Matthew 18 21-35 too heavy to carry fireproof your marriage
Fireproof your Marriage: Fresh Vision for our relationships
Too Heavy to Carry
Lay aside the offenses of others: Forgive them!
Heavy burdens – tough to carry. Take a look – Dennis coming from Home Depot. Have to take a truck if you have a bigger load.
Really big load? Take a bigger truck.
It gets heavier if you have to push the cart yourself – or bicycle in this case.
Or a hand cart – Note that all four guys are off the ground.
My favorite is to involve an animal to help carry the load.
But usually the really heavy loads we carry are personal loads. Man or woman.
Lots of things cause heavy loads. This morning I want to talk about one that creates one of the heaviest – unforgiveness.
The truth about forgiven is… it isn’t easy.
Because you never have to forgive someone for something that doesn’t matter. You never have to forgive them for helping you, making your smile or making you feel good.
The only time you have to forgive is when you’ve been hurt.
And the closer the relationship the more the pain – and the harder to forgive.
But though it is hard if you don’t forgive
the burden unforgiveness creates is terribly heavy.
It is too heavy to carry.
So lay aside the offenses of others – forgive them.
Jesus uses a story to help understand a perspective that will enable us to forgive.
I. The truth about forgiving others
A. It is commanded
(NKJV) Ephesians 4 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
B. Laying the offense down
(NKJV) Matthew 18 21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?
1. Forgive - Make it depart – go away
ἀφίημι basic meaning to create separation – To release someone from your presence – divorce – to release one’s spirit, i.e., to die – to depart or leave – to leave something standing and not concern oneself with it anymore – to leave something for someone else to do – to release from legal or moral obligation, to cancel, to pardon, to forgive
This latter meaning we will explore – to forgive – to cast away the offense, releasing someone from the debt they owe you
The result – both of you will be set free
C. In spite of real offenses
(NKJV) Matthew 18 21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?
1. Miss the mark toward me
D. Don’t keep score
(NKJV) Matthew 18 21 … Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
1. Peter’s generous offer of forgiveness not even in the ballpark
2. 70 times 7 – perfect numbers – unlimited amount
II. Reflections based on Jesus’ story of great forgiveness
A. Consider depth of own sin debt
(NKJV) Matthew 18 23 Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. 26 The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, ‘Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’
1. 10,000 talent – 60 million denarii (1 day’s wages – 6,000 denarii = 1 talent – 15 years wages) – 150,000 years of wages (if 15 years for 1 talent)
2. Vast amount
a) Couldn’t have borrowed this amount – must have embezzled it – severely messed up in business (tax collection)
B. Consider the vast compassion you encountered
(NKJV) Matthew 18 27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.
1. Impossible task he faced
C. Consider immense mercy you received
(NKJV) Matthew 18 27 Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt.
1. Audience would say – no way does he have chance
2. Reveals the vast heart of the king
(NKJV) Lamentations 3 22 Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. 23 They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.
(NKJV) 1 John 1 9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
D. Consider the magnitude of difference in your offense to God vs. their offense to you
(NKJV) Matthew 18 28 “But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii;
1. 100 denarii – a little over 3 months wages – an appreciable amount until compared to what the servant had been forgiven
2. An appreciable amount – 3 months wages
3. But small compared to what you owed
III. Problems with unforgiveness
A. Shows Lack of love
(NKJV) Matthew 18 28 … and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, ‘Pay me what you owe!’
B. Shows Lack of mercy
(NKJV) Matthew 18 29 So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.’ 30 And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt.
C. Impacts others
(NKJV) Matthew 18 31 So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done.
D. Shows lack of gratitude for what you received
(NKJV) Matthew 18 32 Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?’
1. An obligation of the forgiven to forgive
E. Interferes with master’s relationship
(NKJV) Matthew 18 34 And his master was angry,
1. More angry over unforgiveness than original sin
2. Relationship with God will be marred as your sin will interfere
(NKJV) Matthew 6 12 And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors.
14 “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
3. Prayer life will be impacted
(NKJV) Mark 11 25 “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.
F. Results in personal torment
1. Personal sorrow
(NKJV) Matthew 18 34 … and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.
2. Bitterness will consume you
(NKJV) Hebrews 12 14 Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: 15 looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;
3. Your life will be controlled by the person who offended you
4. Invade your life causing various problems
a) Health
b) Interfere with other relationships
c) Anger
d) Emotional instability
e) Negatively impact others
G. Reflects a heart problem
(NKJV) Matthew 18 35 “So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses.
IV. What human forgiveness is not?
A. Not minimizing offensive actions
B. Not a Denial of feelings of hurt / offence
C. Not something to be earned or deserved
D. Not a means to get an apology in return
E. Not a way to manipulate for better treatment
F. Not Forgetting – impossible for a human – choose to lay it aside
G. Not naively trusting again – needs to be earned again
V. What forgiveness is?
A. Overcoming the ‘injustice gap’
1. Negative emotions of resentment, bitterness, hostility, hatred, anger, fear produced
2. Revenge engendered
B. A Choice to lay aside an offense
1. Leave retribution with God
2. Either fall on Jesus
3. Or person will pay
C. Two types of forgiveness required
1. Decisional forgiveness
(NKJV) Romans 12 17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good thi ngs in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
a) An act of the will
b) Choose to forgive
c) Choose not to pursue revenge
d) Trust God to do the right thing
2. Emotional forgiveness
(NKJV) Romans 12 20 Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
a) An act of the heart
b) Replace negative emotions toward the offender with positive emotions
c) A process over time
D. Reflects Control by Christ-likeness not revenge
NKJV) Colossians 3 12 … put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. 15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, …