Porn Talk

Session 3 Snowblast 2021

Intro

I asked each group to ask you a question tonight.

That question is what is Porn.

Leaders do you have some answers you would like to share with us?

A good definition of what is Pornography is:

The depiction of erotic behavior, as in pictures, videos, or writing intended to cause sexual excitement.

Our world is broken.

It is not living the way God intended our world to be like.

Our world we designed good.

It was in a world perfect.

Beautiful and vibrant.

Creation lived in total unity.

Man and woman were created to be a helper for each other.

And as God created the world we must come to the understanding that God created sex.

And it was good.

It was actually better then good it was perfect.

God designed to be sexual brings.

And we know that Sex was created before Adam and Eve sinned in the garden of Eden.

Sex was always created with the best intentions.

Sex was made with the purest intentions.

And as sin entered the world— we saw everything that was good be corrupted.

The world shifted.

The world became broken.

From perfect and whole--- to this defective and broken world we surround our selves with daily.

Now this doesn't change that we are still sexual beings.

IN the book Sex in our broken world, Paul David Tripp says this about our place in life.

“You are a sexual being, but that aspect of your personhood does not live in a healthy world, but one that is deeply broken and that changes everything.”

And something that was created good and perfect, created for you to enjoy with your spouse went from being a vessel for pleasure and life and it has now has become taboo, disgraceful and shameful.

Sex is not to be full of shame.

Sex is to be enjoyed.

But our world is broken.

And in our brokenness many things happened.

We took something good like sex and it became perverted it.

It became distorted.

And in our distorted broken world— we create lots of items or things that were never created to exist in the first place.

And one of those items goes hand in hand with what we are talking about tonight is Pornography.

We have tackled the vertical relationship and the horizontal relationships and now we are going to be hitting a topic that is super challenging, it is all over, and it is probably something many of us in this room are struggling with, have struggled with or will struggle with.

And I know that i am saying that to a coed group.

Porn is not just a boys club anymore.

Women has struggle with porn as well.

In many studies we see that women who watch porn is now 70-75%.

Sp tonight we are going to discuss Porn and Masturbation.

This may make you feel a little uncomfortable and it may make you feel a little awkward.

But If I can be honest, I am tired of this topic being taboo in our Christian circles.

I am so tired of sex, porn and masturbation being put in a corner.

We see our churches stay mute of this.

I’m tired of talking about easy stuff.

My heart is to not shy away from the hard stuff.

My heart is for you to be prepared to live in the world.

Not just to be able to find Philemon in the Bible.

I do not want the porn industry to be the sex educator for my children or for you my youth.

They are wrong.

And things have changed dramatically.

Let me take you back about 30 years ago.

In order to get your hand on porn this was the process.

Head to the movie store— purchase a VHS video.

Take it up to the front counter, show your ID and then you would pay of the video rental.

Take it home and watch your porn video in probably the only room in the house with a screen— the family room.

That was the process most likely.

And if you were curious, like I was and I know many of you are.

If you wanted to know what a certain body part was and their function the only option for many was the dictionary.

So if you wanted to look up the word penis or breast or vagina you would be given very biological definition.

I can tell you that those words are in the dictionary because I looked them up.

But now here is the new landscape for Porn:

You all are still curious but instead of a dictionary you know what you have?

Google.

And google comes with a definition, but it also comes with images, and videos.

Another difference is this.

7 million subscribers every year at the peak of playboy magazine- in 1984

Today websites like pornhub get 92 million views every day— that is one site.

Porn is embedded in everyday life.

You see it when you get on the gram, snapchat, tick tok, facebook, youtube.

You get asked to join apps such as tinder and Onlyfans.

You get blasted with it.

You see it everyday.

But what do we do as churches and believer?

We stay silent.

Can I ask who in here had the talk from a parent?

And staying strong and pure during your high school and young adult is one of the hardest temptations we will face.

But here is the deal I want you to know from the beginning that if this is something you struggle with, know that you are not alone.

90% of students age 12-18 struggle with this.

So know right now, up front that you are not alone.

It’s a temptation and a struggle I faced for many years, and it wasn’t until a conversation with someone that changed my life.

This is a problem I struggled with for so long but then being able to find freedom, and move from that desire, to move past that addition, it was the sweetest freedom I had ever tasted.

This is why I believe this talk is so important.

We have to talk about porn, we have to talk about masturbation. We have to talk about sex. We have to talk about sexual activities.

These issues are huge and they will wreck you.

It is wrecking our view of love, our view of men and women, it is wreaking the foundations of what marriage is, and it has broken apart families.

Porn is a killer, but yet our culture says it is perfectly normal.

It’s a big joke.

People may even brag about what they watch.

