(063) The Pillars of Community IX: Forgiveness & Freedom
The Pillars of Community IX: Forgiveness and Freedom
Matthew 18:21-35
February 22, 2009
Prep:
· Read Matt. 18:21-35 and commentaries.
· Read other sermon notes and leftovers
Intro
Forgiveness is a pretty hot topic. We agree it’s important to forgive, yet each of us has struggled to forgive at some point.
Sometimes that’s because of how badly we’ve been hurt, or because of pettiness over a small thing, and sometimes it’s because our culture deeply misunderstands forgiveness.
We say “forgive and forget” but that is not what forgiveness is, in fact much of what we call forgetting is actually dysfunctional. It’s actually “Forgive and let go,” but that’s not alliterative, so perhaps “Forgiveness and Freedom”
· There will be a time for Q & A.
We’ll look at what Jesus says about forgiving others, then talk about forgiveness is and isn’t, and how we can forgive.
Prayer
I feel reluctance to talk about forgiveness, knowing some here have been injured beyond anything I can imagine.
Yet I come proclaiming your words and truth, knowing that your burden is light, and that you want to set your children free.
God’s biggest pet peeve
Forgiveness is a pretty big deal to God. He has very strong words about unforgiveness. In fact I can’t think of any sin that carries the sort of warnings it does.
And why is that? Jesus demonstrates God’s feeling in one of his best known parables:
Matthew 18:21-35 21 ¶ Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?”
This comes right after the “church discipline” passage where Jesus talks about a brother sinning against you. Peter wants to know the limits of forgiveness.
· Rabbinic teaching was that three times was the max, so Peter thought he was pretty generous.
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Given that this means to forgive a particular sin, Jesus is essentially saying true forgiveness knows no limits, and setting a limit means it is not forgiveness.
· Such a steep order required some more explanation.
23 ¶ “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him.
A good estimate is that this is equal to 6 billion. But even that misses the force of the statement: Talent was the highest denomination of money, and 10,000 was the highest number in Greek with a word.
· This represented more money than existed in Judea.
· The point is “gazillion dollars.”
25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. 26 “The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
Obviously the man’s promise to pay “everything” (emphatic) is pure fantasy and desperation. But even more unbelievable was the mercy the king showed.
historical context: This is probably about a king and a governor delinquent in taxes, and kings didn’t forgive such debts.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii.
One hundred denarii represent about $12,000, so this is not a small debt. This is a very important point. The second guy did owe a lot of money, until compared to the other guy’s debt.
He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. 29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ 30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt.
The second man’s plea deliberately mimics the first’s, almost word for word, but rather than showing the mercy and compassion he was shown, it says he “refused,” literally, “didn’t want to.”
· He chose to harden his heart.
31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. 32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. 35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”
Now we get the picture: No matter how much we’ve been hurt, the debt God has forgiveness is greater, and to refuse to forgive shows greater contempt for God’s mercy than this man showed.
Ä There are several principles about forgiveness I want to note:
1. Forgiveness is based on God’s mercy.
I am glad that Jesus made the other guy’s debt $12k. This isn’t a small amount. There is no doubt that many in here have been deeply hurt. Jesus’ call to forgiveness doesn’t mean to ignore or minimize that hurt, but focus on his mercy instead.
· Every point of Christian living is based upon the Gospel – that we are utterly sinful, and completely at God’s mercy.
2. Forgiveness is not based on the other person’s worthiness.
The second man was just as “hopeless” in his debt (and acknowledge such (no “everything”)). Likewise, those we hold in our debt may not be able to repay or worthy of forgiveness.
· Forgiveness is not based on whether or not the other person deserves it; it is only based on God’s mercy for us.
And we must imagine that the king would have expected the first servant to forgive the debt even if the second was trying to worm his way out or denying its existence.
Two debts
Speaking in very broad terms, there are two types of debt that we can be owed: pocket change and big deals.
· If all of this is true about the bid deals, how much more so if we refuse forgiveness over $5?
3. Forgiveness makes us like our Father and brings him glory.
When we show mercy, compassion, and forgiveness, we are acting like our Father.
And when we act like God in this way, we bring glory to God and show the world how loving he is. But when we are bitter and unforgiving we say that God is ruthless and merciless.
· I love hearing the news stories where Christians forgive those that have hurt them.
4. Unforgiveness shows we have not truly received God’s mercy.
Jesus says in several places that unforgiveness can keep us out of heaven:
Matthew 6:12-15 12 Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’ 14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
We have to carefully consider, does this mean that unforgiveness is an unforgivable sin? I don’t think that is his point:
Matthew 12:31 31 And so I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.
