Ugly Words

2 years ago we had a Xmas eve snowstorm. We left church, headed up Pinewood, and had to stop this side of the bridge over the canyon. We were the 3rd car in line stopped.

B/C, several, probably from the valley, drove up to enjoy the white Xmas, and we know how experienced they are [not] driving in snow.

They get here some time after dark, while we’re praising Jesus in church, and they are trying to be extra careful, drive very slowly up Pinewood, up the hill on the snow.

You know what happens when you drive slow up that hill on snow in a lightweight front-wheel drive car or a big rear-wheel drive car? Lose momentum and slide backwards down the hill.

We waited over 30 minutes b/c there were 4 cars at different stages of sliding back down the hill, stuck next to the curb, or sideways spinning their wheels.

People are out helping but they are getting nowhere good.

Finally, 1 car slips and slides over onto Munds Canyon Rd.

2 others get pushed over to the curb on the right just above the bridge and one slid back and in reverse made it back beneath the bridge.

Sara and I are wondering why the cars ahead of us are not going, yet. There are still ppl walking around and cars idling on Pinewood but there’s room to go around now.

She gets out, knocks on the driver’s window of both cars ahead of us and realizes there is no one in those cars. They were up help the drivers in the sliding cars get off to the side.

So, She gets back in, I pull out around them, hit the gas, 4-wheel drive, head up the hill w/ no trouble; finally.

W/ a little speed, probably above the speed limit, 4-wheel drive, big SUV, I easily made it up the hill. As I drove by the people out trying to get their cars to go where they wanted them to go, a couple of them yelled a few choice words that I needed to slow down.

I really can’t repeat what they said, not appropriate for church.

But, guess who got home for Christmas Eve and didn’t have to walk leaving their car on Pinewood?

Of course, there were words rolling around in my head while we’re waiting that really are not appropriate for church, either.

Not really appropriate to thumb my nose at them or yell anything back at them.

And, remember, we had just go out of church where we were setting the appropriate mood and attitude for the evening.

It is amazing how fast attitudes can change, those words can come to mind, and how easily the can come out.

“Merry Christmas you filthy animal.” Or, something like that.

Having the grace to maintain appropriate filters. We did not deserve what Jesus did for us beginning w/ his birth. So we can say things to ppl, and not say things to ppl, that they don’t deserve either.

Filters. Be nice. Play nice and say nice.

We’re all just trying to get home or to our cabins and to do what’s been important to do for years, the traditions.

It’s the Christmas season. This is the season when the ugly sweaters are not the only ugly things that can come out. Ugly words can, too.

The damage can be devastating.

So often it happens when we’re afraid, or losing control of a situation.

Like trying to get your adult children to do what you think they need t/b doing. But they’re doing what they think they need t/b doing.

W/ their career, parenting, marriage, personally...

And we say something that scorches the earth around us to the point there are more ashes than in my wood stove.

We can blame it on them, all the stuff we stuff ourselves w/.

We can blame it on all the extra stressors.

But really, all those things do is cause the failure of our filters.

It’s time to put on your favorite Xmas sweater and focus on the nativity and let it set you mood and your attitude.

The nativity takes away our negativity by reminding us that this little baby is the one who graciously fixes our broken hearts and sends us the Holy Spirit to enable us to keep our filters in place and words in check.

Have the grace to maintain appropriate filters. We did not deserve what Jesus did for us, and family and friends don’t deserve the good we can do for them, either.

Filters. Be nice. Play nice and say nice.

B/C when we don’t, and the words rolling around in our minds that are ugly and hurtful come out, the effects can be devastating.

Devastating Effects

James 3:2–8 NIV

We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

James, writing to Xians, talked about how powerful our words are and how hard it is to tame the tongue.

Remember, too, James was Jesus’s half brother.

How do you think things went in their house growing up when the boys hormones kicked in?

Imagine Jesus’s response to this:

You’re not the boss of me! Who died and made and made you King?

1st of all, I’m going to die. 2nd, I’m already King. Nobody had to die to make me. I AM.

Sibling can be cruel. Parents and kids.

My mom and sister were screamers. They could rattle windows when my sister was a teenager. I kept my head.

I would frustrate my mom by not saying anything b/c I saw personally how ineffective screaming is.

The cruel things said in the heat of the moment when emotions take over.

3 illustrations:

A tiny bit in a powerful horse’s mouth directs the mighty beast.

A tiny rudder steers a powerful ship.

A tiny spark can create a massive and destructive forest fire.

All true. But each of them can be controlled and dowsed before they become a problem. When under control they are powerfully good.

Horses carry soldiers into battle and pull plows for farmers.

Ships carry life-saving products and good that make lives better and make their owners lots of money.

Fire cooks, sterilizes, and warms when controlled.

I’ve talked about our dog, Jack before. And the struggle it is when your dog is smarter than you. All these animals can be tamed, in theory. We still struggle w/ Jack to get him to not jump on you when you come to our door.

It’s a challenge to get him trained to calm down.

Compared to taming the tongue, taming Jack is walk in the park.

Powerful horses out of control kill people. Ships out of control run aground and break up, break people’s bodies and break their finances.

An out of control forest fire destroys lives.

Our words, unchecked, unfiltered, do as much damage. And this is prime season to cut your friends and family deeply w/ well placed and timed words.

If that’s what your intent is.

We can blame it on all the stuff we stuff ourselves w/. After all, we feel lousy, we look overweight, we’re not sleeping well.

A lot of that has to do w/ all the stuff we are eating and drinking.

