A Parenting Challenge!

INTRODUCTION

Please take your Bibles and turn to 1 Corinthians 7:36-40. That is our text this morning. And, as you can see, we are going to back to our study of 1 Corinthians today. We started this study in January of last year. And, we have worked our way to the half way point. I am looking forward to finishing it out this year as the Lord allows.

I want to take a minute and remind you of the overall context of 1 Corinthians. You might recall how I shared with you that 1 Corinthians is a blueprint for local churches. This great book was written to the local church in Corinth. Unfortunately, this local church developed some serious issues within its body of believers. Thus, the Holy Spirit uses the apostle Paul in writing a letter to them addressing those issues. In doing so, God gives a pattern. 1 Corinthians is all about God’s expectation for all matters related to the local church. Everything from what is a local church to how a local church operates is included in this great book. Additionally, there is practical, spiritual information for every individual believer. God addresses how believers are to act and conduct themselves in their relationship to Him as well as others. He addresses issue like marriage, parenting, and even things which might cause others to stumble or fall spiritually.

In fact, the issue of marriage is the prominent issue of chapter 7. I don’t have time to go back and review all that we have learned in this chapter. If would like to know, I would encourage to visit our website and you can find those message there. However, very briefly, we learned that marriage is ordained by God. And, as such, when a man and woman do things God’s way God blesses.

We learned marriage done God’s way can help deter sexual immorality (verse 1).

We also learned how that God encourages the act of sex within the confines of a marriage (verses 3-5).

God also addressed the pros and cons of living a single life verses living a married life (verses 6-9).

God also addressed the matter of divorce in verses 10-16.

He then spoke of contentment in verses 17-24.

And, then, God gave some very practical advice to both the married and unmarried in verses 25-35.

All of which brings us to our text today.

Please read along with me. If you are using the Pew Bible, the page number is ????

1 Corinthians 7:36–40 KJV 1900

36 But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry. 37 Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well. 38 So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better. 39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. 40 But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.

Here we find that God addresses a very particular aspect of marriage that deals with parenting.

Parenting is hard! All of you who are parents know what I am talking about. There are many, many challenges that come with parenting. As believers, we have a duty to turn to God’s Word and heed any advice He gives as we face these challenges. In our text, God addresses a -

A Particular Parenting Challenge!

The context being a father’s duty in arranging a marriage for his daughter. A practice that was quite common at the time these words were penned.

Marriage arrangements in the Old Testament were much different than the practices in today’s American society. In a lot of cultures, even today, marriages are arranged as they were in the Old and New Testament times. In those days, it was the father’s duty to arrange the marriage of his daughters. It was quite customary for a father, along with his wife, to arrange marriages for their daughter even before their daughters came to their years of understanding and independence.

In this verse, it seems that the Holy Spirit is addressing this issue of marriage and a father’s responsibility in arranging his daughter’s marriage. The issue being that sometimes a father would wait a little longer than necessary to arrange the marriage. Perhaps, and this is just my own speculation here, a father delayed because of his great love for his daughter, or perhaps, he just could not find a suitable mate that met his approval. Whatever the reason, the father’s delay often caused great anxiety for the daughter who realizes that she is in the “flower of her age.” That phrase refers to a woman who passes beyond a marriageable age. The daughter’s frustration with her father grows and, eventually, ruins that relationship.

In that context, the father realizes as his daughter approaches the time for her to be married that he is not doing the honorable thing. Note the Holy Spirit says, “But if any man think that he behaveth uncomely toward his virgin (his unmarried daughter)...” Thus the idea is that the father’s conscience is weighing upon him in this matter. And, for that reason, the father needs to make a decision. Which, by the way, is a huge decision! You can see, especially in the context of that day, why this was an important subject among early believers.

Let me take a time out for just a second here.

The subject of marriage is STILL AN IMPORTANT SUBJECT even today.

Unfortunately, American society has made marriage a mockery. Marriage pretty much means absolutely nothing. Remember, in the context of our text, marriage is between a man and woman who were sexually pure. The term “virgin” literally means a woman who has never experienced sexual intercourse. It was an honorable thing. However, today, anyone who is a virgin is shamed. Sex before and outside of marriage is celebrated and encouraged. For unbelievers, that is expected. However, for believers, God holds us to a much higher standard. Thus, marriage and how marriage is taught in the home as well as the church is IMPORTANT. And, as I read and study this passage along with the entirety of God’s Word, I find that it falls upon the father to teach his children the importance of marriage and remaining pure before marriage. A responsibility that is very tall order for fathers today especially in light of the constant and growing immorality of today. However, there is no excuse. Fathers, men, husband, need to step up and be the men that God intended them to be. And, God intends that fathers take the leadership role in teaching their children the important matters of Scripture among which is the subject of marriage.

Now, let’s get back to the text.

The father’s conscience is weighed with this decision of his daughter’s marriage. He now must come to a conclusion as to what he should do. And, according to the Holy Spirit’s teaching here, whatever decision the father makes, to marry his daughter or not to marry his daughter, is his to make. In making whatever decision he makes, he sins not. However, in the case of a daughter who insists on being married, “let them marry” says the Holy Spirit.

