Ugly Actions

Get Even

It’s ugly sweater season. What do you think?

Santa playing corn hole w/ the reindeer. Attractive isn’t it?

Fitting. We enjoy playing corn hole. The weather has been so nice up to now that we’ve played it w/ Alan and Linda Kitchen several times recently. Who thought we could be out on a Sunday afternoon in December playing games!?

It gets pretty heated. Boys vs. Girls.

Alan can toss a bean bag in a hole.

Linda. Did you know she walked on at Ball St and played basketball. Just a little competitive drive in there.

Sara, good grief is she competitive. Our whole family is.

We were visiting Jason and his fam a couple of weeks ago and we played a lot of games. Alyssa and Jared will be here for Xmas w/ Sara’s dad and we’ll play some more.

This is a common activity for the Bowyer family.

And, we have motto we live by.

When we play, we will keep score b/c somebody will lose. There might be blood. There will be tears.

We play for keeps.

So, it works for us to play w/ Alan and Linda. We get after it.

The last time we played, the boys won, of course. Best 3 out of 5. And, if I must be honest, we won 3 games and lost 1. We busted once, scored too many points and lost.

Really, they only won 1 game.

Trust me, they will be reminded the next time we play. We have long memories.

The time before, they won. But that was different. The sun was in our eyes, whatever.

We’ll get together this winter and play Euchre, Rummy cube, dominoes; there will be lots of noise talked around the table.

We remember. We repay.

It’s Xmas and it’s time to play. Many of you will, too. Maybe you’re not as competitive as we are, maybe you are. It’s all in fun.

If you are as competitive, you probably remember that last time you played, who won, and how bad you won.

You remember, but you may not claim you lost. We don’t do that.

So much fun. Sitting around the table eating, in living room opening presents, laughing, maybe crying a little, family family and friends around remembering.

It’s a ton of fun if we’re just remembering about the last time we played games. It’s no fun if we’re remembering ugly things that have said and done in the past and we’re trying to get even.

Ugly sweaters aren’t the only things that come out during the season. Family and friends get together who have a history w/ one another.

Mix in eating too much, drinking too much, sleeping too little, and oh the sugar. We can feel ugly, think ugly, say ugly, and act ugly; and scorch the earth in our homes when we could be enjoying the happiest time of the year.

How can we make sure the only ugly things coming out this season are our sweaters?

By focusing on the Nativity.

The Nativity takes away our negativity by reminding us that Jesus was born to die and make things right with everyone so we don’t have to.

We can let it all go. Bring out the ugly sweaters and leave the ugly actions in the darkness of the drawer where they belong. They should never see the light of day.

Picture This

Let’s start w/ a little imagery. In your mind, I want you to picture either your table or your living room or wherever you will get together w/ the ppl you have history w/ this week.

Picture who is there. Where they sit.

I have my seat in our living room where I open my presents. So does everyone else. I have my seat at the table when Sara serves her prime rib. I know where everyone is going to be.

Who’s there?

Who isn’t but should be?

Who is but shouldn’t be?

Now, I’m going to read a few verses that I’ve read at just about every wedding I’ve ever done.

We tend to think of 1 Cor. 13 as wedding love, intimate love. It is, only in that this describes the was we are supposed to love everyone. Not just spouse, best friend, lover, everyone.

These verses were written to describe you basic, garden variety love that Jesus meant when He said, “Love one another.”

So, as you picture everyone you are going to be w/ this week, think about loving them this way.

1 Corinthians 13:4–8 NIV

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

This passage was not written for us evaluate all the ways other ppl have not loved us.

I wish “She” or “He” was here to hear this!

This is for us to evaluate how we treat them, regardless of how they treat us.

Patience. Don’t snap back. Maintain your gracious ways.

Kindness. No ugly words or actions.

Not envious. Envy is when you resent someone else having something you think you deserve.

A loving wife, sensitive husband, attentive and believing children.

Doesn’t boast, isn’t proud. Boasting about what you have that others don’t b/c you are more deserving.

Isn’t disrespectful. Don’t talk down to ppl or act as if you are above them.

Does for others before you do for yourself.

Not easily angered.

It doesn’t say you don’t get angry. There are plenty of good reasons why you should get angry. Just not over something little.

Keeps no record of wrongs. Don’t keep score. Unless it’s corn hold.

“You remember when you said…?! Or, did....!

It might have been years ago and you’ve been hanging onto it for all this time waiting to use it against them.

You’re going to put them in their place once and for all.