But it’s not what we put in our mouths that’s the problem. It’s what comes out of our mouths that the problem.

The only one you can blame for the ugly words rolling of your tongue is you.

Think about this.

Food for Thought

Matthew 15:11 NIV

What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.”

Jesus was getting onto the Pharisees b/c they had all the rules about what they could eat or not eat.

No bacon, pork chops, or ribs.

No lobster.

God have them the law w/ some of these rules but the intent was not deprive them but keep them healthy.

They took it a step farther by believing that by eating these things they would be sent to Hell.

So here’s the inner struggle: Bacon or Heaven?

A lobster roll, a tail, melted butter, or Heaven?

Aren’t we glad that’s not our struggle today!

These religious leaders would never sit down to eat in a non-Jew’s house b/c whatever they served them to eat would be against their rules.

Jesus, knowing the food restrictions were going to be lifted, was like, what goes into your mouth won’t get you in trouble w/ God. It’s what comes out of you mouth that does.

This is definitely the eating and drinking season. And the stuff we stuff ourselves w/ can do a real number on our bodies and minds.

We can eat too much, too many desserts, too many adult beverages, and we can feel lousy. But that doesn’t cause the bigger problem w/ God.

What causes the bigger problem w/ God is what comes out of our mouths. And, that’s b/c our words come from the heart, not the stomach.

We have a heart problem. We may also have a stomach problem, but the bigger problem that causes us more grief is a heart problem.

A Heart Problem

Luke 6:45 NIV

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

Remember, you mind is made up of your head and your heart. It is what you think and how you feel.

You will is your chooser. It drives your decisions, like what to say in a given situation.

Your mind evaluates the situation, words come in, and your will decides what rolls off your tongue, or not.

When we get too emotional in a conversation, maybe w/ a family mbr, or even w/ ourselves (self-talk), we can say things that destroy.

We can also choose to use kind words and say things that build up.

Or, we can even choose to keep our mouths shut.

Often times the best option.

Please understand this. Your circumstances, how much you are eating and drinking; how little you are sleeping; whatever is going on around you is not to blame for any ugly words that roll around in your mind and off your tongue.

Your heart is to blame. Your circumstances, habits, lifestyle only damage your filters making it harder to stop before the damage of your words is done.

Ugly words or kinds words all come from the heart.

Before you consider your filters, consider the condition of your heart.

One of the things that happens when we come to faith, we are changed from the inside out, including changing the condition of our heart.

Ezekiel said that God gives us a new heart.

Heart Replacement

Ezekiel 36:26 NIV

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

These are two of the things the baby in the Nativity does for us.

When we come to faith, we come alive. We feel different.

I remember that night in my well. I knew I was different. I was alive in a way I never had been before.

Your heart is the base for how you feel. It affects how you feel about yourself and how you feel about everybody else.

And how you feel about a situation drives the words into your mind and off your tongue.

Jesus gives you a new heart when come to believe in Who He is as He lies in that little feeding trough.

He also gives us a new Spirit. The HS comes in and takes up residence in our lives. And w/ Him comes resources we have to use in very practical ways.

Still a struggle. A tool is only good if you know how to use it and use for all it’s worth.

That hammer isn’t going to pound that nail itself.

Timothy wrote this about the spirit Jesus gives us.

We Have Help

2 Timothy 1:7 NIV

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

Often times, it’s when we are afraid and feel like things are out of our control, as a last resort, we lash out verbally.

Timidity and passivity can drive our sharp tongue and ugly words.

But, that is not a characteristic of the Spirit that the baby in the Nativity gives us.

Here, Timothy gives 3 others.

The Power to control what we say.

The Love to say the right things

The Self-discipline to not say the wrong things.

As powerful as the tongue is according to James, we have the power to rein it in and filter the what it says.

We can control the reins of the powerful horse that has the bit in its mouth.

We can control the wheel at the helm of the ship that is connected to the rudder.

And we have a bucket of water and the ability to contain the spark to control the fire to only do good.

The Spirit has that kind of power.

It’s a tool. It needs to be used. And when it’s used properly, it is effective in helping us maintain our filters and avoid scorching the earth around us w/ our ugly words.

All b/c the Baby in the Nativity graciously loves and does this for us.

Not just words, but we have the power to push away from the dessert table and the bar.

We have it w/in us to love ourselves enough to not destroy ourselves w/ our bad habits.

And we have the self-discipline to do healthy things and avoid the unhealthy ones.

It’s time to put on your favorite ugly Xmas sweater and put away your ugly words by focusing on the Nativity and what the baby in the manger has done for you.

Applications

These are tools. They are only effective if we use them properly.

Power

No excuses for saying hurtful things.

We all have accidents. We slip and fall and words slip out accidentally. Own those and apologize.

But, beyond the accidents, there is no excuse for intentionally using ugly words.

If you have the HS, you have the ability to maintain your filter and not use the ugly, biting words that destroy.

The first step in reining in your words is believing you can.

W/ God’s help, you can.

Love

You have the ability to only say things that build ppl up.

God has been gracious w/ you. When you embrace the grace that he employs to love you, you can do the same for others.

This season, only say things that build ppl up.

Self-Discipline

You have the ability to not say hurtful things.

The best thing to say might be to say nothing. You can do this.

You filter is there. Let it do its work.

No hurtful, ugly words.

Only ugly sweaters!

Have the grace to maintain appropriate filters. We did not deserve what Jesus did for us, and family and friends don’t deserve the good we can do for them, either.