1 Corinthians 7:36 KJV 1900

36 But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.

Note that phrase “and need so require.”

Essentially that phrase means “if the strain is beginning to show.” In other words, the daughter’s desire to marry causes a great strain within the family and on the parents. The Holy Spirit’s advice is to “let them marry.” It is far better to allow the daughter to marry God’s way than to withhold marriage causing them to fall into sin. However, it is still the father’s decision. He must though be careful and consider how his decision affects his daughter long term.

Isn’t amazing just how practical God’s Word is for our lives!

Here, God addresses the finer details of a father and daughter’s relationship. I personally have never experienced such a relationship. God blessed with me with five wonderful boys and no girls. Yet, through my wife, I have come to learn the importance of a father and daughter’s relationship. And, here, we see the importance of a father making sound decisions concerning that relationship. A decision that must always be based on God’s Word. It is a father’s duty to protect the sexual purity of his children. It is also a father’s duty to teach his children about God’s expectations concerning sex and marriage. It is a duty that every father must take seriously especially in light of today’s immorality.

So, what if the father decides to restrain his unmarried daughter from marriage? Remember it is the father’s decision.

Note verse 37.

“Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well.” (1 Corinthians 7:37)

Here we see the father’s resolve in keeping his daughter from marriage. Is he wrong to do so?

The answer is, of course, no. The Holy Spirit concludes that the father “doeth well.” He is done nothing wrong and he has done as he should. Some may say that is not fair. Some may complain that the daughter has no say in the matter. However, in the end, the gravity of such a serious decision falls upon the shoulder of the father.

Now, before I apply this to today, let’s look at verse 38.

“So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.” (1 Corinthians 7:38)

Here we find the father makes the decision to allow his daughter to marry. Again, the Holy Spirit says that the father “doeth well.” His decision to allow her to marry versus to not allow her to marry is his decision. Either way he decides is, in the mind of God, a good decision.

You probably are wondering about the phrase “but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.”

Essentially, this a statement of what is best in a particular situation.

Each situation is differently. For example, the daughter may be interested in marrying, what seems outwardly, a wonderful man who loves the Lord and desires to follow Him. Or, on the other hand, the daughter may be interested in marrying a total reprobate. It is far better for the father to step in and keep his daughter from marrying a man who will lead further away from God and into immorality. It is always better to remain unmarried and serving God than to be married and being led by your marriage partner away from God. That is the essence of “but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.”

Now, a moment ago, I mentioned how this applies to today and our society. I believe that application is this.

Some Practical & Biblical Parent/Child Relational Advice

Children should always seek to have their parent’s blessing when it comes to marriage.

In fact, I would go as far as to say this.

Children should even seek their parent’s blessing concerning who they date.

We live in a society, even among Christian circles, in which dating is permitted. A subject that I do not have time to address this morning. However, the application of these verses is that parent’s have an important part in who their children marry and, in particular, who their daughters marry. In this age of free choice, society has made it convenient for children to make their own decisions. Unfortunately, most children (not all) do not have the maturity to make wise decisions. Yet, I understand that there are adults who do not have the maturity to make wise decisions as well. I get that. However, none of that negates the responsibility God places upon parents concerning decision making for their children. There are two things that come to mind about this subject.

First, parent’s, especially the father, have the responsibility to lead and teach their children obedience to the Word of God.

Teaching obedience is vital responsibility of parenting. Another subject that society has thrown out the door today.

Ephesians 6:4 KJV 1900

4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Note that the goal is to “bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Parent’s, but especially fathers, are to help their children please God by teaching them to be like the Lord Jesus Christ. They are to “lay the tracks” so to speak in front of their children by offering for them each day two things. Railroad tracks have two sets of rails. Thus, the two rails of a parent’s responsibility is this.

They are to offer their children godly models in their own lives. You are to be examples of living for the Lord each day.

They are to offer their children Biblical direction and advice in all areas of their children’s lives.

The warning is to “provoke not your children to wrath.”

This goes along with the same warning found in Colossians 3.

Colossians 3:21 KJV 1900

21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

Now, in both verses (Ephesians 6 and Colossians 3), fathers are singled out. Why? We, as men, struggle with anger issues. Women do as well. However, men seem to struggle with it more and especially when it comes to dealing with our children. However, what is clear is that God does indeed expect the father to take the leadership role in teaching his children.

There is much we could say about parenting. However, let me conclude this point with the following reminders.

The obligation of parents to lead and teach their children is command and IS NOT OPTIONAL. Believing parents MUST DO this regardless of how they feel or how convenient it may or may not be.

Here is another reminder. Both commands in Ephesians and Colossians, as well as many others I did not read, are in the present tense. The obligation to lead and teach our children is for right now and to do it continuously.

Time is running away so let me get to the next thought.

Remember all relationships are a two way street. The parent and child relationship is the same. You have the parent’s as one side of the highway with their obligations given by God and, on the other side of the highway, you have the children’s responsibilities give by God as well. The parents are to bring their children “up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

In Ephesians 6, we find a child’s responsibility in their relationship with their parents.