For too long we have allowed pornsite to teach sex education.

And it needs to stop.

Our culture has corrupted the view of marriage by feeding us this lie that porn is great because it helps you learn about sex, and it is great to masturbate because it is practice for the real thing.

All of those thought are corrupted views of; what love is, what marriage is, how our relationships should be, how our sex life with our wife or husband should be.

And it sucks, it breaks my heart, it sucks to know this was what I thought love was and what my marriage should look like, I based my thoughts on what I was seeing played out on a screen instead of what God had in store for marriage.

I was chasing selfishness rather than chasing Jesus.

I don’t want to just tell you that porn and masturbation is wrong and you should never do it, it is true.

I don’t want to tell you that God hates this sin, is it true, yes, because God hates all sin but let me tell you something, that never worked on me, maybe it will with you.

If it does that would be awesome but let talk about this topic.

We are going to dive into reasons why Porn and masturbation is not love but is the destruction of what love is.

Porn and Masturbation messes with your brain, your heart and is messing up our world.

So we are going to examine those three areas.

Let’s first look at the brain.

Your Brain is affected

Explain

Who knew that the brain was affected by watching Porn?

Did you know that?

I did not and the research that is coming out about the effects of watching Porn is incredible.

We have to understand why Porn is so addicting, and to do that we have start in our brain.

That right I called it addicting.

Because it is.

Let me break it down slightly:

Our brain runs on a reward system.

To steer us toward things that will help us: the reward center uses two different pleasure systems, one that excites and another that satisfies.

The first system motivates us to go after things; it is largely fueled by dopamine.

The second system makes us feel satisfied and happy after accomplishing something.

It’s runs by endorphins.

To put it simply our brain runs on rewards, this is a good thing, it is actually a great thing.

However when watching Porn you are really only tapping into the first reward system; the one that excites.

This system motivates and it fueled by these things called dopamine.

Dopamine is interesting alone it is the chemical in our brain that is released when we begin to see images or we being to run, whatever it is that excites us, and this chemical is the same chemical that can give you a runners high, a drug high or a porn high.

Now this is a normal thing that happens when men and women get together.

When husband and wife have sex this happens.

However when looking at porn those chemicals get released and the excitement is over powering and when it is time for the second reward system to kick in and needs to make us feel satisfied it can’t.

So what do we do we keep looking, we keep searching, we keep longing for satisfaction.

But yet we keep coming up empty.

We can never be truly satisfied.

This longing for satisfaction is why drug users keep using drugs, because their cravings are never satisfied, yes they may be satisfied for a moment but that keeps coming back over and over again.

And just like a drug addict it take more and more drugs to achieve the same results as before. To get that high, to feel that pleasure.

Illustrate

You see it’s the same things with any type of addiction, or anything at all really.

Let’s take caffeine, in high school I started drinking these energy drinks, I would have one a day and for awhile it worked fine but then my body started needing more, I felt like my body would stop running, I would get so tired, so I would get another one, and then two a day didn’t work, I would move to 3 a day and so on and so forth.

It got to the point where I could literally chug a mountain dew before bed and sleep like a baby, the complete opposite of what the caffeine was suppose to do.

It was like drinking water to me, that is not a good place to be in.

Now lets take porn, you watch a video and you become satisfied and you think this is great, I’m good but you come back to the same video but now that one video doesn’t cut it, so you being to watch two and heck you spice it up a bit and change types of video, you begin just watching basic sex but then you move too video’s of MILFs and that worked really good for you— and that cycle continues.

And the addiction just keeps growing and growing, to where now it is on your mind, you are thinking about it when you are out, you are watching it at home, it being to take over your life.

It takes more and more to satisfy you to where the line of real and fake begin to blur.

Then when you do get married and you get to have sex with your husband or wife your view of what sex is, has only been based on what you have watched and what has satisfied you, but guess what the sex that you saw on a screen is not the same sex you will ever experience with your husband or wife.

I don’t know about you but that is an addiction, and you may be thinking I can quit whenever I want to.

Smokers have been saying that for years but yet people are still smoking and they know it is bad for you.

So yes porn is affecting our brains and the effects are starting to take a toll to men as well as ladies, and its not good.

But not only is your brain being effected but so in your heart.

Your Heart is affected

Explain

Many young adults never have the chance to learn what a healthy relationship is like before porn starts teaching them its version—which is typically filled with violence, domination, infidelity, and abuse.

Since most people aren’t too excited about the idea of being in an abusive relationship, the sexual education that youth have gotten from porn makes it hard for them to connect with real romantic partners when they’re ready, and they find themselves unable to be turned on by anything other than images on a screen.

Here is a stat for you.

Studies show:

40-80% of porn is aggressive.

94% of aggression is targeted to women.