Except, that’s not patient or kind. It’s disrespectful and dishonorable. You’re being too easily angered b/c you’ve kept the score all this time.

What if they do it to you? How will you respond. Will you rise above? Or will you dive into the ugliness w/ them?

B/C, countering ugliness w/ more ugliness always makes things better. Right?

Rejoice in the truth. No lies. No exaggerations. No assumptions.

Always protects.

Always trusts. If you love someone, you trust them. If they break trust, it hurts like crazy.

Boundaries are important. But, if you love someone you will make yourself vulnerable to be hurt by them.

Pray the don’t. God can heal any hurt. Sensitive scars can remain.

Always hopes. Sees a positive future. The best is yet to come.

Something about our pride, we all want to be the one to be able to say, I told you so. We predicted this disaster.

If you just would have listened to me.

How many of these predictions really do come true? You might guess one or two. But most of the time we’re just being pessimistic and dragging ppl down.

Remain hopeful.

Always perseveres. No matter how they treat you, you stay faithful and true to them. It’s on them.

Love never fails.

Yes, husbands and wives. But also everyone else who will be celebrating Xmas w/ you next week.

Seriously? God really expects this of us? Yes.

Nobody has ever done this successfully that we could use as an example, right?

Well, there is one person.

An Example to Follow

Ephesians 4:29–5:2 NIV

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Is this the impossible? Is this the round room/ sit in the corner command?

No ugly words.

No bitterness, rage, anger, fighting, and slander. None of it.

No ugly words. I talked about that last week.

They may be deserved.

Be kind and compassionate.

Do you know who’s in my family?

Who could be this nice w/ who’s coming to Xmas?

That baby in the manger grew up and showed all us that we can keep our mouths shut when we are being unfairly treated.

We can be angry when it’s justified, and we can get over it.

God would never expect anything of you that He hasn’t already done for you.

If we could just have a moment of honest self-evaluation.

How much grace is req’d to save you? Probably more than you realize.

Think about the words and actions you’d like to take w/ someone that deserves to lit up. They’re no nice.

You’re loaded for bear, both barrels.

How much grace, undeserved favor, will it take for you to treat them nice even when they don’t deserve a bit of it?

Probably more than you can muster on you own.

That little baby in the manger, that he left heaven in the first place.

Traveled thru the birth canal. Grew up. Dealt w/ growing pains and jealous siblings.

Stared down the council of elders, chief priests, and teachers of the law w/out blinding them more than they were.

Stood up to Pilate, Herod, and the Roman soldiers then willingly laid down on the cross.

Tell me, and everyone else, you deserve this.

Can you be as gracious to the ppl who will test your patience this week?

Romans 15:7 NIV

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

This isn’t just a reflection on you. How you treat ppl this week will be a reflection of what you believe about Jesus.

Jesus did all this for you before you ever acknowledged Him.

I was a rebellious teenager who found out Jesus died for me.

My earthly father rejected us, and we hadn’t done anything to deserve that.

My heavenly father accepted me, and I hadn’t done anything to deserve that either.

Die for the ppl you love, give up you life, your interests, your desires, and expectations before they acknowledge that sacrifice you make for them.

If you’re waiting. It may never come.

If you expect it, it will never measure up.

Surrender your life to Christ means surrendering your life for those He gave His life for.

He did all that before you believed. Now that you do, you have help to do it for all your family and friends, even the ones you don’t like so much.

What about that one, or those few, who have done such wrong to you or someone you love?

Hanging onto the desire for revenge is eating you up inside. What do we do about that?

Let God Handle It

Matthew 18:21–22 NIV

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Peter honestly thought he was being generous by saying 7 times.

The religious leadership at the time was known for holding grudges. Once you were DQ’d, that was it.

When Jesus came back w/ 77, that was not intended t/b a finite number.

Forgive them again, and again, and again…Forever.

You’ve got a son or daughter that keeps letting you down. How many times do you forgive them?

You have an ex that you had to see every Xmas and every other weekend to exchange the kids. How many times do you have to forgive them?

Maybe just once. But it has to stick.

How do you know if you’ve forgiven someone? You can talk to them, or about them and what they did w/out getting emotional, defensive, and wishing God would rain fire from Heaven on their heads.

Go all Sodom and Gomorrah on them.

Self-talk, meditating on what you can do to get even. You can put them in their place w/ the right words, wreck their new marriage b/c it’s not fair they’re married and you’re not w/ the right actions.

It will wreck you.

I can talk about what my dad did to my mom and our family. Very matter of fact, it was wrong. But I don’t get angry. That was long ago.

