Matters of The Heart
Matters of the Heart can effect our Emotions, our intellect, our Actions and Reactions to thing we deal with in this Life but God is Faithful to Give us answers though his Word.
Man Looks on the Outward Appearance
But God Looks at the Heart.
In order to help us better understand the biblical meaning of heart, let us ask, “What, then, is set over against the heart, if anything?” The answer is always, without exception, the visible outer man. Worship that one gives with his lips (outer, visible, audible worship) when his heart (inner, invisible, inaudible) is far from God is a good example of this contrast (Matt. 15:8). We are instructed that man looks on the outward appearance, but (in contrast) “God looks on the heart” (1 Sam. 16:7. Without multiplying references, it is safe to say that everywhere the Bible uses the word heart to speak of the inner man (or, as Peter puts it in a thoroughly definitive way ‘the hidden person of the heart.’) Plainly, then, heart in the Bible is the inner life that one lives before God and himself; a life that is unknown by others because it is hidden from them.
To illustrate this contrast between the inner man (heart) and the outer man (lips, mouth, tongue, etc.), let’s consider the analogy of a pitcher. (See Figure 13. on the following page.)
The reservoir part of the pitcher that holds the liquid is analogous to your heart. The spout of the pitcher is analogous to your mouth (or tongue, lips, countenance, etc.). Whatever substance is contained in the reservoir will pour out of the spout when the pitcher is appropriately tilted.
Figure 13. The Biblical “Pitcher” of the Heart
If the pitcher were filled with water,
what would pour out of the spout?
If the pitcher were filled with milk,
what would pour out of the spout?
If the pitcher were filled with iced tea,
what would pour out of the spout?
If the pitcher were filled with gasoline,
what would pour out of the spout?
If the pitcher were filled with arsenic,
what would pour out of the spout?
If your child’s heart is filled with foolishness,
what will pour out of his mouth? (Prov. 15:2, 12:23)
If your child’s heart is filled with deceit,
what will pour out of his mouth? (Prov. 12:20)
If his heart is filled with pride,
what will pour out of his mouth? (Ps. 101:5, 131:1)
If his heart is filled with anger,
what will pour out of his mouth? (Prov. 26:24–26)
Solomon used an analogy similar to the pitcher when he said, “The mouth of fools spouts (pours out- KJV) evil things” (Prov. 15:2). On the other hand, if the pitcher is filled with good things, good things will pour out of the spout.
If your child’s heart is filled with wisdom,
what will flow out of his mouth? (Col. 3:16)
If your child’s heart is filled with righteousness,
what will flow out of his mouth? (Ps. 37:30, 31)
If his heart is filled with virtue,
what will flow out of his mouth? (Prov. 22:11)
If his heart is filled with faith,
what will flow out of his mouth? (Rom. 10:9, 10)
And if his heart is filled with meekness (an antidote to sinful anger), what will flow out of his mouth? (1 Peter 3:4)
Unlike the contents of the pitcher in the above illustration, the human heart cannot be seen by man. Only God knows for sure what is inside. We can have only a glimpse into the heart by observing what pours out into words, actions, and attitudes.
“The mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. The good man out of his good treasure brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of his evil treasure brings forth what is evil” (Matt. 12:34b–35).
Perhaps this is why James said, “No man can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.” (James 3:8) The tongue is just a muscle that does what it is told to do by the heart. The tongue cannot be brought under control by a heart that is out of control. “If you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition” (vs. 14) in your heart, what may ultimately be said by your tongue will be cursing (vs. 9–10), commotion, and every evil thing (vs. 16).
As a parent who has been commanded to bring up your children in the discipline and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4), you must drive out the foolishness that is bound up in the heart of your child (Prov. 22:15), and help him replace it with the wisdom of Scripture. “The heart of the wise teaches his mouth and adds learning to his lips.” (Prov. 16:23); Notice once again the contrast between the heart and the mouth.)
But the Bible says “man looks at the outward appearance and only God looks at the heart” (1 Sam. 16:7). “How can I drive out that which I cannot see?”
The Heart Journal
The Heart Journal is another valuable tool developed to train parents to draw out from their child’s heart both his thoughts and motives and to help their child evaluate (judge) and correct any thoughts and motives that are unbiblical. Like the Anger Journal, the Heart Journal is a worksheet on which your child records the answers to four specific questions after each angry response:
1. What circumstances led to my becoming angry? (What happened that provoked me to anger?)
2. What did I say to myself (in my heart) when I became angry? (What did I want, desire or long for when I became angry?)
3. What does the Bible say about what I said to myself when I became angry? (What does the Bible say about what I wanted when I became angry?)
4. What should I have said to myself when I became angry? (What should I have wanted more than my own selfish/idolatrous desire?)
(Again, see Appendix E. for a sample worksheet)
Whereas the Anger Journal is helpful in identifying and correcting outward manifestations of sinful anger, the Heart Journal is especially helpful in identifying and correcting inward manifestations of sinful anger. In other words, an honest use of the Heart Journal will train your child to do several things:
1. Distinguish between sinful vs. righteous anger in his heart.
2. Identify his sinful thoughts and motives.
3. Alert him to repent of unbiblical thoughts and motives associated with sinful anger.
4. Replace sinful thoughts and motives with those “true, honest, just and pure” (Phil. 4:8), and when used in conjunction with the Anger Journal.