95% of the time woman responded in a neutral or positive response.

So for a woman that would be the as someone calling her a slut, choking and her responding with Yes please, I like it.

That is what we are being fed:

Let me just take a pause here:

Ladies— If a boy ever lays a hand on you run.

If he ever disrespects you run.

If he degrades you and tries to manipulate you run.

YOU DESERVE BETTER!

STOP SETTLEING FOR LITTLE BOYS!

THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE LITTLE B, LITTLE O, LITTLE Y.

They are a boy and when you date a little boy you are never going to be treated well or so let me help you right now— get out of it they don’t deserve you.

Guys:

Don’t be a little boy.

Guys do better.

I hate to be the one saying this but man, when I go to scripture guys have a high calling.

And man we are being passive, weak, little boys.

We want to tell our boys about how many girls we snap, or talk too, we want to tell them about how far we got with so and so.

I know the conversation you have, I was there.

Be different, Be better.

If I may say it grow up and if you are not ready to grow up yet— then don’t you dare bring a woman into your life to care and love for because you are not ready for that.

SO STOP.

Girls:

Stop being easy.

Can I say that, maybe I shouldn’t but don’t start dating someone just because they said you are cute or they like all your gram photos.

We all can be better and demand better.

That is my little side:

As people get older and get into relationships, porn promises a virtual world filled with sex—more sex, better sex.

What it doesn’t mention, however, is that the further a user goes into that fantasy world, the more likely their reality is to become just the opposite.

Studies show that porn often leads to less sex and less satisfying sex; and for many users, porn eventually means no sex at all.

Because eventually nothing will be able to excite you or make you horny.

Porn effects the way we love.

When porn is being viewed we get this idea that sex should be this way and when it fails to live up to that, because porn in Hollywood it is a created environment, we think it must be our partner, or even worst we start to prefer screens over our spouse.

This unknowingly changes our view of women, our view of men, our view of sex, and of relationships, porn kills love.

It is doing it faster then you can think but this whole porn train can stop, and it starts with you.

If this is something that you are struggling with know that you are not alone, know that there are people, your friends, you leaders who have been there too.

I wish I had someone telling me about the effects of porn and someone would have corrected my thoughts.

You see I thought watching porn was better then going out and having sex but come to find out it was just as harmful.

It effected how I loved and how I wanted to be treated, it effected my heart, it effected my brain.

I can promise you that if this is where you are at, that if you are struggling with porn and masturbation, because generally one doesn't do one without the other, you are being effected in your heart and in your brain.

But something else that is being effected is our world.

Our World is affected

Explain

Porn affects our world today, because guess what?

Sex sells.

This is the world we are in, we are sex hungry, we say find beauty in you but that is not what we are being pumped full of.

And watching porn is just the norm.

I bet if we were to survey and ask you to raise your hand if your friends have told you that they watch porn and its not a big deal, I but most hands would go up.

Tell me actually that— do you have a friends that you know watches porn?

This is our culture, this is what we are living in.\

We don’t even have to go into the whole fact that the porn industry is being linked to human trafficking, drug abuse, and other problems.

So what happens when we keep picking porn over real relationship and real love?

I don’t know because this has never been seen before, but too much of something ends almost always in a bad way.

Did you know that the porn stars make lots of money and most do it for the money but once they enter into the industry they start using drugs to cope with the abuse they have to endure.

So they make the porn, to make the money, to buy the drugs to bury the pain from making the porn, and the cycle just continues.

So how can our world not be effected by this?

I hope that you find this troubling.

I know I do.

Something else I found troubling was:

Application

All this research that I have shared today was not from Christian based organizations, they were from secular websites and people who have seen this become an issue and are not afraid to say something.

But what about church, when was the last time you have heard a message about the harmful effects of porn in church?

I mean when I was in high school we covered porn when we talked about waiting for marriage but we all were to embarrassed to say that we all dealt with it, because we all knew we all did but we did not lean on each other for help.

We used my favorite line, well I can quit anytime I want.

Our world is being affected, and you are being exposed to sex all over the place. It sucks, but there is hope.

Our hope is found in Jesus.

I mean what does God say about porn and masturbation?

Honestly, God does not say porn is wrong, he does not say those words, nor does he say masturbation is wrong, again using those terms.

No where, however God does talk about sexual immorality, lusting, and fleshly desires.

And I think all three of those hit the nail on the head when talking about porn.

I want everyone to flip open to 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8:

Paul is writing to the church of Thessalonica and this church did not have internet or cameras, they weren’t making movies, I don’t know maybe they drew pictures, but the church had sexual desires and Paul is giving them instructions on how to live a life that is pleasing to God.

