Wise Relationships

INTRODUCTION

I think we all have had some close relationships throughout life.

We are often a product of our relationships, whether good or bad.

Some of those relationships were good for us, and some of them were toxic, while others were fun, but we seemed to find ourselves in trouble quite a bit because of them.

I know the times I got into trouble in life were tied to the relationships I had at the time, and the times where I have achieved much also were connected to the relationships I had around me at the time.

We need to understand that we were designed not to be alone; we were made to crave relationships with other people.

What is the difference between a relationship or friendship that is a blessing and one that is not so much a blessing?

The answer is found in Jesus.

Relationships are gifts from God, so wise relationships are oriented around God.

This means there are specific characteristics of a wise relationship.

We have to decide what kind of relationships or friends we desire in life.

Trust is a prominent characteristic that we will not cover in our text today. Proverbs 3:5-6.

Trust in a relationship with another human has to start with trusting God.

Can you trust God in all your ways, including your relationships?

When you trust God “in all your ways,” you don’t have to micromanage relationships.

If your spouse has friends, that’s okay.

If your friend hangs out with other friends, that’s okay.

When problems arise, and you trust God in all things, you don’t have to be the savior of the situation. Instead, you can point people to the one who can help fix this mess.

Today we are going to examine three qualities found in Proverbs 27 that can help to have wise relationships as we seek to achieve wise living.

Big Idea of the Message: Wise relationships are rooted in our relationship with God.

Proverbs 27 is nestled in the midst of Proverbs 25-29, these proverbs were collected a couple of hundred years after Solomon wrote them by a group of men under King Hezekiah, according to Proverbs 25:1.

Proverbs 25:1 (CSB)

1 These too are proverbs of Solomon, which the men of King Hezekiah of Judah copied.

Chapter 27 is a popery of wise sayings from King Solomon.

We will not cover all 27 verses of this Proverb, but we will look at the few that apply to the subject at hand.

Let’s begin in verses 5-6.

Proverbs 27:5–6 (CSB)

5 Better an open reprimand than concealed love. 6 The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.

SERMON

Wise relationships are marked by:

I. Honest discussions.

One of the marks of a wise relationship is that you are with someone with whom you can have honest discussions or an honest dialogue.

Verse five tells us better an open reprimand than concealed love.

The context speaks of a friend willing to lovingly tell you what you do not want to but need to hear.

Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Song of Songs (A. Comparative Proverbs (25:1–27:22))

To keep silent is not always a sign of love. Open rebuke (or “reproof”) in the book of Proverbs is an important tool in the process of moral instruction (see 1:20–33; cf. also Eccl 7:5–6; 12:11).

The one who offers rebuke does so wisely (25:12) and never demeans another (11:12).

There are times when a real; friend will step up and tell you the truth.

When something needs to be said, the one who is a wise friend will say it.

It is not love when you do not speak or act when the time calls for it.

Who wants to be reprimanded? I don’t.

But I am thankful that I have some people around me who love me enough to speak when I need to be spoken to.

In this context, a reprimand refers to correcting someone’s behavior frankly and honestly.

Concealed love refers to a failure to express something openly.

Frank criticism is worth more than a friendship or any relationship that is not demonstrated.

How many folks have you known who were surrounded by the proverbial “yes” men?

When we see someone crash and burn, that person is usually surrounded by folks who, for whatever reason, would not speak up.

Maybe they were too afraid to speak up.

If you are around someone you cannot speak freely with, you need to figure out why and change that.

I listened to a podcast on the Rise and Fall of Mars Hill church.

What was so sad was that Mr. Driscoll would not allow anyone around him to speak the truth in love.

This happens time and time again.

When someone crashes and burns, it did not come out of the blue; it was happening because no one was enough of a friend to say something, or if they were the only one, they were dispensed with while all the other yes men sat back and watched.

Verse 6 adds to the thought. The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.

A Handbook on Proverbs (27:6)

Faithful are the wounds of a friend means that a true friend’s criticism or frank speaking (wounds of a friend) is based on the sincerity of the friendship. CEV says “You can trust a friend who corrects you.”

It hurts when anyone steps up to correct you, it almost always hurts, but when someone loves you and is a wise friend, you know you have a friend when they are willing to help you get on the right path.

Criticism of a friend proves his loyalty, the kisses of an enemy are deceptive.

The one who offers what we call tough love is a true friend with whom you can go into battle.

Parents need to have the courage to do that.

A parent who is unwilling to do this is not a loving parent.

The parent only loves themselves and not their child because the child will be hurt in the long run.

Let’s turn to verse 10.

Proverbs 27:10 (CSB)

10 Don’t abandon your friend or your father’s friend, and don’t go to your brother’s house in your time of calamity; better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.

