Marriage and Widows: Marriage As Glory 27

INTRODUCTION:

The usually cynical Ambrose Bierce defined a widow in this way: “A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ’s tenderness towards widows was one of the most marked features of his character.” James tells us that pure and undefiled religion involves visiting widows (Jas. 1:27), and a moment’s reflection should reveal the importance of understanding the role of widows (and widowers) in Christian community. The first thing to do is place it in that context, and not in the category of marital “leftovers.”

THE TEXTS:

“Let not a widow be taken into the number under threescore years old, having been the wife of one man, Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints’ feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work . . .” (1 Tim. 5: 9-a16).

OVERVIEW:

Women generally live longer than men do, and husbands and wives do not usually die at the same time. This means that most married women will be widowed at some point, and an important part of life together involves preparation for this. Preparation involves the widow herself, the immediate family, the extended family, and the church. In this passage we see that the word widow has two meanings, just as the word elder does. The word elder means an older person, but it also refers to someone who holds a particular office, however old they are. In the same way, a widow is a woman who has lost her husband, but a widow enrolled as such by the church has to meet certain qualifications for the office of widowhood. Some of this certainly reflects the conditions of the first century, but we also should not be too quick to say that none of it applies today.

In order to be enrolled a widow had to be sixty years old, and had to have been married only once (v. 9). She needed to have a good domestic reputation for good works, childrearing, hospitality, relieving the afflicted, and diligent to pursue every good work (v. 10). Younger widows are excluded because they will be tempted to marry, which would involve wantonness against Christ (v. 11), and this would be tantamount to apostasy (v. 12). Enrolling young women sets them up for a host of bad habits, encouraging them to become gossipy idlers (v. 13). So St. Paul encourages them to marry (v. 14). This would exclude them from being enrolled as a widow later because they had been married more than once. This counsel was based on bad experience (v. 15). And if any man or woman with means is related to a widow, they should be first to care for them (v. 16).

PROTESTANT NUNS:

As best I can make out, the early church enrolled widows (of a certain character) who were over the age of sixty, and the church expected ministerial service from them. If they departed from this service into idleness, it was a disgrace. If they married again, this was counted as unfaithfulness to Christ, which indicated that they were bound by some kind of vow to not marry again. There is something here to make both Protestants and Roman Catholics unhappy—Protestants because I have used the word nun, and Catholics because the qualifications for being such a nun run clean contrary to the institution they have set up. As for the word, it just comes from medieval Latin—nunnus as a term of respect for older men, and nunna a term of respect for older women. This use fits very well with what was going on in the first century. But note that St. Paul was actively discouraging such enrollments, and what the qualifications were in order to be installed in this office.

AN ASIDE:

In this text, St. Paul recommends the younger widows to marry again. We must not absolutize marriage for the sake of consoling a widow or widower. Jesus says that in the resurrection, we will not marry or be given in marriage (Luke 20: 34-36). At the same time, do not conclude from this that your relationship with your spouse in the resurrection will somehow be less than what it is now. When you have been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun, you will not run into your husband on the golden streets some place, and say, “Oh, hi. It’s you.” Whatever God has in store for us, it will be glorious beyond all mortal reckoning—but if it is just like here, then the question of the Sadducees stands.

TRUE ECONOMICS:

Now if a lifetime of marital faithfulness (described in detail) was required in order to bring a woman onto the rolls of the church, then this sets the general pattern for all of us as we prepare for possible separation from a spouse by death. This is the example with regard to character, whether or not a particular choice is then made. So here is the principle: you go where you went. You reap what you sow. What you invest in matters. “Then Peter arose and went with them. When he was come, they brought him into the upper chamber: and all the widows stood by him weeping, and shewing the coats and garments which Dorcas made, while she was with them” (Acts 9: 39). We ought not to be distracted by the garments; we tend to look at the coats and garments she made, all of which are long gone. But look at the impact this woman had on the other women.

The woman described here is one who invested in people.  And this is what it means to prepare; the best preparation for godly responses in the future to varying circumstances (including widowhood) would be godly responses in the present. Those godly responses include a life of faithful lovemaking, diligence in good works, cheerfulness in the midst of diapers, runny noses, and spankings, hospitality to others, and works of mercy to the afflicted. Give and it will be given. Mercy to the afflicted is the best way to prepare for the day of your affliction.

THE WORD AND PEOPLE:

The Lord Jesus tells us not to lay up treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal (Matt. 6: 19). The Bible tells us to lay up treasure in the permanent things. Now, what are those permanent things? You are in the presence of two of them right now—they are the Word of God, and the Christian Church. The grass withers and the flower fades, but the Word of the Lord lasts forever (1 Pet. 1: 24-25). It follows that you should invest in the Word of God—lay up your treasure there. And your neighbor, the one right next to you, will also live forever (John 5: 28-29). The widows who admired the labors of Dorcas are still alive. Dorcas is still alive, and in communion with the Lord Jesus in heaven. And she has the honor she does because she labored in the transient things in order to be kind in the permanent things.