Here is what Paul wrote:

1 Thessalonians 4:1–8 ESV

Finally, then, brothers, we ask and urge you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please God, just as you are doing, that you do so more and more. For you know what instructions we gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter, because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.

God’s will for your life is sanctification.

Meaning that you are in this process of rooting out sin, and becoming more and more like Jesus.

That is what God wants from your life, he wants you to be an ever chasing, an ever follower of Jesus.

Paul is then going to list some areas that the believers need to look at in their life.

Lone and behold where does Paul start?

That we abstain from sexual immorality!

The biggest area of our lives where we experience shame is sex, pornography, and sexual activities that we have done.

This was a huge issue back in the day, did they have porn, no but man I think that being sexual fulfilled and wanting to engage in sexual dealings were not uncommon even when Paul was writing to the early church.

Of course the men in this culture if they married and wanted to have sex and their wife was not available they would just go find a hooker.

This is a huge issue that Paul needed to address.

Paul here is saying stay away from this, don’t have sex outside of marriage, don’t be involved in adultery, stop going after the prostitutes, don’t be involved with sexual sins, abstain from them.

We are all wired to want that intimacy with the opposite sex, it is this feeling that drives us to start being curious online and leads us to rabbit-hole that ends with us seeing pornographic images.

And Paul is saying don’t go down this road, abstain from it.

Paul goes on to say that we should control our bodies. Not allow our desires of the flesh to control us. That we should not allow our body to control our thoughts and our actions.

Paul is really getting at self control.

We should flee from those desires.

The desires that say I can watch porn, ill do it this last time.

I know its wrong but one last time, we try to justify our actions by giving God an ultimatum and we are offering what exactly?

Our loyal attention, that we won’t do it again.

I would do this and I would abstain for a bit but I would fail, because I was selfish and I was not pursuing Jesus.

Now listen to this next part, verse 5 says:

Not in the passion of lust like the gentiles who do not know God;

Not in passions of lust.

Lust is when we look at a guy or a girl and think thoughts like I want to have sex with them, or I want to see them naked, this is not good.

Jesus says in Matthew 5:28

I say to you that everyone who looks at a women with lustful intent has already committed adultery in his heart.

Every time you look at porn you are lusting, every time you see a hot guy or girl and you begin to daydream about them sexually you are lusting.

And to do so is to commit adultery.

God has called us to be holy, to continue in this passage of sanctification.

This is not easy:

Application

I mean don’t we all feel bad about this?

Like when we mess up and watch porn or masturbate, don’t we feel bad about it, because we all know its not normal.

That it is this addiction that we can’t seem to break.

And with that comes shame.

Why do we feel shame?

Here is a good definition of shame:

Shame is the fear of not being worthy of connection

If others knew who I was and what I do they wouldn’t love me.

Its a challenge, its a struggle, if it was easy to walk away from we all would not struggle with it.

I have heard a saying that goes something, like satan use to be crafty and would be clever on how he got people to sin and then he got lazy and created porn.

All of us here most likely will be exposed to porn at some point.

We have to talk about this, we have to address it and we have to find freedom from it.

Here are a few practical steps we can take:

Realize that porn and masturbation is hurtful

You have to get to this point first, I mean if we can’t get here then we will never change because we don’t think we are doing anything wrong!

Be honest

We need to admit we have a problem, we have to see it for what it is, because only then can we move forward and get help.

Seek Help

The best thing you can do is find someone to confide in.

A friend, your leaders, a mentor, find someone, that you can say I need your help, I struggle with porn and I need you to help me.

And I would suggest someone who has struggled with porn and has overcome it.

Put up save guards

This one is going to hurt a little more.

If you are serious about getting out of this pit then you have to change what you are doing.

Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

This may mean taking the internet off your phone, and putting XXXchurch on it, it means leaving your phone outside the bathroom, or you charge it in the kitchen rather than right next to your bed (get a 5 dollar alarm clock), and it also means telling you parents.

This is the hard part, coming clean to your folks, and they will most likely set up safe-guards for you as well.

Your parents know that we are talking about this and they even have some of the material I have used today and much more, because we want to help you, we want to partner with you and help you find freedom from porn and masturbation.

Lastly, but the most important, probably should be the first step:

Pursue Jesus

When your desire for Jesus is greater than your desire to touch yourself, your desire for the flesh, you will find a freedom that is unmatched.

When you lay your burden at the cross.

That hundred pound bolder that you are carrying around will begin to feel lighter.

Jesus says come to me all who are heavy burden and I will give you rest.

Jesus is where we find our freedom, the freedom from sin, when we begin to chase after Him, Jesus takes those temptations and those desires and he makes them feel pretty small and pretty manageable.

Porn is a killer

Porn kills love, don’t let it kill yours

End