Date:      25th March 2007                                                                    (Sunday AM)                                                                       Ref: A0299

Place:     Kambah P.S.

Title: Dispute Resolution

Text:        & Matthew 18:15-20

Illust:     A number of years ago, when the company I worked for held a major Govt contract, we had a number of issues between the parties that were not going anywhere, The Govt were intractable and my CEO was immovable. – We were called to a big meeting with the Departmental Secretaries, the purpose from their perspective was to beat us over the head to make us just cave in & accept their position. They didn’t count on my boss. – In the midst of a very heated exchange he made an interesting comment. “You are intelligent reasonable, people, we are intelligent reasonable people, when both think they are right, then you need to get an independent party in to resolve the issue.” – Truth about handling conflict – you can just cave in but that’s not right or you can confront the issues & attempt to resolve them. – Jesus has some words about dealing with conflict.

I.                   Conflicts Will Happen

A.               Reality of Life

i.                 Let’s start with the basics, none of us are perfect, I’m not & neither are you. – We all have blind spots, character & personality flaws, our various perceptions and misunderstandings of things. Then there is our sinful nature, jealousies, insecurities, falsehood & pride.

ii.               All of these things make conflict inevitable. What should be surprising is not that we can come into conflict with our friends & family & leaders, but that we do so, so infrequently.

         2 Corinthians 12:20 For I fear lest, when I come, I shall not find you such as I wish, and that I shall be found by you such as you do not wish; lest there be contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, backbitings, whisperings, conceits, tumults; (NKJV)

iii.             Let’s look at potential conflict you may have with me. Three scenarios;

1)       I may do the wrong thing & hurt or upset you,

2)       You may misunderstand something I say or do & this may hurt or upset you.

3)       You may do the wrong thing & I may bring correction that you may not like or agree with & that may upset you.

iv.             These same scenarios can play out in your marriage / family / workplace / church amongst each other. – Plenty of potential for conflict

         Luke 17:1 Then He said to the disciples, “It is impossible that no offenses should come, (NKJV)

B.               Complexity of Life

i.                 A second fundamental concept to grasp is that we tend to view things only from our own very limited perspective. You can hurt someone deeply through your words, your tone of voice, your actions & be totally oblivious, don’t even realise the hurt you have caused.

ii.               On Friday there was a major collision and fire in the Burnley tunnel in Melbourne. An interesting comment in the news reports “A team of 10 from the Victoria Police major collision investigation unit is expected to take months to reconstruct the deadly chain of events. They will analyse Citylinks CCTV footage, perform scientific examinations and take detailed witness statements” ~ The cameras will have one perspective, the different witnesses another. Each will have their perspective. Your perspective of an event can be very limited. We all have our own views of situations / comments & events

      In 1929 the wise, far-seeing electors of my native Hereford sent me to Westminster and, two years later, the lousy mongrels*  kicked me out. ~ Frank Owen    -  *[‘bastards’]

iii.             Also we live in a world of complexity, when we deal with perspective and human emotion then nothing may be as it first seems.

      Pablo Picasso the famous Spanish painter wrote “Two boys arrived yesterday with a pebble they said was the head of a dog until I pointed out that it was really a typewriter.”

II.                 Resolution

Sometimes when there is a real or perceived slight or offence then we need to have a thicker hide & just let some things go

         Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins. (NKJV)

However there are obviously going to come times when we can’t & nor should we just overlook some things. – The hurt is too deep, it is sin that must be confronted. It is not helpful to the other person just to let it go, because otherwise they will never know that they are acting in a wrong manner.

So clearly there needs to be a way to resolve conflict & grievances both perceived & genuine while still remaining Christian. –.This is where our text comes in

A.               Go to Them

i.                 & vs.15 – Here we have a very clear commandment from Jesus. If someone offends you, sins against you, they have hurt you or there is sin that you are aware of.

      Note, People are loth to see their faults, and have need to be told of them. Though the fact is plain, and the fault too, yet they must be put together with application. Great sins often amuse conscience, and for the present stupify and silence it; and there is need of help to awaken it. David’s own heart smote him, when he had cut off Saul’s skirt, and when he had numbered the people; but (which is very strange) we do not find that it smote him in the matter of Uriah, till Nathan told him, Thou art the man.[1]

ii.               If you have been violated or hurt or you are concerned over an issue then the command is to go!  ~ Do not wait for them to come to you; make the first advances yourself. If you have ever contemplated this, you will realize this as not an easy thing. We are by nature conflict avoiders however it is important if we are to grow & go on that we confront issues.

iii.             Don’t stew on it, don’t complain to everybody, don’t go crying to momma, don’t hold a grudge or get bitter & twisted. – If you confront in love then who knows they may acknowledge their fault & you have gained your brother or sister. You may also find that you completely misunderstood what was said or meant. As one author puts it

      A quarrel is a loss to both parties; a reconciliation is a gain for both.[2]

B.               Take Someone Else

i.                 & vs.16 – Depending on the issue & the carnality of the parties; that may not be enough to bring about the necessary reconciliation / resolution. Here we move into phase 2, Go to another one or two (not 20) explain to them the situation and then approach the person that you have the contention with.

