fear of God or respect of the husband or both, but either way, this phobos carries with it a gentle and quiet spirit.

A wife who has a gentle and quiet spirit is not someone who is a nag or a creator of conflict but rather a woman who is a peacemaker in her home. She knows when to speak and when to let actions speak instead of words. She is one that hears and perceives and acts to build up her husband according to wisdom. She is one who willingly submits to the authority of her husband without complaint and yet cares deeply for him and works to take care of him. With a gentle and quiet spirit, a wife can be a comfort and place of rest for her husband.

This a precious thing to God. God values this kind of spirit in a woman in the same way people value gold and diamonds and rubies. A gentle and quiet spirit is valued and precious to God.

God is your hope

Finally, this passage does not say life will be easy when you submit. However, it does say that God is your hope and will take care of you.

The example given of a wife submitting is that of Sarah, the wife of Abraham, who hoped in God and adorned herself by submitting to her husband. Sarah could follow Abraham everywhere he went because Sarah hoped in God. And Abraham got her into some pretty sticky situations too, like when he told Sarah to pretend like she was his sister so that King Abimelech wouldn’t kill Abraham to take Sarah as his wife (Genesis 20). Sarah hoped in the Lord and so she did not need to be afraid of anything, even bad decisions by her husband.

Wives, you are considered with Sarah, a mother of faith, if you submit to your husband while hoping in God. Only the Lord knows all that there is to be afraid of as a wife of a sinful man, especially a man who is not obeying God. The disasters and pain that could occur are unspeakable, and I am not suggesting that a wife must endure abuse, but you do not need to be afraid of anything because God is your eternal hope.

Summary for wives

So, wives, this is what God says about submission to your husbands here in 1 Peter:

1. Submit to your husbands (vs. 1)

2. Submission speaks volumes (vs. 1b-2)

3. Seek spiritual beauty (vs. 3-4a)

4. A gentle and quiet spirit is precious to God (vs. 4b)

5. Make God your hope and he will take care of you (5-6)

But what are the principles of submission all of us can take to heart?

Universal principles of submission

The first universal principle is submission is required of everyone.

Yes, the passage is about wives submitting to husbands, but the other passages in 1 Peter have told us that everyone is required to submit. We just may be submitting to different people. As it turns out, Peter goes into more detail with wives concerning what submission should look like, detail that applies to everyone.

The second principle is that the godly example of submission transforms lives.

Wives are to submit to husbands so that they will be won back to Christ in the same way all Christians are to submit to their bosses to be an example of Christ in the same way all Christians are to submit to the authority of human institutions to change the way the world perceives our faith. In most cases, it is our example rather than our words that inspires someone to change.

The third principle is that submission must be paired with pure conduct, a respectful, gentle, and quiet heart.

In the beatitudes, a mark of a true believer is purity of heart. All Christians should pursue purity.

Peter has already said that we are to honor/respect everyone as well as to fear God (1 Peter 2:17). Time and time again we see in scripture the truth that we are to treat everyone with respect.

Is gentleness something that comes more naturally to a woman and perhaps considered a more feminine trait? Sure, but it’s also a fruit of the Spirit! And Jesus called himself gentle and lowly in spirit (Matthew 11:29). If Jesus sees gentleness of spirit a good thing, we should too.

In James 1:19 it says, “Be quick to listen, SLOW TO SPEAK, slow to become angry.” Should we all have a quiet spirit when we need to be submitting? Yes. Oh the trouble we would avoid if we have more of a quiet spirit.

All submission of every Christian should look like how a wife is to submit to her husband. I think it’s wonderful that men can learn how to submit to authority by seeing how their wives submit to them, or vice versa. God’s design for marriage is truly wonderful!

The final principle is this: submission requires living by faith.

God calls wives to submit to their husbands even though their husbands aren’t always right and might even create frightening situations. If wives are to live in submission without fear, then they must place their faith in God who is their hope.

This is true of all submission. If we as Christians are to submit to anyone, we must do so in faith, knowing that our true hope is in God and trusting in his perfect plan for our lives. Sometimes submitting to governments means dying for your faith. You’ll remember the story of Polycarp from last week. Sometimes submitting to your employer means enduring unjust treatment. Sometimes submitting to your husband means facing scary situations. We can only do these things if we walk by our faith in God.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, wives are to submit to their husbands and so encourage them by their actions to follow Christ. This submission is worked out with godly conduct coming from the spiritual beauty of a respectful, gentle, and quiet spirit. This is precious to the Lord who is the object of faith and hope. As wives submit to their husbands, so should all of us learn how to submit to the authorities placed above us, all for the glory of God.