I can tell you about experiences we’ve had in churches, w/ boards, committees, bosses; that have been very hurtful to me and my wife. We’ve had friends have affairs that are personally painful.

We’ve experienced some ugly things in church leadership.

I am not saying I am innocent in all of these things. I am saying they were deeply hurtful.

And I think I can talk about any of the now w/out getting angry again. W/out getting defensive, honestly owning my responsibility in the situ.

It took a long time in a few cases.

It’s commanded, it’s possible, and it’s rewarding.

1 Peter 3:9 NIV

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

I forget who coined this phrase, I’ve heard it repeated a number of times.

“Holding a grudge is like taking poison expecting the other person to die.”

When anger is allowed to fester in your heart toward someone who has done something to you or someone you love, it becomes bitterness.

And bitterness is one of a few emotions that will wreck you.

The person who hurt you may have moved on already. And you’re still suffering.

Letting it go will bless your heart.

Forgiveness is unconditional. No one has to apologize for you to forgive them.

Remember, Jesus forgave you long before you ever repented or apologized for your responsibility in nailing him to the cross.

Reconciliation of the relationship is very conditional. Boundaries are important. Maybe they should be established a little farther away from your heart than you want to.

You can forgive and still not restore. That’s okay.

We’re wired for fairness. Justice. This for that. Get even.

God wired us that way. If we’re wired that way, what can we do with the desires and emotions that are messing us up and move on?

Let God handle it.

Hebrews 10:30–31 NIV

For we know him who said, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” and again, “The Lord will judge his people.” It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

You can rest assured that the little baby in the manger is going to make everything right in the end. If He had to do this for us, then he is going to hold us accountable for making him do it.

By faith we are freed from the punishment of God’s wrath.

As Xians we are disciplined by God as a loving Father.

Trust me on this, no one gets away w/ anything.

You know how, when you were a kid, and you mom always seemed to find out when you did something you thought nobody knew about.

My mom had spies. She had spies at the school. Spies in the neighborhood. She had more spies than the CIA.

I couldn’t get away w/ anything.

You think your mom saw everything. God sees more.

Let Him handle it. Leave it in his hands to make everything right. He will bring the right amount of trouble, to the right ppl, at the right time, in the right way, to bring justice to everyone.

Ugly actions rooted in the desire to get even, vengeance, will destroy you. Ugly thoughts about getting God to smite the ppl who smote you, will mess you up.

Stop thinking about, talking about, fantasizing about doing it. Let God handle it.

We have an enemy who wants you to remain wrecked, stay messed up. So, he will bring these thoughts back to you.

Reject them. Remind him and anyone else you need to, you’ve given the situ to God and you’ve taken your hands off and moved on.

Don’t take it back. Keep no record of wrongs. Move on and be blessed.

Let your ugly sweater be the only ugliness you bring out this season.

Love your family and friends. Accept all of them as Jesus has accepted you.

Forgive every wrong that’s ever been perpetrated against you once and for all.

This may be the best gift you can give yourself this season.

Applications

It’s Xmas. Here are 3 gifts you may consider giving this week.

Forgive

Who do you need to forgive?

Maybe you’ve tried before. Maybe you haven’t.

Begin today. Let God make it right w/ that person and never take it back ever again.

This is the best gift you can give yourself.

Love

Who are you going to see this week that needs a little more love from you?

More patience, kindness.

Less envy, bragging, and pride.

More honor and consideration of what they want.

No anger, no score-keeping, or reminders of past deficitis.

No lying.

More protection, trust, hope, and perseverance.

Don’t fail them this season.

Regardless of how they treat you. It is not justification for you to treat them any other way that loving.

Who needs your love this week?

This is the best gift you can give someone else.

Apologize

Who needs an apology from you this week?

None of us are perfect. No matter how hard we try, we can’t muster up the ability to act right all the time.

W/ the HS’s help we can more often. Still, we will stumble.

Do you owe an apology?

This is a pretty good gift, too. And it will lead you to the first 2 gifts.

Let your ugly sweater be the only ugliness you bring out this season.

Love your family and friends. Accept all of them as Jesus has accepted you.

Forgive every wrong that’s ever been perpetrated against you once and for all.

This may be the best gift you can give yourself this season.

How can we make sure the only ugly things coming out this season are our sweaters?

By focusing on the Nativity.

The Nativity takes away our negativity by reminding us that Jesus was born to die and make things right with everyone so we don’t have to.

We can let it all go. Bring out the ugly sweaters and leave the ugly actions in the darkness of the drawer where they belong. They should never see the light of day.