         Deuteronomy 19:15 “One witness shall not rise against a man concerning any iniquity or any sin that he commits; by the mouth of two or three witnesses the matter shall be established. (NKJV)

ii.               The key here is to choose wisely. You need to select people that will look at the complete issue, preferably from an uninvolved vantage point. No point taking your best friend who believes that you can do no wrong. – There are potentially three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the truth.

      Latin proverb: ~ Plus vident oculi quam oculus—Many eyes see more than one[3]

iii.             Have someone you trust, someone who will not gossip & tell everybody else.

iv.             A word of caution, if you see a conflict that is not your own, don’t step in. It is up to those involved.

         Proverbs 26:17 He who passes by and meddles in a quarrel not his own Is like one who takes a dog by the ears. (NKJV)

C.               Bring it to the Church

i.                 Finally, if this fails to resolve the issue, in that they completely fail to recognise the wrong they have committed against you then it is brought into the public forum. Brought before the larger body of the church. & vs.17

         Acts 15:2 Therefore, when Paul and Barnabas had no small dissension and dispute with them, they determined that Paul and Barnabas and certain others of them should go up to Jerusalem, to the apostles and elders, about this question. (NKJV)

ii.               A church council or leadership body would review the issue from all sides. If they find the complaint frivolous and groundless, then they would rebuke the complainant; however if they find the complaint just, then the offender would be rebuked & called to repentance.

iii.             If they won’t repent then you determine to have nothing more to do with them.

         Titus 3:10 Reject a divisive man after the first and second admonition, (NKJV)

III.              Jesus to Help

A.               Spirit of Love

i.                 The call this morning is that in light of the certainty of conflict, there must be a process for the resolution of any grievances, the need for confrontation, in a spirit of love;

         Leviticus 19:17 ‘You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him. (NKJV)

ii.               Important factor here, - the less carnal you are the less you are going to offend or be offended. If you confront from a carnal fleshly spirit, then not going to be a pleasant scene.

         1 Corinthians 3:3 for you are still carnal. For where there are envy, strife, and divisions among you, are you not carnal and behaving like mere men? (NKJV)

iii.             Check your own heart, make sure you have forgiven, and then go to that person who has hurt you or sinned against you. – Don’t go bearing a grudge. – The right spirit is to seek reconciliation NOT revenge. Be prepared to forgive at any moment they repent.

         Luke 17:3 Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. (NKJV)

         Colossians 3:13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. (NKJV)

B.               His Presence

i.                 Because this is the process laid down by Jesus, He Himself blesses & is into this, He puts His stamp of approval & authority on anyone who will respond according to this process. & vs.18 -20 ~ The ministry of the church is reconciliation.

         2 Corinthians 5:18 Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation, (NKJV)

ii.               Tremendous comfort & assurance that Jesus has promised His presence when we meet together to resolve our difficulties & conflicts.

C.               In Our Church

i.                 Recently I heard of a church that had a number of issues with their Pastor however the comment was made that they were “afraid” of him. Years went by, everything exploded.

ii.               As a fellowship we believe in & follow the process of Matthew 18 as I have just explained. It is important that you realise that I am just as accountable as anyone else. – On backboard poster – 2 letters from Pr Mitchell & Pr Vicary. I would encourage you to read those & to apply the spirit of these letters based around our text to any conflicts within the church that you have. If you have any questions don’t hesitate to come & see me.

IV.             Altar Call

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[1]Henry, M. (1996, c1991). Matthew Henry's commentary on the whole Bible : Complete and unabridged in one volume (Mt 18:15). Peabody: Hendrickson.

[2]The Pulpit Commentary: St. Matthew Vol. II. 2004 (H. D. M. Spence-Jones, Ed.) (212). Bellingham, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc.

[3]Henry, M. (1996, c1991). Matthew Henry's commentary on the whole Bible : Complete and unabridged in one volume (Mt 18:15). Peabody: Hendrickson.