Wise relationships are marked by:

II. Dependability.

Have you ever had a person in your life that you could not depend on when you needed them, but they expected you to be dependable for them?

Wise relationships are marked by dependability.

There is nothing more deflating than counting on someone to be there for you, and they are a no-show.

The word “brother” in verse 10 does not only refer to brother in a blood sense.

Whether in marriage or friendship, you need a dependable friend who honors their commitments, who isn’t going to up and run when the going gets tough but stays with you through thick and thin.

The verse contains three lines, which is unusual in the sentence literature.

The first two lines seem unrelated.

What does the injunction to maintain the loyalty of old family friends/neighbors have to do with the advice not to go to your brother’s house in times of trouble?

The third line helps clarify the relationship.

The one who practices the ideals of neighborliness will also demonstrate dependability in times of crisis.

The good neighbor is just as supportive as the family member (the brother).

Bland, D. (2002). Proverbs, Ecclesiastes & Song of Songs (p. 246). College Press Pub. Co.

Healthy relationships depend on commitment.

They can’t be one-sided affairs.

That’s what Proverbs 27:10 addresses!

A wise relationship demonstrates commitment.

Even if the other person isn’t dependable, you’ll be there for them when they need it because your life is oriented around God.

On the day of calamity, what a blessing it is to be present for someone during their time of need—or to know that during your time of need, there is someone there who is available who will help you!

An example of this commitment was found in the friendship between Christopher Reeve and Robin Williams.

They met in Julliard and were close friends for the rest of their lives.

Reeve recounts Williams’s commitment in his autobiography.

After a tragic accident that would leave him paralyzed, Williams came to comfort his friend.

Later, Reeve wrote, “As the day of the operation drew closer, it became more and more painful and frightening to contemplate. … I had only a fifty-fifty chance of surviving the surgery. …

Then, at an especially bleak moment, the door flew open, and in hurried a squat fellow with a blue scrub hat and a yellow surgical gown and glasses, speaking in a Russian accent.

He announced that he was my proctologist and that he had to examine me immediately.

My first reaction was that either I was on way too many drugs, or I was, in fact, brain-damaged.

But it was Robin Williams. … My old friend had helped me know that somehow I was going to be okay. …

He said he would do anything for me.

I thought: My God, not only do I have Dana and my kids, but I have friends like Robin and Gregory [Mosher] who truly care.

Maybe it can be okay.

I mean, life is going to be very different, and it’s going to be an enormous challenge, but I can still laugh, and there’s still some joy.”

(Christopher Reeve, Still Me [New York: Random House Publishing, 1998], 33).

In one humorous act, Williams demonstrated the biblical truths of trust, honesty, and commitment. And Reeve expresses the endless value he received from that gift.

Let’s look at verses 9, 17

Proverbs 27:9 (CSB)

9 Oil and incense bring joy to the heart, and the sweetness of a friend is better than self-counsel.

Proverbs 27:17 (CSB)

17 Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.

Wise relationships are marked by:

III. Making one another stronger.

This point is close to our first one, but it goes a little deeper.

This goes to having the love to say something and making sure our counsel is wise.

Choosing to be wise in our relationships means choosing to give and receive counsel, which in turn, will make us stronger.

The company we keep matters, so we should surround ourselves with friends who can speak truth into our lives.

This can be uncomfortable.

When you sharpen your knives, you don’t lay them on the counter and then lay the sharpening rod on the counter on the other side of the room and just let them smile at each other.

You have to create friction to sharpen the knives.

But even in the potential friction, there is sweetness.

Proverbs says that “earnest counsel” is the source of sweetness in your relationship.

The question must be asked, if you are friends with someone and you see them doing something self-destructive but never say anything, are you their friend?

The same is true in reverse for your own lifestyle.

One thing we need to look for and to bring to a relationship is the desire to build one another up.

I love Proverbs 27:17!

Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.

We should be looking to help one another reach our full potential in Christ!

The word SHARPEN means literally to put a thin, keen edge or fine point on a piece of metal.

Sharpens is used figuratively here to mean “to make or cause a person to be keen in perception, quick-witted, or full of energy.” REVISED ENGLISH VERSION translates, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens the wits of another.”

Reyburn, W. D., & Fry, E. M. (2000). A handbook on Proverbs (p. 580). United Bible Societies.

Am I bringing value to my relationships, or am I just taking?

CONCLUSION

What kind of relationships are you in now?

What are you bringing to the table?

Our application for today asks whether your relationships are self-serving or loving?

We should work on being the kind of friend we want to have.

Do you have the courage to engage in wise relationships?

Your life and future will depend on it.