A steadfast refusal to forgive others from our hearts means that we have not truly received God’s forgiveness in our heart.
· Remember, becoming a Christian means Christ is Lord.
And refusing to forgive can be an indication of a heart that is not truly dedicate to God and has not been truly renew. Don’t forget that the king called the servant is called “wicked.”
Striving for forgiveness
It is important to realize there is a HUGE difference between struggling to forgive and steadfastly refusing to forgive.
· We may ask “Lord, help my unforgiveness.”
Ä Our culture has misconceptions about forgiveness.
What is forgiveness?
First, five things that forgiveness isn’t:
1. Forgetting
The memories don’t go away and don’t stop hurting. We don’t pretend them away or act as if nothing happened.
· Separate (though connected to) forgiveness is receiving healing, with God’s help, and perhaps professional counseling.
2. Minimizing or Condoning
Forgiveness doesn’t mean an offense was insignificant. Again, the second servant owed $12,000. In fact, righteousness requires that we recognize the offence and be angry at the sin.
· Forgiveness does not excusing, justifying, or rationalizing the offence – what happened was not okay.
3. Trusting
Forgiveness does not mean trusting a person again. They simply may not be trust-worthy. “Fool me once...”
4. Restoring Relationship
Restoration of relationship is our hope and our highest goal:
Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
But it simply may not be possible, because of the other person. Restoration may require repentance from the offender, or it may not be safe for you to do so.
· If possible, seek restoration, if it isn’t still forgive.
5. Pardoning
Finally, forgiveness doesn’t release an offender from the legal or moral consequences of their actions. You may need to forgive even as you press charges.
· In fact, if others are likely to be harmed, you are morally obligated to press charges.
How to forgive
Looking at what forgiveness is, I see these five things as being five key components to forgiving. Of course, everything is “easier said than done.”
· It requires submission to and reliance on God, through prayer.
· It helps having community encouraging you.
1. A Decision
Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a choice. If we wait until we feel like forgiving, it may never happen. But if we choose to forgive, our heart will follow (eventually).
This in act of the will, but is requires the help of the Holy Spirit to do. Seek God’s help through prayer.
· Sometimes you’ll have to start by praying to want to forgive.
In community you are held accountable to encourage forgiveness (not bitterness, which friends unfortunately tend to do).
2. A Process
Healing doesn’t happen just because we want to. Deep hurts take time to release. Just as you rehearse a grudge over and over, you have to release it over and over as well.
There is a point in time when you choose to forgive, and then from that point on you will have to choose to forgive again every time the memory, pain, or bitterness creeps up.
· Have your community call you on bitter words.
3. Surrendering Revenge
The heart of the matter: Forgiveness is surrendering the right to get even or the desire to see them suffer. Forgiveness is literally canceling the debt that they owe us, placing it in God’s hands and considering it paid.
Forgiveness places our desire for revenge in God’s hands:
NIV Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
Notice that this is right after Paul say “Try to live at peace.” Forgiveness is the process of letting go. This is why I say that it’s not “Forgive and Forget,” but “Forgiveness and Freedom.”
Forgiveness frees us
It is freeing them from our revenge, and releasing their debt, but at the same time freeing ourselves from bitterness.
Q Have you ever rehearsed in your mind an offence and how you want to get even?
Q Does it leave you feeling happy and free or hollow and empty?
“Being bitter is like taking poison and waiting for your enemy to die.” Bitterness and unforgiveness is very damaging forces to our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
· It is not only for his sake God wants us to forgive.
4. Having New Eyes
In the parable, it says king “had pity.” That is something we lack. God is able to look at us and see the full compass of who we are, good and bad, and love us; he knows our weakness.
· In The Shack, God even has compassion for the murder.
“Hurt people hurt people,” and while this in no way excuses their actions, hopefully viewing them as broken people will help us have compassion.
· It takes prayer to cultivate this perspective.
· Again community helps us retrain our words.
5. Desiring Their Best
From this new perspective (God’s perspective), forgiveness takes us a full 180º, where we go from wanting the offender to suffer to desiring their best.
Luke 6:27-28 27 ¶ “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
Perhaps one of the best tests of true forgiveness is when you can genuinely desire for the offender’s best, even being willing to offer the help if possible (and safe).
· Q & A
Closing: Forgiveness in community
As a church, the people of God in community together, we are called to be a people of forgiveness, whether it is immediately forgiven all the petty offences to accumulate throughout the day, or striving to forgive the big offences.
· in worship, carefully consider what “debts” you feel are owed.
· If you cannot forgive them now, talk to God about how to.
Prayer