Be Careful Little Tongue What You Say

There is a old children’s hymn “Be Careful Little Eyes, What You See.” https://youtu.be/pqFrXwpTI-w

There is one verse in this song that relates to what I want to share with you:

Oh, be careful, little tongue, what you say, Oh, be careful, little tongue, what you say. There’s a Father up above looking down in tender love, Oh, be careful, little tongue, what you say.

So often we are careless with our words. This can lead to all kinds of problems. Often careless words are destructive. The Bible says in James 3:6 “And the tongue is a fire. The tongue, a world of unrighteousness, is placed among our members. It stains the whole body, sets the course of life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” When we mindlessly say things without thought of the fire storm we are starting we can do more harm than good.

Ephesians 5:4 has three types of speaking that are particularly problematic. They are obscenities, foolish talk, and course jesting.

Obscenities are words that are on offensive to Godly morality. This category of often sexualized speech limits what is acceptable to talk about as Christians. Some examples would be sexual humor or talk, scatological talk, vulgar words, stories inciting lust, lewd language, and morally debased speech.

The list of obscenities for the Christian is likely longer than that of the world around us. In fact under the banner of free speech there is a gradual diminishing of what is considered obscene. This is accelerated by our media and technology. It has be common place in modern interactions. We have become desensitized to the shock of obscene language that it has become everyday vocabulary for many people. This type of language often replaces ordinary and plain words as the filthy language becomes the nouns, verbs, adjectives, and adverbs of everyday life.

Just a note before moving on. Talking about sex and sexuality in the context of how the Bible treats the subject is not considered obscene. For example Song of Solomon is a book of the Bible filled with passionate and sexual imagery. We must be careful not to go to the other extreme and make all talk about our sexuality seem obscene. There is a time and a place for healthy conversations about sex.

Foolish talk is related to dull and stupid conversations that do not lead to edification of anyone.

In my life and work I have had times where I attempted to carry on a conversation with someone who was intoxicated. These are unfruitful and pointless.

Worse still I have had unfruitful and pointless conversations while the participants were sober. It is these conversations that “foolish talk” covers. Paul describes the issue in his two letters in 2 Timothy 2:23 “But reject foolish and ignorant disputes, because you know that they breed quarrels.” and in Titus 3:9 “But avoid foolish debates, genealogies, quarrels, and disputes about the law, because they are unprofitable and worthless.”

It is so easy to fall into these types of conversations. They are typical on social media. I must admit I have been guilty of being drawn into these types of conversations both in response to some foolish comment and also making the foolish comment. For me the urge to engage is strong so I must be vigilant to discipline my speech and avoid prolonged and unprofitable dialogues.

For me personally I have a few weak spots when it comes to foolish talk. 1) If someone asks me a question, but really is baiting me for a debate. 2) If someone calls into question my intelligence, integrity, or morality. 3) If someone says something (intentionally or naively) that I know for a fact is not true. Knowing this then I have to really put the breaks on and ask “Is this one of those foolish talk moments?”

I used to think that “coarse jesting” was sexual humor. This sexual humor would certainly be covered by obscenity. As I dug into the the original Greek language though I realized that the word had a much broader application. This word is only used once in the Bible which makes it difficult to to an original language study. I did find that Aristotle listed this as a virtue. It is also interesting that Tomas Aquinas favored a more generous view of this word.

So what exactly is this word that philosophers see as virtue yet Paul in his letter to the Ephesians considers it a vice?

εὐτραπελία (eutrapelia) is the Greek word we are talking about here. This word relates to being quick witted. This ability to respond with cutting humor is a very effective rhetorical skill. This ability can make pure appeals to emotion seem very rational. I believe that the effectiveness as a rhetorical device and it’s passive aggressive in contrast to overt aggression is the virtue that Philosophers see as a virtue. However, Paul sees it as a vice in that it is not an appeal to truth but to emotion. Further when it is used it often is used against someone that the one who is doing the jesting is in disagreement with.

In his sermon Issac Burrow says it this way:

In fine (conclusion), no jesting is allowable which is not thoroughly innocent: it is an unworthy perverting of wit to employ it in biting and scratching; in working prejudice to any man's reputation or interest; in needlessly incensing any man's anger or sorrow; in raising animosities, dissensions, and feuds among any.

The whole sermon is worthy of a read even though it is old English and can be found here: Against Foolish Talking and Jesting, https://biblehub.com/library/barrow/sermons_on_evil-speaking_by_isaac_barrow/against_foolish_talking_and_jesting.htm

This biting humor has become the staple of modern political and religious criticism. People who do it well are seen as heroic by their supporters. Most of what passes as political commentary is more about making the other side look foolish.

When it comes to religious matters though this same abusive and provoking humor has increasingly become part of the dialog. Even to many it has become a heroic trait of people they admire.

In times past this type of humor was relegated to obscure chat boards and tedious comment sections. However, our appetite for this type of humor has brought this type of joking to the front and center of our consumption. This type of humor is no longer commentary on the subject, but has become the very presentation of the subject itself. We engage in this type of humor with no thoughts about the consequences to others. It is abusive, destructive, and divisive. More importantly it grieves the heart of God.

When we use humor to denigrate, abuse, malign, damage another’s reputation, disparage, and just generally rudeness then we have fallen prey to this very prohibition of “coarse jesting.”

I fear that without recognition of how destructive this type of talk is and how much it grieves the heart of God we promote that which is ultimately unrighteous and sinful. This is doubled since it is often delivered with a prideful piety as well.

Personally I have reached a point in seeing this kind of behavior, that no matter what truth which I may agree or disagree with a person that regularly engages in such humor is not worth my time. This is hard since for many these same people I call into question are heroes.

In my own jesting I have become keenly aware of when I use “coarse jesting” to denigrate others. I am working on removing it from my own actions. I must admit the temptation to make the person you are in disagreement with look foolish is very strong. Often this coarse jesting just slips out. I often am catching myself afterwords and needing to repent and seek forgiveness.

So what can we say then, if we are avoiding obscenities, foolish talk, and coarse jesting? Ephesians 5:4 offers a very practical solution of “Giving Thanks.” It is through gratitude and admiration that we move our talk to that which is uplifting and beneficial. We raise above the divisive and destructive conversations when we learn to express those things that we appreciate about others.

Giving thanks rather than engaging in obscene talk protects from getting into base and filthy mindset. This also protects us from other sexual sins as well. Giving thanks puts an end to endless foolish dialogues. When you appreciate someone you gain an ally rather than a verbal foe. Appreciation says that the relationship is more important than the foolish disagreement. Giving thanks rather than coarse jesting creates safe and productive conversations rather than entrenched verbal warfare. When you appreciate something about the person who opposes you it is disarming both psychologically for you and socially for your would be enemy.

Proverbs 15:1 CSB

A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.

In the end this thankfulness presents a way of talking that is very different from the world. It is a redemptive and sanctifying way of communication. What is more it is the way that Paul and by implication of it being in the Bible God has commanded us to talk with one another.

May God Richly Bless You

~BJ