Ephesians 6:1–3 KJV 1900

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. 2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) 3 That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

There are two responsibilities listed here.

The first is obedience.

The Holy Spirit plainly says that children are to “obey” their parents in the Lord. It is the “right” thing to do.

Obedience involves two actions. It requires hearing and doing.

It is then the responsibility of every child to listen attentively to their parents instructions.

Proverbs 1:8–9 KJV 1900

8 My son, hear the instruction of thy father, And forsake not the law of thy mother: 9 For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, And chains about thy neck.

Listening to parent’s instruction brings about God’s wisdom in a persons life. Note the promise of Proverbs 2 which says.

Proverbs 2:1–2 KJV 1900

1 My son, if thou wilt receive my words, And hide my commandments with thee; 2 So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, And apply thine heart to understanding;

This is a conditional statement. It starts with the word “if” in verse 1. If the child listens and receives Gods Word and hides God’s commandment in their heart, then God will do something. What is that God will do? The answer is in verses 5 and 6.

Proverbs 2:5–6 KJV 1900

5 Then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord, And find the knowledge of God. 6 For the Lord giveth wisdom: Out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.

God will give knowledge, wisdom, and understanding. Thus, the child who will learn to listen to his parent’s instruction as he obeys God’s command is a child who will get knowledge, wisdom, and understanding.

However, hearing is just part of the equation. The other part is doing. Children are to obey by listening and doing their parent’s instructions.

This is, by the way, the overall understanding of obedience in Scripture. There are several verses that list the importance of hearing and doing.

James 1:22 KJV 1900

22 But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

John 13:17 KJV 1900

17 If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them.

Now, go back to Ephesians 6 and note there second command to children.

The first is to obey.

Ephesians 6:1 KJV 1900

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.

The second is to honor.

Ephesians 6:2 KJV 1900

2 Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)

Honor means to show respect or to esteem someone or something. It is every child’s responsibility to honor their parents. Some have said that obedience ends when the child leaves their parents and cleaves unto their mate in marriage. Perhaps there is element of a child having the ability to make his/her own decisions when they have left the house. However, honor embraces obedience. For example, I may not feel like I must obey my father since I am at the age of 51, but because I honor him I usually do what he asks of me when he is around. And, even when I am in disagreement with him, I am very careful about expressing my disagreement simply because I choose to honor him.

Scripture is full of commands about honoring parents.

Exodus 20:12 KJV 1900

12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

Leviticus 19:3 KJV 1900

3 Ye shall fear every man his mother, and his father, and keep my sabbaths: I am the Lord your God.

Deuteronomy 27:16 KJV 1900

16 Cursed be he that setteth light by his father or his mother. And all the people shall say, Amen.

Proverbs 30:17 KJV 1900

17 The eye that mocketh at his father, And despiseth to obey his mother, The ravens of the valley shall pick it out, And the young eagles shall eat it.

Matthew 15:4 KJV 1900

4 For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.

By the way, these commands of obey and honor are to be done in the same way the command is given to parents. They are not OPTIONAL. Yes, the world may say that you as a child have rights and that you can make your own choices. The world can say whatever it wants to say. It does not change what God has commanded. Both parents and children have a duty before God to obey His commands. We are to obey regardless of how we feel, what the worlds says, or even what is convenient for us. Additionally, we are obey right now, everyday, and each day afterwards.

CONCLUSION

Let conclude by bringing us back to our text. In this particular parenting challenge, the father has duty to follow God. His duty was to provide for his daughter as best he could a husband that would lead her spiritually the rest of her life. However, if his search to do so resulted in her passing the “flower of her age” and he was feeling guilty or the relationship with his daughter was deteriorating, he could make the decision to just let her marry. Either choice, in God’s eyes, was not sin. However, whatever choice the father made was a choice the daughter must obey as she honored her father.

In today’s context, father’s need to be proactively involved in leading their children teaching them to know and follow God’s Word. Fathers are to be leaders. They are to be leading their children by their own example of obedience to God. They are to be leading their children by teaching them God’s Word. This means they are to be studying God’s Word for themselves so they can effectively teach their children. They are to lead their families by having them in church and under the sound teaching of pastors and teachers. This is the FATHER’s responsibility. Making choices when parenting challenges arise is much easier when we make those choices doing things God’s way.

However, children have a responsibility as well. They are to obey and honor their parents. It matters not what this world says. The only thing that matters in eternity is complete obedience to the Lord.

John 14:15 KJV 1900

15 If ye love me, keep my commandments.

For both believing parents as well as believing children, it really comes down to this. If you love the Lord, you will keep His commandments.

The last two verses of this chapter read.

1 Corinthians 7:39–40 KJV 1900

39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. 40 But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.

Once a decision is made to give the daughter in marriage then daughter is bound to her husband. The bond is until death. If she manages to outlive her husband, his death releases her from the bond. She is then free once again to choose to marry or not to marry. Note, however, one condition. She is to marry whom she will “only in the Lord.” I believe that speaks to the fact she should choose a believing man as her husband. Yet, if she decides to remain unmarried then so be it.

Next week we begin chapter 8.