5. Prevent righteous anger from being communicated as sinful anger.
As with the Anger Journal, you may adjust the terminology of the Heart Journal to meet your child’s vocabulary, provided, the basic concepts of each step are communicated accurately. Young children, who are not able to read and write, are far more able to understand and implement the basic concepts taught through the Heart Journal than most parents believe them capable of doing.
Of course, it also takes a bit more time, effort and thought than most parents are accustomed to investing in their children’s lives. (see Appendix B. for suggestions on working with your younger children to verbally employ the various journals in this book.)
Step 1: Identify the circumstances which provoked the anger
Question number one— What circumstances led to my becoming angry? (What happened that provoked me to anger?) is identical to the first question of the Anger Journal and for pretty much the same reasons. First, the answer to this question helps to determine if anger is righteous or sinful. Second, it identifies any habit patterns associated with the events that tend to trigger anger. This answer, in turn, will make it easier to recognize, and eventually dethrone, any idols which when worshipped (coveted after) produce sinful anger.
Step 2: Identify specific motives and thoughts associated with the anger
Question two— What did I say to myself (in my heart) when I became angry? (What did I want, desire or long for when I became angry?) unlike The Anger Journal the question pairs in the following three steps are not simply paraphrases of each other. The questions are similar but not synonymous. Both questions in each set must be answered, not either or, because each question is addressing a different issue of the heart. The first question of each set focuses on the thoughts of the heart. The second question focuses on the motives of the heart.
The ability to discern thoughts and motives when experiencing intense emotion is an essential skill for the Christian who intends to pursue holiness. Recognizing thoughts and imaginations of the heart is a prerequisite of bringing them “captive to the obedience of Christ”
(2 Cor. 10:45, Duet. 15:9. Psalm 15:2, Isa. 55:7, Jer. 4:14, Matt. 15:19). This recognition process is made more difficult due to the following factors:
→ “The heart is deceitful above all things” (Jer. 17:9) and cannot be “known” apart from the word of God which is able to “discern (its) thoughts and motives” (Heb. 4:12).
→ The heart’s voice is often camouflaged by its desires. That is, it is difficult to detect wrong thoughts because they are often based on desires which may seem legitimate when in fact they are either wrong desires or legitimate desires that are desired inordinately (James 1:12–16, 4:1, 2).
→ The heart has the capacity to speak to itself at the rate of over 1,200 words per minute, making such detection a bit complicated.
In answer to the first question of step two, “What did I say to myself (in my heart) when I became angry?”, your child should be instructed to write out verbatim the thoughts that go through his mind at the moment of provocation. Such thoughts typically involve frequent first person references. (I, me, mine, etc.) At first, he may only be able to recognize only one or two sentences (some people also think with accompanying pictures). In time and with practice he may be able to list a half dozen or more. Here are a few common examples from our counseling files:
“That’s not fair!”
“I hate it when…”
“I’ll show her…”
“She’s a !”
“She can’t make me do that!”
“I’m not going to do it.”
“I never get to have any fun.”
“I want it and I’m going to get it!”
“I can’t wait to leave this place.”
“My parents are slave drivers.”
“I don’t like it when…”
“He doesn’t love me.”
“Here he goes again—
that same old lecture.”
Emphasize the need for honest and accurate reporting. Only God and your child know whether what he tells you is correct or not. Always make this clear to him. Much depends on the accuracy of the data disclosed.
Before moving on to the next question, I’d like to ask you another question. In what does your child delight? Or, to ask another way—in what does he “seek his happiness?”
“Delight yourself (seek your happiness) in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4)
God has given man the ability to delight in anything he chooses. You may delight in another person, a vocation, an avocation, an automobile, a home, travel—anything on which he sets his heart. But, is it wrong to delight in any of these things? Only if the object of such delighting is more of a delight than delighting in the Lord. To put it another way, if the object of man’s delight is focused on anything other than God, the object of delight is likely an idol. Consider these two diagrams:
If the Christian focuses his delight on the object itself, seeing God only with his peripheral vision, if at all (Figure 14.), then his focus is wrong. If, on the other hand, the Christian with his peripheral vision can see his object of delight, all the while focusing on the Gracious God who richly gives him all things to enjoy; and if he can use the object as means to praise his Creator, then he is worshipping God in his heart rather than his idol. (Figure 15.)
The answer to the second question of step two, “What did I want, desire or long for when I became angry,” may be a bit more difficult to determine. Motives (passions, desires and affections, etc.) are not always as readily available to awareness as are thoughts. It is often not until you stop and ask yourself specific questions concerning these things that you can put your finger on what they are. If your child has difficulty identifying his motives by asking this question on the Heart Journal, have him try some of these questions:
→ What is it that I believe I can’t be happy without?
→ What is it that I crave?
→ What is it that I believe I must have?
→ What do I spend most of my spare time thinking about?
→ What is it that I worry most about losing?
→ What do I delight in (seek my happiness) the most?
→ What do I love more than I love God and my neighbor?
When introducing the Heart Journal to a new counselee at the counseling center, I typically have him answer only the first two sets of questions on his own. Then I show him how to answer questions three and four in the following counseling session. I suggest that you follow a similar pattern with your child when introducing him to the Heart Journal. Ask him to write out the answers to questions one and two on his own. Then, sometime later on that day (or perhaps as a part of his quiet time the following day) work with him in answering questions three and four (via the aforementioned Gumnazo Principle) until he becomes adept at answering the questions himself.
Here are some common childhood desires. The first group are desires which are inherently wrong. The second group are desires which, although not inherently wrong, may be desired too intently by your child.